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GF pregnant with our 3rd child...

Cyberpunkd

Member
I used to be a regular at the gym, lifting at least 4 days a week. It was my passion. My life's work. My love along with videogames.
You look like in need of an organization. Figure out the time with your miss to take care of the kids while the other has a free time to do what he/she likes. Also hire a nanny for one afternoon on the weekend.

How far is the gym? By walk, public transport or car? Can you go in the evenings or early mornings before work? Can you have a small gym at home or in a garage (if you have one)? When we had a single kid I was at the gym at 6am, finishing at 6:45, jogging 5 minutes back to apartment, taking a shower, waking up the kid.


Your kids are 5 and 11, they are perfectly capable to survive on their own and express their needs. My 3.5 year old daughter is basically on autopilot now, it's the 18-month old that requires constant supervision.

I really don't understand what are you complaining about.
 
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GymWolf

Gold Member
 

Tams

Member
Honestly, she's 60 lb heavier than me and basically forced the issue knowing how I felt after our second. And he was born because she "forgot" to take her birth control pills. Should've been a red flag for me. But we both have very high sex drives. We still fuck like we just met. I think she's manipulative but she swears it wasn't done on purpose. This coming after her making comments about wanting a baby every time we'd see a pregnant woman or one with a small child.

Edit: The the guy above, a nurse told me everyone that she's seen with a vasectomy has auto immune disease. Don't know of that's true of not but it scared me.
Well... this thread took a dark turn rather quickly.

Sounds like spousal abuse right there.
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
3 kids with the same woman and not married?
I was going to be liberal here and 'oh you kids' but yeah....sorry, I'm old-fashioned but it rubs me the wrong way.

Honestly, she's 60 lb heavier than me and basically forced the issue knowing how I felt after our second.
It's not you that needs to hit the gym, it's your wife. You're 80kg, she's 110kg, bro, this is nowhere healthy.
 
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Orpheum

Member
I dread ever having children of my own. getting a vasectomy soon...

What i don't understand OP is, from what i can read you never really wanted a third child so how could this happen? did the BC fail? if so that sucks but you have to make the best of it. Can't imagine how hard it must be to give yourself up completely...
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
Can't imagine how hard it must be to give yourself up completely...
You don't. The OP is being a slight drama queen or he has absolutely no organizational skills.

Kids are kids, not as easy as you think but not as hard either. You plan and for most of the time it's really ok. Similar situation than that of movies making you think that changing diapers is some sort of horror experience for men. I changed the loads you wouldn't believe while wearing business suit and shirt before going to work, it worked fine.
 
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IDKFA

Member
What i don't understand OP is, from what i can read you never really wanted a third child so how could this happen?

There seems to be more to this story than the OP is letting on.

Read his second post in this thread. Sounds like a dark tale of rape and manipulation. Unfortunately, the OP hasn't been back since, so we'll probably never know.
 

Orpheum

Member
You don't. The OP is being a slight drama queen or he has absolutely no organizational skills.

Kids are kids, not as easy as you think but not as hard either. You plan and for most of the time it's really ok. Similar situation than that of movies making you think that changing diapers is some sort of horror experience for men. I changed the loads you wouldn't believe while wearing business suit and shirt before going to work, it worked fine.

I obviously can't really judge a situation like this easily as i don't have children but in general i would agree with your stance. Especially if it's a child that was planned for. However some people do have issues adjusting to new ssituations accordingly and i can imagine it being hard on a lot of people. It just depends on so many factors you can't calculate in advance.

and if this is true
She "Forgot" to take is after trying to pressure him into having another child.
then this is messed up on an entirely different level and a huge issue in itself...
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
Honestly, she's 60 lb heavier than me and basically forced the issue knowing how I felt after our second. And he was born because she "forgot" to take her birth control pills. Should've been a red flag for me. But we both have very high sex drives. We still fuck like we just met. I think she's manipulative but she swears it wasn't done on purpose. This coming after her making comments about wanting a baby every time we'd see a pregnant woman or one with a small child.
ron burgundy GIF


I don't know you OP but a few things give me pause here:

She finished college and makes good money working just 2 days a week.
This coming after her making comments about wanting a baby every time we'd see a pregnant woman or one with a small child.
Are the two previous kids by her as well? It looks to me like your GF might be thinking about being permanent stay-at-home mom.
 

