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I guess it's time we cleared the air regarding Thor 2.

Thor 2: The Dark World?


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Superhero movies. Despite people claiming with every new release that superhero fatigue has finally set in and the genre will die off soon, apparently the real world keeps missing the memo and these movies still make a metric truck of money. As a result, Hollywood keeps making them, and it seems the vast majority tend to satisfy, on some level, the qualifications of being a successful blockbuster film.

Of course, there are exceptions. Despite my being entirely "meh" on Batman v Superman, I guess it's been universally decided by people-who-are-not-me that it's actually a disaster, and it deserves all of our ire for being a failure of a superhero movie. And that's fine. I don't care very strongly about that flick one way or the other, and while I'm admittedly kind of confused by the impressive amount of hatred for a movie which featured a scene of Lex Luthor seductively feeding a man Jolly Ranchers as he urinated on Holly Hunter’s face, I don’t really intend to do much defending of it.

So, I'll accept that Batman v Superman is reviled. I'll accept that Ant Man is a decent way to kill time. I'll even accept that Avengers 2 ended with
the Incredible Hulk sadly riding a plane off into the sunset after banging Black Widow because she was sad that her ballet teacher stole her baby
… Or something like that, who the hell can remember? But there's one thing I will not accept, and it's a pass that a certain movie seems to have been given by most of the movie watching community.

Thor 2 is a goddamn travesty of a motion picture.


"Oh, come on," you say, quite stupidly. "It wasn't groundbreaking or anything, but it was a perfectly serviceable superhero movie." Your dull tone trails off as you get distracted and begin licking your foam Mjolnir replica. You sick Thor 2-loving bastard.

I was once like you... for about thirty minutes.

I can remember the night I saw Thor 2 quite well. I visited a friend at his house, and some other friends were visiting from out of town. We drove out to the nearest theater-- a small town 3-screen place with cheap tickets that sells Slim Jims for concessions. We all went in and killed some time in the relatively empty theater, sharing anecdotes, talking about Marvel movies up to that point, and having a fine old time. The manager came in and apologized because there would be a small delay due to a technical issue. I remember seeing the movie and then riding back, picking up some Taco Bell on the way. I remember us coming back to the house and having a few beers and watching some B-movies on Netflix.

Yes, I remember that night quite well. But you know what I don't remember?
THOR FUCKING 2.

I've heard it said before that the worst crime a movie can commit is being forgettable. If that is true, Thor 2 deserves to be remembered among history's most despicable criminals such as Ed Gein, Benito Mussolini, and Snidely Whiplash.

Literally an hour after watching it, I could not recall anything about the plot. I was actually kind of scared. I thought something must have been wrong with me. There were a few scenes I could conjure up. I knew Stellan Skarsgard ran around naked. I knew Thor punched a rock man to death. I think some kids found a gravity-free warehouse for some reason... Or was that an Animatrix short? It's anyone's guess.

Some time later, Thor 2 would wind up on Pay-Per-View, and I'd be at some friend's place who wanted to see it. So I watched Thor 2 a second time, trying to pay as much attention as possible. I followed it fine. But once the credits rolled, it all instantly vanished from my mind. Honestly, it's kind of fascinating. Scientists should be studying this shit. I know I'm not alone. I've asked people before if they remember the plot to Thor 2. Most of them say "Thor teams up with Loki, and there are portals?" before they have collapse into tears and start writing the characters’ names on their arms in Sharpie and trying to form some cohesive narrative that must be Thor 2.

Yet, I still see people defend this thing. Roughly half of this very board have lost their minds.

I know this is a running gag and most people probably weren't seriously weighing BvS vs Thor 2, but at least some were, and that "some" is a jerk.

What is the story?
What happened in this movie?



I’ve been wanting to write about this terrible movie for a long time, but the problem was I knew that to do it properly, I would have to rewatch Thor 2-- and God knows I don’t want to do that. So I figured I’d never get to properly complain about this thing.

