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I watched God's Not Dead 2, because I guess I do that sort of thing now.

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TheGoddamn

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Mar 3, 2013
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I bet in the third day movie Hercules will rise from the dead.

Thank you for your sacrifice! This is your ministry.
 

Link

The Autumn Wind
Jun 6, 2004
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Very limited!

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=savingchristmas.htm

Domestic Summary
Opening Weekend: $992,087
(#15 rank, 410 theaters, $2,420 average)
% of Total Gross: 35.6%
Widest Release: 410 theaters
Close Date: December 25, 2014
In Release: 42 days / 6 weeks
 

Laughing Banana

Weeping Pickle
Jul 22, 2009
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If only all of GAF mods are so willing to sacrifice their well-being for the sake of our curiosity like you, Lionel, the world would become such a much more fulfilling thing.

Thank you.
 

MHWilliams

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Oct 18, 2013
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www.usgamer.net


Ray Wise is straight-up playing the Devil in this movie. It's never made literally explicit, but I don't know what else they could be going for. He's some kind of ultra-lawyer, and he hates Christianity. His only motivations given are "I hate these people and what they stand for," [his words] and some brief tirade about how situations like this could lead to the downfall of America. I don't how in the hell anyone in the jury is supposed to side with this man when he hisses out his words like Cobra fucking Commander.

Wasn't he literally the Devil in another show? Reaper?
 

Raxus

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Sep 17, 2007
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Bless Lionel, he died (well fell asleep) for our sins.

The texts are killing me. You gotta show me how you did that.

I am kind of sad you went alone. If I was in any physical proximity of you I would go see it and riff on the movie.

Hope you don't get roped into that Columbine movie cause...yikes...
 
The finale of the God's Not Dead trilogy will redeem the other two and prove that they were bad on purpose for character development reasons. Everyone will have to apologize for making fun of them.

The death and return of Kevin Sorbo?

Wasn't he literally the Devil in another show? Reaper?

He was and he was the best thing about that show. Just going to assume it's the God's Not Dead cinematic universe.
 
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This probably goes without saying, but

It's super funny just how similarly they characterize the abuse and/or neglect of/towards children's religion in an extremely similar way to how many more parents treat their children based on their lack of religion.
 

OniBarubary

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Jul 5, 2013
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Got a few chuckles out of me but absolutely lost my shit at the cut off text, "look you fucking bitch i" not once but fucking twice. Tears in my eyes.
 

Arkeband

Banned
Mar 11, 2015
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Papa bless you, Lionel Mandrake. Even teenaged witches aren't safe from your sheltering embrace.
 

sonicmj1

Member
Dec 2, 2007
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***Spoilers***

I was also confused at this whole thing until I sat to the end of the credits based on something my girlfriend had read.
Dave gets his ass arrested and is put into a cop car that drives off while his friend looks on. God's Not Dead 3: Pastor Dave, Locked Up!!
This is apparently true.

The Guardian said:
... despite the two-hour run time, it’s worth staying to the very end. Pure Flix has learned from Marvel, and a post-credits stinger tees up God’s Not Dead 3, whether we’ve prayed for it or not.
 
Apr 16, 2013
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Lionel, you never specified and I need to know. Do Sabrina and Youthful Lawyer fall in love and have beautiful heterosexual sex?

I ask because I'm writing a homoerotic fan fiction between Ray Wise and Pastor Dave, and I want to make it as accurate as possible.
 

gabbo

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Jun 25, 2011
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I've never even heard of these movies, but they sound like the same kind of terrible film my friends and I would get together, and watch while having a few drinks and laugh at.
The Columbine film looks atrocious in so many ways.
 
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That Last Days in the Desert actually looks pretty good. I'm sure Ewan McGregor didn't need a paycheck that badly and actually signed on to an interesting film. Might end up giving it a watch.
 

Ri'Orius

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Aug 2, 2008
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Such persecution of Christians in America. Only 92% of the 114th Congress is Christian!!!

