For some odd reason I like this guy, has some wise words.
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Have you ever had your significant other pull the no sex...
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For some odd reason I like this guy, has some wise words.
You know, I agree with you.
She clearly has a lot of baggage, and it isn't easy feeling a lot of guilt while trying to maintain a relationship.
I think she may be withholding sex because of what's happened to her in the past. Maybe she's afraid OP will leave her and is unintentionally pushing him further away out of guilt. She could feel like she doesn't deserve him, or she might be trying to find her own self worth...
It really isn't uncommon for people's libido to dive if they're depressed or the like.
This decision is OP's over staying or leaving, but I think it's hard to just bail on someone because they're going through a crisis. Sex is important in relationships, but I'd recommend trying to talk to her about this altogether. There seems to be a link between her past and what she's doing now.
Deaf Spacker
Memb
Get the hell out OP.
Just as much for him as it is for her, come on.
Seriously.. what answer is he looking for here? Anyone? Did you see the part where he said "I see myself marrying her one day?"
You know, after a seven month period as you are so willing to lay out?
He wants people to tell him it's ok. He is looking for affirmation here.
But surely he will respond to drive by posts of simp and salty much much better.
NOT EVERYONE IS YOU.
It can be hard for people when they are in the emotion of it all and they really enjoyed what they have gotten, even if the situation is negative. Don't fault the man, we are all human.
Keep this mind, OP:
We don't know you.
We don't know her.
Whatever advise we give should be taken with a grain of salt.
Talk to people who know you and her better and have better context to the situation.
Take some time and decide what you want.
Talk to her.
Then make your decision.
We don't know you.
We don't know her.
Whatever advise we give should be taken with a grain of salt.
Talk to people who know you and her better and have better context to the situation.
Take some time and decide what you want.
Talk to her.
Then make your decision.
Anyone acting like it's ridiculous to suggest she's getting side dick is pretty naive. This is a woman that's apparently had ZERO concern about sex her entire post pubescent life, has had tons of sex with the OP, is suddenly tired all the time and out of nowhere found god and won't fuck? HAHAHA. It's almost guaranteed to be side dick.
Get OUT OP. RUN.
Get OUT OP. RUN.
Yoda
Member
I'd have to agree. Regardless of how you feel about sex/no sex this girl sounds like she has quite a bit of baggage and you've leaped in quite fast from the sounds of it. I'd seriously consider if climbing into all of this is worth it for you.
Phat Michael
Banned
Does she have 3 kids from 3 different father's or from 2 father's and one is adopted? It wasn't clear to me. Why did she adopt a kid when she had 2 already?
She's 23 years old and already has three children? If I was in her position, I'd be swearing off sex too. This may be the smartest decision she's ever made and you should support her in that decision (even if that means leaving). Its better that you leave, than stick around and try to talk her out of it.
I think 3 and gave one up.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
He entered into a relationship with those factors (not counseling) in place. He obviously cares about the woman and the kids. We can offer guidance, but shouldn't be telling him in a back-handed fashion how to treat kids he spent 7 months getting to know.
yeah haha thats what I said vrrooom drive by
What I said was *he* is *looking* for affirmation. Not that we should provide it.
Counseling on neutral ground might provide it, but as of right now - talking to her ain't getting it. She is the object of infatuation and he is stuck.
Phat Michael
Banned
Yep ok I re read it and see that now. Um.. That doesn't sound great tbh. 3 kids from 3 different father's at 23? That has to be some kind of record right?
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
Man, op, I've got a lifetime of poor choices behind me. Please, for the love of God, this isn't your pill to swallow, man. This is a lot on your plate, dude, and you're begging for more.
I almost miss when I still thought the world worked this way. Then again, the wisdom of age and experience has saved me a lot of pain and strife.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
There's rarely a neat and tidy, happy feel good reason for people's behavior/priorities to dramatically shift over night. Especially when it involves with holding physical affection.
Fucking spare me.
reddmyst
Member
She's sounding like she's using sex as a bargaining chip, she knows it's the only thing she can offer you.
Don't fall for that trap and make sure you don't have kids w/her. If she can't seem to deal and provide for her other kids without help; what happens if she gets pregnant with your child? Then you're pretty much ensnared.
Red flags all around.
You have to walk away before her vagina sucks you in.
Don't fall for that trap and make sure you don't have kids w/her. If she can't seem to deal and provide for her other kids without help; what happens if she gets pregnant with your child? Then you're pretty much ensnared.
Red flags all around.
You have to walk away before her vagina sucks you in.
I believe you're having difficulty comprehending me. Reread my post before lecturing me on your experiences.
