• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
  • The Politics forum has been nuked. Please do not bring political discussion to the rest of the site, or you will be removed. Thanks.

GAF, how do you deal with the loneliness, self doubt and lack of motivation?

Ozzy Onya A2Z

Member
Apr 16, 2012
10,244
4,378
1,100
Melbourne, Australia
Yeah, I love programming on my free time, on my own. But this shit of working constantly under pressure, meeting deadlines, staying at work late... this is slowly killing me.

I'm living here, but I'm not enjoying it because i have zero time and energy.
Only you can tell when enough is enough. If you're staying in the short to mid term perhaps try pushing for another role like project management. Easier to apply the pressure than be under it.
 

RoyalLaFlame

Gold Member
Oct 22, 2013
3,716
1,041
940
Because you will always get fucked over by a friend or business partner. I've witnessed it, there's many examples of westerners experiences online as well. As soon as money is involved someone will look at a way of making that or taking that from you. As a foreigner in China you have no rights, basically.
Well, need to find someone I can really trust.
Hmm, I think humans are naturally happy and that the goal to happiness isn't to try and find it, but rather to get back to that default state by removing the things that are making you unhappy,

From your message it sounds like you don't like not being fluent, so go sign up for a language course or find a language swap partner. But you need to get off your ass and make it happen, as nobody else in this world is going do it for you.
Yeah, I'm slowly progressing but I need to practice more.
Only you can tell when enough is enough. If you're staying in the short to mid term perhaps try pushing for another role like project management. Easier to apply the pressure than be under it.
i would like project management but I have no experience in it.
 

nush

Gold Member
Oct 16, 2017
12,625
35,293
915
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
Well, need to find someone I can really trust.


Seriously, I've seen family, long term friends and trusted employees pull this shit. It's the norm, they would rather make $5 today than make $10 tomorrow. Trust no one is the advice given to me that holds up.
 

Finsksvenskan

Member
Jun 10, 2021
270
398
425
Sweden
I feel you, this feelings are hard and very draining.. I think it's good you made this post so you can have people to talk to.
When I want to feel better and don't falling in a hole of dark thoughts, I like to do something i love, play games, go for walks and work out.

Latley I've been in a drak place and been very lonley. I can't sleep, don't want to eat or eat to much. To deal with it all I'm going to talk to a professional, and that's something you can do if you want to. I think you should do a list of what's making you feel this way and then write down solutions and then start doing changes. Its worth the hard work to be happy.
Don't be to hard on yourself, you deserv happiness!

I wish you the best! :messenger_heart:
 
  • Love
Reactions: RoyalLaFlame

CloudNull

Banned
Oct 14, 2019
2,689
6,771
490
Realize that we only have like 50-80 years on this earth and that nothing you do really matters in a cosmic scale at all. Then just do what you want.
Terrible advice....

Just lift bro..... seriously find a way to release endorphins in your brain on a daily basis. The easiest way to do this is physical activity. Go for a walk or start running as a hobby.

Also find hobbies that interest you. There are so many great things happening in the world it’s hard not to be excited.
 
Jul 9, 2020
204
295
280
I’m in a similar funk as you, OP; the thought of making a thread over this never came to mind due to shame, so in a way I’m glad that this thread popped up.

I have a good job as a teacher, I’m currently taking a course for my masters, and I recently (6 months) moved away from my mothers and live alone. On paper, it seems like it’s going good for me and it is; I have good (weeks) and bad ones. But recently I feel like my funk/depression is getting worse and worse. For the first time im starting to feel sick, almost like an anxiety attack. My body feels week, sometimes I feel a small panic of feeling trapped, my heart burns and More and more I’m losing motivation to do anything I like (gaming, gym).
I don’t have any real friends, no girlfriend/intimacy, and I just feel alone all the damn time. Since I have summer off it’s worse now since I have nothing to do; even at school it was hard to stay motivated but at least I was around kids/colleagues. I want to say I want to see a therapist or talk to anyone, but I’m not sure where to really look.
 
