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Drama I feel like I dont belong anywhere, feeling really lonely today

Whitecrow

Member
May 7, 2018
2,031
3,151
615
First, sorry for another drama thread. Since here on GAF is the only place I dont use my usual nickname, I feel more secure to talk about my personal struggles here.

Well the thing is, I'm 30, I received musical eduacation since very early, and I always knew that my future was going to be something related to music. Either playing on a band, being a producer...
Then, as some of you may know already because I never let go the oportunity to talk about it, I fucked my inner ear and the future I always wanted is hardly a possibility now.

Adding to that, I always managed to screw up and lose the group of friends I was happy with. Well, that really only happened once. But it was the last group of people I could call really amazing friends and company.
Other friends I really appreciate would just come and go, like everything.

SO, right now, I have friends, I have good friends, and that's good, but I really feel the lack of a group that likes to count with me on meetings and such.
I mean, yes, if I call someone and ask if we can meet, or if I can go with them to whatever they're gonna do, there's no problem. Still, no one cares if I'm there or not.
Nobody calls me to tell me when there's a plan.

Now I'm in a kind of personal crisis where I dont really know what to do to improve things. I feel like a lot of things I want to do is just for attention and improving what others think of me, or maybe,
just feel like people know I'm here.

And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.
So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.

The thing is that my struggles with mental health, my inhability to express my thoughts and my behaviour made me with people not caring about me being with them.

SOme months ago I had a nice group of people I played Valorant with, but suddently almost everyone went their way and there's no group anymore ( I swear I didnt do anything, it just happened).

My social life is shit, I try my best but things never comes out well, and I tried loooots of times.
I'm just living and doing everything alone and lonely. And yes, I live with my parents, and I love them, but there's a huge emotional barrier between us and I'm unable to enjoy their company.

I'm 30 and I belong nowhere and I dont know which path to take in my life. Both socially and with work.

Sorry for this, today I was feeling really bad about this and had to throw it out somewhere. Have a nice week < 3
 

O-N-E

Member
Jul 11, 2018
3,623
9,003
755
You're going to have to commit to something career-wise. Try some stuff out, see what you like, commit. Maybe start a journal on your progress so you can keep tabs on it. Uh, also make sure you're keeping healthy on a physical level. Should help with the mental.

With regards to friends, it's a tough one. Most of the time people already have their own clique so you feel like a useless weight. Could be you just have to keep looking out and trying until you find the right fit. Maybe other people that aren't quite satisfied with their own social surroundings. There are meet-up sites, and maybe something going on in your community. Perhaps even members of your family you don't interact with that might work. Give it a try.
 

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
May 30, 2004
28,375
69,016
2,450
You've identified the problems:

-You're not satisfied with your position in life, both career and socially, not financially independent
-You're wasting far too much time and energy pleasing others

Set out to learn some valuable skills that will level up your career, even if it will take a long time to complete. Get a degree, or learn some technical skills and get certified, or learn a valuable trade. Now is better than waiting another five years. Hit the gym. Pick up a new activity that doesn't involve video games, e.g. rock climbing, martial arts, road biking, where you can meet people. If you're music-oriented, pursuing a career with that is very difficult, but what about joining a band or collaborating with other musicians? If you're not up to par for that right now, practice and work on it until you are. That'll go a long way toward getting you situated socially.

It's time to put in the work.
 

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
10,976
28,399
875
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.

Sounds like you're seeking the approval of others too much and perhaps being too needy. Your not being authentic so that's probably why people don't keep you around and you double down on that behavior instead of looking at the issues inside of you.
 

INC

Member
Jan 8, 2018
7,210
14,450
730
Dmt could help?
Joe Rogan Comedy GIF by xponentialdesign
 

Outlier

Member
Nov 9, 2020
430
590
320
You've identified the problems:

-You're not satisfied with your position in life, both career and socially, not financially independent
-You're wasting far too much time and energy pleasing others

Set out to learn some valuable skills that will level up your career, even if it will take a long time to complete. Get a degree, or learn some technical skills and get certified, or learn a valuable trade. Now is better than waiting another five years. Hit the gym. Pick up a new activity that doesn't involve video games, e.g. rock climbing, martial arts, road biking, where you can meet people. If you're music-oriented, pursuing a career with that is very difficult, but what about joining a band or collaborating with other musicians? If you're not up to par for that right now, practice and work on it until you are. That'll go a long way toward getting you situated socially.

It's time to put in the work.
This is it!

I was going to say something similar, but EviLore did it right.

Don't give up, Crow. Life i full of doors just waiting to be opened.
 

Thirty7ven

Sony make cringe trainers.
Apr 13, 2020
3,999
15,694
660
Learn meditation and focus on each day as its own day, each day a chance for a small victory. Forget about the past and let the future reveal itself, one day at a time. Eat well, exercise. Slowly and surely, things will happen.

Forget about who you were supposed to be, it’s an illusion. There’s no point in trying to control what you can’t control.
 
Last edited:

DeepBreath87

Member
Jun 15, 2019
3,756
7,467
615
First, sorry for another drama thread. Since here on GAF is the only place I dont use my usual nickname, I feel more secure to talk about my personal struggles here.

