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Dating while being a gamer. Starting over at 40, and how women view men who play video games.

Shadowstar39

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Apr 25, 2018
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I was married for 10 years. I had two step kids that I raised with my ex-wife and I gamed with them all the time. Especially my step son. My ex-wife hated console/pc gaming, and I didn't even bring it up until we lived together.
She was always jealous of me gaming or even walking the dog, hell she was jealous of me spending time with her kids. Yet spending time with her near the end was a drag.
We were vastly different. i had done all my "partying" years before, and was more into a stay at home and play some video games, watch a movie or go out to the woods, lake, mountain or beach.
She was into gossiping with female friends, facebook, candy crush, social mobile games, wine tasting, going out to eat all the time and complaining.
Needless to say we split a year ago as our differences were too much. Resentment had kicked in and she brought negative energy just being around her.

She hated console gaming but spent more time gaming then I did, just on facebook with words with friends, and candy crush, etc.. She couldn't' get past that since i wasn't doing it socially and casually it was like a toy, a childs passing. Her friends didn't understand it and also had similar views. To them they would rather us men be out drinking at a bar and getting sloshed watching sports ball, than playing games and having fun. I remember she would be mad if I bought games to the point i had to hide doing so, just to not have to get into a fight. Towards the end I just didn't care and bought what I wanted.

Fast forward a year, the ex is out, i am riddled with debt, but i am free. I have my dog, and gaming platforms, (Ps2,3,4,classic,vita, psp, Switch, ds,3ds, 2 gaming pcs, ).
I am happy but lonely. I yearn for the touch of a woman (i don't even mean sex, i mean a kiss, affection, companionship, etc). I'm 41, and this has been the longest time i have been single since I was 14 years old (its been 1 year now).
I go on dating sites like facebook dating, but every woman there, today seems so demanding. I found my ex-wife on online dating and I don't remember the profiles being like they are today.
I actually see shit like "No video games" or bs politics. "Feminist, Belive in science, black lives matter, pro abortion, open borders, fuck drumph, if you aren't for that get out".... or demands "32 year old woman who knows what she wants. If you can't take care of me and take me on trips to Paris and Italy and treat me like the queen i am then don't bother."

I see all these women with crap like this in their profiles but none seem humble, and it honestly turns me off. I don't want an activist, I want a partner and someone to love who will love me back. Many of these profile women, all seem covered in an obscene amount of ink (I have no problem with modest tattoos but too much is not attractive). They actively hate gaming, are infected with slogans and seem to push out an aura of entitlement. Full of themselves, making demands. Instead of looking for a partner in life they are looking for someone to control, to mold to worship them. I seen some of this when i was 30 online but not like today. Never seen the anti video games and pro activist bs so present in these profiles. There are a few that are not like this, that seem humble, into the outdoors, nature and not crazy types but those like that are usually super hot, lawyers or doctors and way out of my league, so I don't even bother with them (I fix computers and networks for a living, make under 50k a year, and a study went out that rich women won't date men who make less than them, so why even bother.) Maybe it's just Facebook dating, and other online dating sites are better?

This makes me seriously envious when I hear stories of women playing video games with their husbands. I see people on here buying consoles for their wives, or playing games with their girlfriend.. Are all those type of women taken already, and I am just looking at the stuck up leftovers? Or is this a younger generation thing where women under 30 are fine with gaming and such activities but the ones my age think of it as childs toy and men who are into it as children. I only was with one woman who was into gaming (she was actually into magic the gathering, d&d, dogs, nature and everything i was), problem was she was also into hardcore drugs and partying like i was (back in the late 90s early 2000s) and she never sobered up and stayed in that scene and eventually died.

Just curious where people found spouses/partners who game. Were they supportive of it, or was their pushback from them on it. How did you find them? Does anyone else have issues with dating today or relationships where the other person hates your gaming hobby? Any women out there, and if so what is your perspective on this?
 
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Kamina

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Jun 2, 2013
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I am sorry to here that you had bad experiences.
Feminism really is like cancer and ruins women in such a way that they believe they are above their partners and have to be worshipped.

But you shouldnt back down if you see a woman who is a doctor.
They are often just looking for a normal and nice person to date, away from the colleges they are working with.
 
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diffusionx

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Feb 25, 2006
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I am separated and will be getting divorced at 38 and see the same cesspool in online dating, the lack of self awareness is stunning. I haven't used FB dating but I imagine it is the same everywhere. I don't need someone to play videogames with just someone who supports occasional separation and enjoyment of separate hobbies.