I mean, they tick the "Christian" box, but they're not Christian. A lot of them believe in Satan's lies, Evolution and Global Warming, a lot of them are happy to redefine our most cherished institution to include heathenous homosexuals, and don't get me started on how they coddle the Muslims!

Real Christians are a tiny minority in this once-great country, which is why our persecution is so prevalent and our outright execution so imminent.
 

Slacker

Member
Nov 14, 2006
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I have a secret. I... am a CHRISTIAN. Not only that, but I'm a Sunday School teacher (high school students). I worry every day about the feds kicking down my door, confiscating my lessons, and hauling me to the slammer.

I know lots of people who loved the first movie, including a few who dutifully texted "GODS NOT DEAD" to me when they saw it. I remember discussing the movie's potential with my wife before we saw it. She assumed so many people liking it meant it had to be at least decent. I assumed it meant the movie told them what they want to hear (I'm fairly far left politically, she's center/non-political). We watched it, and she learned to take friend reviews of this kind of movie with a grain of salt.

I haven't seen the second one yet, but will eventually. However, I can't overstate how much these movies annoy me as a Christian. It's a frightening look into the conservative Christian bubble in which these people live, where all Christians are heroes, and non-Christians are the enemy to be defeated. In their minds they are the good-old-days real Americans, trying to hold on to a country being corrupted by radicals. Outside the bubble, of course, it's the exact opposite. The rest of us are going along OK, and they're the radical element trying to hold us back.

The whippersnappers on here may be to young to remember The West Wing tv show about a Democratic president and his staff in the White House. The best seasons aired from 1999 to 2003 and I assume most 20 year old gaffers weren't watching political drama when they were five. One of the great things the show endeavored to do was to set up arguments about political issues between characters who disagreed. It's been a while but I remember discussions about education, social issues, religious issues, etc. What they did that I really appreciated was present both sides of the issue as reasonable and informed. Like in real life, there were a few firebrand a-hole Republicans who were unwilling to work with anyone, but for the most part the opposition were depicted as reasonable adults who disagreed for reasonable reasons (sorry).

Flash forward to the GND Cinematic Universe. The "bad guys" in the movies are the most mustache twirltyingest villains I've ever seen put to film. Imagine how different these movies would be if there were actual discussion between reasonable adults who disagree? Remember lefty liberal blogger Amy from the first movie? Her one and only question to the Duck Dynasty people was essentially, "You're a Christian. How dare you?" Really Amy? REALLY? In real life she would have asked him about gay marriage, or abortion, or poverty. In the GND Bubble instead she asks "Can you tell the churchgoers in the theater how much you love Jesus?"

Imagine actual conversation between some of these characters. Imagine a non-Christian explaining problems he or she has with the church and the Christian character trying to help make sense of it all. Imagine a non-believer being a great person who just doesn't believe. Imagine a Christian friend of that non-believer just loving them despite their differences. Imagine actual debate between adults on tough issues with both sides represented fairly.

Instead we get antagonists who are so cartoonishly evil the congregation in the audience practically boos them like they're bad guys in a puppet show. I'd love to see a story like this handled by someone who lives in the actual world. I'd love to see a movie where both believers and non-believers could see themselves represented fairly on-screen while still conveying the message the filmmakers want to convey. Of course, making a movie like this would be very difficult, and this group is obviously not up to the challenge.

Of course, maybe they don't need to challenge themselves. The point of these movies is obviously not outreach, so I assume it's just about making money. If that's the case, I'd say they're doing pretty well.
 

Not

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Jun 7, 2012
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I went to Jesus Camp three times as a kid. 1998-2000. I think it set back my development by 5 years.

Not sure what constitutes a "Jesus Camp" fully, but at the height of my teen evangelical years I met my wife while working at a Christian summer camp. And I only really started asking questions after meeting her and growing in confidence so I can't say it hurt my development-- in fact, it probably gave me a character arc.
 