Then it hit me!
Screw watching Thor 2 again. I’m just going to hazily try to remember as much as I can.
Why not? I’m not Roger Ebert. I don’t have any journalistic integrity to uphold. I saw this thing all the way through twice! If I can't remember details, I'm blaming the movie.

As I remember it, Thor 2 opens with Thor and his nameless friends (And yes, they are nameless. I know people like to pretend that general audiences know who the hell… Stig or whoever is, but they don’t, because they shouldn’t) beating up a rock monster in a big battle for some reason I didn’t know even when I watched the thing.

To check and make sure I was on the right track, I went to wikipedia to read the beginning of the plot summary.
Wikipedia said:
Eons ago, Bor, father of Odin, clashes with the Dark Elf Malekith, who seeks to unleash a weapon known as the Aether on the nine realms. After conquering Malekith's forces, including enhanced warriors called the Kursed, on their home world of Svartalfheim, Bor safeguards the Aether within a stone column. Unbeknownst to Bor, Malekith, his lieutenant Algrim, and a handful of Dark Elves escape into suspended animation.

… What?
Did that happen?

I don’t remember any of that. I saw the movie twice! I was sober both times. I paid attention! But man, I guess there are elves in this movie, so it probably did happen.

Anyway, Thor is sad because he can’t go to earth to see Natalie Portman again… for some reason. His appearance in Avengers is pretty much handwaved away because “We needed Thor in that other movie and fuck it if we had the time to come with a satisfying answer as to why.”

Since the last Thor movie, there has been an important plot development: Thor has decided to become boring. In the previous film Thor was depicted as vain, greedy, cru-el boy! He was childish, unfit to lead, and kind of stupid. And you know what? It kind of worked. It made him a little interesting. We could laugh at him a bit. But as that movie progressed, so did his character and by the end, we have a much more mature Thor, who unfortunately isn’t all that interesting. And by the beginning of Thor 2, there really isn’t much room for him to develop. But hey, you can have a dull lead if you have an interesting movie around him, right?

.... Oh no!

Natalie Portman is in this movie, presumably with a gun aimed at her from off camera throughout the filming. She is still a scientist with a degree in understanding Macguffins, but I guess she lives in England now with her intern Darcy and Darcy's intern.... intern. She somehow finds herself in an abandoned warehouse somewhere that leads her to another dimension, where she gets infected with some alien nanomachines or something. This is especially bad because the nanomachines are wanted by space elves who hate Asgard and this sentence is ridiculous.

Okay, how am I doing so far, Wikipedia?
Wikipedia said:
In present-day Asgard, Loki stands imprisoned for his war crimes on Earth.1 Meanwhile, Thor, alongside warriors Fandral, Volstagg, and Sif, repel marauders on Vanaheim, home of their comrade Hogun; it is the final battle in a war to pacify the Nine Realms following the reconstruction of the Bifröst, the "Rainbow Bridge" between realms, which had been destroyed two years earlier.2 The Asgardians soon learn that the Convergence, a rare alignment of the Nine Realms, is imminent; as the event approaches, portals linking the worlds appear at random.
In London, astrophysicist Dr. Jane Foster and her intern Darcy Lewis travel to an abandoned factory where such portals have appeared, disrupting the laws of physics around them. Separating from the group, Jane is teleported to another world, where she is infected by the Aether. Heimdall alerts Thor that Jane has moved beyond his near all-seeing vision, leading Thor to Earth. When Thor finds Jane, she inadvertently releases an unearthly force, and Thor returns with her to Asgard. Odin, recognizing the Aether, warns that the Aether will not only kill Jane, but that its return heralds a catastrophic prophecy.
Okay, not bad.
So Thor goes to earth, picks up Natalie Portman, and they go to Asgard to get yelled exposition yelled at them by Odin. And then the elves attack, because they want Natalie Portman. And then the most pivotal, emotional event in the entire movie occurs. The elves kill…. Thor’s mom.

