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Is my brother abusing his kids?

pramod

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Just came back from a hiking trip with my brothers family. So he has 2 8 yr old boys and I noticed while on the trip whenever the kids did something to annoy him no matter how slight, his immediate response is to do something physical, like twist their earlobe, smack their head, etc. I mean nothing like outright beating them but always trying to inflict some sort of physical pain.

I mean I have no kids myself so I feel like I'm not in any position to judge or criticize his actions. But i feel a bit bad for the boys. They can be brats but what 8 yr olds aren't? I just feel like the constant physical punishments are a bit too far.
 

Patrick S.

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I dunno, the way you put it, it does not sound like abuse at all especially if they're annoying as shit. We need more details.
I'm a father. My son can be difficult, but I'd never do that shit OP describes. And he's not even doing it after the sons throw tantrums or whatever, no, it's straight to physical punishment. Fuck that guy!
 

daveonezero

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there is a lot of evidence corporal punishment is a good way to fuck you kids up. At the least they will not like their parents.
 
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Patrick S.

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If there’s no hard hitting that’s not abusive. What you described seems an act of discipline to me. Just a sting for them to understand
Man, I hope you don't have kids! Shit like that is traumatizing and breaks the trust a son has in his father.
 
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TheCockatrice

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I'm a father. My son can be difficult, but I'd never do that shit OP describes. And he's not even doing it after the sons throw tantrums or whatever, no, it's straight to physical punishment. Fuck that guy!
We dont know what he does to his sons other than OP's point of view which might not mean much. He could be a loving father for all we know. Lets not condemn the actions of someone so easily. I'm from Eastern Europe, and kids do not end up fucked up if they get smacked once in a while if they do dumb shit, it's quite the opposite, they end up drunktards and reckless drivers because they lacked discipline.
 
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pramod

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Is he roughhousing with them in a semi-playful manner or outright trying to inflict pain as a "lesson"?
As a lesson, but it just seems to me he does it for even the most minor things. Like I saw one time one of the boys was trying to open a locked door, he was a bit slow, so my brother kinda slammed his head into the door, at that moment I was like WTF and almost said something but I just kept quiet. I mean I know my bro 100% loves his boys and would never do anything to actually hurt them, but he is very strict and is using a lot of physical/corporal pain to make them behave.
 
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Patrick S.

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We dont know what he does to his sons other than OP's point of view which might not mean much. He could be a loving father for all we know. Lets not condemn the actions of someone so easily. I'm from Eastern Europe, and kids do not end up fucked up if they get smacked once in a while if they do dumb shit, it's quite the opposite, they end up drunktards and reckless drivers because they lacked discipline.
Yes, let's. You don't smack your kids and twist their ears at the first opportunity. Eastern Europe isn't really my moral compass, sorry.
 
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pramod

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Also it's clearly bothering my sister-in-law as well. At one point my brother was doing this shit so much to one of the boys he wouldn't stop crying, she had to step in and tell him to stop touching him and leave him alone.
 

Patrick S.

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Also it's clearly bothering my sister-in-law as well. At one point my brother was doing this shit so much to one of the boys he wouldn't stop crying, she had to step in and tell him to stop touching him and leave him alone.
You can't get a clearer answer to your question than that. Your nephews are suffering!
 
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daveonezero

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Stop overreacting. Stinging a kid is different that fucking hitting him

I was stinged a lot when I was a kid and here I am a grown man and not “traumatised” lol
it is not. It is using violence or a form of it to correct behavior.
 

Mista

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Also it's clearly bothering my sister-in-law as well. At one point my brother was doing this shit so much to one of the boys he wouldn't stop crying, she had to step in and tell him to stop touching him and leave him alone.
At this case he’s taking it far. No need to continue while they’re crying. They’re hurt and they get it. Stop it right here but continuing is fucked up
 
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daveonezero

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Pinching your ear is considered violence? Ok.
using physical force to adjust behavior is violence. Not all damage has to be physical. Not only is it violence it is an aggression on a defenseless human being.
violence
noun
vi·o·lence | \ ˈvī-lən(t)s , ˈvī-ə-\
Definition of violence

1a: the use of physical force so as to injure, abuse, damage, or destroy
b: an instance of violent treatment or procedure

 
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Ellis

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Also it's clearly bothering my sister-in-law as well. At one point my brother was doing this shit so much to one of the boys he wouldn't stop crying, she had to step in and tell him to stop touching him and leave him alone.
Sounds like he gets a kick out of doing it, which means he has some issues that need looking at as soon as possible.

If I witnessed my brother continuously tormenting his children non-stop I would break his fucking nose.
 

daveonezero

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And we'd love to hear from some them in this thread.
Children are not play things to hit and beat around. If that Is the parents experience I have heard it doesn't work. Children are little human beings who look to their parents for protection not as beings that punish them for reasons they don't understand.
 
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Barnabot

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Children are not play things to hit and beat around. If that Is the parents experience I have heard it doesn't work. Children are little human beings who look to their parents for protection not as beings that punish them for reasons they don't understand.
Stupid questions first. Are you a parent?
 
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King of Foxes

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Children are not play things to hit and beat around. If that Is the parents experience I have heard it doesn't work. Children are little human beings who look to their parents for protection not as beings that punish them for reasons they don't understand.
They are also fucking stupid. My oldest hit the newborn with a moana barbie twice before my wife got to her.

How on earth is talking to her a better means of communicating what she did is wrong than a smack.

She is 3 and he 4 months
 

Patrick S.

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They are also fucking stupid. My oldest hit the newborn with a moana barbie twice before my wife got to her.