You're preaching to the choir here. If you really read my post, you wouldn't have missed the part about her past playing a role in this.
Yep so much THIS
Dream Wanderer
Neo Member
the answer is bye
such a drastic difference in mindset is just not healthy for two people looking to get into a lasting relationship--for EITHER side--she doesn't want to feel guilty for having her beliefs and you don't want to feel guilty for thinking she's an idiot for having the mindset that she does
looks like you have a lot invested, its going to be tough
such a drastic difference in mindset is just not healthy for two people looking to get into a lasting relationship--for EITHER side--she doesn't want to feel guilty for having her beliefs and you don't want to feel guilty for thinking she's an idiot for having the mindset that she does
looks like you have a lot invested, its going to be tough
PhoenixDark
Banned
Can we give real talk/advice? You lost for dating someone with three kids out of wedlock at 23 breh, I'm sorry. Move on.
Red Liquorice
Member
How many reasons do you need to GTFO, I can see at least have a dozen in the OP.
Indeed. There's often threads where we don't know the full story. We know enough here that bailout.gif is incredibly appropriate.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
You're 26. You should have some idea what you're looking for in relationships by now. So, if your GF having 3 kids at 23 wasn't a red flag for you when you first met, and you have had no problem doing all these things for her for 7 months, and you say that you see yourself marrying her one day......you should probably stick with her. You love her.
Sex wasn't the reason why you've done everything you've done for her for the better half of a year. No one does all of that just for sex. Nobody.
Sex wasn't the reason why you've done everything you've done for her for the better half of a year. No one does all of that just for sex. Nobody.
Here's another question for OP. How good are you financially? Because you gotta take into consideration that, at some point, you might have even more kids with this woman if you want her to be your wife. Add those expenses to the ones you already have, and it could get really rough. You are 26. Unless you are making some bank, shit's gonna be tough.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Valtýr;121864114 said:
(Non-verbal)
Tell her that you also now believe in God and being with someone who has kids from another individual makes you a sinner since they arent your kids. So now you will dump her, you wont be sinning anymore and she wont too because she is gonna raise her own kids and hopefully marry her partner who got her pregnant in the first place.
Honestly though, I dont get those who "believe" in god, yet go about having kids without marriage. Shit happens, yea but not if you really believe in god.
Honestly though, I dont get those who "believe" in god, yet go about having kids without marriage. Shit happens, yea but not if you really believe in god.
Angelus Errare
Banned
Shit, this has "Don't do it bro" written all over it.
Honestly this is like asking should you rob a bank with a fully automatic.
Honestly this is like asking should you rob a bank with a fully automatic.
SneakyStephan
Banned
3 kids from different fathers at 23, sounds like a keeper...
How long did you know her before you started dating?
If you've only met her 7 months ago you don't even know this person, at all.
Why on earth would you put up with any of this for someone you barely know.
How long did you know her before you started dating?
If you've only met her 7 months ago you don't even know this person, at all.
Why on earth would you put up with any of this for someone you barely know.
Oh man Ed is that you?!(its your cousin john, just in case)
Seriously this sounds so similar to something that happened to my cousin its staggering. EVERYONE in my family was telling him to bail. he was barely 22 and got mixed up with some woman who had 3 kids! how the hell do you do that at 22? he was basically supporting her(since women with this kind of baggage ALWAYS need support), he ended up dropping out of college to get a dead end job at walmart, got her pregnant(so now even if he leaves her she will always be part of his life, so will that kid) and is getting nowhere in life real fast.
OP i have had this happen to a family member of mine and i can honestly tell you, please for the sake of every man who has ever taken on unnecessary baggage please bail out now before its too late. its not even about the whole "no sex" thing, screw that, this relationship is going to cost you your future. you are to young to do this to yourself.
Seriously this sounds so similar to something that happened to my cousin its staggering. EVERYONE in my family was telling him to bail. he was barely 22 and got mixed up with some woman who had 3 kids! how the hell do you do that at 22? he was basically supporting her(since women with this kind of baggage ALWAYS need support), he ended up dropping out of college to get a dead end job at walmart, got her pregnant(so now even if he leaves her she will always be part of his life, so will that kid) and is getting nowhere in life real fast.
OP i have had this happen to a family member of mine and i can honestly tell you, please for the sake of every man who has ever taken on unnecessary baggage please bail out now before its too late. its not even about the whole "no sex" thing, screw that, this relationship is going to cost you your future. you are to young to do this to yourself.
We dont need to enable the OP and give him false hope just because he wants it.
Op, bail out right now.
Aside from your general bad advice (in opinion of course) why do you accuse everyone of drivebys?