…
Did we know Thor’s mom before this? Was she in the first movie? I don’t remember her at all. I mean, look, obviously a character having their mom killed is understood to be a big deal. But it’s kind of uninteresting if you don’t really get a feel for that character or their relationship with their child. I know she must have been in the first movie. She probably told Odin to stop being a dick to their sons, but she definitely didn’t leave an impression.
Whatever, she dies. Thor is… sad? … For a few minutes. Loki seems a bit more sad, but he gets over it pretty quick too. The whole thing feels like…
“This script needs to have a low point in the story.”
“Isn’t that what Stellan Skarsgaard running around naked is supposed to be?”
“No, I mean like a thematic low point.”
“Oh! Right. I guess we could kill someone.”
“But not someone important.”
“Right. How about one of Thor’s friends?”
“Who?”
“Oh, yeah. I guess the audience probably isn’t aware those guys exist. How about Thor’s mom!”
“Is she in these movies?”
“Who cares?”

So Thor frees Loki from jail because Loki knows stuff; that’s the reason according to the movie, but we all know the real reason.



You see, when Thor 1 came out, most people were like, “That was okay, I guess. That Loki guy was pretty good.” But a relatively loud minority of people were more like, “OMG! L-O-K-I! LOKI LOKI LOKI! Tom is such a dream boat! Look at this gif of him laughing! Loki 4ever!” And then they started drawing him making out with his brother, because this is the internet, and the internet is, if nothing else, a place to see fictional characters get it on regardless of canon relationship.

Loki’s role in this movie is so shoved-in, they should have marketed this movie as a sausage…. Because you stuff sausages… Shut up.

It’s a very obvious attempt to pander to the fanbase. Which is, you know, fine, but when it’s done to a certain degree, your movie begins to feel less like an actual story, and more like you hired some guys from a movie made a couple of years ago to put on their silly costumes and make a movie in order to have a blooper reel and a Graham Norton episode.

But I can't really blame them all that much because what the fuck else could they do? Thor is boring. Natalie Portman may as well have been performing her scenes while scrolling on her phone. Loki's the only character who is interesting, but after hogging the screen in both Thor 1 and The Avengers, his charm has worn thin.

Then some bullshit happens, Loki “dies” but he obviously doesn’t, because the fans eat him up and Jesus knows that the rest of the cast can't carry Thor 3.. They make that “Mew-mew” joke a few more times, because the Marvel Universe needed its own “Bazinga.” Thor throws Dr. Who through the Eye of London or something. Time to check Wikipedia for the finale.

Wikipedia said:
Jesus Christ, who honestly gives a fuck?

Everything is resolved. The only major changes by the end of the movie are that Thor’s mom died, Loki is playing dead for some reason (And I guess a good guy now, until Marvel decides it needs him to be a villain again), and we got this paparazzi footage of Natalie Portman from the last day of shooting.

Thor 2 is barely a movie. It doesn’t feel like these characters have found themselves in this plot, but rather this plot has been shakily constructed in order to get these characters together so that they can be pithy and wear funny hats, but not too much, because our big stars are obviously unrecognizable when they wear a hat.
It’s boring. It’s soulless. It has no evidence of any effort. It’s like it was made by a computer algorithm of things that people who saw the first Thor googled.


There’s no creativity in it. There’s no joy. The entire premise of its production is “Like it’s going to NOT make money.” The people making this thing clearly were aware that if they pandered to fans enough then it would sell, and as long as it was made competently, then there wouldn’t be any significant backlash or word-of-mouth. It exists because Marvel needed to check off their big "Phase 2" movies, and someone wrote down Thor 2 on the list without thinking about if there was anywhere to go with it. It is the most cynically produced disgrace of a movie I’ve watched in recent history.

And listen, yes. I am fully aware that all of these movies exist for the sole purpose of making money and furthering the brand in order to make more money. But you can at least have the decency to pretend like you give a damn.

