I'm very unhappy. Please help.

[Piano]

Well first of all, I never thought I'd be one of those weirdos who posts their life problems on the internet but things in my life have gotten desperate enough that I'm looking for help everywhere I can.

I've lost most of my ability to enjoy things. I'm so depressed. I'm going into my senior year of college and over the past ~3 years it's been a slow slide backwards from total happiness and satisfaction. Every year of college so far has been less enjoyable than the last. Sure, that kind of sucks but I've been regularly consulting friends, family, and medical professionals about the matter since I first noticed the slide over a year and a half ago. Things have been a bit tough, but manageable. My attendance to classes has slid, my motivation in general faltered and I've been through a couple of pretty rough patches but by and by I've been able to keep things operating.

Most recently, I quit my summer job and moved home when it became clear that things had gotten to a point where I was not enjoying anything a whole lot and couldn't figure out why. My family, thank god, is extremely supportive. The only goal for the summer was to focus myself and try my best to figure out my mental issues. I've been seeing a doctor 2-3 times a week, exercising regularly, reconnecting with my friends here (I go to school thousands of miles away), writing letters to those I miss far away, and in general trying my best to keep down the stress in my life while keeping myself occupied. I haven't made any huge progress but at least, I felt, I had finally stopped my progressive slide. Things this summer, for the most part, have stayed pretty constant.

Until this past week. I don't know if it was the stress of getting my wisdom teeth out or knowing that school is around the corner in just a few weeks but something finally broke me. I don't enjoy anything right now. Not video games. Not the internet. Not any of my friends who are asking me to hang out with them. Nothing. Everything feels remarkably empty all of a sudden. Something has suddenly accelerated my mental anguish and undoing and I'm really, really afraid of where I'm going to end up if I can't figure it out soon. The past 72 hours have been the hardest I've had in years. Every day feels so drawn out and it takes so much will to ignore how pointless it feels and press onwards. I can't sustain like this.

I've been in touch with my doctor every day. I just started a new medicine tonight (Amitriptyline, a tricyclic). My family is searching around for help and we're seeking a second opinion. But at this point I've been through eight medicines, four doctors and one hospital visit since I started college so I don't want to bank on it. I've tried meditation. I even quit drinking and smoking. I forced myself to get out today and see a couple friends and was baffled at how it simply didn't register. The last time I felt this dead I was going through a harsh breakup. Now my life is wonderful, I simply can't enjoy it like a sane person for some reason. There's nothing I can think of that would 'fix' it. The only thing that would make me be happy...is if I were happy again. If I could feel there was a purpose in anything I'm doing. I don't want to force myself to do anything - I've done it for the better part of the past two years and ended up causing myself incurable gastrointestinal symptoms through doing so. I was surrounded by the building blocks of a wonderful life, doing relatively little on a day to day basis and yet still so deeply, profoundly unhappy that it began to manifest itself physically.

Tomorrow my girlfriend is arriving in town for a weeklong visit and I don't know how to feel about it. On the one hand, seeing here usually provides a tangible boost in my mood. On the other, throwing my emotional problems on our relationship puts it under a lot of stress and I don't feel like I have anything to offer her right now. I'm beyond even the point of wanting to shut myself in and play video games (which was most of my junior year of college). There's just nothing I want to do.

I'm not really sure what I'm expecting to get out of posting this here. I'm just scared and bordering on hopeless. I'm taking more meds than ever right now (three every day and a fourth as needed) and am feeling worse than I did when I used to take just one, every other day. I'm scared I might be overmedicated but I certainly don't have enough faith in my baseline to contemplate removing anything. It's gotten to the point that I'm discussing the possibility of taking a medical leave from school. But school is where the few things I do still care about are and while I'm deeply dreading and very afraid of going back I know that to not do so will probably send me much further into unhappiness than I already am. I figure there must be other people here who have gotten this low (and much lower) before and made it out.

I don't know what to do.
I'm so scared of losing hope. I don't want that.

And if you're one of those people who's so fundamentally unaware of what depression/mood disorder is and thinks I need to hear about how I need to man up or my life is great save yourself the time and leave. I know that my life is wonderful logically. But I've lost to ability to see it or feel it emotionally.

