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[SJRB]

I was at a funeral of a close relative and the widow thanked me for coming, to which I replied "my pleasure, happy to be here".

 

[Nelo Ice]

"Enjoy your movie."

"You too!"

Every time

Lol this or other similar occurrences happens to me all the time.

 

[Boogiepop]

Not the worst, but when I went to Japan I was discussing with someone and they asked where I had been so far. I was a bit nervous as I wasn't totally used to actually having to use my Japanese skills and my tongue slipped, causing me to say I had been to Osake instead of Osaka.

 

[Ben Morales]

I think pretty much every male kid accidentally called a female teacher "mom" in elementary school once.

Strangely enough I don't think I ever recall it happening with male teachers, or with female students and female teachers. Only male students and female teachers.

Yeah, this is really something. I too have called my teacher mom back in 1st or 2nd grade.

 

[Carnby]

I don't think to say "ambulance", I say "hospital truck". I have done this many times.

The hospital truck parks in the car hole.

 

[v1lla21]

I called a girl named raynisha, rayquaza once. Her brother was dying and I didn't know why until I realized what I called her. I took them out to eat after.

 

[Killer Queen]

I called a girl named raynisha, rayquaza once. Her brother was dying and I didn't know why until I realized what I called her. I took them out to eat after.

This is amazing.

 

[clay_ghost]

Playstation Asia just did this

Opps

 

[chrisPjelly]

Was hanging out with a friend

Spoiler

who was gay

at his house, and we were having a conversation on the way into his room. Something about what pets he owned came up, and my tired caffeine crashing brain somehow fused "cat" and "dog" into a single word.

"Do you have a small cog?"

"I have- do I have a small cock?"

I quickly corrected that into "dog" and tried to pass it off, but GOD SHIT. It's a good thing he knows I'm not exactly the best at speech, and cool enough not to let that hang over my head :/

 

[Lys Skygge]

My apartment neighbor and I used to greet each other.

Me: How's it going?
Him: good! You?
Me: Good

Super simple and straightforward, we never had much communication other than that. We did this everyday for over a year. One day he's moving out...

Me: How's it going?
Him: I'm moving out
Me: good!

I didn't realize what he said and what my reply was until a few minutes later. I felt like an asshole lol.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

Good god I went to a Carnecerina looking for chicken wings but I kept saying "angel wings" cos I let my Spanish slip. I told my mom and she just laughed so hard at me when I told her.

 

[Currygan]

a couple of times involving my nephews and using hands, which led to horrendously embarrassing explanations . I still ache thinking about it

 

[Conor_Fool]

Last semester, some generally quiet dude had to give a presentation. I forget what word he kept having to say, but he kept accidentally saying "sex" instead. The first time he did it, the class gave a bit of an awkward laugh and you could tell he was embarrassed as fuck. He then proceeded to make the mistake three more times, all in a fucking 7 minute presentation. It was probably the most awkward thing I've ever witnessed. That walk of shame back to his seat when he finally finished the presentation...my gahd

 

[Stuggernaut]

I work for a company with 10 locations and during the recession we were shutting down the one I worked at, the OWNER of the company came and talking to us all at a big meeting, And he cried a ton, was odd to see.

So we somehow turn things around, and they decide to keep us open and invest some money to help us grow. A month or so after that he comes up to have a follow up meeting with us out of the blue and he walks up to me and says good morning and my words are, again this is the owner, who's name is on the building, and my shirt...

"You're not going to cry this time are you?" with a smart ass grin on my face.

I got a "WTF did you just say?" look and I immediately said "Coming!!" and turned to him and said "Sorry sir, brb"

I left out the back door and never went back to the meeting.

Turns out he was there to congratulate us on a good job turning the store around.

I work in the Corporate office now, and work directly with him... thankfully I don't think he remembers, or at least is not talking to me about it lol.

 

[paparazzo]

Once when I was 14, a couple of friends and their dad came to pick me up. On the way to my friend's house, one asks, "so how does your membership work?" No one answers, so I - being a fairly socially awkward kid at the time who sometimes failed to realize I was being addressed when among groups of people - answer, explaining how my RuneScape membership goes month to month (the three of us were pretty into it at the time). The friends laugh. Turns out he was addressing his dad, talking about some Nascar thing.

 

[Magwik]

I used to see a counselor for depression. Each session was an hour long and I'd always get fidgety towards the end because I was worried about going over an hour. My counselor was super chill and would tell me not to worry about going over the allotted time. He'd always say, "I control the clock."

Well, one day we're at the end of a session and I'm feeling fidgety again, looking at all of the clocks in his office. I glanced at him and realized he was annoyed, so I blurted out "I know, you control the cock!"

I was so mortified by that slip up I didn't schedule another session for two months.

