Aaron-Lagann
Banned
- Aug 22, 2013
- 17,726
- 0
- 0
This thread is going to require a little backstory, I have a best friend, fellow Gaffer, GraveHorizon. We've been besties for 7 almost 8 years now. We've helped each other through the roughest parts of our lives and I'm closer to him than I am anyone else, even family. We have plans to move in together in the big city next year for school and stuff. What I'm trying to say is that we're very close and I view him as my brother.
Recently, Gravey boy got a girlfriend and he wanted to spend the majority of his time with her. I've had this happen with friends before, so while I was bummed that he was spending less time with me (as we spent the vast majority of our time together) I was overall fine, since I had experience with people growing up and wanting to spend time with their GFs in the past. Not a big deal.
Where the issues come in is that Gravey boy made a promised to spend time with me regardless, he made a schedule and has kept to it. The first issue was with the girlfriend. He spends roughly 30-50% of our time hanging out complaining about her. They have nothing in common, she's clingy and complains about him spending time with me instead of her, even though we have a schedule that she agreed to. His complaints about her have done no favors in the department of endearing me to her, as even when I've been around them, she's still tried to stop him from talking to me and has complained any time he tries to have any fun. She went as far as to make a big stink about us having a conversation about Dark Souls and The Amazing Spider-Man for approximately twenty minutes in the car when she had nothing to say and didn't even want to contribute. As long as she's there, he's not free to talk to me. Even during our scheduled times she texts him nonstop, I have no problem with this, but I recently found out that she makes a fuss out of me sending even a single text to him to plan some stuff out, as she feels ignored.
Part of our schedule is us hanging out after he gets off work on Saturday nights. We go out and dance at our local bar, generally just unwind and have fun, since we rarely get the chance to do so. We're both young guys and he likes dancing with women, even though he has little to no actual intentions with them, she doesn't want him dancing with anyone, as she's underage and can't go keep an eye on him. This is a reasonable thing to be jealous of, since he is young and alright on the eyes, so I don't judge her for making stink about that. What I do mind is that he spends most of our time out either complaining about how he can't dance with girls, or pressuring me to dance with girls he can't. I only bring this up because he clearly doesn't want to be tied down and wants to have fun.
So, onto what upset me and cause the creation of this thread:
As I said, my friend and I have a standing appointment to hangout on Saturdays. We've both cancelled before, it's never been a big deal and we just went out the next week. What happened tonight was that he texted me saying that he was leaving work and would be there to pick me up, then without telling me went to spend nearly an hour with his girlfriend before coming to get me. Now, he gets off a little late on Saturdays, as he works at a restaurant and people come in late on a generally busy night, so our time hanging out and dancing is already rather limited, we're lucky if we get two hours before bars close in our town.
His girlfriend was feeling lonely, as she seems to every time we have plans to hangout, so he decided to comfort her. Perfectly reasonable, you care about a person and you don't want them to feel bad. The way he went about this was to tell me he was on his way, then leave his phone in the car for an hour without texting me to let me know what was up. This is a real problem because our town is less than savory and we've had problems with dangerous situations before, especially the location of his work. It's not much of a jump to worry about what happened to him if I don't hear from him for almost an hour. I'm freaking out over this, texting and calling him, only to find out that he had spent that time comforting the girl that has been repeatedly trying to monopolize his time entirely, and seemed to be upset over one thing or the other everyday.
He shows up and we go out, I feel justified in being a little pissed at the lack of communication, and he feels he's justified in comforting his girlfriend without letting me know what's up. We got in a big argument about this and he threatened to end our friendship over it. I don't want to lose my friend, but he's been depressed ever since he got this girlfriend and has done nothing but complain about her, so when I hear that she's upset over nothing, I feel far more than a little betrayed when he broke his promise to me in order to comfort her over what amounts to nothing.
The biggest problem I have here is that if he had merely told me, then I wouldn't have said another word. I would have been really annoyed that he'd cancel over something so petty and probably would have complained the next time we hung out, but I would have just gone to bed and moved on. Instead, I was left worried sick about him for an hour and then was essentially told that his promise meant nothing and that I'm a dick for getting upset at the lack of communication.
So, GAF, am I rightfully upset at my friend, or was he completely justified and I'm just being a jealous prick?
Also, sorry is this is a bit Facebook drama-y, I'm still a little drunk and upset.
EDIT: Upon suggestion, I feel the need to say that I'm not a homosexual and neither is my friend. We're both very close and while I have thought about the possibility of being a homosexual in general, I have never thought about him in that light and I found that I am a straight male.