You know, there are a lot of superhero movies that have been universally panned that have at least one defense: At least they fucking tried. They might have failed, but they tried. Thor 2 didn’t try. It just coasted. It knew it was safe, so why bother putting in any kind of effort. And the worse thing is that people actually accepted it. They took this fucking imitation of a movie and treated it like it was real. Thor 2 has a fresh score on rotten tomatoes. It has a 7.1 on IMDB. So fuck me, right?

In a world where shitty criticism like CinemaSins gets passed around and people think everything is a plot hole, how were they okay with the boring, poorly constructed mess that is Thor 2? These aren't superficial flaws. They aren't nitpicking. It's an honest and open analysis of what this movie is obviously intended to be-- a goddamn placeholder on a bulletin board in Disney Studios that nobody got around to filling before they had to go into production.

I'm not a hater on the Marvel Universe. I tend to like most of the movies they put out. Even the first Thor was fine. Even Iron Man 2 had some things going for it. This? This is trash. This is below trash. Trash, at least one point in its life, had a purpose. So I want everyone on this forum to know that when I say I hate Thor 2, I'm not kidding. I hate Thor 2. It's the worst. It's worse than Batman v Superman. It's worse than Batman and Robin. It's worse than The Amazing Spider-Man 2. It's worse than Catwoman.... Okay, maybe not Catwoman. Catwoman really sucks.

There.... That felt good to get off my chest. Now if you'll excuse me, I’m going to go watch a fun movie.
 

paragonpro

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I agree, thor 2 sucks just as much as bvs sucks, no one talks about how much it sucks cause marvel tho.
 

Killer Queen

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"B-b-but Suicide Squad!1!1 a-and Batman Vs Superman are the worst things to happen to Cinema! Marvel doesn't have to be perfect! It's okay if it's generic tripe!" Lmao
I like Marvel movies but some of you go ridiculous lengths to shit on what you don't like and praise what you do even if it sucks and Thor 2 is a great example.
 

Sephzilla

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Feb 13, 2013
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I agree, thor 2 sucks just as much as bvs sucks, no one talks about how much it sucks cause marvel tho.

I'd put BvS lower than Thor 2 because Thor 2 from start to finish at least has a somewhat cohesive story. And it doesn't have multiple scenes foreshadowing Avengers 2 jammed into the movie that don't have any place in the movie itself (unlike BvS which has multiple Justice League scenes crammed in screwing up the pacing of the movie). I also don't remember Thor 2 getting as insultingly stupid as BvS
 

Dalek

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It's....ok. The ending battle sequence is fun but the entire Dark Elf plot is just nonsensical and both Malekeith the character and Christopher Eccelston the actor were wasted.
 

phanphare

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Aug 21, 2013
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thor 2 gets a pass?

news to me

isn't it the butt of every comic book movie related joke on neoGAF?

iron man 2 is worse
 

Rockandrollclown

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Oct 17, 2007
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For me Thor 2 falls in that perfect sweet spot of being unwatchable mediocrity. Nothing really good about it, and at the same time not really bad enough to be entertaining on the level of laughing at it. Just a painful slog from start til finish. I had to break up the movie into thirds to make it through it.
 

Staccat0

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Apr 13, 2007
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The OP is really good. Cracked me up a few times.

Iron Man 2 is worse

Agreed. I hated Thor 2, but thought Loki had a good scene or two. I can't think of ANYTHING nice to say about IM2.

That said I also know Cap 1 is bad so I'm probably too smart for this shit :)
 

Dalek

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I'd put BvS lower than Thor 2 because Thor 2 from start to finish at least has a somewhat cohesive story. And it doesn't have scenes foreshadowing Avengers 2 jammed into the movie that don't have any place in the movie itself (unlike BvS which has multiple Justice League scenes crammed in screw up the pacing of the movie)

I think BvS is more ambitious-at least it intends to be-but it does fail. Thor DW is a very "safe" movie. But yes-I'd watch Thor DW over BvS any day of the week. BvS is exhausting to watch.
 

