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Ever miss people that aren’t in your life anymore?

Star-Lord

Gold Member
I have had some similar people around me too. Don’t take I personal, those people just move for people to people
As dickish as it sounds, I’ve done that to people in the past. And I’m not just talking way back, but recently too. It’s a defence mechanism when people get too close to me. It’s like I go into self-destruct mode. I’ve tried changing to no avail.
 
my best friend as a teenager in beijing, german guy named Paul.. he started off my love for drawing that directly lead to my style today ('show me your arts, gaf" thread), he showed me bob dylan and david bowie (i showed him tool, belle and sebastian and mogwai), we would go out to bars and sketch together.. i was a dick though, i was more sexually active and i remember once he and i were in a woman's apartment and i asked him to please leave so i could bang her... what a wanker lol

anyway, when our time in beijing ended and we left the country (around age 19) we were prefectly happy to stop communicating, it wasan't a negative thing we were just very level-headed and we were happy with the time we shared, we walked halfway across beijing on our last night together lol, him listening to tool on his ipod, i listening to david bowie (diamond dogs, my 'theme of beijing' album) by the end i was walking on the sides of my acheing feet lol

he was like the one and only 'bromance' style friendship i ever had

anyway it's like over a decade later now and i started thinking about our good times around the same time my master degree got serious lol, but he's still not replied (half a decade later), i know he's a pretty cool dude - an artist i think - and he never uses facebook, but part of me wonders if he's ignoring me because i asked him to leave that apartment that time, or was just in general a cocky self-absorbed wanker back then..

so, there, paul if you're out there i still think you're an awesome dude and loved our time together. wish we could do it again, though we can't unless u move to japan lol.

EDIT: this whole thing is a big deal because in my entire adult life i've had a grand total of 2 long term best friends, and they've both lived on the other side of the world and i've only met then 3 or 4 times since 2004. Well there's one more dude from israel, who is awesome, but our emails generally take about 3 months to elicit replies lol
Wow, that’s an amazing story, and you seemed to really have a wonderful friendship. I really hope you’ll get in touch again 💗
 
Yeah, I feel it’s hard to make friends as an adult. My other friends are local and always shoot me down when I try to make plans with them so I’ve given up.

On top of that some of them have become really materialistic which has been a turn off to me, at the same time kicking up my own insecurities about wealth and values.

One friend is that typical FB person that only posts all of the amazing vacations or sporting events he goes to. He always uses his wife as an excuse when I ask him to hang, saying she’ll be mad or whatever, but then he can go to a football game all day and get smashed.

The other friend, again, his wife is a piece of work. Total feminist, opinionated, lawnmower parent. Last week their daughter told mine on the bus that they’re millionaires, and now my kid is asking if we are millionaires and I’m like “wtf? why are kids discussing this shit?”

I get that people have kids and get busy, but they’re getting busy with other people and not me. So yeah, maybe the problem is me and not them, but I’d rather they just cut me out of their lives entirely then if that’s the case.
I agree, meeting friends as an adult is not easy. Well I hav never had many friends even as a kid, I was such a weird kid. 😂 I feel like it’s the start that’s difficult, the small talk, i hate it.. I just want to jump straight to buy lose friends 😂
And I guess people change and sometimes we go different paths. Don’t blame yourself for them not wanting to hang, they seem to have a very different look on life than you. Focus on your family and you’ll meet others that will be much greater friends 💗
 
As dickish as it sounds, I’ve done that to people in the past. And I’m not just talking way back, but recently too. It’s a defence mechanism when people get too close to me. It’s like I go into self-destruct mode. I’ve tried changing to no avail.
Well it’s good you are aware of it, some aren’t. I have some trouble letting people in, I’m afraid that they’ll leave. That’s why there’s one I really miss because we got close and now we don’t talk anymore.. but try trusting people, I’ve starting to go against my instinct off closing people out and my friendship have gotten better and I have even made new friends 💗
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
Well it’s good you are aware of it, some aren’t. I have some trouble letting people in, I’m afraid that they’ll leave. That’s why there’s one I really miss because we got close and now we don’t talk anymore.. but try trusting people, I’ve starting to go against my instinct off closing people out and my friendship have gotten better and I have even made new friends
That’s why I push them away before they have a chance to even think about leaving me. And it’s a lot easier said than done when it comes to trusting people. When you’ve been through half the shit I have, you’d understand why. I don’t trust people and I certainly hate any sort of affection or intimacy. I’m better off alone.
 

dr_octagon

Gold Member
It's a two way street and some people will drift away, lose interest, are busy with their own lives etc. Focus on yourself and family, you will grow stronger bonds with those who stick around.
 
That’s why I push them away before they have a chance to even think about leaving me. And it’s a lot easier said than done when it comes to trusting people. When you’ve been through half the shit I have, you’d understand why. I don’t trust people and I certainly hate any sort of affection or intimacy. I’m better off alone.
I can actually understand, never really trusted people, but I always blame myself. Its hard letting people get close and it’s something I’ve been working on for years. Just a few I have let in and a few months ago my life turns upside down and my trust has taken a toll.. so I can understand
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
I can actually understand, never really trusted people, but I always blame myself. Its hard letting people get close and it’s something I’ve been working on for years. Just a few I have let in and a few months ago my life turns upside down and my trust has taken a toll.. so I can understand
See, now I used to blame myself for what happened to me, but no. It’s them. It’s definitely them. And it’s because of them that I refuse to let anyone close to me, emotionally or physically. Like I said, I’m better off alone. They can’t hurt me, I can’t hurt them. It’s win-win.
 

stn

Member
I get nostalgic sometimes when I think of some of the women and friends who have come and gone. If you have people that drift apart, then it just means that either one or both of them just didn't want to keep in touch bad enough to begin with.
 

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
Quite, but not quite if that makes sense. Others have tried to get close, but my spines (insecurities) prevent that from happening. If someone pays me a compliment, my mind automatically thinks they’re either lying, mocking me, or after something. But after past events, I’m fine with having my guard up at all times.
I have a third sense to give just enough, if I start to feel I'll be hurt, I stop giving attention. I'm thankful enough to be able to live 100% on my own since last year. A poor life but a good life.
 
i had a best friend between 2004-2017. 13 years of being friends and it feels like it never meant anything. we went through so much together and i will be forever thankful for him being there for me all those times. i suffered from depression/anxiety so started to withdraw in the end i guess we just grew apart. we had a few things planned but they all fell apart. eventually we stopped talking then i found out he moved out the city so i have no idea where he lives now.

what pisses me off is that he says it's all my fault because i deleted facebook and got a new phone number (not out of trying to avoid anyone). i'm sorry he needed to rely on facebook and knowing my number to stay friends. i mean he knew exactly where i stayed and it'd take him 20 minutes to walk or 5 minutes to drive to my door. when i changed my phone number the reason he didn't get it was because i lost his when changing phone. if i had his number i'd have contacted him with it. i couldn't get his number because i didn't have facebook anymore and i had no idea where he stayed. it might sound like i'm putting all the blame on him but i'm not. i played a large part in it. i withdrew and didn't want to interact with anyone anymore.

i'm not mad at him and i know i'm to blame too. i'm just sad that our relationship didn't survive after all those years. i did manage to successfully contact him again (which is when he told me he didn't stay in touch because of facebook/my new number) and i tried to get our relationship back but it didn't work out. this was probably about 2-3 years ago and he had up until ~2 weeks ago to visit my house. just like he moved house without me knowing. i moved house and he doesn't know where i am now. chances that we run into each other again are quite slim.
 
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