Slacker

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Not sure what constitutes a "Jesus Camp" fully, but at the height of my teen evangelical years I met my wife while working at a Christian summer camp. And I only really started asking questions after meeting her and growing in confidence so I can't say it hurt my development-- in fact, it probably gave me a character arc.

"Jesus Camp" has a fairly specific meaning based on the documentary, which is essentially Christian conservative brainwashing for kids. If you went to a Christian camp where you made friends, roasted marshmallows, and sang a few songs, that sounds fun. If you went to one where you worshiped a cardboard cutout of George W Bush, that's not so good.
 

Mr_Zombie

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So, I know I'm probably putting more thought into the plot than the script writers did but... what exactly was the trial about? The teacher isn't allowed to talk about Jesus during a history class? I mean, even if you consider Christianity a myth, and Jesus a fictional character, the Bible itself - and thus the Jesus character - had such an important impact on history, cultures and civilizations that not mentioning him during the class at all would be weird.

And how exactly did Sabrina and the Youthful Lawyer win the case? Because, at least from what Madrake posted, nothing indicates how Sabrina's testimony on the last day could put them in the winning situation. If anything, her telling that story about church sign would make her look really stupid. (couldn't they seriously think of a better story?)

And how does winning the trial prove that "God's not dead"?

And why the hell does those movies even use the title "God's Not Dead"? If you think God exists, then he can't be dead because he's God (duh). However, if you think God doesn't exist, he can't be dead either because he's never existed, was never alive and thus couldn't die. So... even the title makes no goddamn sense. :|
 

Davilmar

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Aug 7, 2015
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Phenomenal review. I was practically asked to be removed from one lecture class because I had such a great time reading this review. Such a train wreck of a movie. I also come from a religious background, and the entirely dishonest presentation of religion would have me fuming if it wasn't done so poorly. Or hilariously.
 
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Your reviews have given me a disturbing morbid curiosity about these films.
I want to watch them myself, if only to say that I have when I put them down.
 

sgjackson

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Sep 6, 2012
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i'm waiting for god vs satan: apocalypse

i'm assuming somebody has already made a joke like this in the thread

edit: damn there's one in the op lmao
 

littlebigman

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Mar 10, 2015
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So, I know I'm probably putting more thought into the plot than the script writers did but... what exactly was the trial about? The teacher isn't allowed to talk about Jesus during a history class? I mean, even if you consider Christianity a myth, and Jesus a fictional character, the Bible itself - and thus the Jesus character - had such an important impact on history, cultures and civilizations that not mentioning him during the class at all would be weird.

And how exactly did Sabrina and the Youthful Lawyer win the case? Because, at least from what Madrake posted, nothing indicates how Sabrina's testimony on the last day could put them in the winning situation. If anything, her telling that story about church sign would make her look really stupid. (couldn't they seriously think of a better story?)

And how does winning the trial prove that "God's not dead"?

And why the hell does those movies even use the title "God's Not Dead"? If you think God exists, then he can't be dead because he's God (duh). However, if you think God doesn't exist, he can't be dead either because he's never existed, was never alive and thus couldn't die. So... even the title makes no goddamn sense. :|

The filmmakers think that Atheists are actually convinced of God's existence already, but they hate Him and want to "kill" Him, theoretically speaking. Hence why Hercules in the first movie tries to make Joss Whedon write that God is dead. It's religious opinion myopia at its finest.
 

Nordicus

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Sep 9, 2013
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And how exactly did Sabrina and the Youthful Lawyer win the case? Because, at least from what Madrake posted, nothing indicates how Sabrina's testimony on the last day could put them in the winning situation. If anything, her telling that story about church sign would make her look really stupid. (couldn't they seriously think of a better story?)
As another poster explained, apparently the young lawyer showed the court what kind of persecution Christians would end up facing if Sabrina did not win this case, because slippery slopes and all that.

Then everyone goes "Man, that is mean, I guess we must not set the legal precedent" etc.
 
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