Fucking amazing.

[Deified Data]

I had an interesting staff meeting today. Just a lot of boring shit about our library's new expansion and patron policy - I work in a public library, BTW.

Then a co-worker brings up that a little kid has been having accidents in the children's department and sort of hiding the turds in secret places. We're all pretty sure we know who it is, and the conversation turns to how we can use our in-house surveillance system to confirm it. From there, our director - my boss - recounts that in the mid-90's, before we installed our cameras, a mystery patron had been sneaking onto the elevator and peeing in the corner, making the whole thing reek of piss for a month. She basically said that there's no way we'll ever find out who did it because it was so long ago and there's no way to prove it even if we had a hunch.

So here I am, sitting at the end of the table, inwardly smirking and smug as hell because it was me. I was the 7-year-old who peed in the elevator in the mid-90's. I did it because I could, and I knew I couldn't get caught. I did it because I had a weird thing against public bathrooms at that age and refused to use them, so when I had to go at the library I snuck onto the elevator and peed in the corner. But it was me, and fate had decreed that the very person who peed in the elevator so many years ago would be sitting right across from my boss while she bemoaned the fact that she would never discover who it was.

I take great pleasure in this dark secret now. I had to tell GAF because I can tell no one else.

 

[desertdroog]

Don't shit where you eat.

 

[Stabby McSter]

Aw, I was hoping the twist was that the kid hiding poop everywhere was your child.

 

[FairyD]

Ok that good, kudos to your peeing ways. Sometimes when I'm really drunk, I pee in the gas tanks of cars parked on the street for the exact same reason.

 

[injurai]

just remember, pissers don't pontificate

 

[Kade]

If you pee in a urinal you can't get caught either.

 

[uuaschbaer]

I had an interesting staff meeting today. Just a lot of boring shit about our library's new expansion and patron policy - I work in a public library, BTW.

Then a co-worker brings up that a little kid has been having accidents in the children's department and sort of hiding the turds in secret places. We're all pretty sure we know who it is, and the conversation turns to how we can use our in-house surveillance system to confirm it. From there, our director - my boss - recounts that in the mid-90's, before we installed our cameras, a mystery patron had been sneaking onto the elevator and peeing in the corner, making the whole thing reek of piss for a month. She basically said that there's no way we'll ever find out who did it because it was so long ago and there's no way to prove it even if we had a hunch.

[etc.]

You sure she wasn't hinting at something? :]

 

[Maximus.]

Hahahah wow that is amazing.

 

[thekonamicode]

It is simply natural's law to pee in the elevator at the public library.

 

[Clydefrog]

you've just made a huge mistake

 

[J2d]

I laughed.

 

[Halcyon]

I used to pee in an empty fish tank in our basement. I was 4.

 

[Dr.Acula]

You sure she wasn't hinting at something? :]

From the writer of Death Note comes a chilling new psychological thriller... Pee Book.

 

[Bread]

 

[zerotol]

The piss bandit has now become the poop detective.

 

[Deified Data]

you've just made a huge mistake

This is a victory, sir.

You sure she wasn't hinting at something? :]

If she was it's somehow even better.

 

[everyday math]

I admit. I found this highly amusing.

 

[Router]

Detective GAF should have your boss on the phone by now.

 

[Deified Data]

Detective GAF should have your boss on the phone by now.

I regret nothing.

 

[braves01]

God works in mysterious ways.

 

[FrostuTheNinja]

*golfclap.gif*

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

 

[Plywood]

This is why I love OT.

 

[Jake Tower]

You little pissant.

 

[PaperFlame]

ooo urine trouble.

 

[BigDes]

I dunno man, surely pissing in an elevator raises all sorts of issues involved with splash back and pee covered shoes.

 

[Weiss]

I find this both terribly immature and absolutely incredible.

 

[Kurita]

I dunno man, surely pissing in an elevator raises all sorts of issues involved with splash back and pee covered shoes.

Sometimes a man just gotta pee, regardless of the consequences.

 

[DominoKid]

bwahahahaha i'm surprised you could contain yourself.

 

[Pctx]

I had an interesting staff meeting today. Just a lot of boring shit about our library's new expansion and patron policy - I work in a public library, BTW.

Then a co-worker brings up that a little kid has been having accidents in the children's department and sort of hiding the turds in secret places. We're all pretty sure we know who it is, and the conversation turns to how we can use our in-house surveillance system to confirm it. From there, our director - my boss - recounts that in the mid-90's, before we installed our cameras, a mystery patron had been sneaking onto the elevator and peeing in the corner, making the whole thing reek of piss for a month. She basically said that there's no way we'll ever find out who did it because it was so long ago and there's no way to prove it even if we had a hunch.