Well the thing is, I'm 30, I received musical eduacation since very early, and I always knew that my future was going to be something related to music. Either playing on a band, being a producer...
Then, as some of you may know already because I never let go the oportunity to talk about it, I fucked my inner ear and the future I always wanted is hardly a possibility now.

Adding to that, I always managed to screw up and lose the group of friends I was happy with. Well, that really only happened once. But it was the last group of people I could call really amazing friends and company.
Other friends I really appreciate would just come and go, like everything.

SO, right now, I have friends, I have good friends, and that's good, but I really feel the lack of a group that likes to count with me on meetings and such.
I mean, yes, if I call someone and ask if we can meet, or if I can go with them to whatever they're gonna do, there's no problem. Still, no one cares if I'm there or not.
Nobody calls me to tell me when there's a plan.

Now I'm in a kind of personal crisis where I dont really know what to do to improve things. I feel like a lot of things I want to do is just for attention and improving what others think of me, or maybe,
just feel like people know I'm here.

And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.
So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.

The thing is that my struggles with mental health, my inhability to express my thoughts and my behaviour made me with people not caring about me being with them.

SOme months ago I had a nice group of people I played Valorant with, but suddently almost everyone went their way and there's no group anymore ( I swear I didnt do anything, it just happened).

My social life is shit, I try my best but things never comes out well, and I tried loooots of times.
I'm just living and doing everything alone and lonely. And yes, I live with my parents, and I love them, but there's a huge emotional barrier between us and I'm unable to enjoy their company.

I'm 30 and I belong nowhere and I dont know which path to take in my life. Both socially and with work.

Sorry for this, today I was feeling really bad about this and had to throw it out somewhere. Have a nice week < 3
Look. I don’t know you. But the way you describe yourself, I would guess you aren’t being genuine with people. At all.

“And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own.”

This may sound like a good quality to some people. It isn’t. You need to figure out who you are and actually be the best version of that person. You’re pretending to be someone you think other people will like.
 
Last edited:

Durask

Member
Feb 6, 2012
2,981
2,193
860
Look. I don’t know you. But the way you describe yourself, I would guess you aren’t being genuine with people. At all.

“And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own.”

This may sound like a good quality to some people. It isn’t. You need to figure out who you are and actually be the best version of that person. You’re pretending to be someone you think other people will like.
Sounds like you're seeking the approval of others too much and perhaps being too needy. Your not being authentic so that's probably why people don't keep you around and you double down on that behavior instead of looking at the issues inside of you.

I think these two posts hit the nail on the head.
 

Ten_Fold

Member
Jan 18, 2017
2,507
2,200
490
I would say find a hobby you enjoy that you can actually meet people, generally someone will be into the same hobby as you and won’t have any friends either.

Keep going with your music, but you need to find a path, like if you enjoy producing, mix and mastering, do that, plenty of websites you can set up an make some cash like fiverr. Also I would try to get a trade or learn a skill that can double or triple your income while you build up your musical career.

Don’t beat yourself up OP, you have enough time to become great, 30 is still very young.
 
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nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
10,976
28,399
875
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
People-pleasers are recognized as inept manipulators, it's not a good strategy.

It's transactional for these people, "I was nice to you, now you owe it to me to be nice back". You can't trust them, you don't know what they are really thinking and they will stab you in the back if they are pleasing someone else.
 

DeafTourette

Member
Apr 23, 2018
5,679
6,527
730
First, sorry for another drama thread. Since here on GAF is the only place I dont use my usual nickname, I feel more secure to talk about my personal struggles here.

Well the thing is, I'm 30, I received musical eduacation since very early, and I always knew that my future was going to be something related to music. Either playing on a band, being a producer...
Then, as some of you may know already because I never let go the oportunity to talk about it, I fucked my inner ear and the future I always wanted is hardly a possibility now.

Adding to that, I always managed to screw up and lose the group of friends I was happy with. Well, that really only happened once. But it was the last group of people I could call really amazing friends and company.
Other friends I really appreciate would just come and go, like everything.

SO, right now, I have friends, I have good friends, and that's good, but I really feel the lack of a group that likes to count with me on meetings and such.
I mean, yes, if I call someone and ask if we can meet, or if I can go with them to whatever they're gonna do, there's no problem. Still, no one cares if I'm there or not.
Nobody calls me to tell me when there's a plan.

Now I'm in a kind of personal crisis where I dont really know what to do to improve things. I feel like a lot of things I want to do is just for attention and improving what others think of me, or maybe,
just feel like people know I'm here.

And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.
So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.

The thing is that my struggles with mental health, my inhability to express my thoughts and my behaviour made me with people not caring about me being with them.

SOme months ago I had a nice group of people I played Valorant with, but suddently almost everyone went their way and there's no group anymore ( I swear I didnt do anything, it just happened).

My social life is shit, I try my best but things never comes out well, and I tried loooots of times.
I'm just living and doing everything alone and lonely. And yes, I live with my parents, and I love them, but there's a huge emotional barrier between us and I'm unable to enjoy their company.