How on earth is talking to her a better means of communicating what she did is wrong than a smack.

She is 3 and he 4 months
Christ, you are hitting your four month old kid? Man, I'm outta here because I'mma get aggresive.
 
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daveonezero

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Stupid questions first. Are you a parent?
The OP isn't even a parent. I have nieces and nephews. and friends that do peaceful parenting. This thread was never an exclusive club on parents vs non parents. But apparently the parents love to inflict pain on their defenseless children. Its their prerogative and I'd never force them to do anything but don't be surprised if someone steps in sometime.

4 years old isn't any better. Does she know why you hit her?
 
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Mista

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using physical force to adjust behavior is violence. Not all damage has to be physical. Not only is it violence it is an aggression on a defenseless human being.
violence
noun
vi·o·lence | \ ˈvī-lən(t)s , ˈvī-ə-\
Definition of violence

1a: the use of physical force so as to injure, abuse, damage, or destroy
b: an instance of violent treatment or procedure

Whats that? A dictionary for snowflakes? Every kid needs to be disciplined without being abused. I never said smack them with everything around you

Christ, you are hitting your four month old kid? Man, I'm outta here because I'mma get aggresive.
Get your eyes checked for fuck sake. How are you going to get aggressive exactly? By CAPS LOCKING YOUR NEXT REPLY?! Good luck having your kids growing up being pussies because all you said is “Timmy it’s time you stop doing that okay?”
 

Yoshi

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Pinching your ear is considered violence? Ok.
It is violence. Inflicting physcial pain on your child is violence, though the mental impact of course outstrips the physical impact. Inflicitng pain on your child is a major break of trust. If my sister had a child and were treating the child like op's brother, I would have a serious discussion with her asap.
 

Yoshi

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They are also fucking stupid. My oldest hit the newborn with a moana barbie twice before my wife got to her.

How on earth is talking to her a better means of communicating what she did is wrong than a smack.

She is 3 and he 4 months
EDIT: Misread in quote. Still absolutely terrible, but not entirely unheard of.
 
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Mista

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It is violence. Inflicting physcial pain on your child is violence, though the mental impact of course outstrips the physical impact. Inflicitng pain on your child is a major break of trust. If my sister had a child and were treating the child like op's brother, I would have a serious discussion with her asap.
I don’t know what you lot have experienced with your parents but we as kids got a good ass whopping for doing bad things and we grew up to be men and can manage through every obstacle we get. I’m not “traumatised” today
What the fuck you are hitting your four month old? I am speechless.
You also can’t read Yoshi?
 
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At one point my brother was doing this shit so much to one of the boys he wouldn't stop crying, she had to step in and tell him to stop touching him and leave him alone.
That's fucked up man. If he is doing this shit in front of people, I can't imagine what he's doing when nobody is around.
 
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Yoshi

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I don’t know what you lot have experienced with your parents but we as kids got a good ass whopping for doing bad things and we grew up to be men and can manage through every obstacle we get. I’m not “traumatised” today
There are children who were sexually abused in their childhood and turned out successful, well-mannered members of society, e.g. Richard Dawkins. This is how great your argument is. Ass whopping is child abuse and inflicting pain on your child wilfully (and not even as a snap reaction in an extreme situation, but as a regular treatment) is outright disgusting.
 

daveonezero

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She knows hitting her brother will result in a smacked behind. Thats more than enough
I don't think that is what the studies say.


Spanking. The research is shouting at us.
A massive study based on 50 years of research, has shown that the more that children are spanked, the more damage will be done to them. The study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, came to its conclusions through a detailed analysis of 50 years of research involving over 160,000 children.

For the purposes of the study, spanking was defined as an open-handed hit on the bottom of extremities.

The study found that the more that children are spanked:

  • the more defiant they are;
  • the more they show antisocial behaviour;
  • the more aggressive they are;
  • the more mental health problems they have;
  • the more cognitive difficulties they have.


‘But I was spanked and it didn’t do me any harm.’
People who were spanked as children are also more likely to use physical punishment as a response to their own children. Often, the justification goes something like, ‘Well, it didn’t do me any harm.’ Many people who are spanked probably do grow up to have happy, successful lives with healthy, fulfilling relationships. None of that changes the enormous potential for damage that always comes with spanking.

Maybe they will be okay. Maybe they won’t. Most probably they won’t. And for what?There has been no research ever that has shown any positives to come from spanking.There have been plenty that have shown us the negatives.

Understandably, as adults, we would be ticked at any adult who hit us to change our will or behaviour. Yet for many people who grew up being spanked, the idea that it is okay to hit children seems reasonable. The harm lies in being desensitised to the use of physical force against children. That desensitisation is understandable, but now we know better.
Having kids or not doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on the topic. Maybe because I've actually thought of it I will be able to raise a Child without resorting to caveman like thinking of violence is the only solution.

There are so many exceptions that doesn't mean it is ok to still do it.
 
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Barnabot

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(Pretending that I never had an ass whooping from my parents as a kid for misbehaving)

No man. Shit no. Don't you ever beat your kid's asses even after several warnings of misbehaving or else... they'll become psycopaths or even worse... they'll be posting on gaming forums.
/s
 

King of Foxes

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I don't think that is what the studies say.








Its crazy how the parents think its ok but the non parents are appalled.

Having kids or not doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on the topic. Maybe because I've actually thought of it I will be able to raise a Child without resorting to caveman like thinking of violence is the only solution.
Im from Eastern Europe. If you really expect me to take advice from western cultures when their own countries are giant messes than you are a fool.

Discipline and good behaviour starts at home. We are their parents not their friends