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Dating while being a gamer. Starting over at 40, and how women view men who play video games.

Nymphae

Banned
Jun 3, 2013
14,671
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In my own experience, those hardcore religious people are the biggest hypocrites and crappy people ever. Not all but most.
Imma stick with whores.

What sort of experience is this if I might ask? I find the religious girls I grew up around and know are decidedly not militant feminist types and generally like and respect men. So many of the godless girls I met on Tinder were exactly as you described, entitled modern feminists.


Just because they go to church doesn't mean they don't get around either.

Of course there are sluts everywhere who said otherwise. I said Tinder is chock full of them.
 

Elektro Demon

Shits and Giggles
Nov 9, 2019
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www.youtube.com
What sort of experience is this if I might ask? I find the religious girls I grew up around and know are decidedly not militant feminist types and generally like and respect men. So many of the godless girls I met on Tinder were exactly as you described, entitled modern feminists.
It's different in my country. We're like 95% a Catholic country. Basically everyone declares it self as a Catholic. There are normal people who believe in god and there you have extreme religious people who help out at the church, sing in the quire and shit. Those people pretend to be following the religion and they act so holy but in reality, some of them cheat their wives, gamble, borrow money and never return it etc.
I've met a few people like this. Like I said, not all of them are like this.
 

synchronicity

Member
Dec 16, 2011
4,171
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I feel you op. My ex-wife and I split up a couple years ago after a 20 year marriage, and I've experienced much of what you describe. I am happy single, but even as low maintenance and independent as I am, I also sometimes desire the intimate connection with that opposite polarity of energy.

I've been disappointed with the bulk of what modern women seem to be as well. I would never say that there are no exceptions, but they aren't so easy to find in their single state. And when you reach a certain age, it's even more challenging. (I'm 51 - although look significantly younger apparently.)

My ex was no fan of gaming, but she wasn't the irrational woman your wife seemed to be in regards to gaming. (She had her own issues, of course.) I can't believe the attitude of "You can only play certain types of games.", lol. Woman be gone.

Anyway, good luck op. Just be patient, and try to find comfort as things are. Change is a constant. Sometimes it's a time to be alone. That's life. All things move in cycles. Be at peace.
 

Northeastmonk

Gold Member
Mar 18, 2013
13,573
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I am lucky that my spouse games. I met her on Plenty of Fish. I would hate it if I was married to someone and they looked down upon gaming. If anything, I'll be putting the kids to bed, doing dishes, and going to change diapers while my wife sits and plays Ghost of Tsushima. She does her part, but when its game time for her - hell hath no fury. Its a balance and its not perfect. You have to find someone who understands that games are fun.

I hear stories and comments from ladies in their 30's and older. The older generation doesn't understand video games. The 30's crowd seems to have a mixed bag of feelings towards video games. There's the ones who dated or were married to someone. Now its just some bad hobby or they want to spend all their time on social media instead of gaming. Then there's the ones who just look at it like a mother protecting their young. Its like when my wife's friend messages her telling her about how "kids need therapy after playing Roblox" because they "can't tell the difference between Roblox and real life". You wonder to yourself, "did this person ever play a video game?". Sometimes I see people who act harshly against a person who games and I think of how bad it must be for their soul mate to spend the rest of their lives with them.

I think you have to put the effort in, but don't change who you are to fit in. You don't list "No social media/Facebook users" in your dating profile.
 

Raven117

Member
Oct 5, 2015
6,124
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OP, I think you are going to have to put down online dating and do this the old fashioned way.

You will have to be social. Join some groups that are activity based that you enjoy. (And focus on the co-Ed part of the things you enjoy).

I know that’s easy to say, but it’s probably the best thing. As you enjoy your life and do things that make you happy socially (hiking, biking, cooking, reading, wine, video games, music. Etc), like magic, women will find you.

And hit the gym :)
 
I Turn 48 in Sept so I understand your situation.

It will take time to find someone that you find attractive and understands your hobbies. Took me a while and even then the lady I'm with really isn't much of a gamer. She tries but it's not really something she's really interested in besides 'gem matching' type games on the tablet.
Thankfully though she also understands that I love gaming and that it will eat up a good portion of my free time when at home. She's okay with that and will often simply put on headphones and watch netflix on her tablet or go do something else.
For myself, I have to just set limits on my time and the family always takes precedence, if something needs to get done or there is an opportunity to do something together that will always take precedence over gaming time. That does limit the type of games I play (multiplayer games usually are a no-go since they demand so much attention).
I still have fun gaming, I am happy having an understanding partner, she's happy that if we have an opportunity to do something else (watch movie, go for walks/out for dinner/exercise) that I will always consider that first priority.