I'm 30 and I belong nowhere and I dont know which path to take in my life. Both socially and with work.

Sorry for this, today I was feeling really bad about this and had to throw it out somewhere. Have a nice week < 3

Since you messed up your hearing, I can only offer one piece of advice: Get a Cochlear Implant. I have one and it's amazing!

Since you have memory of sound, you should be able to hear at or near the same level you did before. I hear music and can enjoy it pretty much as I did in my teens ( lost my hearing in my early 20s... I'm mid 40s now).

I'm going through a lot, myself. I'm trying to hold on to hope that things will be better... that I'll find my purpose... at my age, I thought I'd have a wife, multiple kids and a house... none of those has panned out. But I'm still pushing. You are too, by the looks of it. I know what it's like to feel and BE alone... even living with someone. You can't talk with them because either things turn into an argument or they're not interested in listening or you don't have things in common.

OP, never apololgize for spilling your heart! There are those of us here who understand.

Be well and never be afraid to talk. \\//-
 

Golgo 13

The Man With The Golden Dong
Jun 14, 2014
5,191
3,484
915
First, sorry for another drama thread. Since here on GAF is the only place I dont use my usual nickname, I feel more secure to talk about my personal struggles here.

Well the thing is, I'm 30, I received musical eduacation since very early, and I always knew that my future was going to be something related to music. Either playing on a band, being a producer...
Then, as some of you may know already because I never let go the oportunity to talk about it, I fucked my inner ear and the future I always wanted is hardly a possibility now.

Adding to that, I always managed to screw up and lose the group of friends I was happy with. Well, that really only happened once. But it was the last group of people I could call really amazing friends and company.
Other friends I really appreciate would just come and go, like everything.

SO, right now, I have friends, I have good friends, and that's good, but I really feel the lack of a group that likes to count with me on meetings and such.
I mean, yes, if I call someone and ask if we can meet, or if I can go with them to whatever they're gonna do, there's no problem. Still, no one cares if I'm there or not.
Nobody calls me to tell me when there's a plan.

Now I'm in a kind of personal crisis where I dont really know what to do to improve things. I feel like a lot of things I want to do is just for attention and improving what others think of me, or maybe,
just feel like people know I'm here.

And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.
So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.

The thing is that my struggles with mental health, my inhability to express my thoughts and my behaviour made me with people not caring about me being with them.

SOme months ago I had a nice group of people I played Valorant with, but suddently almost everyone went their way and there's no group anymore ( I swear I didnt do anything, it just happened).

My social life is shit, I try my best but things never comes out well, and I tried loooots of times.
I'm just living and doing everything alone and lonely. And yes, I live with my parents, and I love them, but there's a huge emotional barrier between us and I'm unable to enjoy their company.

I'm 30 and I belong nowhere and I dont know which path to take in my life. Both socially and with work.

Sorry for this, today I was feeling really bad about this and had to throw it out somewhere. Have a nice week < 3
Just to expand on what EviLore EviLore said a bit - start by sitting down and asking yourself in a quiet moment of reflection “What could I do to make my life better?”. If you are sincere in your request and you ask hard enough, you will get an answer. It might not be the answer you WANT TO HEAR, but that’s not the point - it will be painful but you’ll get an answer. Once you’ve decided what you need to do to make your life better, write it down (or put in in your phone in a journal, doesn’t matter). Then, come up with a plan to take very small steps towards those goals. Even if it’s doing a quick Google search on local colleges and what degrees they offer - anything is better than nothing. The next day, try to do a little more than you did the previous day. Take small humble steps every day toward those goals but be consistent.

Next, if you move your body your mind will follow. Meaning, get some exercise. Go for a walk, a bike ride, or a hike. Yes, if you’re not used to being active this can suck big time, but it’s as powerful of an antidepressant as any pill you can take. Trust me.

You’ve got this.
 

DJ Shalad

Member
Dec 10, 2018
3,130
7,794
700
- Improve your relationship with your parents
- go swimming and improve your stamina (cardio, get lean)
- start a relationship
- avoid netflix, xbox, shitty music, movies
- Make the bed, is the most important advice i got in my life (if you cant be bothered to do such "frivolous, easy task", then ...)
- Cook your own meals
- throw your xbox out of the window and get a PS5 :p

Hitting the gym won´t give you long lasting benefits, as soon you stop taking the "drug" or have few "cheat meals" your old ego will take over.
 

Earthbound!

Neo Member
Dec 16, 2020
8
5
90
It's transactional for these people, "I was nice to you, now you owe it to me to be nice back". You can't trust them, you don't know what they are really thinking and they will stab you in the back if they are pleasing someone else.
“I am treating you with kindness and respect, so please do the same for me.” What’s so wrong with that notion? OP expressed it odd, but I think he believes in that and believes that being kind overall will protect him from being stabbed in the back himself as part of our inherent social contract. But it doesn’t work that way OP, as demonstrated by reasoning and outlooks like this and countless others that anyone can come up with at anytime to justify anything. If your nice in a way someone for whatever reason deems suspicious, odd, or being nice while not part of their “group” or while not generally “like” them, you probably got to watch your back OP. No way your just generally a nice person because you think that makes the world a little bit better place overall, not allowed. If your down in the dumps because you’ve been stabbed in the back by someone you were being nice to, the overall message seems to be too bad OP, get over it. It’s your fault, not the back stabbers. Shouldn’t have tried to trick them with your niceness. That’s crazy. If someone with a history or reputation of being a backstabbing jerk is being nice to you, yes, be wary. If they do or say things that demonstrate they generally do not have basic morals or concern for other’s wellbeing, be wary. Someone being too nice to too many is not cause to label, distrust and distance yourself from them.
 