Thanks for reading.

 

[freddy]

See a doctor man. Not just a gp.

 

[Alpha-Bromega]

there is no hope. i'm the same way, except w/o the girlfriend or any friends at all really. doctors just said I have a severe case of depression and gave me drugs. They'll just give you drugs too man, you're already prescribed them like they'll help. they're making you worse and you're literally paying for it.

just realize these pains and mental anguish are infintessimal to the mechanations of the world, and literally nothing to the existence to the universe.

 

[Salsa]

certainly not ok with this

 

[Count Dookkake]

Hey, man, depression sucks. Just keep going to the doctor. Try to keep better track of your highs and lows. Don't do anything rash.

 

[Salsa]

there is no hope. i'm the same way, except w/o the girlfriend or any friends at all really. doctors just said I have a severe case of depression and gave me drugs. They'll just give you drugs too man, you're already prescribed them like they'll help. they're making you worse and you're literally paying for it.

just realize these pains and mental anguish are infintessimal to the mechanations of the world, and literally nothing to the existence to the universe.

or, you know: fuck you

 

[FStop7]

Kitten?

 

[SolKane]

there is no hope. i'm the same way, except w/o the girlfriend or any friends at all really. doctors just said I have a severe case of depression and gave me drugs. They'll just give you drugs too man, you're already prescribed them like they'll help. they're making you worse and you're literally paying for it.

just realize these pains and mental anguish are infintessimal to the mechanations of the world, and literally nothing to the existence to the universe.

Me too man, but no drugs here. They just turn you into a zombie, IMO. I try not to think about my situation too much, lest I get really hopeless. Some people are just doomed to suffering, I think that's the way of the world.

Edit: not saying this applies to the OP, this is my own experience. OP has a very different situation.

 

[Escape Goat]

there is no hope

Yeah, thats really helpful. Thanks for that awesome post.


OP, are you seeing a doctor for meds or are you also receiving CBT (talk) therapy? It seems you have a lot going for you. Supportive family, a girlfriend, good education. Throwing meds at it without changing thought processes is a dead end.

 

[Piano]

See a doctor man. Not just a gp.

I have. Four different psychiatrists and three therapists. My current doctor is great. I've learned tons about myself. But this is a seemingly inconquerable mountain that keeps popping up.

 

[Salsa]

there is no hope. i'm the same way, except w/o the girlfriend or any friends at all really. doctors just said I have a severe case of depression and gave me drugs. They'll just give you drugs too man, you're already prescribed them like they'll help. they're making you worse and you're literally paying for it.

just realize these pains and mental anguish are infintessimal to the mechanations of the world, and literally nothing to the existence to the universe.

Me too man, but no drugs here. They just turn you into a zombie, IMO. I try not to think about my situation too much, lest I get really hopeless. Some people are just doomed to suffering, I think that's the way of the world.

holy crap fuck both of you

 

[strata8]

there is no hope. i'm the same way, except w/o the girlfriend or any friends at all really. doctors just said I have a severe case of depression and gave me drugs. They'll just give you drugs too man, you're already prescribed them like they'll help. they're making you worse and you're literally paying for it.

just realize these pains and mental anguish are infintessimal to the mechanations of the world, and literally nothing to the existence to the universe.

Don't try to make others feel shitty about the world just because you do.

 

[(._.)]

are you seeing a therapist?

 

[Alligatorjandro]

I know that feel bro

 

[DominoKid]

Until this past week. I don't know if it was the stress of getting my wisdom teeth out or knowing that school is around the corner in just a few weeks but something finally broke me. I don't enjoy anything right now. Not video games. Not the internet. Not any of my friends who are asking me to hang out with them. Nothing. Everything feels remarkably empty all of a sudden. Something has suddenly accelerated my mental anguish and undoing and I'm really, really afraid of where I'm going to end up if I can't figure it out soon. The past 72 hours have been the hardest I've had in years. Every day feels so drawn out and it takes so much will to ignore how pointless it feels and press onwards. I can't sustain like this.

i find it interesting that you listed those things in that order. go hang out with your friends.

