Eh, they were originally one post anyway until I had to split it up, so I might as well stick both updates one right after the other. BTW, Lindsay, is the title from your first entry from Fate/Zero? IIRC, the second episode was called "False Start". Could also come from Robotech.
A post above we took on a popular K-pop group and won. Abe celebrated by stripping his armour.
Now we're definitely going to get some beer!
Golbez, Clad in Darkness
How could he hurt the precious beer when all you can do is drink it?
Once he got his hands on the Crystal of Earth, its power gave Golbez a mere bout of amnesia where he forgot what Beer was.
Somehow, Batman and his Band of Doofs are utterly surprised by this but we know that they’re all a bunch of naïve nutcases who cannot stand up to Golbez’s awesome power.
oh god why
Abe ends up casting a bunch of spells that he sucks at casting (ex: Virus, Fire 3) and they don’t work well. Golbez laughs in his face.
Rightfully so.
You don’t have enough MP for this shit, you fool! You wasted more than you had without using an Ether1 like we had to do halfway through this dungeon because you couldn’t pull your own weight!
No! Don’t!
It’ll destroy you!
Meteo happens to cause 9999 damage.
What a shame. We could have used that if Abe weren’t useless.
Does this mean that Golbez is dead?
Well, no. Golbez is still standing, and Abe is dead. Because Golbez > x 1000 Abe.
Meteo has several consequences:
1. Do you see how pissed Golbez is?
2. Tommy is now swooned and on the floor.
3. Abe is dead you guys
I think Golbez was getting tired of Tommy’s moaning and groaning anyway!
FINISH HIM.
It’s funny seeing Batman take some initiative here because he usually stands there, watches, and does nothing to help the situation. I mean, he knows Cure and Cure 2 but he sucks at them so obviously he can’t heal Abe. Too bad he doesn’t know Life1!
Suspicion
Dammit, Golbez.
You have the power to end this. What the hell is Batman trying to do in his dream? The Golbez
we know would have ended him quickly.
Maybe Golbez doesn’t care anymore. Batman’s merely an alcoholic paladin so he doesn’t pose much of a threat. He doesn’t need the Tower of Zot anymore either so he leaves for another hideout.
I swear that I’ve seen this error a few times during this game (ex: capitalizing the second word in the sentence for no reason).
This was the game’s attempt to teach a Life Lesson™ to the player. Remember how the voice on the mountain kept telling Batman that violence wasn’t the only answer? This was the game’s way of showing the player that this is where anger, vengeance, hate, and violence gets them. Being consumed by hate gets you nowhere, and that was drilled into Batman’s skull during his Paladin trial.
In the end, Abe was an angry, bitter, hate-filled old man—nearly one-dimensional. His character was supposed to contrast with everyone else. Even though he was a horrible
playable character in battle.
Haddock is the best.
…to what?
…Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know what Tommy had planned for Beer. At all.
Nice timing, Batman. Right as the bowling ball (wtf, a bowling ball in this version… hahaha) was about to crush the keg into a pile of nothing.
Theme of Love
Eww. Batman’s making out with a keg. Who knows where it’s been!
Actually, they took a frame of animation out here in this version. They kiss in other versions. Here they just hug. Because kissing is gross and you can get cooties from kissing!
I can only imagine how tight and icky that embrace is. Gross!
Fuck you, bro. How dare you sip some of my beer? You’ve tainted it now.
So as we all guessed, Tommy just wanted Batman to share Beer with him. I mean, is that too much to ask? But seriously, in this version, it seems as though Batman doesn’t forgive Tommy in the slightest and all the dialogue from here on out is disingenuous.
Exactly. Haddock knows what’s going on. And Batman just wants Tommy as the Green Ranger, not as a friend. Tommy’s honour as a friend has been besmirched in general terms, so Batman just wants a co-worker. That’s what he gets for trying to steal Batman’s beer.
It’s Batman’s dream, so whatever.
Even if we’d played the game for 32 hours so far, she’d still be alive. Don’t bs me, game.
Both Beer and Tommy will join around Batman’s level, but with Tommy being a little above that. Tommy comes equipped with a Wind Spear, and I’m going to keep that equipped because the Drain Spear, and I’ll get into that in the next entry, has an effect that may or may not be helpful to the player depending on his/her playstyle.
Beer is half-naked, so we have to use the equipment that Abe left + the new Wizard Robe we picked up. She also managed to somehow learn new spells while she was all tied up and at Tommy and Golbez’s mercy. Somehow. I don’t know.
Alright, we got everything we need so let’s try to Exit out of here.
Exit out of here.
Now.
Why won’t you let me use Exit, game?!
Why is everything so green in this part of the game? I miss the Evil Purple. Remember how cool the Evil Purple was?