DeepBreath87

Member
Jun 15, 2019
3,756
7,467
615
“I am treating you with kindness and respect, so please do the same for me.” What’s so wrong with that notion? OP expressed it odd, but I think he believes in that and believes that being kind overall will protect him from being stabbed in the back himself as part of our inherent social contract. But it doesn’t work that way OP, as demonstrated by reasoning and outlooks like this and countless others that anyone can come up with at anytime to justify anything. If your nice in a way someone for whatever reason deems suspicious, odd, or being nice while not part of their “group” or while not generally “like” them, you probably got to watch your back OP. No way your just generally a nice person because you think that makes the world a little bit better place overall, not allowed. If your down in the dumps because you’ve been stabbed in the back by someone you were being nice to, the overall message seems to be too bad OP, get over it. It’s your fault, not the back stabbers. Shouldn’t have tried to trick them with your niceness. That’s crazy. If someone with a history or reputation of being a backstabbing jerk is being nice to you, yes, be wary. If they do or say things that demonstrate they generally do not have basic morals or concern for other’s wellbeing, be wary. Someone being too nice to too many is not cause to label, distrust and distance yourself from them.
I don’t think it’s as as calculated as that. I think people that try to bend who they are to appeal to whatever they think the person they are talking to will likely come across as false and not genuine. It’s a weak trait. And weakness is not attractive.

Saying things like “And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be” is telling to me. Correct person? Who is that? Be yourself. Whoever that is. He needs to stop trying to be what he thinks other people want him to be. Primarily because it’s not being true to whoever he actually is but also because he has no idea what other people want him to be. It’s all projection. It completely lacks self confidence. And there are few traits less attractive than a lack of self confidence.
 
Last edited:

Earthbound!

Neo Member
Dec 16, 2020
8
5
90
Ok, yeah, I’m probably projecting my own experiences, but I think I can relate to a bit of what OP is expressing in talking like that. But yes, more on topic, work towards what you want in life and you will be better off than not OP. If you encounter someone that you think will derail that, avoid them if possible, or at least watch your back. Don’t put your own advancement secondary to the feelings or wellbeing of others, because it is no benefit to you, and people don’t trust someone who does not foremost look out for themselves. It must be disingenuous.
 
Last edited:
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Sygma

Member
Nov 22, 2016
1,322
709
470
First, sorry for another drama thread. Since here on GAF is the only place I dont use my usual nickname, I feel more secure to talk about my personal struggles here.

Well the thing is, I'm 30, I received musical eduacation since very early, and I always knew that my future was going to be something related to music. Either playing on a band, being a producer...
Then, as some of you may know already because I never let go the oportunity to talk about it, I fucked my inner ear and the future I always wanted is hardly a possibility now.

Adding to that, I always managed to screw up and lose the group of friends I was happy with. Well, that really only happened once. But it was the last group of people I could call really amazing friends and company.
Other friends I really appreciate would just come and go, like everything.

SO, right now, I have friends, I have good friends, and that's good, but I really feel the lack of a group that likes to count with me on meetings and such.
I mean, yes, if I call someone and ask if we can meet, or if I can go with them to whatever they're gonna do, there's no problem. Still, no one cares if I'm there or not.
Nobody calls me to tell me when there's a plan.

Now I'm in a kind of personal crisis where I dont really know what to do to improve things. I feel like a lot of things I want to do is just for attention and improving what others think of me, or maybe,
just feel like people know I'm here.

And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.
So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.

The thing is that my struggles with mental health, my inhability to express my thoughts and my behaviour made me with people not caring about me being with them.

SOme months ago I had a nice group of people I played Valorant with, but suddently almost everyone went their way and there's no group anymore ( I swear I didnt do anything, it just happened).

My social life is shit, I try my best but things never comes out well, and I tried loooots of times.
I'm just living and doing everything alone and lonely. And yes, I live with my parents, and I love them, but there's a huge emotional barrier between us and I'm unable to enjoy their company.

I'm 30 and I belong nowhere and I dont know which path to take in my life. Both socially and with work.

Sorry for this, today I was feeling really bad about this and had to throw it out somewhere. Have a nice week < 3

Honestly it sounds like that you're afraid of being you. You wanna get some attention ? start being polarizing. Its a NECESSITY.