I guess I'm saying that you need to take your time, POF, Tinder, etc are NOT going to be a recipe for finding someone 1) your age 2) with similar traits. I used eHarmony to find my lady, it worked for me, by the time we met in person the system had ensured we already had a lot in common and we had chatted a lot about our hobbies and understood our needs. My recommendation is to evaluate what online services you are using, and to be honest with what is important to you in having a partner.
 

Shadowstar39

Member
Apr 25, 2018
457
574
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No, there are lots out there. Knowing absolutely nothing about you or the demographics of the area you live, I'm going to make some assumptions.

You're looking in the wrong places
You're restricting yourself by age group too much
You're too concerned about those undesirable traits that you don't notice the desirable ones
You're too concerned about the undesirable traits that you don't bother getting to know another person well enough to discover their desirable traits
You're still too upset and jaded from your previous relationship and/or you've never been single since 14 so you don't know how to function properly as an independent man and improve yourself for the sake of yourself (not completely but in varying degrees)

Please let me know if I'm off base.
I will admit the last one is probably a bit spot on. Not the jaded part, as I knew we were drifting apart. I lost my attraction to her a long time ago and was just going through the motions. I made vows and i wasn't going to break them. She didn't see it that way. So I look back as it being for the best.

The part that you are right on is that I probably do need to learn to be single. It's tough as I am an only child, just lost my dad to cancer and most of my family has already died. As I age i start to think my options are dwindling. I don't want to be alone at 60+ years old. Otherwise I think I would be happy with my dog and my hobbies, hiking , boating , cycling, photography of abandoned places, wildlife and nature, guitar playing and video games. I enjoy all this and like what i do for work. Hell I don't even game that much. Maybe an hour or two a day, if that.

As for the other things, I wish I knew where to look besides online, age group I put in 30 -51, not limiting too much. Undesirable traits are hard to miss when someone sounds entitled and spouts political shit in a dating profile.
 

Dr_Salt

Member
Apr 28, 2020
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Op the secret is not to find a woman that games but one that is ok if you do it. Also social media has made women extra entitled because of the hordes of simps these women have behind them. Even the ugly ones are entitled af.
I have found some good women in dating apps but they are the minority sadly.
 
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NickFire

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Mar 12, 2014
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I will admit the last one is probably a bit spot on. Not the jaded part, as I knew we were drifting apart. I lost my attraction to her a long time ago and was just going through the motions. I made vows and i wasn't going to break them. She didn't see it that way. So I look back as it being for the best.

The part that you are right on is that I probably do need to learn to be single. It's tough as I am an only child, just lost my dad to cancer and most of my family has already died. As I age i start to think my options are dwindling. I don't want to be alone at 60+ years old. Otherwise I think I would be happy with my dog and my hobbies, hiking , boating , cycling, photography of abandoned places, wildlife and nature, guitar playing and video games. I enjoy all this and like what i do for work. Hell I don't even game that much. Maybe an hour or two a day, if that.

As for the other things, I wish I knew where to look besides online, age group I put in 30 -51, not limiting too much. Undesirable traits are hard to miss when someone sounds entitled and spouts political shit in a dating profile.
Just remember that if you try to change who you are to find someone, the relationship will be doomed from the start.
 

DogofWar

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Jun 11, 2020
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The important thing is not finding a woman into your hobbies, but a woman who respects you enough to also respect your hobbies. This is of course a bit up to you as well, if you have a Zelda shirt on the first date it wont exactly bring out the good side of your hobby.

I love video games, and Metal. That is, I am with Metal what most people here are with video games. I spend countless of hours listening to, buying, discovering and discussing the most obscure, weirdest and extreme bands that are out there. My wife likes Mötley Crüe and W.A.S.P. and that's it basically.

Still, she respects my passion for both Metal and video games. I rarely share these with her, but can still talk to her about them. And she can talk to me about her hobbies as well. Don't try and find a gamer girl, and give up internet dating. I met my wife in a real life event. I went to Poland for a party spontaneously (I live in Sweden) and the rest is history!
 

Shadowstar39

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Apr 25, 2018
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Go to church, bro. Chris Tucker said it best, “All the fine women are at church.” I met my wife at church. Humble but not a door mat. Level headed, hates games, but totally gets why I play them and even lets me talk about it with her on a semi-regular basis.

Unless you hate God or whatever, then check out some of the larger churches in your area.