Killer Queen

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Mar 31, 2015
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Agreed. I hated Thor 2, but thought Loki had a good scene or two. I can't think of ANYTHING nice to say about IM2.

That said I also know Cap 1 is bad so I'm probably too smart for this shit :)
We got War Machine out of it so there's that.
 

Blader

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I hated this movie years before it became cool to do so. Having said that...

But there's one thing I will not accept, and it's a pass that a certain movie seems to have been given by most of the movie watching community.

...

Yes, I remember that night quite well. But you know what I don't remember?
THOR FUCKING 2.

I think the latter explains the former pretty neatly. It's not a good movie, but it's not one that most people feel compelled to give a shit about anyway.

(Assuming by movie watching community, you mean everyone outside of GAF, because this fucking thing gets talked about on GAF on a daily basis.)
 

jelly

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Oct 14, 2013
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I always got a laugh when Natalie Portman basically falls asleep at points as she is next to worthless in this film. Close your eyes, you serve no purpose at this moment. I tend to wonder if she was doing it deliberately and they just wrote it in. This is boring....going to rest my eyes for a bit while you two.....uh....m.....

I don't hate the film though, I'm as non pulsed with the Avenger films, Ant Man, Iron Man 2 etc.
 

Mossybrew

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What's funny is I'm pretty sure I watched like half of this movie then turned if off out of boredom and went and did something else. But, I'm not even positive! I really don't remember anything about it either!
 

Sephzilla

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I think BvS is more ambitious-at least it intends to be-but it does fail. Thor DW is a very "safe" movie. But yes-I'd watch Thor DW over BvS any day of the week. BvS is exhausting to watch.

BvS is ambitious like a very experimental race car that ends up going for about 30 seconds and then its engine explodes and you're left sitting there wondering who the fuck assembled this thing. Thor 2 is like a cozy middle class sedan that is unremarkable in every way, wont win you the race, but will get you to the finish line.
 
D

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it was all a setup so Taika Waititi will take his place as the greatest man at anything ever, a place he earned with every other movie he ever made, but didn't get noticed for so he had to do a tentpole one.

I mean look at it



his last 2 movies scored +95% on RT ffs.
 

CadetMahoney

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The only weird thing about Thor 2 being shit is that no one's character really gets tarnished

Loki get's a pass, Thor gets a pass, Portman get's a pass, she was just miscast and wanted out.

The best thing about Iron Man 2 is Hammer's time to shine:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WDMHKgBfpE

I think the lead up to it being missing from the above video does it a disservice though.
 

Blader

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I agree, thor 2 sucks just as much as bvs sucks, no one talks about how much it sucks cause marvel tho.

Thor 2 is a forgettable blip among a dozen mostly well-received movies. BvS is a much bigger deal by the nature of its material: it's a Batman vs. Superman movie, it's the launch pad for Justice League and a half dozen other films, etc. So BvS being shit is a much bigger and more noticeable thing than Thor 2 being shit.
 

Killer Queen

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BvS is ambitious like a very experimental race car that ends up going for about 30 seconds and the its engine explodes. Thor 2 is like a cozy middle class sedan that is unremarkable in every way, wont win you the race, but will get you to the finish line.
Except for the fact that you get bored of the race and the car, and well everything all together and hope out 30 seconds in because you realize it's pointless and you're not fooling anyone
 

The Silver

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and you know what, Incredible Hulk gets hated on too much, the Blonksy fight was good goddamnit. fiteme
 

GeeTeeCee

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I liked it more than Thor 1

I hate Thor 1

I actually can't decide which one of the two I actually prefer anymore. I remember really liking the first Thor, but now I have absolutely no desire to watch it ever again.

I really hope Taika Waititi will be able to salvage something from the bland abyss that is the Thor films.
 

IrishNinja

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ehhh green lantern, wolvy: origins and bats/supes made me rethink the whole "worst thing a movie can be is forgettable" stance
 

Killer Queen

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I actually can't decide which one of the two I actually prefer anymore. I remember really liking the first Thor, but now I have absolutely no desire to watch it ever again.

