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[GAMETA]

A cousin of mine died today. Lungs and heart. Was a very good lad, funny as hell, about 18 years older than me so we didn't see each other much, but I was (and am) really close to his brother.

I feel like I need to go, I really want to be there, I just don't see how. Funeral and burial will be tomorrow afternoon, I live in another state about 8 hours away, my wife works all day, I work from home and take care of my son (who's barely been outside because of the pandemic) and we don't have other family members where we live.

I don't know, guys... it feels to me like I'm giving excuses, I could simply hop on a bus tonight and get back by Wednesday, but then my son and my work... and at the same time I wonder what good I can actually do being there.

My cousin died and I'm here thinking about my needs, isn't that fucked up?

 

[AlteredForms]

Unfortunate to hear about this news and I extend my condolences OP. Myself personally, I would attend the funeral out of respect for him but his brother also. Regardless it's only a single day and it'll mean a lot to them.

 

[Grinchy]

It's realistically arbitrary, but we have assigned moral value to it nonetheless. You will be told by most that you should do whatever you can to go, but your brain knows how you actually feel about it already.

So either do what is expected and submit to the social pressure, or do what you want and have people think worse of you.

 

[TrainedRage]

Follow your gut. Remember where your priorities are.

 

[DESTROYA]

Yes, and unfortunately it seems they are getting more frequent .
Missing a day or two from work is nothing and if you feel you should be there you should go.
Like AlteredForms said it will mean a lot to his brother and family.

 

[MrS]

You have to really, don't you? Would be a bit cunty not to.

 

[GAMETA]

Unfortunate to hear about this news and I extend my condolences OP. Myself personally, I would attend the funeral out of respect for him but his brother also. Regardless it's only a single day and it'll mean a lot to them.

Yes, and unfortunately it seems they are getting more frequent .
Missing a day or two from work is nothing and if you feel you should be there you should go.
Like AlteredForms said it will mean a lot to his brother and family.

Follow your gut. Remember where your priorities are.

You have to really, don't you? Would be a bit cunty not to.

I called and talked to my cousin (the younger brother). He asked if I'd be able to go, I said I wasn't completely sure, he said it's alright and that he understands, he said "hey, it's alright, it's up to you, man, but please don't feel obligated to come"...

His wife and kids aren't going too (they also live in another state)...

I'm honestly thinking I'll end up not going, but this is fucked up.

 

[SLoWMoTIoN]

I mean sure but...is the funeral close? Did I speak to said person in the last 3 years?

 

[zeorhymer]

If you were close or grew up together then yes. Otherwise, it's up to you and how you feel.

 

[Punished Miku]

I called and talked to my cousin (the younger brother). He asked if I'd be able to go, I said I wasn't completely sure, he said it's alright and that he understands, he said "hey, it's alright, it's up to you, man, but please don't feel obligated to come"...

His wife and kids aren't going too (they also live in another state)...

I'm honestly thinking I'll end up not going, but this is fucked up.

Who will be attending the funeral? Are you close with any of them?

It's obviously about paying respects to the person who passed away, but it's also about the people left there. If there's people you haven't seen in a long time that you want to see, then might be worth it.

 

[MrS]

Maybe you shouldn't go. Pretty sure gatherings of six or more are banned in the UK at present due to COVID. My cousin died during Covid and we were advised that everything should be kept very small and intimate due to the risk. Could use it as a get out of jail free card on this occasion.

 

[Celcius]

I had two relatives die during the pandemic. One from covid-19 and one not. I didn't go to either funeral out of safety concerns but the family understood.

 

[Kenpachii]

Depends, here its illigal for more than a few people to be attending. It's pretty bad.

 

[Threeshotgamer]

Man my family is southern Baptist. Not attending a family funeral would result in my grandparents showing up at my house all judgy and angry

 

[DESTROYA]

I called and talked to my cousin (the younger brother). He asked if I'd be able to go, I said I wasn't completely sure, he said it's alright and that he understands, he said "hey, it's alright, it's up to you, man, but please don't feel obligated to come"...