Never know... :messenger_beaming:
I grew up Christian. I still am just haven't been to church in years. I don't really dig the traditional church experience. The last one i went to I liked was a Calvary chapel that had a rock band and it wasn't in a regular church it was in a remodeled strip mall. It was a great but far away from where I live now. That church had a back to the basics feel to it. It wasn't like some of the churches I think about with stuck up people who would kick you out for not wearing a suit. I much prefer the more laid back type of atmosphere.

Are churches even open? I thought they were locked down? If so, it maybe an option later on. Just have to find the right one.
 

godhandiscen

There are millions of whiny 5-year olds on Earth, and I AM THEIR KING.
Mar 15, 2007
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OP I found that most girls who play video games, don’t advertise themselves on traditional dating sites like their peers. You’ll have to join social gaming groups like a clan or the like to meet them.

Also, you’ll probably have to start ignoring the profile pictures. Not saying that girls who game aren’t pretty, but the ones I met didn’t have hundreds of Instagram worthy pictures to advertise themselves.

Last thing, stay away from cosplayers.
 
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Shadowstar39

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Apr 25, 2018
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OP I found that most girls who play video games, don’t advertise themselves on traditional dating sites like their peers. You’ll have to join social gaming groups like a clan or the like to meet them.

Also, you’ll probably have to start ignoring the profile pictures. Not saying that girls who game aren’t pretty, but the ones I met didn’t have hundreds of Instagram worthy pictures to advertise themselves.

Last thing, stay away from cosplayers.
Yeah thats probably true. Hell I don't even need a gaming girl, I would be fine with someone who was cool with my hobbies, without looking down on me for it. I don't even game that much anymore. 1-2 hours a day if I am lucky. I do more buying and collecting than anything else. I have a ton of other hobbies and work too.

I have a feeling a lot of this is going to have to wait until covid is over though. Most physical places to go meet people are closed. Online isn't the same.
 
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MaestroMike

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Ain't it a sin to try to hook up with chicks at church ?? That's why I never tried too scared
 

godhandiscen

There are millions of whiny 5-year olds on Earth, and I AM THEIR KING.
Mar 15, 2007
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Yeah thats probably true. Hell I don't even need a gaming girl, I would be fine with someone who was cool with my hobbies, without looking down on me for it. I don't even game that much anymore. 1-2 hours a day if I am lucky. I do more buying and collecting than anything else. I have a ton of other hobbies and work too.

I have a feeling a lot of this is going to have to wait until covid is over though. Most physical places to go meet people are closed. Online isn't the same.
Try joining social groups based around your hobbies. Meetup.com or Discord servers for example. Stick to furthering your hobbies and you‘ll find people who enjoy being around you.
 

Slings and Arrows

and Ceramide R
Apr 19, 2019
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Away with the fairies
Any hobby that becomes an obsession is unhealthy, be it gaming gym, cars etc.

As long as the women you're dating knows that she is your number 1 priority, there won't be an issue.

The bonus is your age as well, most women who make it to their late 30s early 40s and are single, don't usually complain about the small things. Beggars can't be choosers and all that.
 

Rentahamster

Rodent Whores
Jun 26, 2007
44,771
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I would be fine with someone who was cool with my hobbies, without looking down on me for it.
That's actually not that hard to find. Well, technically I should say that there are a lot of women out there like that. They are hard to find for you, because of the aforementioned issues we discussed, and also because you have a lot of dealbreaker traits that immediately make you discount a large swath of women without even looking a little under the surface first.
 
Dec 4, 2019
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Bro before you go 'dating' in this day and age, you better redpill yourself to get rid of your societal programming.

Read 'The rational male' at least.

Also fuck feminism and the weak men that cower to it.
 

Goro Majima

Kitty Genovese Member
Sep 2, 2007
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Yeah I avoided all "gaming" mentions until like the 6th or 7th date with my current wife that I met on Match.com.

You have to remember that online dating is like social media where you put forward your ideal self that you're aspiring to be and then you gradually reveal the hidden actual self as you get to know each other. It's not even a bait and switch at this point because literally everyone does it and the assumption is that your dating profile represents your absolute best self.

If someone puts on their profile that they spend a lot of time playing video games, she's going to think 14 hours per day and that it's all they do. Obviously nobody wants to be with someone who does it that often.

I also thought dating in my 30s was far, far easier than in my 20s because women are less fickle and are often genuinely just looking for a dude that reasonably has his shit together and is a pleasure to be around.
 