EDIT 2: I was also still very drunk when I made this thread and regret it now. I'm still seeing it out as a way to maybe get some openness going between my friend and I, but I definitely went too personal in a lot of places. Either way, thanks for the help, GAF.
Recently, Gravey boy got a girlfriend and he wanted to spend the majority of his time with her. I've had this happen with friends before, so while I was bummed that he was spending less time with me (as we spent the vast majority of our time together) I was overall fine, since I had experience with people growing up and wanting to spend time with their GFs in the past. Not a big deal.
Where the issues come in is that Gravey boy made a promised to spend time with me regardless, he made a schedule and has kept to it. The first issue was with the girlfriend. He spends roughly 30-50% of our time hanging out complaining about her. They have nothing in common, she's clingy and complains about him spending time with me instead of her, even though we have a schedule that she agreed to. His complaints about her have done no favors in the department of endearing me to her, as even when I've been around them, she's still tried to stop him from talking to me and has complained any time he tries to have any fun. She went as far as to make a big stink about us having a conversation about Dark Souls and The Amazing Spider-Man for approximately twenty minutes in the car when she had nothing to say and didn't even want to contribute. As long as she's there, he's not free to talk to me. Even during our scheduled times she texts him nonstop, I have no problem with this, but I recently found out that she makes a fuss out of me sending even a single text to him to plan some stuff out, as she feels ignored.
Part of our schedule is us hanging out after he gets off work on Saturday nights. We go out and dance at our local bar, generally just unwind and have fun, since we rarely get the chance to do so. We're both young guys and he likes dancing with women, even though he has little to no actual intentions with them, she doesn't want him dancing with anyone, as she's underage and can't go keep an eye on him. This is a reasonable thing to be jealous of, since he is young and alright on the eyes, so I don't judge her for making stink about that. What I do mind is that he spends most of our time out either complaining about how he can't dance with girls, or pressuring me to dance with girls he can't. I only bring this up because he clearly doesn't want to be tied down and wants to have fun.
So, onto what upset me and cause the creation of this thread:
As I said, my friend and I have a standing appointment to hangout on Saturdays. We've both cancelled before, it's never been a big deal and we just went out the next week. What happened tonight was that he texted me saying that he was leaving work and would be there to pick me up, then without telling me went to spend nearly an hour with his girlfriend before coming to get me. Now, he gets off a little late on Saturdays, as he works at a restaurant and people come in late on a generally busy night, so our time hanging out and dancing is already rather limited, we're lucky if we get two hours before bars close in our town.
His girlfriend was feeling lonely, as she seems to every time we have plans to hangout, so he decided to comfort her. Perfectly reasonable, you care about a person and you don't want them to feel bad. The way he went about this was to tell me he was on his way, then leave his phone in the car for an hour without texting me to let me know what was up. This is a real problem because our town is less than savory and we've had problems with dangerous situations before, especially the location of his work. It's not much of a jump to worry about what happened to him if I don't hear from him for almost an hour. I'm freaking out over this, texting and calling him, only to find out that he had spent that time comforting the girl that has been repeatedly trying to monopolize his time entirely, and seemed to be upset over one thing or the other everyday.
He shows up and we go out, I feel justified in being a little pissed at the lack of communication, and he feels he's justified in comforting his girlfriend without letting me know what's up. We got in a big argument about this and he threatened to end our friendship over it. I don't want to lose my friend, but he's been depressed ever since he got this girlfriend and has done nothing but complain about her, so when I hear that she's upset over nothing, I feel far more than a little betrayed when he broke his promise to me in order to comfort her over what amounts to nothing.
The biggest problem I have here is that if he had merely told me, then I wouldn't have said another word. I would have been really annoyed that he'd cancel over something so petty and probably would have complained the next time we hung out, but I would have just gone to bed and moved on. Instead, I was left worried sick about him for an hour and then was essentially told that his promise meant nothing and that I'm a dick for getting upset at the lack of communication.
So, GAF, am I rightfully upset at my friend, or was he completely justified and I'm just being a jealous prick?
Also, sorry is this is a bit Facebook drama-y, I'm still a little drunk and upset.
EDIT: Upon suggestion, I feel the need to say that I'm not a homosexual and neither is my friend. We're both very close and while I have thought about the possibility of being a homosexual in general, I have never thought about him in that light and I found that I am a straight male.
EDIT 2: I was also still very drunk when I made this thread and regret it now. I'm still seeing it out as a way to maybe get some openness going between my friend and I, but I definitely went too personal in a lot of places. Either way, thanks for the help, GAF.