 

[Dr. Malik]

holy crap fuck both of you

you know they are both suffering from depression as well...

 

[Karma Kramer]

this might be terrible advice, but maybe look into psychedelic drugs like shrooms and acid... I know, sounds ridiculous. But I believe from my own personal experiences, they have brought back a childlike sense of wonder and even if you have a bad experience on them, as long as you don't freak out and realize you are tripping, you could gain very powerful realizations about who you are and what you enjoy/want to do with your life.

but yeah, im no doctor lol

 

[CornBurrito]

Me too man, but no drugs here. They just turn you into a zombie, IMO. I try not to think about my situation too much, lest I get really hopeless. Some people are just doomed to suffering, I think that's the way of the world.

Edit: not saying this applies to the OP, this is my own experience. OP has a very different situation.

That isn't an opinion, that is a statement that is blatantly false. It is like saying "The Earth is flat IMO."

you know they are both suffering from depression as well...

And trying to drag someone else down with them just because pills were ineffective for them. Which is fucking disgusting.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

It'll get better just dont do anything drastic.

 

[Bel Marduk]

You sound depressed for like no reason.

 

[CornBurrito]

You sound depressed for like no reason.

Depression is biological in nature.

 

[FStop7]

You sound depressed for like no reason.

That's how it works. It's biological. There isn't necessarily a "reason" in terms of events in your life. In fact depression can be harder on a person when everything in their life is great, because the the inability to be happy when things are going well amplifies the feelings of depression... talking from experience, here.

OP, I would say to keep going to a doctor. Medication isn't as bad as it's made out to be. The trick is to find the one that works for you, which is not easy. Medication won't necessarily make you a zombie or whatever. In fact, the right med will simply make you feel normal again. It took me a couple of tries but once I got it right it made an incredible improvement.

 

[triplestation]

I say you get a dog, dude. Maybe you've had enough of the same things over and over again. Take walks more often and subconsciously talk with yourself and try and figure out what you wanna do. Get more comedy into your system.

 

[Particle Physicist]

You need to talk to someone, not just be prescribed medication. Can you find a psychiatrist to talk to? I've been there. If I hadn't had a therapist to talk to I don't know where I would be right now. Just pouring my thoughts out to a 3rd party did wonders for me.

 

[Alpha-Bromega]

You sound depressed for like no reason.

there is never a clear cut reason for depression. it just is.

oh and to all those who for some reason have taken offence at my statements to the point of insulting me, peace be with you. it's real talk from one severely depressed individual to another. i know his exact situation personally and that is the honest answer. there is no happy ending except from within, but understanding your problem in a larger context gives yourself solace.

 

[Tron 2.0]

I can relate to what you're going through.

Clinical depression runs very deep in my family. Don't listen to the people telling you that medicine is worthless. If you can find a medication that works for you, it can do wonders.

It sounds like you have a good doctor, which is fantastic. Having someone that is willing to work with you and listens to you is essential.

I know it's hard to be motivated to do things like hang out with friends, but once you're around them do you feel any better?

I take medication every day. I have also found that exercise helps me a lot. I feel a noticeable difference in my mood after I exercise.

I've had three family members commit suicide, but I'm determined to be different.

It sucks. I know it sucks. Somedays it is hard to get out of bed. But it does get better. It'll take time, but it does.

I'm happy to help or talk or do anything I can. PM me if you want, but no pressure.

 

[kinoki]

Don't take drugs. It just pro-longs the depression. You can't suppress depression like that. Just take a time-out and get away from everything. Take a train somewhere far away and take long walks in a new place.

 

[Revolutionary]

Have you tried smoking some 'medicine'? Not that NeoGAF condones any such thing.

 

[crimzonflame]

Have you considered traveling? Preferably to another country?

 

[Escape Goat]

there is never a clear cut reason for depression. it just is.

oh and to all those who for some reason have taken offence at my statements to the point of insulting me, peace be with you. it's real talk from one severely depressed individual to another. i know his exact situation personally and that is the honest answer. there is no happy ending except from within, but understanding your problem in a larger context gives yourself solace.

so why don't you stfu and not post? He asked for help, dumbass.