I really hope Taika Waititi will be able to salvage something from the bland abyss that is the Thor films.
I haven't watched these in a while but from what I remember, pretty much every Marvel film in phase one was pretty lame outside of Iron Man 1 and like half of the Avengers.
 

torre_avenue

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I think it means something when you put in more effort into making something entertaining than Alan Taylor did during the entire production cycle of "Thor 2."

For what it's worth, I blame the movie being shit on Alan Taylor. There's definitely a good movie in here somewhere, but there's definitely a lack of creative vision and excitement coming from the guy in charge of it. The movie doesn't feel like it makes any attempt to elevate the script into something more fun. Maybe bits of that are the fault of Feige, the Creative Committee, or even Ike Perlmutter, but there's definitely no enthusiasm here for the hero and it shows.
 

funkystudent

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Apr 3, 2010
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The Thor movies feel like the straight to video part of the MCU.


They just feel "off" and kind of cheap. I could never quite explain it.
 
Jun 22, 2013
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Thank you Lionel. I thought I was alone in thinking this was a basic plot outline slapped together with construction paper and scotch tape.

Also can anyone explain to me what happens at the end? How did Loki replace Odin? How and when in the movie did that happen?!
 
May 28, 2007
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I know I've seen Thor 2, but I'll be damned if I can remember anything about it. I seem to recall that Thor was in London at one point, and the villains were the elves from Lord of the Rings. That's about it.


You know you've seen a stinker when the screen-on time for your phone almost matches the run time of the film by the time it finishes.
 

Sephzilla

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The Thor movies feel like the straight to video part of the MCU.


They just feel "off" and kind of cheap. I could never quite explain it.

I think it's because nobody cares much about Thor when he's not acting like a fish out of water with humans. Which is probably why Thor 3 is a buddy cop movie with him and Hulk jumping from realm to realm
 

jelly

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Oct 14, 2013
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I actually can't decide which one of the two I actually prefer anymore. I remember really liking the first Thor, but now I have absolutely no desire to watch it ever again.

I really hope Taika Waititi will be able to salvage something from the bland abyss that is the Thor films.

I don't mind Thor when he is a fish out of water, when he gets his powers back in Thor 1, it's a non event, the awful battle didn't help. Smashing the bridge was neat just after laying the hammer on Loki. One thing that annoys me is his dyed beard and eyebrows, looks so bad.
 

IdreamofHIME

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Movie was "fine", to say it's a bad movie is hyperbole or you just need to watch more movies.
3 things that would have made it a good movie or higher had they been more polished.

1: The connection between Jane and Aether is terrible. Coincence as a plot device is the laziest of them all. Thors girlfriend finding a portal to a weapon that Thors grandfather locked away for all time is ridiculous. 7 billion people on the planet...and it was her.
I've heard arguments that she was the only one in the world looking for portals, but that's BS. SHIELD have much more money, connections and resources. They should have been the ones to find it and then bring her into advise on the matter and then it all goes wrong. Better than some kids in London throwing fucking Vimto cans onto another planet.

2: Malekith. He's not actually a bad villain, he's just completey under used...but then again, no more than Red Skull or as badly written as Cross/Yellowjacket.
Still, he needed more time. All those scenes with Kurse being a badass? That should have been Malekith.

3: Jane should have died. Simple. Portman clearly didn't want to be there and going forward it would have been a lot better if Loki had've been involved in her death. Instead they Deus Ex Machina'd it and let her live....and are now coming up with ridiculous excuses as to why she won't be returning to a MCU movie any time soon.
She should have died and Sif re-introduced as a love interest in Thor 3.

Fix these 3 things and you'd have a really good movie. The relationship between Loki and Thor is superb in this movie, the battles all epic and the supporting cast look like they're all having a great time.

As is, the movie gets a lot of flack. Too much.
Is it a bad movie? Nope.
Is it the worst MCU movie? Maybe. But when the bar is set so high by others, some have to come up short.
 
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