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appaws

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It’s weird to me the cultural baggage that gaming has. It’s a pastime like any other, right? I’m a man, I garden, I collect and shoot guns, I spend 100 hours getting the Chinese girl with the braids as my waifu in Rune Factory. What’s the big difference? My wife snorts with derision and goes in her office either way....
 
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TGO

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Had a similar relationship, except I was expected to follow her to her friends and literally spend the day there talking and she would also have friends and family round which was a daily basis and they would spend hours at ours too
Keep in mind I worked so I would have to go to wherever she was after work
I never really had a problem with visitors, I only started getting on with other stuff after 2 hours when I realized this was a daily routine for them
That was a problem for her and her friends
Now I never actually played games during the week, it was a weekend thing on my day off
But apparently that was too much

My friend was lucky, he had a girlfriend that enjoyed watching games 😂
 
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GymWolf

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I always envy people with wifes\girlfriends who love videogames, here were i live these thing are considered childs\loser's stuff by most women.
 
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MacReady13

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I just turned 40. My wife is turning 39 this November. I have been a gamer all my life. She isn't. She doesn't get upset though. She doesn't mind playing games like Bejeweled and such.

I felt bad about it at one point (been with my wife since I was 21) and I asked her if she feels like I play too much or it takes anything away from her. She was fine and said no she doesn't mind.
We try go away with the kids as much as we can to try mix things up a bit. But I love my games. I'm not a drinker, or a gambler, or a guy who spends all his time with his mates. I just prefer to spend time inside with the family, and in downtime playing my videogames.

OP, there are women out there. Just need to keep looking. If they can't accept you for who you are, then move on.
 
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Ovek

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Had a similar relationship, except I was expected to follow her to her friends and literally spend the day there talking and she would also have friends and family round which was a daily basis and they would spend hours at ours too
Keep in mind I worked so I would have to go to wherever she was after work
I never really had a problem with visitors, I only started getting on with other stuff after 2 hours when I realized this was a daily routine for them
That was a problem for her and her friends
Now I never actually played games during the week, it was a weekend thing on my day off
But apparently that was too much

My friend was lucky, he had a girlfriend that enjoyed watching games 😂

Good Lord, if I was in that relationship it would have only lasted a day. :messenger_grinning_squinting:
 

Amory

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Jul 10, 2008
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I feel like I've seen this thread so many times over the years.

"Why can't I find a woman who's ok with me playing videogames?" always strikes me as a weird question because to me it already implies that your gaming habits are problematic.

If someone created a thread saying "Why can't I find a woman who's ok with my drinking?" I'd assume the OP was an alcoholic.
 

Hulk_Smash

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Jan 8, 2014
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I grew up Christian. I still am just haven't been to church in years. I don't really dig the traditional church experience. The last one i went to I liked was a Calvary chapel that had a rock band and it wasn't in a regular church it was in a remodeled strip mall. It was a great but far away from where I live now. That church had a back to the basics feel to it. It wasn't like some of the churches I think about with stuck up people who would kick you out for not wearing a suit. I much prefer the more laid back type of atmosphere.

Are churches even open? I thought they were locked down? If so, it maybe an option later on. Just have to find the right one.

Depends. What state do you live in? Unless it’s Commiefonia, they should be open. PM me if you want. I’ll find you some good churches in your area. That’s kinda my thing.
 

notseqi

Gold Member
Jun 15, 2020
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Just curious where people found spouses/partners who game. Were they supportive of it, or was their pushback from them on it. How did you find them?
Fluke, regressed back to a 21y/o college girl who is on the up'n'up, met her in a local bar. Bars are probably your best bet.

Late 20s and early 30s are no chill trophy hounds on dating apps but it's like a job interview to me: You don't only interview me, I interview you too.
 

Compsiox

Banned
Jul 6, 2014
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Go to some game expos or meetups.

If you want someone who enjoys games anyway. If you want someone who is okay with you playing games then just keep looking. People are becoming more accepting of gaming everyday.
 

Estellex

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Jul 27, 2014
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Women don't hate their spouse playing video games in general. They hate it when their spouse play too much and it becomes problematic in their relationship.
 
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Pumpkin Seeds

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Jul 13, 2018
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I discovered how true it is that men age better than women when I looked at online dating. There was a lot on there that made me go yikes. I look young for my age as well.

The women divided up into two main categories: Women who had let themselves go and Career Women in good shape but no kids and looking for a sugar daddy despite earning money themselves.

I also found the ones with the loud political profiles are almost always major Harry Potter fans.
 