 

[-COOLIO-]

Not video games. Not the internet. Not any of my friends who are asking me to hang out with them. Nothing. Everything feels remarkably empty all of a sudden.

i would keep trying new things. none of those things make everyone happy.

 

[Particle Physicist]

Have you tried smoking some 'medicine'? Not that NeoGAF condones any such thing.

Self medication is never a good idea. It just masks the problem.

 

[SamuraiX-]

just realize these pains and mental anguish are infintessimal to the mechanations of the world, and literally nothing to the existence to the universe.

Holy fuck, are you high?

 

[Salsa]

there is never a clear cut reason for depression. it just is.

oh and to all those who for some reason have taken offence at my statements to the point of insulting me, peace be with you. it's real talk from one severely depressed individual to another. i know his exact situation personally and that is the honest answer. there is no happy ending except from within, but understanding your problem in a larger context gives yourself solace.

you = every person in the world

right?

 

[teh_pwn]

You sound depressed for like no reason.

Contrary to armchair "mental disorders don't exist" psychologists, some cases of depression don't have a known cause and can't be remedied with puppies and sunshine.

 

[Dr. Malik]

That isn't an opinion, that is a statement that is blatantly false. It is like saying "The Earth is flat IMO."




And trying to drag someone else down with them just because pills were ineffective for them. Which is fucking disgusting.

Yes but he could have at least be a bit more constructive of why they might wrong instead of outright telling them to go fuck themselves.

 

[CornBurrito]

there is never a clear cut reason for depression. it just is.

oh and to all those who for some reason have taken offence at my statements to the point of insulting me, peace be with you. it's real talk from one severely depressed individual to another. i know his exact situation personally and that is the honest answer. there is no happy ending except from within, but understanding your problem in a larger context gives yourself solace.

Yeah just because you are depressed doesn't mean you know crap about how to treat depression. Just like having a broken leg doesn't make you an expert on how to treat broken legs.

There is a depression-GAF thread and a lot of people seem to be responding positively to medication.

Evidence suggests depression is a biological condition. It isn't "just is" and the solution doesn't come just "from within."

Don't take drugs. It just pro-longs the depression. You can't suppress depression like that. Just take a time-out and get away from everything. Take a train somewhere far away and take long walks in a new place.

Terrible advice. You have no idea what you are talking about.

Either that or give me the fucking research papers showing that antidepressants just prolong depression.

Or should I trust you over the medical community?

 

[Ramen]

I've been depressed for most of my life, and in my experience, even though my feeling of depression is nearly constant, it's intensity comes and goes in waves. If you can get through this bad patch, you will feel better again at some point, even though you still might be depressed. Don't lose hope, it will get better. (I'm no doctor, but it sounds like you're on too many meds though.)

 

[strata8]

there is never a clear cut reason for depression. it just is.

oh and to all those who for some reason have taken offence at my statements to the point of insulting me, peace be with you. it's real talk from one severely depressed individual to another. i know his exact situation personally and that is the honest answer. there is no happy ending except from within, but understanding your problem in a larger context gives yourself solace.

I'm sorry, all I got from your post was 'no one cares about you'. Cannot possibly see how you could consider that helpful.

 

[Face it Tiger..]

Sometimes everything hurts. Putting unfortunate shit in a bottle in the shelf of your consciousness never works for anybody, so I'm glad your seeing help.

 

[-COOLIO-]

there is never a clear cut reason for depression. it just is.

oh and to all those who for some reason have taken offence at my statements to the point of insulting me, peace be with you. it's real talk from one severely depressed individual to another. i know his exact situation personally and that is the honest answer. there is no happy ending except from within, but understanding your problem in a larger context gives yourself solace.

depressed people are notoriously bad at giving advice to other depressed people.

 

[jaxword]

There is a sure-fire cure for depression: Go and run as hard and fast as you can. And then hit the gym and chest press as heavy as you possibly can (use the machines though for your first time). Then repeat. Don't stop until you feel the endorphin rush. And then run some more. You don't stop running. Never stop running. You stop running, you stop moving.