Oh my god this killed me

 

[DiipuSurotu]

Last semester, some generally quiet dude had to give a presentation. I forget what word he kept having to say, but he kept accidentally saying "sex" instead. The first time he did it, the class gave a bit of an awkward laugh and you could tell he was embarrassed as fuck. He then proceeded to make the mistake three more times, all in a fucking 7 minute presentation. It was probably the most awkward thing I've ever witnessed. That walk of shame back to his seat when he finally finished the presentation...my gahd

"Some quiet dude" you say?

 

[wetwired]

When I was still on my learners drivers license I got pulled over for a random breath test, being young and nervou, when the cop asked me "have you had anything to drink today?" I replied with "no thanks"

 

[Always-honest]

yeah that's me.. Every fucking time. Except don't even care anymore.

 

[Oreoleo]

Leaving a Buffalo Wild Wings where me and some friends had just done a fantasy football draft. I guess we were kind of conspicuous walking through the parking lot with all manner of papers and laptops, ipads etc, so some random people asked us what we were doing and I told them we had just done a Final Fantasy draft.... I didn't even realize what I had said until my friend brought it up when we got in his car. I remain embarrassed to this day.

 

[Mascot]

This isn't really a slip of the tongue, more a wholly inappropriate thing to say.

I used to work as a department head at a family-run business, and we'd have weekly senior management meetings with the Managing Director, his wife (a director) and their son (also a director) present. For some reason emotional movies entered the round-table discussion, and the MD's son said something along the line of "Yeah, me and dad watched The Green Mile together last night. It was amazing - we went through a whole box of tissues" to which I quickly replied "I didn't even realise it was a porno".

Yep, I'd just suggested, in front of his wife, that the MD and his son had held a mutual masturbation session.

Silence.

 

[NekoFever]

When I worked in a shop, I was helping a blind lady pick out a birthday card. Found one she liked, sold it to her, everyone's happy, so which sign-off did I go for?

"See you later."

She didn't react and I'm sure it happens all the time, but I was mortified.

 

[Aaron-Lagann]

"Hey Katie get naked!"

It was to my sister's dachshund and I meant to say "get down" as she was on the couch and wasn't supposed to be. Nobody else was home.

 

[JackBauer24]

Instantly had goose bumps and had to get out of the room because it was so embarrassing. Friend was talking to a girl and heard him say, "What heritage are you?" She answers, "Italian." "Oh, Italian women are so hot, you don't look Italian."

 

[Everdred]

At a wedding with my wife last night, I don't know anyone but the bride and groom. The groom is behind me and some people I'm sitting with at a table are saying "Damn he looks handsome tonight." I say "Yeah, I'd do him." My wife points out that they are talking about a baby someone is holding while talking to the groom.

I just feel like the biggest creep in the world.

 

[Stormwatch]

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing well, how are you?"

"I'm doing great, how about you?"

<Blank Stare>

Happens to me every damn time. You get stuck in a wormhole of "how are you".

 

[Chmpocalypse]

Hadn't been in a restaurant in a while. Ordered steak. Waiter asked if I wanted it medium. I asked if they also had large.

Sigh.

Hahaha

Oh man

Wow

 

[AgentLampshade]

"Will I have the company of your pleasure this week?" I said to a girl who worked with me one day. I did not receive the pleasure of her company that week.

 

[Instro]

My coworker said "have a nice vacation" to me on Friday, I barely stopped myself from saying "you too".

 

[Sheroking]

Playing some NHL with a friend and there was some smack talk. Was going to tell him all about how well I fucked his mother but said MY mother instead.

Fuck you, Freud.

 

[Chmpocalypse]

well there is a tree that has pollen that smells of semen...

Of? What, did you fuck a tree?

 

[alejob]

I told some one they should shove it in instead or rub it it. I was looking for a rock to hide under after.

 

[Vermillion]

Lol, one time I was ordering food, and it started off like:

Her: Hi, how are you today?
Me: I'm well; how are you?
Her: I'm doing good, how are you?
Me: ...I'll have x.

I wonder how she felt lol

 

[sphinx]

this happened to my ex.

noone in his family knew he is gay and in a relationship with me.

he was once with his brother driving to a store and he called him "sweetheart".... (thinking it was me....)

dunno how he got out of that....

 

[EMT0]

Yesterday I was serving guests alcohol where one of the ladies ask me 'You're not going to ID me?'

I said 'Nope, no worries on that!'

...eh

 

[Bright Side of Life]

On the subway ride back from seeing Inception with my friends, I said the scene with the upside down city visually "blew my load" instead of "blew my mind"...for some reason the subway got really quiet after that (this was rush hour time mind you). It was another 20 awkward min before we got off at Grand Central.

I don't know if it's less worse since I'm a girl

 

[diamount]

Calling the teacher 'mum', skipped that class every chance I got.

 

[Rest]

On the subway ride back from seeing Inception with my friends, I said the scene with the upside down city visually "blew my load" instead of "blew my mind"...for some reason the subway got really quiet after that (this was rush hour time mind you). It was another 20 awkward min before we got off at Grand Central.

I don't know if it's less worse since I'm a girl

I think that makes it more weird.

 

[wanders]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOZv_r3Ruz8

Guy on the right messes up