Good luck out there man.
 

Thaedolus

Banned
Jun 9, 2004
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I’d tell you to find a more social hobby where you get to meet singles out in real life but life gave you a lemon in that regard this year my man.

But maybe at some point try that instead of online dating only
 

TheContact

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Jan 22, 2016
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I think trying to find a woman in her 40s who is a gamer is gonna be rough. I wouldn't criticize other women for not being your type though. You say they're demanding, but anyone in their 40s is looking for a permanent partner and is going to be picky about it. They've probably had shitty relationships before (like yourself) and put out there all the things they don't want to have in the next relationship. I wouldn't follow suit in that regard. In your profile, list your hobbies such as going for walks, going in the woods, watching movies, playing video games etc..., if you're looking for a permanent partner, you'll either have to make some concessions or be patient and hope you get lucky with someone who's compatible with you. Good luck, man.
 

Rentahamster

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Jun 26, 2007
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I see people on here buying consoles for their wives, or playing games with their girlfriend.. Are all those type of women taken already, and I am just looking at the stuck up leftovers?
No, there are lots out there. Knowing absolutely nothing about you or the demographics of the area you live, I'm going to make some assumptions.

You're looking in the wrong places
You're restricting yourself by age group too much
You're too concerned about those undesirable traits that you don't notice the desirable ones
You're too concerned about the undesirable traits that you don't bother getting to know another person well enough to discover their desirable traits
You're still too upset and jaded from your previous relationship and/or you've never been single since 14 so you don't know how to function properly as an independent man and improve yourself for the sake of yourself (not completely but in varying degrees)

Please let me know if I'm off base.
 

Amory

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Jul 10, 2008
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If your gaming habits are legitimately making it difficult for you to find companionship, maybe it's taking up too much of your time or is too big a part of your life?

Everything in moderation. I play a ton of games but it's not the first part of my life that I presented to my fiance when we started dating. And I think it's reasonable for women to question whether they really want the guy they're going to be with to put so much importance on gaming.
 
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GAMETA

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Jun 3, 2014
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Dating apps are trash man, the fact that they need dating apps is already telling a lot.

You got to meet real people out there if you want to find a decent person, get to know them personally instead of reading a profile, it works the other way too.
 

diffusionx

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Dating apps are trash man, the fact that they need dating apps is already telling a lot.

You got to meet real people out there if you want to find a decent person, get to know them personally instead of reading a profile, it works the other way too.

Well, the government says we aren't allowed to meet people in person anymore, unless we have hazmat suits and stay 30 yards from each other at all times. And people are completely terrified of interacting with other people right now, because they might catch the flu.

FML
 
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Nymphae

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Jun 3, 2013
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As I mentioned in a different thread, I don't even see the appeal really in having a "gamer grrlfriend", I have bros for talking and playing games with. My girlfriend likes to read comics and watch movies/tv shows, this works out wonderfully for both of us. IMO, ideally you find someone who just doesn't get in your shit about your hobbies, and has their own (lmfao @ your cunty ex playing candy crush but turning her nose up at real games)
 

betrayal

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Feb 2, 2018
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I don't quite see it like you do. There's little self-reflection in your post. If your ex-wife had problems with video games, then she certainly didn't really have problems with your hobby as such, but saw it as a kind of competition. Competition in the sense of time spent on games but not on her or her hobbies.
The way I see it, if you'd spent more serious quality time with her, you'd never have had problems because of video games. In fact, quite the opposite, you probably could have spent more time playing video games and had a happy wife at the same time.

Of course, this doesn't mean that the fault is only yours, but it's certainly not as black and white as you describe it.

PS: Do not use online dating as a benchmark for women. This typically reflects only a very small percentage of women, just like the social media stuff.
 
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Thaedolus

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btw best advice I can give: each of you take some money out of each pay check and put it in a separate account for whatever the fuck you want where they can’t say shit as long as it’s your money. My wife doesn’t game at all but when I came home with a Nintendo Switch or a Valve Index showed up, her reaction was “oh that’s cool,” and moved on because it didn’t show up on her budget app
 

GeorgPrime

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Jan 9, 2020
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Welcome to feminism.

Edit: to contribute. I'm younger but the leftist society destroying agenda is infecting women in an insane rate. They are like that you said indeed, though nowadays videogames seem more popular among women too.

