Amir0x
Banned
Man the shit I go through at my job. So this morning I'm sitting in my office, getting ready to hold the morning meeting for my team, and I'm stopped like a minute before by the division chief. He's one up above me, he oversees a bunch of shops combined instead of just the one I do. There was a printed out label - one of the ones that come out and then you peel the back and it sticks to stuff - that was stuck on the bathroom door that said "Obama and his n***** wife should go back to Congo." Now obviously, this is a serious problem for many reasons. Most of all, it's a problem for me, since the bathroom was in my shop, and I have responsibility for maintaining a safe and non-discriminatory work environment for my team. So my division chief was coming down pretty hard on me about having to make sure the person responsible is caught.
So first thing I do is hold the morning meeting, and I discuss the incident with the team, and tell them that I am going to talk to each of them in turn for five minutes about the incident. I consider a series of questions that would be adequate in that space of time, and I ask each person the same questions, with modified questions depending on their answers. I go through about 20 people and I can't figure out a thing. Just blank stares and "I have no clue boss, no clue at all."
And all of them could be suspects - there was the one guy Jonsie who so vehemently hated Obama that he got reprimanded during the first election for making the lame tired joke "it's the WHITE house, not the BLACK house!" I thought he might be a good suspect. Then there was this other guy Braxton, who everyone calls Brick, who claimed he found some offensive slanders on his locker years ago, only for it to have been investigated and found out that it was actually he who put them up there himself. He almost got fired for that then. Another guy named Cody got in trouble once for mocking a mentally handicapped individual because they had the "balls" to take a job from a "normal" person.
Then walks in this guy named Gary. Gary was the biggest anti-Obama crusader I knew last election, could not stop shouting everyone down the entire selection season. We had to talk to him like 3 times about keeping politics out of the workplace, but he just couldn't. Nobody could really do much about him since he's been there for like 28 years and he only got a few more for retirement. And once you are here that long it's more impossible to remove you from your position then a fucking barnacle sucked to the side of some stern.
So I interview each in turn. When I interview Gary, things went like normal. I finish my questioning but then he does an odd little thing and it just strikes me funny. He turns around and says "whoever did this is a real douchebag."
Now that struck me real funny. For one, I knew from past experience that Gary had said shit just as offensive as that label in the past, and two there's no way he would legitimately try to insult the guy who did that. No way he'd be able to contain his pride over seeing Obama insulted and enjoying it.
But still, that's not proof of anything but strangeness. After a few more people came and went, I was at an impasse. I really had no clue who did it, and even if I had my suspicions I had no way to actually prove it. And what's worse, my Division Chief was coming for an afternoon update in a few hours.
I ponder this situation for a while longer and I remember from ages ago, there used to be a label machine in the tool shed that we used to mark out which IPV Caps went where for the different military equipment. So in a last ditch effort, I go to try to check it out. The lady behind the tool shed desk says "hm, that's pretty weird. It's not here anymore. I don't really have a record of the last person who checked it out." I'm already cursing myself, 'cause that was my last possible lead.
The next part is dumb luck, I'm first to admit it. But I go to lunch in frustration and as I past the one garbage can by the IC Bay 4 door, something catches my eye. I don't know why I looked in the garbage can at that exact moment, but I did thank my luck. And inside was a fairly freshly thrown out label machine.
Now I knew from the past that the label machine would probably not have logged who used it last, or even the past bunch of people. You have to use your card to log into the label machine system, but everyone knows there's a really easy pass around that you can use to basically log in as a Guest. Yeah, this needs to be fixed, I already told the Division Chief after this situation. Such a small detail I never thought of before, especially since tool shed is supposed to take care of this stuff. But no matter, I'm pretty sure the offending label was printed from this machine.
But still, that's not going to prove anything. Anybody could have used it and thrown it out. And nobody is going to pay for fingerprint analysis. So I'm just looking at the thing for like 20 minutes, and suddenly I have another brief glimmer of an idea. Something I remember from the one time I ever had to refill the printing label paper.
I rush to open up the lid and remove the printing label paper. If my hunch is correct, I might be able to tie this even closer to the incident - but I required some luck. As I slowly remove the paper, I nearly jump out of my seat for joy. Because you see what the dumb fuck didn't realize was that the printing label paper, whenever you print a label, actually prints a ghost image on a black piece of backing paper that you can pull out and read to see what the last couple of dozen messages printed say. And there, like the fucking nectar of the Gods, was the sentence ""Obama and his n***** wife should go back to Congo."
I now need a hail mary, to try to connect this to my prime suspect, Gary. I call him into the office about 30 minutes before my Division Chief was set to come. He sits down, and I just drop the label machine down in front of him on my desk. He jumped ever so slightly, and I could immediately tell from his eyes he had done it. But I needed confirmation. So I pretended a witness saw him. Oldest trick in the book, hoped this guy was too washed up to think of it. I told him if he did not come clean and confess now and we had to go off the witness testimony and this evidence, it'd be much worse in the end.