GeorgPrime

Banned
and I believe it will be the death of me. I can't say that having kids is a good or bad thing, it just is what it is. Ups and downs. Sleepless nights. Laughs here, frustration there. The pressure and responsibility of having to care for small human beings unable to do for themselves. Have an 11 and 5 yo at the moment and things were finally settling down. I got my retirement settled and she finished college and makes good money working just 2 days a week. We were planning to move by the beach this summer then this news comes up.

My heart dropped and it feels like there's a cloud over me. It's not as bad as I'm describing but it feels like a death blow. Our 5yo cried and cried and cried. I used to be a regular at the gym, lifting at least 4 days a week. It was my passion. My life's work. My love along with videogames. Then he comes along and the screaming destroyed me. I went from a muscular 205 to, at my lowest, 137. Too nervous to eat or sleep. Awful anxiety, loss of appetite. Honestly believe the experience gave me PTSD. All the while doing the normal day to day things for our oldest, school, meals, etc. Since then I've managed to get my weight up to 160. At least I don't look weak and sickly anymore.

On a positive note our 1st was very quiet. We'd do all the things we normally would, just carried her around. Went out to eat and she's sit quietly in her seat. Was actually enjoyable.

I guess the fear comes from not knowing what to expect. If the child turns out like my son, I'm for sure dead. Like my daughter? Ok, I can manage. I'm trying to focus on the positives here. If it weren't for my family I doubt I'd be financially secure like I am today. At the same time I'm older now and have sacrificed so much for them I'm not sure how much more I have to give. I guess if it get overwhelmed I could go back to the gym. Lifting was therapeutic for me and I miss that routine. I'll end my journal entry here. Please don't beat me down.

Seems like you wanted that kid otherwise you would have used protection.
 

AJUMP23

Member
According to the OP, that's impossible. His other half is on top and milks him dry. As she's also heavier than him, it's probably unlikely he can lift her off in time.
Underrated explanation.

If you don't want more children have some self control be prepared and don't do the things that create more children. I hope your child is healthy and happy and your home is full of love, structure, encouragement, instruction and discipline.
 

Aesius

Member
I have a 15 year old daughter and couldn't imagine having a 2nd child, let alone a 3rd.
Did she want a sibling growing up? I have a 14-month-old son and am struggling with the idea of having another one. I was always adamant that if I had kids I would never have just one, but now I'm not so sure. Having just one seems so much more manageable, especially with him finally sleeping through the night.
 

Punished Miku

Gold Member
I used to be a regular at the gym, lifting at least 4 days a week. It was my passion. My life's work. My love along with videogames. Then he comes along and the screaming destroyed me. I went from a muscular 205 to, at my lowest, 137.
.
Honestly, she's 60 lb heavier than me and basically forced the issue knowing how I felt after our second.
Get a bench and some weights at home STAT.
 

jshackles

Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the capability to make the world's first enhanced store. Steam will be that store. Better than it was before.
I have a 15 year old daughter and couldn't imagine having a 2nd child, let alone a 3rd.
Once they get to a certain age you're like "fuck that I'm never doing the baby thing again". 15 is well past that age. For me personally it was around 11-12. Which is the age of OPs oldest lol

Did she want a sibling growing up? I have a 14-month-old son and am struggling with the idea of having another one. I was always adamant that if I had kids I would never have just one, but now I'm not so sure. Having just one seems so much more manageable, especially with him finally sleeping through the night.
When they'd be that close (within about 2 years apart if you got pregnant now) I'd say go for it as long as you have the means. My kids were 3 years apart and honestly it wasn't that much extra work having two small children around as it would have been just having one. After you get past the first year, you're golden. With the second kid, you'll have all the answers you wish you would have had with the first. You'll be able to use hand-me-downs constantly. Once they get to be school age, the routine is pretty much identical for both kids until they're young adults - especially so if they're the same gender.

My kids are in their 20s now, and they're really close to each other. Closer even than they are with me and their mom, which is fine because I also remember being in my 20s. Can't imagine either of them having grown up without the other.
 

Outlier

Member
Honestly, she's 60 lb heavier than me and basically forced the issue knowing how I felt after our second. And he was born because she "forgot" to take her birth control pills. Should've been a red flag for me. But we both have very high sex drives. We still fuck like we just met. I think she's manipulative but she swears it wasn't done on purpose. This coming after her making comments about wanting a baby every time we'd see a pregnant woman or one with a small child.

Edit: The the guy above, a nurse told me everyone that she's seen with a vasectomy has auto immune disease. Don't know of that's true of not but it scared me.
"She "forgot" to take her birth control pills."