You don't have your life in order, and all the comments you're making right now about people being good people not caring about you ... I mean really ? you don't even care about them. You just tag along, but I'd question the bond you have, and why is it there, and how consistent it is to the vision you got of the kind of the relationship you want for you, which you answered

What you need is to figure yourself out. Take a deep dive and have a honest look at your skillset, what could be enticing for you to develop yourself. Make lists of the kind of work environment you wanna dive in, the kind of job prospects it entail and the possibility of evolutions down the years. Look at the economical perspective too, because going in debt to acquire a skill that you'd struggle to pay back is not a good endeavor. Then look at the geographical position hiring the most of whichever position you're set on

Look which jobs are hiring the most in your region in case you wanna play it more safe, and build an emotionally compelling reason for you to move toward that. Once you're done with that, you're going to dress a list of qualities / traits you want in people, as well things you're not willing to put up with at any moment of your time

Have a look at yourself emotionally first, and find things that you could better, one day at a time. I'm telling you, right now, your life absolutely isn't consistent / congruent with what you want and thats why you're miserable. Once all of these things have been defined, it will be time for discipline. Every single fucking day you will go toward these objectives, and will not go astray. You have to not tolerate any reason to go off rails or stop your efforts. Discipline, consistency, emotionally compelling reasons for you to live your life and go forth.




Btw just a tip for the friends bit : find out what you're passionate about other than music, and try using the concept of demographics. If you already know what you're into, just think about the WHERE you could meet people who are into the same things than you. If its really altruism and helpfulness, go to charities. If you're into physical / spiritual well being either hit the gym or take yoga lessons, you get the idea

Stop being afraid of being you, stop having excuses, start taking actions toward what you want for you and be consistent. Best of luck
 

C4.lukin

Neo Member
Oct 10, 2020
32
23
120
First, sorry for another drama thread. Since here on GAF is the only place I dont use my usual nickname, I feel more secure to talk about my personal struggles here.

Well the thing is, I'm 30, I received musical eduacation since very early, and I always knew that my future was going to be something related to music. Either playing on a band, being a producer...
Then, as some of you may know already because I never let go the oportunity to talk about it, I fucked my inner ear and the future I always wanted is hardly a possibility now.

Adding to that, I always managed to screw up and lose the group of friends I was happy with. Well, that really only happened once. But it was the last group of people I could call really amazing friends and company.
Other friends I really appreciate would just come and go, like everything.

SO, right now, I have friends, I have good friends, and that's good, but I really feel the lack of a group that likes to count with me on meetings and such.
I mean, yes, if I call someone and ask if we can meet, or if I can go with them to whatever they're gonna do, there's no problem. Still, no one cares if I'm there or not.
Nobody calls me to tell me when there's a plan.

Now I'm in a kind of personal crisis where I dont really know what to do to improve things. I feel like a lot of things I want to do is just for attention and improving what others think of me, or maybe,
just feel like people know I'm here.

And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.
So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.

The thing is that my struggles with mental health, my inhability to express my thoughts and my behaviour made me with people not caring about me being with them.

SOme months ago I had a nice group of people I played Valorant with, but suddently almost everyone went their way and there's no group anymore ( I swear I didnt do anything, it just happened).

My social life is shit, I try my best but things never comes out well, and I tried loooots of times.
I'm just living and doing everything alone and lonely. And yes, I live with my parents, and I love them, but there's a huge emotional barrier between us and I'm unable to enjoy their company.

I'm 30 and I belong nowhere and I dont know which path to take in my life. Both socially and with work.

Sorry for this, today I was feeling really bad about this and had to throw it out somewhere. Have a nice week < 3
The cool thing about life, is that you can always start again.

Just move to the place you most want to live. Say goodbye to everyone, and live your best life.

Stop trying to impress anyone, and just start over. And if you have healthy relationships, well Maintain those that are huge to you.

For instance I maybe have 10 really close relationships. But if I was going to move on, I could reduce it to 3...
 
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JimmyRustler

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Don't get too hung up in this bro. Everyone has their bad days. EVERYONE. Just embrace the bad days. Without them you would not be able to appreciate the good ones.

Also, having people depending on you is overrated. I my opinion the negatives mostly outweight the positives. Look deep into your memory. I'm sure you'll come to the same conclusion. We just tend to forget the bad shit.
 
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Jasonadream

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Great friends stay for a lifetime, social bubble friends disappear when things get tough.

Instead of trying to impress others, work to impress yourself.

Your so called friends aren’t going to contribute much to your life unless you contribute the most that you can in your own.

Bring more value to yourself and people will gravitate towards that naturally.

Lift all the weights. Get kettlebells. Get disciplined.
 

betrayal

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Feb 2, 2018
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And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction. So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.

Building your life around the idea that your personality sucks and faking it with other people is the equivalent of telling yourself every day how much you suck. Who wouldn't get depressed if they challenge their own personality every day with every single action? If faking your personality goes down well with people - congratulations, you've confirmed to yourself that your real personality sucks. And if it is not well received - congratulations, you have once again confirmed that you and even your faking sucks. So it's very clear why it's so frustrating for you, because no matter what you do, you're the one who gets fucked. You can't win if you're a pussy who doesn't even take yourself seriously and treat yourself with respect. Healthy social bonds are always based on a pull and not on a push effect.

