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Have you ever had your significant other pull the no sex...

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Tdog987

Member
May 27, 2011
486
3
655
...right in the middle of the relationship? And also she pulls it after you 2 have had sex a bunch

Context...So me and my gf have been together 7 months now (I'm 26, she is 23)...we had sex after 5th date and have been having sex pretty regularly (avg is about 3-4 times per week)

According to her, I am the best bf and best lover by far she has ever had.

She has 3 kids out of wedlock (1 has been adopted 16 when she had him and she pays child support for, the other lives with his dad most of the time, she has a 3 year old he lives with her)

Bc of child support, her paycheck are half the size of mine, so I pay for pretty much everything when we go out, and I recently paid for her glasses and contacts

I stay at her place like 5-6 nights a week, to help with her kid. On my days off I watch him too (it's difficult...he wears her completely out

So about a week and a half ago I notice she is coming home more tired and I don't think anything of it, bc she works a lot too. So I let her nap and just watch tv. I help around the house and clean a bit, so she doesn't have to. This goes on for about 4 days. On the 4th day I tell her I want her and I to shower together, she is fine with it and says yes...then about an hour after we get back to her place, she just takes a shower on her own...when she comes out she says "sorry I just really felt gross, but don't worry, I'm still gonna take a shower with you", so an hour later, I say I'm ready and she says "i don't feel like taking another shower, I'm sorry"

Day 5 rolls around, I tell her I want some lovin tonight after work, she says yes, then when the time comes, she says I need to talk to you about something and you will probably hate me for it...so she drops that bomb saying she feels guilty everytime we have sex (even when it's her idea), she says she wants to be a better person and that she loves God (she mentioned that she believed in God a few times, but since we were having sex, I figured she was one of those who doesn't follow the no sex before marriage, since it's so common), and that she sinned a lot in her younger days (did pills bad mostly weed), partied a lot (drank, blacked out, etc...), and she just doesn't want the world to end one day soon and go to hell for all the things she does...she does a lot of good things (helps out her family a ton, is nice to just about everyone, gives money to the homeless on the streets, etc...)

I see myself marrying her one day, so I begrudgingly accepted it, right now we do everything except intercourse and oral (as I just found out last night). She said she feels bad bc sex she felt was the only thing she had to offer me and counter everything I do for her (I also let her use my car, pay her cell phone bill, gas sometimes)


My question to Gaf is, has your significant other ever pulled this on you after you 2 have already had sex a bunch? And what did you?
 

Angry Grimace

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
Mar 16, 2007
61,159
0
0
So she wants you to pay for her child support on a kid you've never met, raise a second kid from some other guy, and she wants you to stay abstinent? Am I getting this all right?
 

wenis

Registered for GAF on September 11, 2001.
Aug 22, 2007
37,496
0
0
Wow dude... Wow... I don't even know where to start. I need to go have some coffee and wake up a bit.

Off the top, this ain't healthy.
 

mjc

Member
Nov 8, 2007
11,868
1
0
Hmm hard to tell what's really going on. I've had a previous GF who acted the same way after six months or so...her sex drive took a dive big time. Looking back she had some pretty obvious issues with anger management and depression/stress, so that probably created a lot of the problem.

Best thing to do is talk to her about it in a private setting. Neither of you are in the wrong necessarily, you have a right to want it and she has a right to cut it down if she's feeling a certain way. You guys need to find a middle ground.

Edit: And it sounds like you're one hell of a bf, dude. Props to you for taking care of her. I'm not sure if I'd be able to deal with that kind of baggage at your age.
 

Sibersk Esto

Banned
Jan 19, 2014
25,806
0
0
So she wants you to pay for her kids from some other guy that you never see, raise a second kid from some other guy, and she wants you to stay abstinent? Am I getting this all right?
 

Majestad

Banned
Sep 10, 2013
6,020
0
0
My dude, you seem to have taken so much responsibility out of nowhere. If the no sex thing bothers you and you are still single, might as well get out of the relationship asap before it gets worse and find someone else.
 

Joni

Member
Aug 11, 2007
30,093
0
1,165
My House
Talk to her. See why she doesn't want to have sex, tell her you love her for more things than sex, but that it is also an important part of a relationship to you. See what you can do to make her feel better in general.
 

megamerican

Member
Sep 27, 2010
2,294
74
770
So she has three kids out of wedlock but none by you, one of which you're supporting, and suddenly she feels that having pre-marital sex with you is off the table as its a sin even though you've done it countless times before this?

I'm sorry but this doesn't make any sense at all.
 

entremet

Member
Dec 6, 2008
85,712
369
1,455
You're only 26 and you're already signed up with all this drama? 3 kids out of wedlock and none are yours? And she's 23?!

You're not even married and you paying for kids that aren't yours? Dude, you're too young for this nonsense.

