John2290
Member
Lads and lasses. I'm loosing it. I've lost it in the past but this time instead of completely loosing it, going off the deep end and fucking the status quo up I'm thinking more critically and looking at moves I can make to get out of it. Suicidal depression.
Before you say the fucking obvious get help or pull yourself up by the bootstraps, I've checked and tried both. The mental health service is basically PSN internet levels of backed up now, we are socialized and pretty much fucked for the current situation in this pandemic.
I don't want to give to much away but I'm caring for my sister who has arthritis and I get paid for that, I don't have a car and that means I rely on others for transportation and I'm socially fucking inept, I mean.... I'm basically fucked cause I spent so much time in a one bed apartment hiding from the world after some severe drug use and then when I got my shit together and got back to life, well, all I can put it into words is... I'm fucked and basically a social retard because I fucked with to many drugs in to short a space of time and to give one example... basically thee example...the one I think fucked me up utterly, in 2013 I took enough 2cb for ten people mixed with some straight MDMA and a little bump of coke all at once so my mate with a broken jaw whom had just entered my apartment and was raving for it when he seen it on the coffee table wouldn't get fucked and end up more fucked than he already was.
Yeah, i know, my fault but it was a reaction that I didn't have mind to at the time, one of those kind of knee jerk reactions and when I realized when he left in a huff, I tried to throw it up but couldn't, ended up staring into a neon toilet bowl for hours trying to crawl back and forth from my living room to the toilet but ended up in a coma in my bed only to wake up to my face covered in dried fluids on the floor aside my bed the next day and obviously left life altering scars in my mind for it. However, don't think this broke me, it was just the crack that crossed my brain and left me with no defense to face the shit that was to come in the year that followed. Shit I won't mention. Shit I overcame ... eventually.
But shit it getting real bad again and on all fronts. I can't think of anything other than topping myself right now, cause there is no solutions and I know even typing this shit into the ether is pointless cause of the standard responses, the same ones I'd have given in the past to people who put this shit out there.
I don't know what I'm hoping for by putting this out there but I know for damn sure I don't want the standard, get help BS or all the standard responses. I suppose I just want to vent and I hope this thread can be a place others can vent and all. I mean, what else is the internet for?
Don't pity me, mother fucker!!!
Before you say the fucking obvious get help or pull yourself up by the bootstraps, I've checked and tried both. The mental health service is basically PSN internet levels of backed up now, we are socialized and pretty much fucked for the current situation in this pandemic.
I don't want to give to much away but I'm caring for my sister who has arthritis and I get paid for that, I don't have a car and that means I rely on others for transportation and I'm socially fucking inept, I mean.... I'm basically fucked cause I spent so much time in a one bed apartment hiding from the world after some severe drug use and then when I got my shit together and got back to life, well, all I can put it into words is... I'm fucked and basically a social retard because I fucked with to many drugs in to short a space of time and to give one example... basically thee example...the one I think fucked me up utterly, in 2013 I took enough 2cb for ten people mixed with some straight MDMA and a little bump of coke all at once so my mate with a broken jaw whom had just entered my apartment and was raving for it when he seen it on the coffee table wouldn't get fucked and end up more fucked than he already was.
Yeah, i know, my fault but it was a reaction that I didn't have mind to at the time, one of those kind of knee jerk reactions and when I realized when he left in a huff, I tried to throw it up but couldn't, ended up staring into a neon toilet bowl for hours trying to crawl back and forth from my living room to the toilet but ended up in a coma in my bed only to wake up to my face covered in dried fluids on the floor aside my bed the next day and obviously left life altering scars in my mind for it. However, don't think this broke me, it was just the crack that crossed my brain and left me with no defense to face the shit that was to come in the year that followed. Shit I won't mention. Shit I overcame ... eventually.
But shit it getting real bad again and on all fronts. I can't think of anything other than topping myself right now, cause there is no solutions and I know even typing this shit into the ether is pointless cause of the standard responses, the same ones I'd have given in the past to people who put this shit out there.
I don't know what I'm hoping for by putting this out there but I know for damn sure I don't want the standard, get help BS or all the standard responses. I suppose I just want to vent and I hope this thread can be a place others can vent and all. I mean, what else is the internet for?
Don't pity me, mother fucker!!!