Valvalis? Well, Barbariccia won’t fit, but where did Valvalis come from? I can’t find an instance of that. The
only thing I see this coming from is the B/V conversion from Japanese. So, like, you know where in Dragonball where Vegeta is called “Bejita” in Japanese? Similarly, it was translated from バルバリシア (Barubarishia) and バ (“ba”
is written as “va” without looking at the etymology of the name (and because of character limits, they could only fit up to バルバリシ (Barubarishi) in the enemy name slot. In Japanese, V is usually called ブイ (“bui”
. The reason behind this is because there is no voiced labial fricative (so think of your mouth… labiodental usually refers to your lips + teeth, frications means that you restrict air from passing at the area of articulation, which in this case is the lips… so when you make a ‘v’ sound, your top teeth somewhat comes into contact with your bottom lip, your vocal cords vibrate when air passes through them, and air flow is constricted by your lip/teeth). They do have the character ヴ (vu) to try to supply the sound but in pronunciation it won’t sound accurate to the actual /v/ sound.
As for ル (ru) / リ(ri) -> ‘l”, I think a lot of people are familiar with r/l stuff in Japanese.
So yeah, that’s how they came up with Valvalis, imo.
I love how they call it “The Meteo”. Either it’s a dance or a lovely lovely alcoholic drink. Considering that Abe can’t dance, it’s probably a drink.
So… we’re casting Float for this boss?
Hey guys remember when I said last update to remember that’s we’re in the sky? This is the next fiend!
The Dreadful Fight (Dissidia: Final Fantasy Edition)
Alternatively, and I said I would sneak this in somehow, right?
Sonic Free Riders - Free (Crush 40 Edition)
Valvalis has a lovely little gimmick: she likes to make PCs dizzy. So dizzy, in fact, that a nameless PC yells for Tommy to jump. A lot. So Tommy’s going to spend the entire fight jumping on her head, while the rest of us do whatever. By the way, in the SNES version you can still hit her while she’s making people dizzy, even if she has a high EVA stat. In other versions, you always miss with your spells and attacks. She’ll also cast Weak and Ray (which is gradual petrify) in her dizzy form.
This boss isn’t hard as long as you keep jumping on her head, avoiding people getting completely stoned, and making sure that Donnie is Berserked because that’s the only way he fights now.
And Barbariccia, as you may guess, also comes from Dante's
Inferno. Her name means "curly beard", rooted in Italian
barba and Latin
barba, and Italian
riccia/
riccio (btw, relevant-- I've seen that
riccio can mean hedgehog in some contexts).
Wait, there’s one more of you but you want us to die along with the Tower of Zot?
Make up your damn mind on how you want us to die.
Why is it working now?!
Don’t you mean “where are we”? This game seems to phrase questions oddly quite often. Half the time, I wonder if PCs and NPCs are blind.
Suspicion
Hey guys, let’s play a game. Every single time you see the word “crystal” mentioned in these screens, take a shot.
Why the hell won’t this game bloody end?!
This is what we like to call “padding”. Bullshit padding. Eight crystals. By the way, how many sips have you guys taken already?
Tommy
just said that, Batman. Get a fucking grip.
And, uh, what does Haddock mean by “The crystals of this world are of Light and of open side”, anyway? This sounds incredibly bad even though I kinda ‘get’ what they are trying to say. Saying “the surface” would have been better.
They really want us to get wasted here, huh? It’s like they’re trying to pound the idea of there being extra crystals into your head because the dialogue doesn’t have to be this plentiful at all.
Now you’re just making shit up, Batman. This is bullshit.
This game can end right now and Golbez will rightfully be the victor because I’m sure he isn’t as batshit. And he’s alive. Batman’s dead.
Haddock gets this. This is stupid. (I always thought the “dig a hole” comment was hilarious because it speaks to what I think of this entire scenario.)
Wait. What was this?
Way to the Moon? So we're supposed to collect all of the Nijizuishou to make the magic Ginzuishou now? Because Batman is Sailor Venus or Sailor Moon?
I’m done, GAF.
it doesn’t burn your hands or anything feel free to touch it what do you mean this shit is dangerous and will burn your hands clear off
what do you mean 800 degrees celsius that doesn’t kill normal people
It’s probably under the pile of rubble that was the Tower of Zot.
REMOTE CONTROL!?
I oh god my brain why wtf
You shouldn’t even…
remote control? When I was younger, I read a science book about the evolution of technology, and I recall remote controls being developed by Tesla in the late 1800s/almost early 1900s. Then some other guy controlled a robot with it in the early 1900s. Then we get to RC airplanes in the 1930s. The test ground for RC stuff was World War II. Glider history goes as far back as Greece in the BCE. Then we get to some of the good stuff during the middle ages and the Renaissance. Then we get into stuff in the late 1700s/1800s. Powered flight, which I suppose is what airships qualify under, didn’t even start until the 1900s, and the test ground was World War 1.
Do you see what I’m getting at here? Airships are still in their infancy, the rest of the world is in medieval times, and we’re talking about
remote control? Golbez is the only dude with futuristic tech. Tech build-up is pretty quick during wartime, it seems.
Which means that Golbez probably gave Cid RC tech.
Which means that Golbez wins.
Even so, this story has lost me.
Doesn’t Haddock have a magic drill somewhere considering he has
remote control? Or hey, we could use the Earth wrench of his to cast Quake dozens of times…
Why can’t you finish this
game off, then? Honestly, this game has gone on too long now, and Batman’s way of extending it is to make the story objectives
batshit insane.
I’m leaving.
Next Time: It’s
Sonic Underground.