It would also help not to cry so much because of the music and to bathe in self-pity. The problems that you have described, you would also have with a healthy inner ear, but you actually know that yourself.
 

Vier

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Good news is, you're young and wanting to do this right. Keeping it simple is important.

You're in a huge period of growth and development, and capitalizing on that will help you years from now.
In the age of internet transparency, there is a lot of great info out there, but ultimately, everybody
responds differently.

Starting with mastering your mind. Toss negativity out the window, it's not efficient towards life goals.

As time passes and you feel confident with your form, as you begin to move toward higher frequencies.

Be patient, eat well, and REST. All the best to ya.
 

Whitecrow

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I'm here and I'm reading (if anyone thought I disappeared : 3) . Just let me some time to process all of this and answer. Will edit later. Cheers < 3
Anyways, I'll say now another thing related to all of this:

After so much time faking, I struggle to know who I really am, if that makes sense. I really had some bad days thinking about this.
Some days I think that 'Im just a person full of resentment and jealousy'. Other days I think I'm a person who has a tough life and only knows to live fighting.

The main problem really is my self-awareness. I have the problem of identifying and put a name to every thought and emotion that cames to my mind. And it's impossible to handle : D
 
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RJMacready73

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Ya got some good replies lad, seems a lot of your issues resolve around social interactions and you could be reading the situations wrong, have you thought about maybe seeing if you're on the spectrum, I know the yanks like to seek therapy for a stubbed toe but in your case it may be worth the money to go have a chat with a professional who could steer you down the right river
 
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John Bilbo

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Take responsibility in getting to know yourself.

Find God to learn forgiveness and gratefulness.

Lift weights to become more confident and to learn to release your anger.

Meditate and learn to calm yourself by focusing on your breath.

If you are at a complete loss and don't know where to start the work of Jordan Peterson could be helpful.
 
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bitbydeath

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Nov 25, 2015
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I'm here and I'm reading (if anyone thought I disappeared : 3) . Just let me some time to process all of this and answer. Will edit later. Cheers < 3
Anyways, I'll say now another thing related to all of this:

After so much time faking, I struggle to know who I really am, if that makes sense. I really had some bad days thinking about this.
Some days I think that 'Im just a person full of resentment and jealousy'. Other days I think I'm a person who has a tough life and only knows to live fighting.

The main problem really is my self-awareness. I have the problem of identifying and put a name to every thought and emotion that cames to my mind. And it's impossible to handle : D
Life’s a puzzle. You won’t solve it all at once so write down your questions, what you need to work on, then build on it to slowly unravel who you are and what you intend to do.

Look at it as an adventure, you don’t know what surprises you will discover but if your mind is open for it you can certainly go places.
 
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DeepBreath87

Member
Jun 15, 2019
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I'm here and I'm reading (if anyone thought I disappeared : 3) . Just let me some time to process all of this and answer. Will edit later. Cheers < 3
Anyways, I'll say now another thing related to all of this:

After so much time faking, I struggle to know who I really am, if that makes sense. I really had some bad days thinking about this.
Some days I think that 'Im just a person full of resentment and jealousy'. Other days I think I'm a person who has a tough life and only knows to live fighting.

The main problem really is my self-awareness. I have the problem of identifying and put a name to every thought and emotion that cames to my mind. And it's impossible to handle : D
Whatever happened with your music probably fucked you up identity wise. When who you are is very tied to an activity like that, and that activity falls away, it leaves a pretty big hole. I don’t know if you still have interest in music or if being involved with it is truly not and option for you. But if you do and it’s not, find a way to get that back. Even if it’s not exactly what you want right away. Just move in that direction. Again, if it’s something you still want.

If it’s not, find something else. I doubt anyone here knows you enough to really point out a new direction for you. But you either know yourself well enough or you need to figure it out. Pick a direction and get moving forward. Don’t waste time looking back.
 

AJUMP23

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Sep 29, 2020
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Instead of looking at what you don't have or what you don't want or like look the other way. I would make a list of goals. Write it down. Some things that are easily accomplished and some things that are more difficult. Then work out a plan to achieve those goals. Track your progress. Not daily but on a regular basis. My wife and I set goals on a yearly basis. Some our family, some financial, and some are personal and spiritual. Then we work on achieving them.
 
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Batiman

Danger: male feminist
Feb 11, 2020
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You should watch the movie Soul. Has a good message in it for someone like yourself
 

O.v.e.rlord

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Oct 8, 2014
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problem one. you live with your parents. That's some depressing shit.


SO, right now, I have friends, I have good friends, and that's good, but I really feel the lack of a group that likes to count with me on meetings and such.
I mean, yes, if I call someone and ask if we can meet, or if I can go with them to whatever they're gonna do, there's no problem. Still, no one cares if I'm there or not.
Nobody calls me to tell me when there's a plan.
maybe you are the plan maker in the group? If you have friends to chill with, how do you know you wont be missed if you dont show up to something?
And the worst part of all is that I have fought almost all my life to be the most correct person I could be. Always trying to not ruin anyone's day, always prioritizing other's feelings over my own. Always guided
to achieve the best and 'right' outcome instead I acknowledging my feelings. I treated everyone the best I could (eventhough I had my dark times but that didnt have real consequences and didnt last long), and if I didnt like someone,
i just avoided interaction.
So my situation now is really frustrating because I fight hard for the opposite.
fought to be the right person? Just be you dude.