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I see all these women with crap like this in their profiles but none seem humble, and it honestly turns me off. I don't want an activist, I want a partner and someone to love who will love me back. Many of these profile women, all seem covered in an obscene amount of ink (I have no problem with modest tattoos but too much is not attractive). They actively hate gaming, are infected with slogans and seem to push out an aura of entitlement. Full of themselves, making demands. Instead of looking for a partner in life they are looking for someone to control, to mold to worship them. I seen some of this when i was 30 online but not like today. Never seen the anti video games and pro activist bs so present in these profiles. There are a few that are not like this, that seem humble, into the outdoors, nature and not crazy types but those like that are usually super hot, lawyers or doctors and way out of my league, so I don't even bother with them (I fix computers and networks for a living, make under 50k a year, and a study went out that rich women won't date men who make less than them, so why even bother.) Maybe it's just Facebook dating, and other online dating sites are better?

This makes me seriously envious when I hear stories of women playing video games with their husbands. I see people on here buying consoles for their wives, or playing games with their girlfriend.. Are all those type of women taken already, and I am just looking at the stuck up leftovers? Or is this a younger generation thing where women under 30 are fine with gaming and such activities but the ones my age think of it as childs toy and men who are into it as children. I only was with one woman who was into gaming (she was actually into magic the gathering, d&d, dogs, nature and everything i was), problem was she was also into hardcore drugs and partying like i was (back in the late 90s early 2000s) and she never sobered up and stayed in that scene and eventually died.

Just curious where people found spouses/partners who game. Were they supportive of it, or was their pushback from them on it. How did you find them? Does anyone else have issues with dating today or relationships where the other person hates your gaming hobby? Any women out there, and if so what is your perspective on this?

OP you got to let go of the victim and scarcity mentality....

Finding the right partner to spend the rest of your life with or even finding someone that is worth a few years is not a easy task. However, if you are a guy who has things going for him and some self confidence it should not take long for you to at least find two women to date this year.

Your main problem is your not talking to enough women and putting yourself out their with a positive attitude, you are 40 and in debt so you have to get off your high horse and get off those dating apps and start introducing yourself to the attractive women that you are coming across in your daily life.

Also I will let you in on a little secret, if you have your stuff together and your giving your partner a good amount of attention most women could careless if you game in your spare time, it only becomes an issue if you don't have stuff together and your using all your free time to play video games instead of improving.
 

Brian Fellows

Pete Carroll Owns Me
Jun 7, 2004
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I can’t even imagine trying to date at this age. Then again I’ve been single for 20 years so I’ve had a lot time to get used to it and don’t really know what I’m missing out on in the first place. So at this point I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.
 

Neil Young

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Dude, just carpet bomb the dating sites for now. Don't worry about finding the next Mrs. Perfect. Just get your ding dong wet and have some fun.

I was in the same boat as you, divorced, pushing 40, lonely, dogs, gamer etc. I went on plenty of fish and ok cupid in 2016 (don't know if the sites are still the same or what). Never online dated. Created a goofy profile where I said I hated something most women love...avocados. I ranted how they should be banned etc. I got tons of replies. I'm a 5...maybe a 7 due to personality at best. Shitty car, don't make much money. I got 3 dates a week with at least one 8 each time. I felt like Elvis. Some of these girls were WAY out of my league and I was hooking up with them!! I was amazed.

Of course I had many bombs. Makes for some awesome stories though and I have plenty. But, I met my current gf and we've been together for 3 years. Just go nuts and blow out some slump busters. You'll be fine.
 

MrMephistoX

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May 18, 2007
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all the fine Mormon girls get married the second they turn 18.

THIS x 1000 but you might have luck if you committed and converted picking up a hot divorcee or widow just sayin.

Literally loled I was so into several Mormon girls in high school they were all legitimately model tier and perfectly nice to talk to even more so than any other religious girls (or goths and hippies) but if you ain’t Mormon you are never going to get anywhere serious especially at that age where parents have strict bans on dating non-Mormons.
 
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Shantae

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Just wanted to say I feel your pain OP. I've been at this looking for a woman thing for years now, without much success for one reason or another. One encounter that is constantly sticking with me is how this one turned me down and assumed she knew who I was simply because I played video games. Saying that she isn't a princess that needed saving, and that she's a feminist, and hates men who look down on women, assuming that this was me simply because I played video games.

Legit question, but with covid being a real problem, what do some of you seriously suggest to find a woman these days? I was getting so fed up with dating sites that I signed out of all of them last year, but now the options are even more limited.
 
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