Bail out, man.
 

Winterfang

Banned
Oct 21, 2012
16,957
0
0
May have to bail on it, it's great that she found God and she seems like a great person. But she seems to be going through so big changes and if you are not up to endure, then you will actual end up in the way of she growing as a person.
 

Snuggles

erotic butter maelstrom
Dec 15, 2008
39,516
0
730
34
nowhere
www.neogaf.com
Yes, this happened to me but earlier on in the relationship. It's rough, especially when you try to mend that aspect of the relationship and find there's no mutual interest in doing so. It took me a little too long but my situation is being dealt with. 😊

Just gotta ask yourself what you really want and act on it fuckin STAT.
 

Affeinvasion

Member
Mar 22, 2008
8,342
1
0
Champaign, IL
Libido changes aren't uncommon especially if she's stressed out and feels guilty. Make sure you communicate to her the things she does in your life other than sex that are important to you (and if there aren't any you should really reconsider this relationship). Try giving her full body massages after work without the subtext of wanting sex. Stress is in my experience the ultimate libido killer.
 

SummitAve

Banned
Jul 19, 2012
6,052
0
0
Make her feel like she's offering more to the relationship than just sex.

Edit: Honestly, for somebody you see yourself marrying, it's kinda alarming you don't even know her religious views.
 
Aug 17, 2011
29,342
2
0
Don't get mad or indignant, it isn't a turn on. And I don't say that in a preachy way, I have been mad and indignant in the past.

Honestly people do crazy things in a long term relationship when they're not physically satisfied.
 

Certinty

Member
Oct 28, 2012
6,609
384
695
London
Yes. Once came up with a no sex unless I want a kid. Survived a few months without sex and she eventually gave in.
 

royalan

Member
Jan 19, 2011
34,454
0
0
Philadelphia
www.yobrando.com
I'd be more concerned about the sheer amount of baggage you've taken on in other aspects of her life. No offense, but she sounds like to kind of person who needs to be in a relationship because she couldn't survive on her own.

The sudden need to not have sex "because God" this late in the game (she has several kids and has been sexually active with you for years) strikes me as selfish and weak.

To say these are all red flags would be an understatement.
 
D

Deleted member 1235

Unconfirmed Member
Bail bail bail bail.

3 kids at 23, needs money from you for them and gave a couple up already? Also won't have sex with you and makes you look after one of her kids all the time?

Run hard and run far it's got mess written all over it
 

Painraze

Unconfirmed Member
Sep 24, 2009
1,774
0
0
This is paranoid behaviour. Not wanting to have sex doesn't suddenly equal she's fucking another guy.

It's the most obvious answer. He is no longer the object of her effection so she cooks up this religion excuse until she can make the final cut.
 

soundahfekz

Member
Jan 22, 2009
6,625
0
0
...right in the middle of the relationship? And also she pulls it after you 2 have had sex a bunch

Context...So me and my gf have been together 7 months now (I'm 26, she is 23)...we had sex after 5th date and have been having sex pretty regularly (avg is about 3-4 times per week)

According to her, I am the best bf and best lover by far she has ever had.

She has 3 kids out of wedlock (1 has been adopted 16 when she had him and she pays child support for, the other lives with his dad most of the time, she has a 3 year old he lives with her)

Bc of child support, her paycheck are half the size of mine, so I pay for pretty much everything when we go out, and I recently paid for her glasses and contacts

I stay at her place like 5-6 nights a week, to help with her kid. On my days off I watch him too (it's difficult...he wears her completely out

So about a week and a half ago I notice she is coming home more tired and I don't think anything of it, bc she works a lot too. So I let her nap and just watch tv. I help around the house and clean a bit, so she doesn't have to. This goes on for about 4 days. On the 4th day I tell her I want her and I to shower together, she is fine with it and says yes...then about an hour after we get back to her place, she just takes a shower on her own...when she comes out she says "sorry I just really felt gross, but don't worry, I'm still gonna take a shower with you", so an hour later, I say I'm ready and she says "i don't feel like taking another shower, I'm sorry"

Day 5 rolls around, I tell her I want some lovin tonight after work, she says yes, then when the time comes, she says I need to talk to you about something and you will probably hate me for it...so she drops that bomb saying she feels guilty everytime we have sex (even when it's her idea), she says she wants to be a better person and that she loves God (she mentioned that she believed in God a few times, but since we were having sex, I figured she was one of those who doesn't follow the no sex before marriage, since it's so common), and that she sinned a lot in her younger days (did pills bad mostly weed), partied a lot (drank, blacked out, etc...), and she just doesn't want the world to end one day soon and go to hell for all the things she does...she does a lot of good things (helps out her family a ton, is nice to just about everyone, gives money to the homeless on the streets, etc...)