He's not listening. That's my point. After seven months he sees himself marrying her. Turning that off will be incredibly difficult. I hope what he's seeing in this thread helps, I really do, but it will be tough. After all this time he couldn't see what was happening?
It's probably not fair, you're right. Additionally it's probably backseat modding so there's that. Not my job to call it out really. I don't feel HURR NEW DICK is constructive, that's all. Guy is shook up and probably vulnerable right now and seeing two word responses without thought is a little jarring. I mean look at the post after mine! Well worded, has some thought in it, gives some reasoning.
And I don't think my advice is bad. I don't think it's good, either. I just think it is advice.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
What does believing in god have to do with having sex?
Ultimately, you need to answer a very important and tough question; one that I had to answer in my most recent ex-relationship. That question is: is this the person/type of person you envisioned yourself marrying? Yes I'm sure you like her and I'm sure you'd feel guilty/bad breaking it up, but is this what you envisioned your married life to be? Being with a chick with 3 kids who believes in a literal hell while picking up the tab for most things? I mean the money thing is not even the biggest issue - my fiancée is a server and I pay for most things - but I'm in a career that affords that easily and we are compatible in pretty much every way imaginable. Also, we have a ton of sex.
On top of it, you're expected to provide financially and take care of a kid and do all this stuff while having pretty much no intimacy? You said you do everything except sex and oral, so, what does that mean...hand jobs?? I don't think you're gonna be satisfied with that for long, if you are at all now.
Just a lot of responsibility at your age. You really need to sit down and think about how compatible you are long-term, or you will end up like one of her exs: with a kid and her finding a new guy who she has sex with coz he sold her some lines about how much he loves Jesus or something.
Do not become complacent in this relationship and don't let the potential guilt or feeling bad about her situation stop you from ending the relationship. She made her decisions and while there is nothing wrong with being sympathetic, it doesn't mean you are required to take care of her.
Ultimately, you need to answer a very important and tough question; one that I had to answer in my most recent ex-relationship. That question is: is this the person/type of person you envisioned yourself marrying? Yes I'm sure you like her and I'm sure you'd feel guilty/bad breaking it up, but is this what you envisioned your married life to be? Being with a chick with 3 kids who believes in a literal hell while picking up the tab for most things? I mean the money thing is not even the biggest issue - my fiancée is a server and I pay for most things - but I'm in a career that affords that easily and we are compatible in pretty much every way imaginable. Also, we have a ton of sex.
On top of it, you're expected to provide financially and take care of a kid and do all this stuff while having pretty much no intimacy? You said you do everything except sex and oral, so, what does that mean...hand jobs?? I don't think you're gonna be satisfied with that for long, if you are at all now.
Just a lot of responsibility at your age. You really need to sit down and think about how compatible you are long-term, or you will end up like one of her exs: with a kid and her finding a new guy who she has sex with coz he sold her some lines about how much he loves Jesus or something.
Do not become complacent in this relationship and don't let the potential guilt or feeling bad about her situation stop you from ending the relationship. She made her decisions and while there is nothing wrong with being sympathetic, it doesn't mean you are required to take care of her.
I never said that or implied such. I said she might be behaving this way because of guilt and things in her past. I don't know her, and I'm not going to say she's going to change. It's possible, but who knows?
But OP wants to marry this woman so my opinion doesn't matter. I can only suggest what may be the best option for the choice he's potentially going to make.
I suggest he talks to her about it. And whatever decision he makes, is entirely his business.
I really get annoyed by the "experience" lecture people try to hand out in an attempt to downplay others. That's so wack.
Based on the limited information OP has provided about her, yes it is ridiculous to just jump straight to that worst case scenario without knowing all of the facts. People having lower libido from soul searching like this and having stress in their lives affect their energy levels isn't exactly something unique to OP's girlfriend. Also, it's incredibly misogynistic to assume that someone who has had children that young will be a cheater years later for that sole reason. But if you want to sound insecure about it and make assumptions that she's some kind of horrible slut based on limited evidence then go right ahead.
Red flaaaaaag! Just bail. I dealt with exactly that in the past and it only ended horribly. I was with a girl for 5 years and she basically joined a cult and dumped me. Glad to be rid of her in hindsight but it was a rough experience. She did the whole sex guilt thing too. The only difference was that what started all this was me telling her the truth that I wasn't religious anymore. I thought she would be okay with it, but she thought it was "just a phase" and couldn't stand it, and that tore us apart.
It sucks, but I highly suggest bailing. The headaches you will end up going through will get far worse than never having sex. In my case, she at first said "If we ever have kids, you can't tell them about your lack of religion until they are 18. I have to raise Christian children." This later changed to "not ever"
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