It's the only way. Do it now. Don't look to the internet for help, you need your body to help YOU.

 

[Vox-Pop]

I always hit my low point in August. Had a bad breakdown last year and a few years ago around the same time I tried to kill myself. Although I feel better than before. I felt a lot more depressed and just sad last year. Now I'm just tired. I just get really stressed out and annoyed. I hate when people talk to me. Which is weird because a few years ago I would give anything to talk to people. I don't even want friends anymore.

I'm also becoming more paranoid. This is the only thing that worries me. I had a side mirror on my car stolen and it made me all scared that some is going to steal my car. It's also made me feel like some one wants to kill me. I get freaked out by any little noise.

 

[Piano]

Kitten?

http://www.mercyanimalhospital.com/imagebank/eVetSites/DogCats/truth_about_cats_and_dogs_i.jpg[img][/QUOTE]
This honestly helped a bit.

[QUOTE=Teh Hamburglar]Yeah, thats really helpful. Thanks for that awesome post.


OP, are you seeing a doctor for meds or are you also receiving CBT (talk) therapy? It seems you have a lot going for you. Supportive family, a girlfriend, good education. Throwing meds at it without changing thought processes is a dead end.[/QUOTE]
I've had it in the past. I'm exploring that option again...that's more learning to manage symptoms rather than fighting them, right?
[QUOTE=DominoKid]i find it interesting that you listed those things in that order. go hang out with your friends.[/QUOTE]
I guess you're right. I do hang out with them...but it always ends up feeling like a detour from my unhappiness that takes a lot of effort.
[QUOTE=quadriplegicjon]You need to talk to someone, not just be prescribed medication. Can you find a psychiatrist to talk to? I've been there. If I hadn't had a therapist to talk to I don't know where I would be right now. Just pouring my thoughts out to a 3rd party did wonders for me.[/QUOTE]
My psychiatrist does talk therapy as well. We spend 2-3 hours a week talking. I've learned a ton. But the problem right now isn't one of logic or knowledge...

 

[Spire]

Don't take drugs. It just pro-longs the depression. You can't suppress depression like that. Just take a time-out and get away from everything. Take a train somewhere far away and take long walks in a new place.

There are many different types of depression and some don't go away no matter what your situation is. Medication is the only answer for a lot of people.

 

[SolKane]

That isn't an opinion, that is a statement that is blatantly false. It is like saying "The Earth is flat IMO."

No, because there's empirical evidence to suggest that antidepressants can be ineffective and/or cause mood disruptions, in other words turning into a zombie. In many cases they also show improvement for individuals with depression in combination with therapy, but nobody should take my statement as the final word on antidepressants. I was only sharing my experience. If you read the OP you'd see he has been seeing several doctors and medications (not always advisable) without any benefits. And it's no secret that psychiatrists like to medicate first and foremost before running rigorous clinical diangoses.

And trying to drag someone else down with them just because pills were ineffective for them. Which is fucking disgusting.

Not what I was trying to do at all, so take the false outrage somewhere else.

 

[IcyBlueStrawberry]

The only thing I can suggest is to "tough it out" for a while.

I've never gotten to the point where I was on heavy meds, but your situation sounds similar to me about a year ago. It should pass with time.

And I know you're concerned about your mental stability, but I would try to cut back on the number of medications you're on.

 

[Karma Kramer]

see if this track cheers you up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BYlQW68l4w

 

[soultron]

This might sound stupid, but why not take some time away from things? Don't go back to school. Consider the fact that it might not ever be for you. This isn't a bad thing. While it's a lot harder to "make it" without an education, you can still find a niche that you're the first to lay claim to and really hit it big. The chances of this are slim, but what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't feel forced to adhere to the path most often travelled by others. You can blaze your own path.

If you try to find your own path through life, you might find that you enjoy that more.

I'm not sure if you were feeling pressure from school, but simply tried to address that possibility.

All the best, OP.

 

[Tron 2.0]

I interpreted Kinoki's post as being against recreational drugs, but I've been wrong before.