Ex-Waiter Regrets Not Peeing On Bill Kristol’s Salmon Dinner

CurryPanda

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This is just good life wisdom: Be careful who your waiter is and how close his pee pee is to your food.

In a time of such divided, vitriolic politics, anything goes. Journalists like Bill Kristol, a rabid #NeverTrumper and editor-at-large for The Bulwark, can never be too careful when he dines out. Other political people have risked far less in restaurants. Last year, protestors heckled Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) and his wife out of the posh D.C. eatery Fiola Mare. The same goes for White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders, who was thrown out of a Red Hen in Lexington, Virginia for her association to President Donald Trump. (RELATED: Protestors Beware! Cruz’s New Muscle May Make Anyone Think Twice)

As reported Wednesday by FNC.com’s Lukas Mikelionis, The Boston Globe ran an op-ed by Luke O’Neil, a former waiter who wrote that he wished he had urinated on Kristol’s dinner a decade ago in Cambridge. His reasons: Kristol is a neoconservative pundit and an “Iraq War cheerleader.”

Urine. Food. How is this not grounds for a restraining order?

“One of the biggest regrets of my life is not pissing in Bill Kristol’s salmon,” wrote O’Neil, a writer-at-large for Esquire.

Somehow the Globe’s editorial staff glazed right over it since it was the first line of the piece.

But soon the news outlet made it go away and slapped on a stern editor’s note.

As you might imagine, urinating on Kristol’s dinner did not meet Globe editorial standards: “A version of this column as originally published did not meet Globe standards and has been changed. The Globe regrets the previous tone of the piece.”

The lede now lacks a certain ‘je ne sais quoi pisse’ twist. The castrated prose now reads:
One of the biggest regrets in my life was serving Bill Kristol salmon and not telling the neoconservative pundit and chief Iraq War cheerleader what I really thought about him. That was 10 years ago, at a restaurant in Cambridge, and I was reminded of that episode this week when Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen, the purportedly reluctant triggerman for Donald Trump’s inhumane policies of ethnic cleansing, announced she would be stepping down from her post at the president’s request.​
The Mirror reached out to Kristol to ask him if this makes him afraid of dining out.

O’Neil joked on Twitter Wednesday morning, “Someone get Bari and Bret on the horn my free speech is being threatened.” He was referring to NYT opinion writer Bari Weiss and contributing columnist Bret Stephens.

The bulk of O’Neil’s piece also heavily dunks on ex-Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen.

But whatever O’Neil wrote about her, it’s not as poignant as what he wrote about Kristol. (RELATED: RIP The Weekly Standard, Bill Kristol Basically Says ‘So What?’)

Hopefully O’Neil won’t have too tough of a day ahead in his “menchies” as he refers to his Twitter comments. But if he really does have to have this medical procedure, maybe he can at least get his followers to pray for him.

“Good news is I have a nice morning ahead of me of a steroid injection deep through multiple walls of abdomen muscle followed up by a relaxing MRI,” he wrote at 9:30 a.m.
https://dailycaller.com/2019/04/11/waiter-regrets-not-peeing-bill-kristol-dinner/
 
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Reactions: JareBear
Oct 26, 2018
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I worked in food service for years, and am both horrified, and resignedly aware of nonsense like this occuring in the back of the house.
I'm sure everyone has eaten food that was gross, but never knew it.

I always give props to restaurants with open kitchen concepts. Not that I stare at the kitchen to see how it's cooked, but it just gives a sense of freedom and nothing to hide. And the cooks are always decently dressed.

Then you have places where the kitchen is fully enclosed. You have no idea if it's a trash heap in the back or if rats are running around. And good chance the guy cooking your food is wearing jeans and a tshirt he hasn't washed in a month.
 
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Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
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this is why i'm always super polite to my waiters and other staff, they will fuck your shit up
 

Cybrwzrd

Anime waifu panty shots are basically the same thing as paintings of the french baroque masters, if you think about it.
Sep 29, 2014
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this is why i'm always super polite to my waiters and other staff, they will fuck your shit up
Rule #1 in life is never to be mean or rude to people who make or touch your food. Kings didn’t have food tasters for no reason.
 
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Dec 3, 2018
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Rule #1 in life is never to be mean or rude to people who make or touch your food. Kings didn’t have food tasters for no reason.
Fun fact: Kings DID have food tasters for no reason. One of them did it as a joke one day and suddenly, they all had to have one. They were like, "I don't get it, but this is amazing. What else ya got?" And the first king said, "Well, I have this child that I parade out in front of my own misbehaving children, then abuse him in front of them so that they learn the lesson that if they misbehave, I will fuck up their friends and leave them for dead by the side of the road because I am a stone cold bad ass." And the other kings were like, "That's amazing! You are full of good ideas. What else?" The first king thought for a moment, then said, "I sometimes shit in a the moat for fun." Everybody cheered and he became the first king to be kinged twice. All true.
 

CurryPanda

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Mar 4, 2019
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Rule #1 in life is never to be mean or rude to people who make or touch your food. Kings didn’t have food tasters for no reason.
You could always eat at home. It’s healthier and cheaper. But, I understand that eating out is a convenience for some.
 

Cybrwzrd

Anime waifu panty shots are basically the same thing as paintings of the french baroque masters, if you think about it.
Sep 29, 2014
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You could always eat at home. It’s healthier and cheaper. But, I understand that eating out is a convenience for some.
Dont have to be afraid of being rude to someone making your food if you are making it for yourself. Unless you have multiple personalities.
 

Hissing Sid

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Feb 19, 2015
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I never eat out.

Hate hearing this shit it’s such a gross, disgusting violation. Fucking cowards.

If you have a problem with someone then either discuss it face to face or suck it down. You know, like a person with a full set of balls.

If you have issues with your job then take control of your fucking life and make changes. You know, like a properly adjusted human being.

Anyone that messes with other people’s food for whatever reason is imo, post-intercourse vaginal effluent.. aka, cunt slime.
 
Dec 10, 2018
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Fun fact: Kings DID have food tasters for no reason. One of them did it as a joke one day and suddenly, they all had to have one. They were like, "I don't get it, but this is amazing. What else ya got?" And the first king said, "Well, I have this child that I parade out in front of my own misbehaving children, then abuse him in front of them so that they learn the lesson that if they misbehave, I will fuck up their friends and leave them for dead by the side of the road because I am a stone cold bad ass." And the other kings were like, "That's amazing! You are full of good ideas. What else?" The first king thought for a moment, then said, "I sometimes shit in a the moat for fun." Everybody cheered and he became the first king to be kinged twice. All true.
Wow! The shit they don’t tell you in the history books,huh.
 

JareBear

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Nov 5, 2016
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What are the odds of getting away with pissing on someone's salmon dinner? You don't think they would notice their salmon is soaked in yellow piss?

Also, don't be a bitch. Fucking with someone's food is so passive aggressive. If you have that much of a problem then non-violently confront them when you had the chance.
 

Afro Republican

GAF>INTERNET>GAF, BITCHES
Aug 24, 2016
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This is why you eat fast-food if you HAVE to go out and eat. Usually there's not enough time for them to go and do some yang yang on your foods.