His wife and kids aren't going too (they also live in another state)...

I'm honestly thinking I'll end up not going, but this is fucked up.

It’s just a day or two of inconvenience but a lifetime of regret.

 

[GAMETA]

I mean sure but...is the funeral close? Did I speak to said person in the last 3 years?

To my deceased cousin, no, and I hadn't seen him in more than 6 years.

To his younger brother, yes, we see each other every year and call each other on dates, etc... we grew up together, like, almost everyday together.

If you were close or grew up together then yes. Otherwise, it's up to you and how you feel.

I grew up very close to his brother, but not necessarily to him. I really liked him, but he was way older than me, still was a very cool and good guy and he'd always make us laugh. I have good memories, but we weren't that close.

Who will be attending the funeral? Are you close with any of them?

It's obviously about paying respects to the person who passed away, but it's also about the people left there. If there's people you haven't seen in a long time that you want to see, then might be worth it.

Probably most of my relatives, and they are a lot. My grandma had 10 kids, and most of them and their families still live in the same city. They'll likely all attend. I'd like to see some of them, of course (I haven't been there in more than 6 years)

I had two relatives die during the pandemic. One from covid-19 and one not. I didn't go to either funeral out of safety concerns but the family understood.

That's though, man, I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm concerned about Covid as well. I'm 31 and likely safe, but 8 hours in a bus with god knows who (I don't have a car) is worrisome. I have barely taken my son out in the past months and we've been taking extra care, it's hard to throw it out of the window and attend to a funeral... it still feels fucked up to not go and pay my respects.

Depends, here its illigal for more than a few people to be attending. It's pretty bad.

I'm sure there are rules around here as well, but you know how it goes. Brazil.

Man my family is southern Baptist. Not attending a family funeral would result in my grandparents showing up at my house all judgy and angry

Mine's catholic. Family has a huge significance. I'm sure it's expected that most relatives go.

It’s just a day or two of inconvenience but a lifetime of regret.

I know, that's what I feel already, and I fear this will bring me farther away from them. I've been living far for years now, haven't seen most of the family in a long long time.

 

[Punished Miku]

To my deceased cousin, no, and I hadn't seen him in more than 6 years.

To his younger brother, yes, we see each other every year and call each other on dates, etc... we grew up together, like, almost everyday together.



I grew up very close to his brother, but not necessarily to him. I really liked him, but he was way older than me, still was a very cool and good guy and he'd always make us laugh. I have good memories, but we weren't that close.



Probably most of my relatives, and they are a lot. My grandma had 10 kids, and most of them and their families still live in the same city. They'll likely all attend. I'd like to see some of them, of course (I haven't been there in more than 6 years)



That's though, man, I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm concerned about Covid as well. I'm 31 and likely safe, but 8 hours in a bus with god knows who (I don't have a car) is worrisome. I have barely taken my son out in the past months and we've been taking extra care, it's hard to throw it out of the window and attend to a funeral... it still feels fucked up to not go and pay my respects.



I'm sure there are rules around here as well, but you know how it goes. Brazil.



Mine's catholic. Family has a huge significance. I'm sure it's expected that most relatives go.



I know, that's what I feel already, and I fear this will bring me farther away from them. I've been living far for years now, haven't seen most of the family in a long long time.

Well speaking from experience, those connections can break down easily. If you have a ton of people there to see, might be worth it to just spend time with people.

 

[Tschumi]

The closest deaths to me thus far have been my grandmothers.. my dad's died in a car crash when i was pretty young, i believe i went to that funeral - only remember the viewing though. My mum's died of complications of ageing a few years ago.. i didn't manage to attend that one despite being much closer to that grandma for obvious reasons (i knew her into my adulthood)

More deaths are probably coming up, i think I'll certainly travel internationally to attend the funeral of any member of my immediate family, but i doubt I'd be able to do it for cousins etc. Mostly i guess because i live in Japan and, quite apart from covid restrictions, it's an expensive distance to go.