I see myself marrying her one day, so I begrudgingly accepted it, right now we do everything except intercourse and oral (as I just found out last night). She said she feels bad bc sex she felt was the only thing she had to offer me and counter everything I do for her (I also let her use my car, pay her cell phone bill, gas sometimes)


My question to Gaf is, has your significant other ever pulled this on you after you 2 have already had sex a bunch? And what did you?

Man this sounds like my ex with the religion sex epiphany thing. I bailed
 

PhoenixDawn

Member
Apr 24, 2011
4,081
0
0
Minneapolis,MN
You shouldn't have to deal with all of those troubles, I'd leave (in as nice terms as possible obviously). She had multiple kids before marriage, a ton of sex and suddenly when she has you locked up supporting her/her kids she pulls a god/no sex card? It just sounds like a recipe for disaster down the line.
 

kirblar

Member
Oct 9, 2010
63,320
1
660
It's the most obvious answer. He is no longer the object of her effection so she cooks up this religion excuse until she can make the final cut.
Nah, plenty of people have the born-again type reaction she's having after a crazy start to life, doesn't mean she's cheating. Does mean there's a lot to be worried about w/ this relationship though.
 

Kinitari

Black Canada Mafia
Feb 10, 2008
20,301
0
0
This seems like a LOT to deal with.

Look, this woman could be wonderful and be a really great person in general. But you've been in a relationship with her for 7 months and you've already started to take her on as a dependant, her and her child.

That's a huge commitment, and I don't know if this situation is something you'll appreciate in a year or two down the line, once the new-love-euphoria starts to fade.

That isn't even getting into the sex or the newfound religious passion.

Just from the way you wrote out the OP, I can see that you feel resentment already. You bring up that she makes a lot less than you because of her other children, and you spend a lot of your time taking care of her and her family. I don't know if that's something you want, but it doesn't sound like it is.

Maybe just take some time to really think about what you want, because if you want to be with this woman, you have to start thinking about things like religion, about marriage, about the ramifications if the marriage doesn't work out (you may have to start paying alimony AND child support). You're young, and you are in love, but that's just so much. No one would think poorly of you if it was too much for you.
 

ssolitare

Manbaby: The Member
Jan 12, 2009
17,158
2,037
1,180
Its like she finally gets secure in her situation and then bam, the real libido comes.

Maybe she's signaling that you need to marry her soon, which is what you wanna do right. Otherwise I know you are going to try to see eye to eye with her as much as possible, and I gotta say since your interested in sex you gotta be clear that this change isn't okay with you.
 

Risible

Member
Nov 17, 2009
6,068
0
810
Westchester, NY
Holy shit. Let's make a Pros and Cons list.

Cons
You are her babysitter on your day off
You pay for a lot of stuff for her

Pros
She'll give you a handjob now and then

Do you really need to ask what to do?
 

megamerican

Member
Sep 27, 2010
2,294
74
770
OP you're getting used. She even said flat out that she viewed the sex as payment for what you provide her.
 

PaulExcellent

Member
Aug 8, 2012
8,382
0
0
That's a bit of a rough situation for you, man.
It really feels like a bail-out moment, especially since it's only been 7 months. :/
 

GameGuru59

Banned
Jun 16, 2013
2,957
0
0
Yeah, I definitely wouldn't be down with that. I wouldn't entertain going with her because of the kids, let alone her weird actions now. What do you appreciate most about her? What does she do for you outside of sex?
 

Brakke

Banned
Jan 21, 2014
16,745
0
0
www.terrisus.com
Well OP really it sounds like you two accidentally got married. Which hey maybe that's cool. When marriages get kind of rocky or when both partners don't quite see eye to eye, usually the first step is to go into couples counciling. Marriages have their ups and downs. Good luck.
 

Into

Member
Aug 20, 2012
8,459
1
0
Even if she looked like Jayden James and was fucking you 2 times a day, and sucking you off during you playing video games, while making your favorite meal and worshiping the ground you walk on, you should *STILL* really reconsider even imagining marrying a young single woman with that much baggage in your age.

Whether she is really on a religious kick or not, she is using that to avoid having as much sex with you as earlier, she got you hooked, now she wants to lease off, be it for Jesus or because she is not really enjoying it as much as she claims. Funny how sex with you has gotten her into god, but not while she was fucking to get jizzed in with those other kids (2 right, the third one is adopted?)

That much baggage and the early way to starve you for sex are two problems that alone are red flags, but combined are well...two red flags.


You are not going to leave her, we know that, after all we are all just anonymous assholes here and why should you listen to any of us, you love her, bla bla. But please, after few years of marriage, come back here and update us, just so we can all in unison say "TOLD YOU SO!". Just so that the next guy with a similar problem may reconsider what he is doing when reads that future thread in 2019
 
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