  • Empathy
  • Like
Reactions: Armorian and haxan7

pramod

Member
Oct 24, 2017
2,835
3,436
720
Uhm, maybe just get the hell out of China?

Dunno why you would pick that place to do IT, of all places. Might as well teach English, you might make more money and get less stressed.
 
Last edited:

Coolwhhip

Gold Member
Aug 26, 2019
4,327
13,784
670
I’m in a similar funk as you, OP; the thought of making a thread over this never came to mind due to shame, so in a way I’m glad that this thread popped up.

I have a good job as a teacher, I’m currently taking a course for my masters, and I recently (6 months) moved away from my mothers and live alone. On paper, it seems like it’s going good for me and it is; I have good (weeks) and bad ones. But recently I feel like my funk/depression is getting worse and worse. For the first time im starting to feel sick, almost like an anxiety attack. My body feels week, sometimes I feel a small panic of feeling trapped, my heart burns and More and more I’m losing motivation to do anything I like (gaming, gym).
I don’t have any real friends, no girlfriend/intimacy, and I just feel alone all the damn time. Since I have summer off it’s worse now since I have nothing to do; even at school it was hard to stay motivated but at least I was around kids/colleagues. I want to say I want to see a therapist or talk to anyone, but I’m not sure where to really look.

You need a gf not a therapist.
 

zeorhymer

Member
Nov 9, 2013
4,282
4,583
835
San Francisco, CA
For you specifically, I would start to learn the language and culture of the country you're in. If you're going to be miserable, at least be able to know enough to read where a bar is and order some drinks.

In all seriousness, it seems that you're young and you haven't what your goals are yet. One goal would be to get married and have kids. Another one would be to own a home. Or it could be even small like learning a few words a day. Make a schedule as well and stick with it. That way, your mind doesn't keep wandering. It could be simple as take a shower, eat breakfast, go to work, etc. Don't forget to socialize.
 

SpiceRacz

Member
Feb 27, 2017
2,205
4,124
580
Hazuki Dojo
Go to a doctor and get on an anti-depressant/anxiety medication. I got on medication about 6 months ago and it's improved every aspect of my life.
 
  • Like
Reactions: nush

Pol Pot

Banned
Dec 3, 2018
239
315
300


Seriously, I've seen family, long term friends and trusted employees pull this shit. It's the norm, they would rather make $5 today than make $10 tomorrow. Trust no one is the advice given to me that holds up.
What an absolutely miserable existence. I feel sorry for you and the total absence of love in your life.
 

RoyalLaFlame

Gold Member
Oct 22, 2013
3,716
1,041
940
I feel you, this feelings are hard and very draining.. I think it's good you made this post so you can have people to talk to.
When I want to feel better and don't falling in a hole of dark thoughts, I like to do something i love, play games, go for walks and work out.

Latley I've been in a drak place and been very lonley. I can't sleep, don't want to eat or eat to much. To deal with it all I'm going to talk to a professional, and that's something you can do if you want to. I think you should do a list of what's making you feel this way and then write down solutions and then start doing changes. Its worth the hard work to be happy.
Don't be to hard on yourself, you deserv happiness!

I wish you the best! :messenger_heart:
Thank you brother, and I hope you also find some happiness as well:messenger_heart:

Hit me in the DMs if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to.
I’m in a similar funk as you, OP; the thought of making a thread over this never came to mind due to shame, so in a way I’m glad that this thread popped up.

I have a good job as a teacher, I’m currently taking a course for my masters, and I recently (6 months) moved away from my mothers and live alone. On paper, it seems like it’s going good for me and it is; I have good (weeks) and bad ones. But recently I feel like my funk/depression is getting worse and worse. For the first time im starting to feel sick, almost like an anxiety attack. My body feels week, sometimes I feel a small panic of feeling trapped, my heart burns and More and more I’m losing motivation to do anything I like (gaming, gym).
I don’t have any real friends, no girlfriend/intimacy, and I just feel alone all the damn time. Since I have summer off it’s worse now since I have nothing to do; even at school it was hard to stay motivated but at least I was around kids/colleagues. I want to say I want to see a therapist or talk to anyone, but I’m not sure where to really look.
After making the thread I decided it was time I do some changes. A routine, something that is really important to me, that has everything from work to relaxation. It's still a work in progress but today is Saturday and I decided I'm going to stay home and just relax. PLay some games, clean the house, exercise and just play with my cat.