Just dont mate with them and they will die out xD
 

NeoIkaruGAF

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Dec 8, 2019
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Go for unsatisfied married women :messenger_beaming:

I’m only half joking here. I’m generalizing of course, but a lot - a LOT - of women are unsatisfied with their relationship to a degree. And especially in this day and age, it’s quite rare that a couple share the same hobbies, and if a woman doesn’t share your hobbies, chances are she hates them, lol. At best she will tolerate you indulging in your hobbies, but I’ve never known a woman that won’t casually drop some vitriol about her man’s hobbies if she isn’t into them.

You don’t sound like someone who‘s life revolves around video games. If that’s the case, there’s plenty of women who will tolerate your gaming time. You don’t have to share the hobby with your SO. But if she sees gaming as a complete waste of time, well... that’s your cue to bail, my friend.
 
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Nymphae

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I mean yeah that is what I am asking.

The obvious appeal is to share in the activities you enjoy with your SO, spending more time together. I've just always felt the logistics of having two full on Gamers seems weird, are you swapping the controller at intervals? Buying the same games twice? Playing on separate TVs in the same room? I don't get how it works really for two hardcore gamers.
 

Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
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I mean yeah that is what I am asking.
depends on the person

what games they play, how long they play them, does it fuck up their job prospects or livelihood, has it wrangled their personality or detached them from everyday reality, does it spur the relationship in some way

gotta look at the whole person, otherwise you'll make the mistake of rigid classification
 

ExpandKong

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First: don't worry about finding a gamer grrl to play Smash with. Worry about finding someone who's okay with you having hobbies other than spending every waking moment tending to her needs (because it sounds like that's the kind of woman you were with before.)

Second: don't worry about hitting up one of those "super hot doctors or lawyers" you think are out of your league. They're on those sites same as you. If they're gonna say no to you, then let them do it - don't do it to yourself for them. EDIT: also be careful that they're not a dude in disguise looking for someone to serial murder, I've been listening to a lot of crime podcasts lately.

In my experience and based on people I've talked to, a big part of the reason women don't like dating men who make less than them is because they're worried the man will get insecure/jealous/bitter. As long as you're happy doing what you do and confident in what you do bring to the relationship table, you should be okay.

My wife doesn't game at all (except for a couple hours of the remastered Crash trilogy - apparently she played a little PS1 back in the day) and she's always made a bit more money than me, but those things are fine because 1) she's got hobbies of her own too (she crochets a lot and we can sit together on the couch while we each enjoy our respective hobbies just fine) and 2) I'm confident in what I bring to the relationship (my big ol' gorilla ding dong, same as everyone here on GAF has) so the money stuff doesn't cause any more problems than the standard relationship has. She ignores when I buy eShop cards at the grocery store, I ignore when she buys clothes from some housewife on Facebook. It works.

Good luck out there.

I don't quite see it like you do. There's little self-reflection in your post. If your ex-wife had problems with video games, then she certainly didn't really have problems with your hobby as such, but saw it as a kind of competition. Competition in the sense of time spent on games but not on her or her hobbies.
The way I see it, if you'd spent more serious quality time with her, you'd never have had problems because of video games. In fact, quite the opposite, you probably could have spent more time playing video games and had a happy wife at the same time.

Of course, this doesn't mean that the fault is only yours, but it's certainly not as black and white as you describe it.

He also mentioned she got jealous when he would walk the dog. I'm thinking it might've been less "spending too much time playing games" (though that is always a possibility) and more "this is time he could be spending telling me how great I am and rubbing my feet."
 
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GeorgPrime

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Jan 9, 2020
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I mostly dont talk about the topic when iam dating, only when i know that the girl is interested in gaming too.

Otherwise when she comes to my place she will see the PS 4 but as long as she dont asks iam not talking about it.
 
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GAMETA

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Well, the government says we aren't allowed to meet people in person anymore, unless we have hazmat suits and stay 30 yards from each other at all times. And people are completely terrified of interacting with other people right now, because they might catch the flu.

FML

Well, then wait a bit. I rather be alone than with some egocentric crazy girl.
 