 

[TaySan]

Nope, the rest of the family doesn't care enough to visit us when we are alive i sure as fuck aren't going to visit them when they are dead. My grandfather died a couple months ago, but we didn't bother to attend the funeral due to my father bot wanting to have anything to do with my grandmother.

 

[#Phonepunk#]

yes i go to family funeral. family is important. if your family is not there for you, then who can you count on?

i went to my uncle's recently. he suddenly died of a heart attack and left two twin sons, both recent college graduates, my cousins. he was a real nice guy with some addiction problems but overall doing well. but it was a shock. hell yes i had to see my cousins and give them a hug. their dad died. u gotta be there for your fam.

however, i would also say it's not bad to feel anything, that right now you are going through some heavy shit, and you are justified in feeling however you feel while you get through this.

from the sound of things though, unless you are able to bring your own family, maybe you should stay at home. taking care of them is your biggest priority.

 

[DESTROYA]

Nope, the rest of the family doesn't care enough to visit us when we are alive i sure as fuck aren't going to visit them when they are dead. My grandfather died a couple months ago, but we didn't bother to attend the funeral due to my father bot wanting to have anything to do with my grandmother.

That is one shitty attitude to have , so instead of coming together as a family and memorialize your GF you drive a wedge even further.
Did you want to go ?

 

[TaySan]

That is one shitty attitude to have , so instead of coming together as a family and memorialize your GF you drive a wedge even further.
Did you want to go ?

I would have wanted to go if they lived close by, but they live in NY and I wasn't super close to him or anything. My father was going to attend, but decided not to since he has issues with him and my step grandmother.( Long story short she doesn't care about us since we are not her kids.)

I have better relationship with my mother side of the family.

 

[Foamy]

No family funerals.
Only complete strangers. Its easier that way.

 

[MHubert]

I really think you should go OP. It might seem inconvenient now, but I'm sure it would mean a lot to the rest of your family, even if they don't expect you come. At some point in your life this choice might mean more to you and your family than you can currently imagine, and in the future, past convenience has no value. Trust me.

 

[xrnzaaas]

Personally I always try to go to family funerals, but I don't know if I'd travel during covid. An 8 hour bus trip is a perfect place to get infected. I don't think you should feel bad if you're not going, especially if the family is understandable of the situation.

 

[TheContact]

are they doing any kind of virtual service?

 

[DogofWar]

You should attend if you feel he was a good person. Your employer is an absolute prick and the biggest douche in the universe if he would refuse you a day off. And bring your son with you if it is necessary somehow, unless he is a small infant in which case the mom should be with him anyway.

 

[MilkLizard]

Take your son with you?

 

[p_xavier]

No, they're dead.

 

[thefool]

Only if they die.

 

[GAMETA]

Funeral and burial were this afternoon. I ended up not going.

You should attend if you feel he was a good person. Your employer is an absolute prick and the biggest douche in the universe if he would refuse you a day off. And bring your son with you if it is necessary somehow, unless he is a small infant in which case the mom should be with him anyway.

We haven't taken him out much since the beginning of the pandemic. He has bronchitis, we rather not risk.

Take your son with you?

Read above. In a bus full of people for 8 hours. No way.

 

[Brian Fellows]

I haven’t had a family member die in about 16 or 17 years.

In the future it’ll probably be on a case by case basis as I have a lot of relatives I’m not close to or actively dislike.

 

[Mistake]

Depends on who in my family, everything is a mess. OP, you should make every considerable effort to go, and when it turns out you can’t, then there is no blame or guilt. Things have a way of coming back around, for better or worse

 

[Prison Mike]

My family who give a fuck who i love of course my dad.... Fuck that cunt can get washed away in sewage water for all i care.

 

[GHG]

Depends on who it is.