I used to feel bad about this, because I thought it was wasted time, but no time is wasted if you are enjoying yourself.
Uhm, maybe just get the hell out of China?

Dunno why you would pick that place to do IT, of all places. Might as well teach English, you might make more money and get less stressed.
Nah, i have a gf here that I wish to stay with. I didn't exactly choose China for IT, I just came here to study chinese. After the virus happened I got stuck here, and an opportunity to earn money by using my master's appeared. Now I have a gf that I love very much, so going back is not as easy as it seems.

English teaching is going through my mind, it pays more than what my degree can give me here and life is so fucking easy. Problem is that I'm non native, which is frowned upon by the government.
For you specifically, I would start to learn the language and culture of the country you're in. If you're going to be miserable, at least be able to know enough to read where a bar is and order some drinks.

In all seriousness, it seems that you're young and you haven't what your goals are yet. One goal would be to get married and have kids. Another one would be to own a home. Or it could be even small like learning a few words a day. Make a schedule as well and stick with it. That way, your mind doesn't keep wandering. It could be simple as take a shower, eat breakfast, go to work, etc. Don't forget to socialize.
Yeah, today I decided that I'm going to focus more on the studies.

And I agree, having goals is really good. Makes you work for something that can be achievable, instead of just wasting your days away waiting for something to come.
Go to a doctor and get on an anti-depressant/anxiety medication. I got on medication about 6 months ago and it's improved every aspect of my life.
I appreciate it, but I've been to the doctor back in my home country. Medication did help but it didn't fight the root of the problem.


I'm slowly getting better. Yesterday, during my down time at work, I decided to study some cryptography (always found it fascinating as a Computer Engineer). The more I studied the more I understood how it works, and for some reason made me feel more confident in myself. I loved it. After work, I ate a damn good meal (some tasty jiaozi) and went home.I grabbed my switch and started playing some XBDE and some BOTW. I was having a blast! Just chilling with my cat until sleep. Haven't felt like this for a while, no stress, no nothing. Fuck it felt good. But I still feel alone, and that's something that still needs fixing.
 

pramod

Member
Oct 24, 2017
2,835
3,436
720
So you actually have a gf there and getting laid...You can't be THAT lonely and depressed lol.
 
Last edited:

Porcile

Member
Oct 23, 2012
5,618
2,038
860
So you actually have a gf there and getting laid...You can't be THAT lonely and depressed lol.

I would say getting a girlfriend or boyfriend in Japan/China is really not difficult, but that can come with a lot of caveats, especially once you get into a long-term relationship LOL

Also making real friends, or finding people who will look out for you for a long time is just really difficult even for Asian people in these countries . It just isn't how the social culture works.
 

RoyalLaFlame

Gold Member
Oct 22, 2013
3,716
1,041
940
So you actually have a gf there and getting laid...You can't be THAT lonely and depressed lol.
Uh, that's not how it works.
I would say getting a girlfriend or boyfriend in Japan/China is really not difficult, but that can come with a lot of caveats, especially once you get into a long-term relationship LOL

Also making real friends, or finding people who will look out for you for a long time is just really difficult even for Asian people in these countries . It just isn't how the social culture works.
Basically. My biggest friend here is not even Chinese.


Just an update: been feeling better. So good news came my way, which gave me more confidence. Decided to focus more on my development, which I was clearly lacking, and things are slowly improving. I don't want to think of the future, or the past, I'm learning to live in the now. Helps more than I thought.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ItsGreat and nush