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Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
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men and women generally want for disparate things

men are more interested in things, women in people; literature seems clear about this

(i think the phenomenal dominance of games like fortnite or wow owe themselves to this truth)

i'm afflicted with the prototypical male complex and need outlets like multiplayer shooters to restrain the darker components of my shadow

some women get it, others wanna wrap their tendrils around your psyche and control everything

tldr

 
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Dthomp

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Sep 17, 2005
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I'm a short time away from forty, but mostly just got lucky. I asked out a girl at the place I worked to get out of being set up by a friend, we went out saw a movie and I'm not sure the hobby stuff came up right away but she ended up being a nerd and enjoyed video games. Not to my hardcore extent, but hard enough, and not that sissy girl gaming that is all the rage (Mobile). We each usually get our own system but she is pretty laid back about needing the newest anything for herself, but never blinks an eye when I buy something new, usually have to push her into playing some stuff that she ends up loving.

I feel for you dude, cause I think due to covid kicking our asses all over the dating options are limited, that and lazy/not worth the time women and men are using these awful apps which honestly promote lying your ass off just to meet somebody. If your area has a hobby shop that may be a solid area just to meet some new people, maybe a guy knows a gal kind of thing and then there isn't the hurdle of you being seen as too much of a "nerd" for enjoying games.

The sooner EviLore EviLore opens up GAFDates - Gamers finding Gamers the sooner you can be happy Shadowstar39 Shadowstar39
 
M

Macapala

Unconfirmed Member
Try using Hinge. In my experience women are more level headed there. Also try looking at foreign women, white chicks are overly demanding and think they are all princesses... as you already know lol.
 
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John Day

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Jan 12, 2018
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I get OP’s point. I mean, you can’t bitch at me because I game WITH YOUR DAMN SONS while you spend most of the day in Words with Friends and Candy Crush while drinking wine with your bitch friends.
 

Halo is Dead

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I go on dating sites like facebook dating, but every woman there, today seems so demanding. I found my ex-wife on online dating and I don't remember the profiles being like they are today.
I actually see shit like "No video games" or bs politics. "Feminist, Belive in science, black lives matter, pro abortion, open borders, fuck drumph, if you aren't for that get out".... or demands "32 year old woman who knows what she wants. If you can't take care of me and take me on trips to Paris and Italy and treat me like the queen i am then don't bother."

I see all these women with crap like this in their profiles but none seem humble, and it honestly turns me off. I don't want an activist, I want a partner and someone to love who will love me back. Many of these profile women, all seem covered in an obscene amount of ink (I have no problem with modest tattoos but too much is not attractive).
Pro tip: these are the women you want to avoid
 

Hulk_Smash

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Go to church, bro. Chris Tucker said it best, “All the fine women are at church.” I met my wife at church. Humble but not a door mat. Level headed, hates games, but totally gets why I play them and even lets me talk about it with her on a semi-regular basis.

Unless you hate God or whatever, then check out some of the larger churches in your area.

Never know... :messenger_beaming:
 

ExpandKong

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Go to church, bro. Chris Tucker said it best, “All the fine women are at church.” I met my wife at church. Humble but not a door mat. Level headed, hates games, but totally gets why I play them and even lets me talk about it with her on a semi-regular basis.

Unless you hate God or whatever, then check out some of the larger churches in your area.

Never know... :messenger_beaming:

As much as this has become a cliche, it is not bad advice. There are snakes there for sure, same as anywhere else, but you might have more success finding the kind of woman you're looking for at church or on like...ChristianMingle or something.

Just don't go looking at a Mormon church, all the fine Mormon girls get married the second they turn 18.
 

ExpandKong

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That's it, I'm gettin me some 18 year old mormon poon

 

SLoWMoTIoN

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Feb 2, 2018
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It's not worth it man. I wouldn't date an American/western Euro girl ever. They're all about entitlement, modern feminism and shit.
I'd say your bet is to import a wife from Thailand or Russia. I actually know a lot of people who've done this, and they can't be more happy.
Why would you recommend british teeth or robot women?
 
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Try to meet women outside of dating apps. Women on dating apps take themselves way too seriously overestimating how interesting, attractive and relevant they are. If I had a dollar for every time I read a profile that says they like “adventure” or phrases like “exploring the city” and “I love learning about different cultures” with selfies of the most proverbial tourist sites on earth, I’d be rich :)

seriously, whenever I read their profiles, it all feels very samey and when I did get a match were all incredibly boring and couldn’tcarry on a conversation.
 

Mista K

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Right now is probably the worst time to do online dating. Try finding groups with things you like and go from there. Sorry to hear about your ex, but it’s not always like that either. My gf doesn’t like gaming, but we still bond over household stuff like cooking, gardening, furniture, or basic stuff like movies. If I want to game, I do my thing and she does hers. It’s like you said, they just have to be humble enough
 
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