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[Switch Back 9]

So my girlfriend has been on her lady time, and she's not working atm and our place is pretty small, so I haven't been able to knock one out in a few days. So finally, the other day, she went to get her car looked at and I figured I finally had a chance to spend some quality time with myself.

I'm just getting into it, pants are off, tabs are queued up in chrome and the tissues are handy.

Then BOOM, front door opens and she walks in. Apparently the Toyota dealership has a handy shuttle service to take you back home while your car is worked on, so she wasn't gone for as long as I had planned.

Anyway, she thought it was hilarious, and I was too flustered to finish, so we had a good chuckle and carried on with our day.

I know this isn't the dramatic or hilarious end to the story you were all waiting for, but this is the first and only time in my entire life I've been caught jacking off, so I wanted to share my tale with you guys. Not exactly EightBitNate levels of awkward, but when she walked in the door I nearly had a heart attack.

 

[Rich!]

You got caught by your girlfriend

That's not an issue

That's an opportunity

 

[Blastoise]

You probably could've fit 'by my GF' in the title.

 

[Android18a]

It happens. She does it too.

 

[Damon Bennet]

yo

 

[Switch Back 9]

You got caught by your girlfriend

That's not an issue

That's an opportunity

I'm not down for sailing the red sea, so no opportunity there.

It happens. She does it too.

I know that, I'm not a dummy. I've just never been walked in on before so it was quite shocking at the time. A lifetime of doing it secretly has hardwired the "don't get caught" instinct into me.

Uh-oh, I sense a thread backfire incoming. Should I start apologizing now?

 

[jb1234]

You probably could've fit 'by my GF' in the title.

If he did that, no one would have opened the thread.

 

[Maintenance]

 

[LegalEagleMike]

she didnt offer you a hand?

 

[HamsterPackage]

I'm not down for sailing the red sea, so no opportunity there.



I know that, I'm not a dummy. I've just never been walked in on before so it was quite shocking at the time. A lifetime of doing it secretly has hardwired the "don't get caught" instinct into me.

That's what blowjobs are for.

 

[Rich!]

I'm not down for sailing the red sea, so no opportunity there.

What, she has no hands?

 

[The Lone Courier]

Eh was hoping this would be another Eight-Bit-Nate situation. Disappointing.

 

[Two Words]

This is like saying you showed your dick to a stranger and it was just a doctor giving you a physical.

 

[SuperBanana]

So my girlfriend has been on her lady time

Dude, this is when she is at her horniest. Bloody up that sword of yours like you were William Wallace in Braveheart.

 

[Pankratous]

Got caught masturbating by someone who it's completely acceptable to be caught by. Meh.

 

[jerd]

I'm not down for sailing the red sea, so no opportunity there.

It's just a bit of menstral blood get over it

 

[Ovek]

She could have at the very least finished you of with a hand job.... Poor form on GF part.

 

[Switch Back 9]

Dude, this is when she is at her horniest. Bloody up that sword of yours like you were William Wallace in Braveheart.

I had a bad experience as a younger man that has made me pretty gun shy regarding this.

She could have at the very least finished you of with a hand job.... Poor form on GF part.

She doesn't think it's fair to get me off when she can't (or I'm unwilling to because I don't like the blood) which I can't argue with.

 

[Hazmat]

Getting caught by someone you regularly have sex with isn't getting caught. Getting caught by your dad or a police officer is getting caught.

Also, get over your hangup, sex while the girl is on her period is A-OK, if a little messy. At the very least, it's no excuse.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

You got caught by your girlfriend but didn't try to convince her to finish you off?

I'm sad for you bro.

 

[devonodev]

At least you weren't on the staircase railing.

 

[Wuthering_Heights]

OP labeled as mysoginistic for not wanting to 'sail the red sea' in 3...2...1...

 

[Rapstah]

I've been caught masturbating,
once, when I was 5...
I enjoy masturbating.
It's just as simple as that.

 

[Switch Back 9]

Getting caught by someone you regularly have sex with isn't getting caught. Getting caught by your dad or a police officer is getting caught.

Also, get over your hangup, sex while the girl is on her period is A-OK, if a little messy. At the very least, it's no excuse.

I'm not saying it's wrong or that no one should do it or anything like that, it's just not for me.

OP labeled as mysoginist for not wanting to 'sail the red sea' in 3...2...1...

Eh, whatever, people can say whatever they want. She says if I'm making her wait then I'll have to as well, which is totally fair.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

OP labeled as mysoginist for not wanting to 'sail the red sea' in 3...2...1...

To be fair, doing this the first time and not doing it properly (in the shower) can leave you traumatised and not willing to try it again.

 

[Skittles]

Should of turned around and asked her to finish the fight.

If she's okay with you masturbating, why not just do it in another room while she's in the house?

 

[kmax]

Spoiler

I'll cue you in

 

[Nightbird]

I'm not down for sailing the red sea, so no opportunity there.

