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I really don't want to be a downer but I'm going to be a downer. Rant about depression.

John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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Lads and lasses. I'm loosing it. I've lost it in the past but this time instead of completely loosing it, going off the deep end and fucking the status quo up I'm thinking more critically and looking at moves I can make to get out of it. Suicidal depression.

Before you say the fucking obvious get help or pull yourself up by the bootstraps, I've checked and tried both. The mental health service is basically PSN internet levels of backed up now, we are socialized and pretty much fucked for the current situation in this pandemic.

I don't want to give to much away but I'm caring for my sister who has arthritis and I get paid for that, I don't have a car and that means I rely on others for transportation and I'm socially fucking inept, I mean.... I'm basically fucked cause I spent so much time in a one bed apartment hiding from the world after some severe drug use and then when I got my shit together and got back to life, well, all I can put it into words is... I'm fucked and basically a social retard because I fucked with to many drugs in to short a space of time and to give one example... basically thee example...the one I think fucked me up utterly, in 2013 I took enough 2cb for ten people mixed with some straight MDMA and a little bump of coke all at once so my mate with a broken jaw whom had just entered my apartment and was raving for it when he seen it on the coffee table wouldn't get fucked and end up more fucked than he already was.

Yeah, i know, my fault but it was a reaction that I didn't have mind to at the time, one of those kind of knee jerk reactions and when I realized when he left in a huff, I tried to throw it up but couldn't, ended up staring into a neon toilet bowl for hours trying to crawl back and forth from my living room to the toilet but ended up in a coma in my bed only to wake up to my face covered in dried fluids on the floor aside my bed the next day and obviously left life altering scars in my mind for it. However, don't think this broke me, it was just the crack that crossed my brain and left me with no defense to face the shit that was to come in the year that followed. Shit I won't mention. Shit I overcame ... eventually.

But shit it getting real bad again and on all fronts. I can't think of anything other than topping myself right now, cause there is no solutions and I know even typing this shit into the ether is pointless cause of the standard responses, the same ones I'd have given in the past to people who put this shit out there.

I don't know what I'm hoping for by putting this out there but I know for damn sure I don't want the standard, get help BS or all the standard responses. I suppose I just want to vent and I hope this thread can be a place others can vent and all. I mean, what else is the internet for?

Don't pity me, mother fucker!!! :D
 

crozier

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Apr 18, 2013
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Your life sounds quite similar to my own. My advice? Figure out a medication regiment that works and never stop taking it.
 

Papa

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Apr 25, 2009
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He/him
 

John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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Your life sounds quite similar to my own. My advice? Figure out a medication regiment that works and never stop taking it.
If only weed was legal, sure I'd have life sorted. :D Tried the shit the doctors give ya and it's a solution but only one that goes so far until you have to take things into your own hands.
 

crozier

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Apr 18, 2013
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If only weed was legal, sure I'd have life sorted. :D Tried the shit the doctors give ya and it's a solution but only one that goes so far until you have to take things into your own hands.

If you were taking the right meds, you would know because you’d never want to go off of them. My downward spiral ended with my last six years spent in prison among my multiple other failures. I’m good now but life can get rough if you aren’t proactive. Don’t discount the role of medication in your recovery.
 
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Imperius

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Dec 31, 2020
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Can I ask how much time you spend on the internet or playing video games each day? I would bet those are the real drivers behind your depression and lack of social skills.
 

Coolwhhip

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When you woke up today was there something really awful going on? Try to live in the now and as cliche as it sounds find a partner if you’re single.
 

John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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Can I ask how much time you spend on the internet or playing video games each day? I would bet those are the real drivers behind your depression and lack of social skills.
Not nearly as much as I used to, I did hit a slump there for a few years which basically what ruined my mind and social skills, ah but sure fuck it. This site isn't the place for this kind of discussion as seen above, lmao.
 

Cunth

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May 22, 2018
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just go to a doctor and try some antidepressants
 

John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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When you woke up today was there something really awful going on? Try to live in the now and as cliche as it sounds find a partner if you’re single.
Fucking wish I could, stuck in the sticks with no means of getting out of it.
 

John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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Stuck in the sticks?
Out in the country with a town mentality, I never thought to get a licence or a car cause I basically spent most of my years from 14-28 in town with everything in walking distance or a taxi available ... and no pandemic, relying on people.
 

Coolwhhip

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Aug 26, 2019
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Out in the country with a town mentality, I never thought to get a licence or a car cause I basically spent most of my years from 14-28 in town with everything in walking distance or a taxi available ... and no pandemic, relying on people.

Ahhh, well Im sure there are people of the female gender there too.

You can always look at the dating topic here https://www.neogaf.com/threads/faceandlms.1584165/

Or ask BluRayHiDef BluRayHiDef directly.
 

John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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Accept the brutal truth. It is your fate to suffer and not find happiness or meaning. Don’t neuter yourself with an antidepressant. Struggle and stop hurting yourself.
I was about to call a mod to close the thread but this is actually helpful, thanks for the slap in the face. I needed it. I'll get back to struggling, sure what else is there at the end. We have it it so damn good and me pissing in the wind isn't gonna change a damn thing. Thanks man.
 

xTowerOFpower

Neo Member
Dec 23, 2019
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You feel super down and frusted because your brain adapted to the drug use. I've been in your situation, nothing else works so just tell Christ how you feel. Why is something so simple so hard to do for people? I was close to death in 2017 but I'm still here and it's all because I asked Jesus for help.
I'll post again later.
 