And there he goes, babbling like a little school child about how he didn't mean it. I don't even know what to say to that? How do you write something like that and not mean it?
Well, anyway, after many long and illustrious years here, let's just say Gary is no longer working with us. Finally.
So first thing I do is hold the morning meeting, and I discuss the incident with the team, and tell them that I am going to talk to each of them in turn for five minutes about the incident. I consider a series of questions that would be adequate in that space of time, and I ask each person the same questions, with modified questions depending on their answers. I go through about 20 people and I can't figure out a thing. Just blank stares and "I have no clue boss, no clue at all."
And all of them could be suspects - there was the one guy Jonsie who so vehemently hated Obama that he got reprimanded during the first election for making the lame tired joke "it's the WHITE house, not the BLACK house!" I thought he might be a good suspect. Then there was this other guy Braxton, who everyone calls Brick, who claimed he found some offensive slanders on his locker years ago, only for it to have been investigated and found out that it was actually he who put them up there himself. He almost got fired for that then. Another guy named Cody got in trouble once for mocking a mentally handicapped individual because they had the "balls" to take a job from a "normal" person.
Then walks in this guy named Gary. Gary was the biggest anti-Obama crusader I knew last election, could not stop shouting everyone down the entire selection season. We had to talk to him like 3 times about keeping politics out of the workplace, but he just couldn't. Nobody could really do much about him since he's been there for like 28 years and he only got a few more for retirement. And once you are here that long it's more impossible to remove you from your position then a fucking barnacle sucked to the side of some stern.
So I interview each in turn. When I interview Gary, things went like normal. I finish my questioning but then he does an odd little thing and it just strikes me funny. He turns around and says "whoever did this is a real douchebag."
Now that struck me real funny. For one, I knew from past experience that Gary had said shit just as offensive as that label in the past, and two there's no way he would legitimately try to insult the guy who did that. No way he'd be able to contain his pride over seeing Obama insulted and enjoying it.
But still, that's not proof of anything but strangeness. After a few more people came and went, I was at an impasse. I really had no clue who did it, and even if I had my suspicions I had no way to actually prove it. And what's worse, my Division Chief was coming for an afternoon update in a few hours.
I ponder this situation for a while longer and I remember from ages ago, there used to be a label machine in the tool shed that we used to mark out which IPV Caps went where for the different military equipment. So in a last ditch effort, I go to try to check it out. The lady behind the tool shed desk says "hm, that's pretty weird. It's not here anymore. I don't really have a record of the last person who checked it out." I'm already cursing myself, 'cause that was my last possible lead.
The next part is dumb luck, I'm first to admit it. But I go to lunch in frustration and as I past the one garbage can by the IC Bay 4 door, something catches my eye. I don't know why I looked in the garbage can at that exact moment, but I did thank my luck. And inside was a fairly freshly thrown out label machine.
Now I knew from the past that the label machine would probably not have logged who used it last, or even the past bunch of people. You have to use your card to log into the label machine system, but everyone knows there's a really easy pass around that you can use to basically log in as a Guest. Yeah, this needs to be fixed, I already told the Division Chief after this situation. Such a small detail I never thought of before, especially since tool shed is supposed to take care of this stuff. But no matter, I'm pretty sure the offending label was printed from this machine.
But still, that's not going to prove anything. Anybody could have used it and thrown it out. And nobody is going to pay for fingerprint analysis. So I'm just looking at the thing for like 20 minutes, and suddenly I have another brief glimmer of an idea. Something I remember from the one time I ever had to refill the printing label paper.
I rush to open up the lid and remove the printing label paper. If my hunch is correct, I might be able to tie this even closer to the incident - but I required some luck. As I slowly remove the paper, I nearly jump out of my seat for joy. Because you see what the dumb fuck didn't realize was that the printing label paper, whenever you print a label, actually prints a ghost image on a black piece of backing paper that you can pull out and read to see what the last couple of dozen messages printed say. And there, like the fucking nectar of the Gods, was the sentence ""Obama and his n***** wife should go back to Congo."
I now need a hail mary, to try to connect this to my prime suspect, Gary. I call him into the office about 30 minutes before my Division Chief was set to come. He sits down, and I just drop the label machine down in front of him on my desk. He jumped ever so slightly, and I could immediately tell from his eyes he had done it. But I needed confirmation. So I pretended a witness saw him. Oldest trick in the book, hoped this guy was too washed up to think of it. I told him if he did not come clean and confess now and we had to go off the witness testimony and this evidence, it'd be much worse in the end.
And there he goes, babbling like a little school child about how he didn't mean it. I don't even know what to say to that? How do you write something like that and not mean it?
Well, anyway, after many long and illustrious years here, let's just say Gary is no longer working with us. Finally.