So here I am, sitting at the end of the table, inwardly smirking and smug as hell because it was me. I was the 7-year-old who peed in the elevator in the mid-90's. I did it because I could, and I knew I couldn't get caught. I did it because I had a weird thing against public bathrooms at that age and refused to use them, so when I had to go at the library I snuck onto the elevator and peed in the corner. But it was me, and fate had decreed that the very person who peed in the elevator so many years ago would be sitting right across from my boss while she bemoaned the fact that she would never discover who it was.

I take great pleasure in this dark secret now. I had to tell GAF because I can tell no one else.

 

[FlashbladeGAF]

HAHAHAHA


I almost feel like you should tell them when you quit



...almost

 

[Rewrite]

LOL, OK that was actually amazing. Great story!

 

[SUPREME1]

I had an interesting staff meeting today. Just a lot of boring shit about our library's new expansion and patron policy - I work in a public library, BTW.

Then a co-worker brings up that a little kid has been having accidents in the children's department and sort of hiding the turds in secret places. We're all pretty sure we know who it is, and the conversation turns to how we can use our in-house surveillance system to confirm it. From there, our director - my boss - recounts that in the mid-90's, before we installed our cameras, a mystery patron had been sneaking onto the elevator and peeing in the corner, making the whole thing reek of piss for a month. She basically said that there's no way we'll ever find out who did it because it was so long ago and there's no way to prove it even if we had a hunch.

So here I am, sitting at the end of the table, inwardly smirking and smug as hell because it was me. I was the 7-year-old who peed in the elevator in the mid-90's. I did it because I could, and I knew I couldn't get caught. I did it because I had a weird thing against public bathrooms at that age and refused to use them, so when I had to go at the library I snuck onto the elevator and peed in the corner. But it was me, and fate had decreed that the very person who peed in the elevator so many years ago would be sitting right across from my boss while she bemoaned the fact that she would never discover who it was.

I take great pleasure in this dark secret now. I had to tell GAF because I can tell no one else.

I'm telling.

 

[Himself]

Haha. "I take great pleasure in this dark secret now." Digging that Gothic lit, eh?

 

[PartTimeWarrior]

The long con

 

[Deified Data]

bwahahahaha i'm surprised you could contain yourself.

I don't know how I did. I just bit my tongue and took copious notes.

Sort of had a Light Yagami moment, if you replace killing people with peeing on elevators.

From the writer of Death Note comes a chilling new psychological thriller... Pee Book.

This guy gets it.

 

[Unspeakable Evil]

IT WAS ME, AUSTIN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!

 

[jonnyp]

hahaha

amazing indeed!

 

[Alucrid]

op needs to piss in the elevator tomorrow.

 

[Deified Data]

I find this both terribly immature and absolutely incredible.

7-year-olds are legendary for their immaturity, I hear.

 

[Krev]

She used subliminal messaging to suggest bragging about it on the internet, and she's going to be Googling around tonight to find the definitive proof that she always needed.

 

[Lunchbox]

you parents shouldve paddled you

 

[efyu_lemonardo]

The piss bandit has now become the poop detective.

takes one to know one?
This is like those stories about small time crooks getting out of the slammer and teaming up with the cops to catch the big fish.


Another way to look at it, OP, is that this little pooper is stealing your legacy.

 

[Douche McBaggins The 3rd]

What the.....Why did I even read this? That was bad and you should feel bad.

 

[SteelAttack]

What's with your library that lures people into relieving themselves from bodily ejections while in it?

 

[Krev]

What's with your library that lures people into relieving themselves from bodily ejections while in it?

This reminded me of The Squid and the Whale.

 

[kick51]

I knew a twist was coming, but I thought it was gonna be that the shit-hider was the kid of the elevator pisser.

good shit, OP

 

[Deified Data]

What's with your library that lures people into relieving themselves from bodily ejections while in it?

Libraries, man. They lure in all sorts of weird people.

takes one to know one?

I would compare this to NBC's "Hannibal". I'm helping them solve a crime but they have no idea that I have more in common with the culprit than I let on. It's delicious.

 

[Kurita]

Make a new thread when you catch the kid who poops everywhere btw

 

[Nekofrog]

Do you live in and/or around Alberta?