ManofOne

Plus Member
Nov 4, 2020
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I was about to call a mod to close the thread but this is actually helpful, thanks for the slap in the face. I needed it. I'll get back to struggling, sure what else is there at the end. We have it it so damn good and me pissing in the wind isn't gonna change a damn thing. Thanks man.

You want my advice. Get yourself some real professional help. Social Media, Forum Boards aren't a good tool to express depression. There is very little sincerity that can be interpreted from me typing words to you. You need that human factor, that emotional connection, that gratification of having someone there.


When my wife suffered her miscarriage during our first attempt at having a child, she fell into depression and sought professional help. If you still insist on wanting help from this forum, there is a thread in Community for depression where you possibly get it, than from us cunts in OT.
 
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Coolwhhip

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Aug 26, 2019
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I was about to call a mod to close the thread but this is actually helpful, thanks for the slap in the face. I needed it. I'll get back to struggling, sure what else is there at the end. We have it it so damn good and me pissing in the wind isn't gonna change a damn thing. Thanks man.

eh, the no meaning part I agree with. But to me happiness is deffo possible. Not alone tho, you need someone that cares about you and that you care about. So get to it.
 

John2290

Member
Feb 24, 2018
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You feel super down and frusted because your brain adapted to the drug use. I've been in your situation, nothing else works so just tell Christ how you feel. Why is something so simple so hard to do for people? I was close to death in 2017 but I'm still here and it's all because I asked Jesus for help.
I'll post again later.
Pretty sure I fried my brain like in those 90's commercials with the eggs frying in the pan :D, my brain adapted to the drugs before that but couldn't adapt to the amount I took and I tried talking to Jesus but he but me on hold, said he'd been swamped by calls that week and he could not shake his cold. Sure I'll wait til he's rid of the covid. :D

I'm kidding man, it's lyrics. I know all about Christ and religion and if it hasn't helped now... well...c'mon.

EDIT: Not to disrespect you man, the friend with the broken jaw was a devout Christian and I honestly respect religious people.
 
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Dacon

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Apr 24, 2011
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Idk man, you probably don't want to hear it but, I just learned to live with the misery.

Everything is impermanent, nothing lasts forever even how you feel at any given moment.
 
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StylishMGTOW

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Jun 9, 2020
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The fact you've made a thread about your situation shows you still have some fight in you.
Accept the brutal truth. It is your fate to suffer and not find happiness or meaning. Don’t neuter yourself with an antidepressant. Struggle and stop hurting yourself.
I agree with Scotty W, but if it ever gets to the point where you need crutches like antidepressants, it never hurts to try different things to improve your life. I've been on antidepressants before and, while it numbs your emotions and slows your cognitive functions, it did help me in coping with my anxiety/depression in my early twenties.
 
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Coolwhhip

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Im afraid I dont have any magical dating tips. I just know for me a relationship always makes me feel 500% better and more content. So at least try sorting that out.

Therapy can help some but been there, its nice to talk to someone but personally it never really changed much for me.
 
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John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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Im afraid I dont have any magical dating tips. I just know for me a relationship always makes me feel 500% better and more content. So at least try sorting that out.

Therapy can help some but been there, its nice to talk to someone but personally it never really changed much for me.
Yeah, lmao. Might as well wish upon a star where I'm at. Cheers though, I appreciate it.
 
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xTowerOFpower

Neo Member
Dec 23, 2019
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Being isolated and entertaining yourself with text and digital fake people doesn't help one bit. I've been there, you need a supportive girlfriend but above all you need wisdom from GOD.
" Cast all your anxiety on Him, for he cares about you"
Peter 5:7
 
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John2290

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Feb 24, 2018
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The fact you've made a thread about your situation shows you still have some fight in you.

I agree with Scotty W, but if it ever gets to the point where you need crutches like antidepressants, it never hurts to try different things to improve your life. I've been on antidepressants before and, while it numbs your emotions and slows your cognitive functions, it did help me in coping with my anxiety/depression in my early twenties.
Same for about 18 moths, did you ever come back from it though? It helped as a crutch but sure that's worse than death, I'd imagine. Only thing worse than depression and an existential crisis is apathy or that one note feeling you get on those anti depressants, it's not sustainable.
 

StylishMGTOW

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Same for about 18 moths, did you ever come back from it though? It helped as a crutch but sure that's worse than death, I'd imagine. Only thing worse than depression and an existential crisis is apathy or that one note feeling you get on those anti depressants, it's not sustainable.
I was on it for a decade. I cold-turkey-ed once during my post-secondary years in 2014, and was in the worst mental state in my life: throughout the day and night I couldn't get out of bed, I would get cold shivers, paranoid thinking, etc. I was scared. So I kept taking it. My mentality was that: being on these antidepressants was better than the hell that I put myself through during 2014. It's only until recent that I got off of them for good in 2020. How I'm feeling now? I feel like I can change my life for the better, despite these mounting problems that my family and I have to face due to the pandemic. I think it comes with age/experience, but I don't feel the sense of dread every night that I used to. Whenever the feeling of anxiety would come, I know how to deal with it, because I've been through this before.
 
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StylishMGTOW

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Not sure how that'd help you, but since antidepressants were brought up, might as well bring it up.
 
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