Despite what people tell you, you are under no obligation to go. As with everything, do what you want to do, it's your life.

 

[keraj37]

over my dead body.

 

[keraj37]

No family funerals.
Only complete strangers. Its easier that way.

Yeah, you don't feel sad and you can make jokes about how pale he looks in that coffin.

 

[Barsinister]

When my mom died, nobody told me where the funeral was. When I found out and drove there, it was too late. The funeral was over.
Didn’t have a good relationship with her so it wasn’t too bad.
Such is life.

 

[Prison Mike]

When my mom died, nobody told me where the funeral was. When I found out and drove there, it was too late. The funeral was over.
Didn’t have a good relationship with her so it wasn’t too bad.
Such is life.

Sorry to hear that brother i have same issue but with father.

 

[betlbum2]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Anki]

I would go for your younger cousin to show support, he will appreciate it.

 

[Batiman]

Funerals usually fuck with my head for the next following days but they’re a must IMO. There were a few I didn’t go to ( not family) that I still regret. Try and live a life with no regrets.

 

[bad guy]

If I died I would rather you stay at home and spend time with your child and wife. No use coming to visit my body when I am not alive. Just remember the good times we had together and maybe think about me every now and then.

 

[Ultra Violento]

I’m lucky in some regards and not so much in others, no one in my Family died yet except my grandma and grandpa some years ago, since they lived in diferent states and I worked 8 to 6 I couldn’t go unfortunately.

Then this year my father passed away from Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS, same one Stephen Hawking had almost his whole life) at age 73. The timing couldn’t be worse as we are going through a pandemic and lots of people are afraid to go out but thankfully most of my family were at the funeral and some of my close friends too, I was pretty devastated of course and took a week off work but also felt pretty happy that he was a great father and had my friends and all these people show up even in these weird times we’re living in.

 

[StonedRider]

Think first about the living ones.
You can always visit your family later and pay respect to your cousin.

 

[Fugitive Sex]

If you don't want to go, continue to make excuses. Just remember that it may hang over your head for the rest of your life.

 

[Hulk_Smash]

A cousin of mine died today. Lungs and heart. Was a very good lad, funny as hell, about 18 years older than me so we didn't see each other much, but I was (and am) really close to his brother.

I feel like I need to go, I really want to be there, I just don't see how. Funeral and burial will be tomorrow afternoon, I live in another state about 8 hours away, my wife works all day, I work from home and take care of my son (who's barely been outside because of the pandemic) and we don't have other family members where we live.

I don't know, guys... it feels to me like I'm giving excuses, I could simply hop on a bus tonight and get back by Wednesday, but then my son and my work... and at the same time I wonder what good I can actually do being there.

My cousin died and I'm here thinking about my needs, isn't that fucked up?

Take your son with you and crash at a relative’s place? Not really sure what there is to decide. Funerals are huge and can help give closure and comfort to all those personally effected by that death. Everyone else makes an exception for them. So can you.

And I’m not sure what your son not being out much has anything to do with. I do wonder though why you aren’t getting him out more though.

 

[Hulk_Smash]

Think first about the living ones.
You can always visit your family later and pay respect to your cousin.

I don’t know about this. There’s something about the timing of funerals that make it special that someone would go out of their way to be there for it.

My line of work has me going to a lot of funerals each year (about 6 a year) and it always makes a difference when you show up.

 

[RavenSan]

I think you go within reason. If you can't reasonably make it, don't go, and send a card, etc.

 

[StonedRider]

I don’t know about this. There’s something about the timing of funerals that make it special that someone would go out of their way to be there for it.

My line of work has me going to a lot of funerals each year (about 6 a year) and it always makes a difference when you show up.

Yeah, I know, it's a special moment for the family and binds people together, but if someone has to take care of their child or needs to go to work or can lose the job otherwise, better to choose not to visit funerals. Of course, your absence should be explained and you have to show them your support and visit them later to hug and talk.