Really feels like you are shitting on yourself for no reason. Become independent. Do things that you enjoy doing, instead of what the group wants. You will make friends along the way.
 
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TheContact

Member
Jan 22, 2016
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1) book an appt w/ a therapist. telehealth isn't taking co-pays right now so that saves you some loot
2) exercise. go for a walk (i got a dog for this purpose since i don't like walking alone), go to the gym, get ring fit adventure
3) do you currently have a job? being a music major can feel shitty since there aren't good money making job opportunities out there plus anyone with internet and fruityloops can basically skip 4 years of education at like fullsail or whatever now so competition is high. if you don't, just get a job doing something even if it's part time and not related to your degree
 

Whitecrow

Member
May 7, 2018
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Man I cant go through all responses, I would need an entire page for my post alone : D

Let me clarify some things:

- I'm already lifting weight and eating good (part of good is a mass gainer) and I already gained some kg and now I'm the fattest I've ever been : D

- Also I'm 'investing' a lot of money on psychologist, crying here is not the only thing I do : )
But there's a lot to cover, so I must be patient.

- As far as being me, as I've said, I'm not really sure how to do it. I didnt 'fake' no not be stabbed in the back, more like I wanted to be friends with everyone that I know is a good person.
Mostly because if I dont, is like I did something wrong. Yeah, I'm masochist. Its hard to avoid...

- I do plan on starting more physical activities. But really thought, even with all I wrote, I already started changes in my life.
Being consistent on exercising is one. Going to play tennis regularly another. Also I've returned to my towns musical band which I left for a very long time.
(And what about your hearing? Well, band doesnt hurt me as much as a rock band, you will sure understand : ))

- Not started seriously on meditation tho. And I know it would have lots of benefits, and I need it, but for now, 'do nothing' is the hardest thing of all for me. But I will go for it, no doubt.

Whatever happened with your music probably fucked you up identity wise. When who you are is very tied to an activity like that, and that activity falls away, it leaves a pretty big hole. I don’t know if you still have interest in music or if being involved with it is truly not and option for you. But if you do and it’s not, find a way to get that back. Even if it’s not exactly what you want right away. Just move in that direction. Again, if it’s something you still want.

If it’s not, find something else. I doubt anyone here knows you enough to really point out a new direction for you. But you either know yourself well enough or you need to figure it out. Pick a direction and get moving forward. Don’t waste time looking back.

Definitely, and it surprises me you caught it. Yeah, big part of my struggle now is learning almost from zero other things I love, because well, I love a lot of things, and is being a problem for me deciding what to focus on.
Maybe is for the ADHD. Dunno.
problem one. you live with your parents. That's some depressing shit.



maybe you are the plan maker in the group? If you have friends to chill with, how do you know you wont be missed if you dont show up to something?

fought to be the right person? Just be you dude.

Really feels like you are shitting on yourself for no reason. Become independent. Do things that you enjoy doing, instead of what the group wants. You will make friends along the way.
Focusing on this right now. I've been some months taking care for myself and be able to be competent at work again, get a stable job, save money, move. That's my short term plan.
My long term plan is working in something I love to do. But that's not easy.

TheContact TheContact Already answered here. Definitely should take more seriously the walking thing. But as you, I hate when doing it alone : /

So, in summary, I know my problems (most of them?). I will never stop working on them. Maybe this loneliness improves as I improve on those problems. But meanwhile, I will have some really bad days.

And obviously, thanks A LOT to everyone participating in this thread, sorry for not answering to everyone but I've read every comment and I really appreciate the advices and the support, I needed it.
Love you GAF < 33
 
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teezzy

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Mar 18, 2020
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Whitecrow Whitecrow

Yo, bro, just do what makes you happy. Do it well enough, and people will start trying to fit in with you. Be a leader, not a follower. Forget fitting in.

Hope things work out.

Pce
 

Whitecrow

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Whitecrow Whitecrow

Be a leader, not a follower.
Well, that's what I'm trying. My problems with the music and my ear wouldnt have hit so hard if I had something else to be good at.

I would be a lot happier if I just accepted to be a 'follower' but... I dont like that idea too much : )

but now that you say it... you gave me a good idea : D
 
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videodyssey

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I'm here and I'm reading (if anyone thought I disappeared : 3) . Just let me some time to process all of this and answer. Will edit later. Cheers < 3
Anyways, I'll say now another thing related to all of this:

After so much time faking, I struggle to know who I really am, if that makes sense. I really had some bad days thinking about this.
Some days I think that 'Im just a person full of resentment and jealousy'. Other days I think I'm a person who has a tough life and only knows to live fighting.

