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Doug Funnie is a little bitch

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Mar 17, 2010
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For real. That little shit is such a fucking loser that it actually annoys me. Why, you might be asking? Well let's start with the fact that his infatuation with Patti is UNHEALTHY.



Did you know there was an episode where he handcuffed himself to Patti all for the sake of a magic trick? And she kept telling him that she had to leave for Beetball practice but he kept trying to "impress" her with that shit and made her miss her practice? That entire episode was a huge cringefest. And instead of just breaking the handcuffs or heading back to the magic store like Patti wanted, Doug instead tried literally every other way to remove the handcuffs because he didn't want to spend another $10 or however much they cost.



Why would you trust a guy that looks like this

He also very nearly got himself killed when his class went on a field trip to a dude ranch and Doug chose the most dangerous horse the stable had just to impress Patti, who didn't actually give a shit and yelled at him about how irresponsible he was being at the end of the episode.

Then there's his imaginary bullshit characters he created:



Anytime he's about to get in some shit he tries to imagine how someone would act if they had a pair, and ends up NOT doing that. Quailman is the worst, because who actually believes a superhero with the powers of a quail could ever get shit done?



Pictured: Roger (imagined as Godzilla) wondering what the fuck Doug is doing.

Doug is pretty defensive about Quailman, too. There was an episode where him and Skeeter were drawing comics, and Skeeter came up with an ok parody of the Silver Surfer (Silver Skeeter...the name needed work). Skeeter was brainstorming about how his character could help solve a weather crisis, and instead of being supportive (like a good friend would), Doug kept shooting down Skeeter's ideas saying that he would wreck the city. So Skeeter rightfully told him what a shitty superhero Quailman is and Doug got his tighty whities in a bunch, which caused them to stop speaking for a while. This wouldn't be the only time Doug acted like a jerk to Skeeter, but I think by now you all get the point that I'm trying to make: Doug is a bitch.

At least Porkchop is cool, though.
 

BennyBlanco

aka IMurRIVAL69
Dec 9, 2012
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I legit got mad at this thread title, not even reading your bullshit man. Doug is my boy.
 

Ri'Orius

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Aug 2, 2008
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Does beating up fictional representations of middle schoolers help you feel less insecure about yourself?

Seriously asking. Like you, I'm very insecure.
 

Host Samurai

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Dec 18, 2008
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God knows what he has become in 2017. I picture him as an overweight psychopath that plans to hold Pattie (who's currently married to Roger) captive in his basement.
 

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
Jun 23, 2004
24,049
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So was Patty mixed or something? We all know Skeeter was Black, but now I'm starting to wonder about Patty with that tan. Maybe she had a reverse Whitley Gilbert thing going on.

As for Doug, I related to him a lot as a kid. I pretty much grew up alongside him. As soon as those Disney middle school episodes started, I was in middle school. Doug is pretty milquetoast though. They probably had to imbue some of those insecurities in him to make him a more interesting protagonist.
 

Crossing Eden

Hello, my name is Yves Guillemot, Vivendi S.A.'s Employee of the Month!
Feb 14, 2014
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That is the most brutal takedown of a character i've seen since that one mod posted about Yamcha.
 

zeemumu

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Jul 27, 2013
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God knows what he has become in 2017. I picture him as an overweight psychopath that plans to hold Pattie (who's currently married to Roger) captive in his basement.
I wonder if he ended up better than Charlie Brown? I feel like Charlie Brown made minor improvements while Doug made none, but Doug wasn't universally despised by his peers like Charlie Brown was.
 

L Thammy

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Nov 4, 2012
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God knows what he has become in 2017. I picture him as an overweight psychopath that plans to hold Pattie (who's currently married to Roger) captive in his basement.
He hasn't been as obsessed with Patti since he discovered Vivian James.
 
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