You are no real Pirate then

 

[SliceSabre]

Being caught by your girlfriend is like....nothing.

Now if you had said your mom or Auntie then that would have been something.

 

[Switch Back 9]

Should of turned around and asked her to finish the fight.

If she's okay with you masturbating, why not just do it in another room while she's in the house?

She's suggested as much, but it's hard for me to get in the zone when I can hear her walking around or watching Pixar movies in the living room.

 

[LegalEagleMike]

Spoiler

I'll cue you in

 

[way more]

Boring as fuck.

"MAYBE A RIMJOB FOR GOOD MEASURE!"

Please try to keep up, OP.

 

[jerd]

I'm not saying it's wrong or that no one should do it or anything like that, it's just not for me.

I mean are we talking day one uncorked flood gates here or what?

 

[Grep]

It could be a problem if you observe things from a different angle.

Girl could be asking herself, like why is he (you) masturbating right now , is something wrong with our (sexual) life, am I good enough for him.. feel free to continue.

Honestly, I never heard for anyone getting caught by GF, so I am just speculating about the possible scenario.

 

[Two Words]

I've been to both the real and metaphorical Red Sea. The metaphorical one is better.

 

[DeathyBoy]

OP is the worst

 

[Switch Back 9]

It could be a problem if you observe things from the different angle.

Girl could be asking herself, like why is he (you) masturbating right now , is something wrong with our (sexual) life, am I good enough for him.. feel free to continue.

Honestly, I never heard for anyone getting caught by GF, so I am just speculating about the possible scenario.

Nah, it ain't like that, she does her thing when I'm not around and vice versa.

I mean are we talking day one uncorked flood gates here or what?

We're talking "I once went down on a girl only to realize what was up when my mouth tasted like pennies" and I've been put off by the whole thing ever since. On the surface I KNOW it's not a big deal but it instantly kills my boner if I see blood.

You masturbated within view of the front door?

Our living room is where the front door is, I can literally touch the doorknob from where I'm sitting on the couch. As I said, we don't have a huge place.

 

[way more]

Spoiler

I'll cue you in

Wow, he plays drums so fast! Fast means good when it comes to jazz, right?

 

[Razmos]

You masturbated within view of the front door?

 

[Chance Hale]

I'm not down for sailing the red sea, so no opportunity there.

When are you going to stop acting like a boy and become a man?

 

[Maximus.]

Why didn't you start your jack off session like 10-15 minutes after she left? You done goofed man.

 

[Hazmat]

I'm not saying it's wrong or that no one should do it or anything like that, it's just not for me.



Eh, whatever, people can say whatever they want. She says if I'm making her wait then I'll have to as well, which is totally fair.

You write off 10-15% of the time as being too gross to have sex. Your loss, bro.

 

[Humidex]

Wow, he plays drums so fast! Fast means good when it comes to jazz, right?

All to help Miles for his fisticuffs with Josh Trank, rightt?

 

[jerd]

Nah, it ain't like that, she does her thing when I'm not around and vice versa.



We're talking "I once went down on a girl only to realize what was up when my mouth tasted like pennies" and I've been put off by the whole thing ever since. On the surface I KNOW it's not a big deal but it instantly kills my boner if I see blood.

Yeah that's a bummer.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

Sailing the Red Sea

Are you 15

 

[Switch Back 9]

Why didn't you start your jack off session like 10-15 minutes after she left? You done goofed man.

I did! I was planning on her being gone for at least an hour or so, I didn't think she'd basically be right back.

You write off 10-15% of the time as being too gross to have sex. Your loss, bro.

I'm aware of this, but I can't help what my brain finds arousing and what it doesn't.

Were you buffering along with the videos?

It had been a few days man, I like to make an afternoon out of it and enjoy myself. This isn't a quick "need to get some work done but I'm too horny to concentrate, better knock one out" kind of wank.

 

[v1lla21]

I did! I was planning on her being gone for at least an hour or so, I didn't think she'd basically be right back.

Were you buffering along with the videos?

 

[Brakke]

In the advertising business we refer to this as a conversion opportunity. Convert that shit OP. Don't abandon.

 

[DeathyBoy]

Were you buffering along with the videos?

Like an episode of Lost, he waited until the last five minutes to do anything.

 

[criesofthepast]

Getting caught by someone you regularly have sex with isn't getting caught. Getting caught by your dad or a police officer is getting caught.

Also, get over your hangup, sex while the girl is on her period is A-OK, if a little messy. At the very least, it's no excuse.

Period blood on my penis makes it feel numb and hard to stay erect for me. The noise of pounding a wet vag full of blood and sometimes smell of it can take one out of the mood as well. My girl has very irregular periods and I have gotten blood on my dick a number of times (almost every month.)

It is not a fun cleanup. The first time this happens to you it is quite a shock, it does become less of a deal after a few times of it happening. Nothing like having your entire balls ass legs dick completely drenched in period blood, sometimes with coagulated dark chunks.