I doubt that... If she didn't want to get pregnant she would have aborted asap...

Don't blame the other for situations YOU could have prevented.

She's playing you, in my opinion.

I wish you luck in navigating this situation.
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
When they'd be that close (within about 2 years apart if you got pregnant now) I'd say go for it as long as you have the means. My kids were 3 years apart and honestly it wasn't that much extra work having two small children around as it would have been just having one. After you get past the first year, you're golden. With the second kid, you'll have all the answers you wish you would have had with the first. You'll be able to use hand-me-downs constantly. Once they get to be school age, the routine is pretty much identical for both kids until they're young adults - especially so if they're the same gender.
This is golden and the way to do it - if you want multiple kids plan them as close to one another as possible, get it done with. Even with a bit of break you can get 3 within 5 year period - at the beginning the difference will be huge but when they get to 25 vs. 20 it's basically same thing.
 

Outlier

Member
This is golden and the way to do it - if you want multiple kids plan them as close to one another as possible, get it done with. Even with a bit of break you can get 3 within 5 year period - at the beginning the difference will be huge but when they get to 25 vs. 20 it's basically same thing.
It might also reduce the chances of the older kids resenting the younger ones.
I'm the youngest of 3 by 7 years and the oldest resented my existence (never liked me or wanted me around), until he moved out as an adult. I could blame my mother, but if the average person made all the right decisions in life, then we'd be living in a different reality...

Having kids close in age seems the smartest way to go about it.
 

Thaedolus

Gold Member
This is golden and the way to do it - if you want multiple kids plan them as close to one another as possible, get it done with. Even with a bit of break you can get 3 within 5 year period - at the beginning the difference will be huge but when they get to 25 vs. 20 it's basically same thing.
My kids are 2.5 years apart, as planned, and it was super easy to get back into newborn mode because it hadn’t been that long. Granted, sleepless nights still suck but the first 6 months didn’t seem nearly as long as the first time and now they even play together somewhat. I also got snipped about a month after #2, again as planned. My wife even made the appointment.

Note that she didn’t forget her birth control the years and years we were bangin before we tried for the first kid, because that’s not something you just forget as a sexually active adult. She’s also roughly half my weight, even less than she weighed before pregnancy 1 and if I thought kid #2 would be the death of me, she’d never have wanted another one. But I’ve got no regrets about the second, except for the extra mess we had yesterday with all of us being sick at once
 
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K' Dash

Member
Vasectomies aren't 100% effective so you might repeat the experience again, just ask my brother in-law as his daughter celebrates her twelfth Birthday Friday.🤫
I got cut a big chunk of my tubes, actually my doctor told me that the surgery would be irreversible.

if that thing re-attaches itself, then it was meant to be, I did my best.
 
1: he’s old enough to retire
2: she just finished college and only works part time
3: not married
4: she surprised him with at least one of the kids on purpose
5: 60 pounds heavier than him so over 200 pounds.


Op is fucked. She’s after his money. She gonna kill him for life insurance next.


Also OP....are you saying she...raped you?
 
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Cyberpunkd

Member
My kids are 2.5 years apart, as planned, and it was super easy to get back into newborn mode because it hadn’t been that long. Granted, sleepless nights still suck but the first 6 months didn’t seem nearly as long as the first time and now they even play together somewhat.
Likewise, before you get to approx. 2.5 years old it's basically the same thing, you are still in diapers mode. It's when you completely leave it behind - that's when it hits you hardest.
 

EverydayBeast

thinks Halo Infinite is a new graphical benchmark
There's got to be some coldness to being a father, trusting your parenting and in the end all that maters is family.
Fast And Furious Family GIF by The Fast Saga
 

Mossybrew

Member
Yeah I can't say I feel particularly sorry for OP, after the "forgot to take her pills" incident the writing was clearly on the wall, should have gotten snipped immediately after that.
 
But is there a plan for end game?

Part of building yourself up in life is to pass to the new generation what you've built.

Nah thanks.
I think it's better to live the life you want to live and not be stuck to that principle. Not everyone wants kids, will want kids or is built to have them. Specially considering how we live nowadays.
 
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Cyberpunkd

Member
The world has a population problem as it is, it’s time people stopped feeling obligated to have children because “that’s how life is”.
Wrong:


If anything richer countries are the ones that should be having more kids, otherwise they will have to open to mass immigration, mostly from countries that are very different culturally.
 
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