The main problem really is my self-awareness. I have the problem of identifying and put a name to every thought and emotion that cames to my mind. And it's impossible to handle : D

Just wanna say I know how you feel OP. I see a lot of quick takes here like "oh just work out and find a new hobby, you're good". But the truth is that is not as easy as it seems and does not guarantee new relationships.

I am in my mid 40's, and have not had a close friend since I was in my 20's. I've had acquaintances from past jobs and what not but they've come and gone. My wife is pretty much my only friend. Her friends moved away, so she keeps up with them on Facebook but you know how that is. We have each other and our kids, and we mostly just hang with family.

We've both tried in our own ways to make new friends and it is just not as easy as everyone thinks. I joined a gym, and it's great working out but if you are going there to meet people good luck. I was minding my own business lifting weights when some steroid fuck was annoyed I was using these particular weights and harassed me until I left the gym. Another time I joined a pickup game of Basketball, only to get hounded by a guy on my same team who was upset that I could not guard a guy who had like three feet on me and wanted to get into a physical fight.

I tried joining a men's group at our church, and the first day they tell you to stay at the same table of men. I did my best trying to get to know these guys, but they seemed to have their own clique. Things really changed after I brought up a book I had read called Genesis Revisted. The next week, my chair was taken from someone else...and I had to sit at a table by myself. Yeah, fuck that.

These are only a few examples, but you get the idea. It's hard to meet new people these days, people are more distant than they used to be (thanks, social media?). But guess what...it gets even harder as you get older.

If I were you OP I would definitely focus on moving into your own place or find a roommate. This could be an exciting time for you. Use one of the roommate matching sites and give it a try. Or if you prefer living by yourself find a studio apartment. But I believe that should be step #1, and could bring you into the second step which would be dating, etc.

But my main point is that there are a lot of people just like you, and nothing is the matter with you!
 

synchronicity

Member
Dec 16, 2011
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Points of crisis are blessings in disguise - gifts from the universe. There are opportunities and demands to reflect, get your bearings, and move forward in a better, more harmonious way with yourself and the world around you.

If you can find the mindset, always try to remember/believe that everything is happening for your ultimate benefit. (it is, I know.) That mindset alone will shift things for you.
 

Whitecrow

Member
May 7, 2018
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Just wanna say I know how you feel OP. I see a lot of quick takes here like "oh just work out and find a new hobby, you're good". But the truth is that is not as easy as it seems and does not guarantee new relationships.

I am in my mid 40's, and have not had a close friend since I was in my 20's. I've had acquaintances from past jobs and what not but they've come and gone. My wife is pretty much my only friend. Her friends moved away, so she keeps up with them on Facebook but you know how that is. We have each other and our kids, and we mostly just hang with family.

We've both tried in our own ways to make new friends and it is just not as easy as everyone thinks. I joined a gym, and it's great working out but if you are going there to meet people good luck. I was minding my own business lifting weights when some steroid fuck was annoyed I was using these particular weights and harassed me until I left the gym. Another time I joined a pickup game of Basketball, only to get hounded by a guy on my same team who was upset that I could not guard a guy who had like three feet on me and wanted to get into a physical fight.

I tried joining a men's group at our church, and the first day they tell you to stay at the same table of men. I did my best trying to get to know these guys, but they seemed to have their own clique. Things really changed after I brought up a book I had read called Genesis Revisted. The next week, my chair was taken from someone else...and I had to sit at a table by myself. Yeah, fuck that.

These are only a few examples, but you get the idea. It's hard to meet new people these days, people are more distant than they used to be (thanks, social media?). But guess what...it gets even harder as you get older.

If I were you OP I would definitely focus on moving into your own place or find a roommate. This could be an exciting time for you. Use one of the roommate matching sites and give it a try. Or if you prefer living by yourself find a studio apartment. But I believe that should be step #1, and could bring you into the second step which would be dating, etc.

But my main point is that there are a lot of people just like you, and nothing is the matter with you!

Thanks for sharing your story : ) It really helps to put things into perspective and I'm glad to hear you're doing good.
And yes, knowing there's so many annoying people out there doesnt help tho. It's hard to find new people to connect with, and I wonder when I will stop blaming my self for my past mistakes.

I hope everything improves with time now that I started to make changes : )
Points of crisis are blessings in disguise - gifts from the universe. There are opportunities and demands to reflect, get your bearings, and move forward in a better, more harmonious way with yourself and the world around you.

If you can find the mindset, always try to remember/believe that everything is happening for your ultimate benefit. (it is, I know.) That mindset alone will shift things for you.
That's one way to put it : D
A you might be right after all. But I wish I could already come in peace and find balance with this situation that's been happening for too long.
 

zeorhymer

Member
Nov 9, 2013
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I'm kinda bored of pron : D I do it mostly only when I feel the need... dont know if that's good or bad haha
Porn is bad if you're constantly do it. My advice is that you need to be comfortable in doing things on your own. It seems that you're seeking affirmation through other people. Also, there's nothing wrong with being a little selfish. You need to do the things that you want/like to do. If there are people there that also shares your interests, then it will work out. It's going to be an uphill battle trying to re-think what life means to you. What you need to start working on is to stop thinking that being in a group is what will make you whole.
 
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