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"It's Not Your Imagination, Single Women:There Literally Aren't Enough Men Out There"

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liliththepale said:
That's why I said "by those metrics". There are lots of things that college doesn't necessarily measure well like charity and hospitality.

But doesn't everyone want the best they can get? Most people aren't dating as a charity. If you can find yourself someone who's going to be financially secure and also has a heart of gold, win/win!
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Wanting the best they can get is why this article was written in the first place though.

If the money aspect is that important to you filtering after college degrees makes sense. If you are looking for a partner for life at 35 you might want to cast a wider net, especially if the gender ratio for college educated people works against you.

The ratio of good persons isn't any better among college graduates than the rest of the population.
 
IS this how dating is because of Tinder or something? By that I mean people checking up/asking what grade of education you have reached?

And is this an American dating trait? I have never (on all the dates I have been on, admittedly over 10 years ago now) even discussed grades or academic achievements on a date.
 
Daffy Duck said:
IS this how dating is because of Tinder or something? By that I mean people checking up/asking what grade of education you have reached?

And is this an American dating trait? I have never (on all the dates I have been on, admittedly over 10 years ago now) even discussed grades or academic achievements on a date.
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Not necessarily, here in the Netherlands I've used a dating website that sold itself as specifically for the 'higher educated'. Seemed to work as intended.
 
Well, I got dumped once because I didn't like the same political party... yeah, I was like 'what was that' from several weeks after that evening.

I am single currently, and to be honest, I am not even looking for a girl, need to sort out my other problems. I have discovered that it is turn down for many single girls here when they discover that I work in a store. The next question was 'why are you working there if you are engineer?' and things went downhill rapidly...
 
These women are reaching too high if they're in their late 30's and still can't find a man tbh. Not everyone can marry a millionaire, or even someone as successful as you.
 
mrklaw said:
I'd like to think that as women get more equality in the workplace, and parity on pay, that their need to pair up with successful men might reduce, and they'll measure 'successful' on more nuanced metrics than whether they have a degree/how much they earn.

I'd like to think.
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I think this will probably happen, but certain economic reforms may be required.
 
Yrael said:
Even if it is true that heterosexual men generally have a preference for younger women (indeed not always a hard and fast rule), the shaming of women over 30 by referring to them as "expired," "goat's cheese," "spoiled milk," etc is completely repellent.
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Eighty Deuce has all the tact of a wet napkin, but the idea age affects the sexes differently is a point to consider when discussing intersexual selection, or whatever the hell we're discussing.

excelsiorlef said:
Lol. I love when people use (more like abuse) science to justify the sexist status quo.

Women don't expire.

And they say religion is the main source of sexism.

Bro science is almost as bad.
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If stating that generally men find perky tits and smooth faces attractive means I'm sexist, okay.
 
Fallout-NL said:
Not necessarily, here in the Netherlands I've used a dating website that sold itself as specifically for the 'higher educated'. Seemed to work as intended.
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Well that would be par for the course on those types of dating sites, I meant in general of meeting in a bar/somewhere else and just chatting and then going further.
 
Well, I suppose when you're already chatting to someone, it wouldn't be too hard to find out all sorts of stuff.

I've got more to say on the matter, but I've deleted what I typed a bunch of times already and don't feel like going into 'wall o text' mode like backslashbunny.
 
there are plenty of men out there. these women are so picky for so many years that they end up getting older single from being so picky now alone
 
gutter_trash said:
there are plenty of men out there. these women are so picky for so many years that they end up getting older single from being so picky now alone
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I know some women like this and I think they are picky because they are not really looking for a relationship. They are comfortable being single and if their dream man comes they will settle, but it he doesn't then they will still be happy. There is nothing wrong with that.

What I find revolting is when they go Nice Girl mode and say shit like "There Literally Aren't Enough Men Out There". Like, get over yourself
 
keywor here is
We all have that friend: the beautiful, intelligent, driven woman who—like Katherine Heigl in every rom-com—can't find a decent date. Every guy she goes out with is an asshole; she consistently dates "below" her league, and she's on the verge of giving up on a committed relationship altogether.
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below her league..
so uhm, a successful woman wants a successful man, correct?
so a housewive should go for an houseman?
and let's throw everything about romance in the closet?

frankly i'm more inclined to believe that simply there are
1) people interested in stability (family is given the prio): this type of person settle early (or not too late) and invest a lot in his personal life/ties
2) people (like me) more interested in career, that settle late (if ever) hoping to be able to recoup in their late years what they had left behind while younger in order to achieve career result..

issue with category two people, is that after achieving some SOLID result from the work pov, they feel entitled to expect to find a match with whom they can not only share mutual affection, but work achievments//dedication...
hello, a relation is just like a blanket, one that is barely enough to handle the whole family and that stretches at time to accomodate a new family member, but it's ultimately a tight fit for the member of the family itself..
so if you are two, the blanket is enough for two, if you have a children, it will be enough to accomodate the three of you.. but if you are two, and you want to have a blanket that can cover fully two half of the couple reaching the ground from both sides... well that won't really do..
this woman is amazing, etc etc I understand... but you know what's common for career-runner? working long hours, sacrificing the week-end, being sent around the company site to "bring his positive effects".. sure they (we) get paid more, but the downside is that
1) if we are in a relation, we expect (hope) that the our SO won't mind our lack of presence during period, or is aware that we might need to change city for a promotion//assignment for a few years, etc.. and frankly this is asking a LOT really
2) if we are not in a relation, we hope to fall romanticly endlessly in love, only to realize that when you are in a date, chirping around with a potential SO, having your flirting interrupted by call on your work phone that lasts 20-40 minutes, or askng a potential SO to "postpone" a date because something urgent (work) came up that will force you to stay awake.. that really won't do..
3) we assume that since we have achieved something, we expect that our SO must be equally amazing, often ignoring that they are amazing after their own fashion which might or might not include at all work achievements, salary, etc...

I'm speaking as I think I'll be in her situation 10 or so years from now, and I hope that I won't be that much of a problem child..
we all make choices, and we make choices consciously.. I preferred to assign a lot of priority to my work, while giving little priority to my own personal life... will I regret it later? maybe.. should I feel entitled to whine about it? not really..

just my two (loooooong) cents :)
 
I think a lot of this is that people work so hard when they are young for a career and at some point realize that the corporate life is meaningless and the CEO is not going to be standing at your death bed comforting you with how many weekends you gave up over your career.

So at this point the only people you can realistically date are the people that had the same priorities. All of the family minded people are already on kid #2 and taking family vacations and doing fun shit on the weekends.

At least this is how it went down in my social circle.
 
maomaoIYP said:
Just found out about this thread. I wish I lived in the US, I have three degrees, they aren't good for anything (even employment) here in Asia. I haven't had a real date in years.
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Preference for male heirs in Asia has really messed up gender ratios badly. Especially for men. Kinda ironic, huh?

China?
 
God Dayumm said:
What I find revolting is when they go Nice Girl mode and say shit like "There Literally Aren't Enough Men Out There". Like, get over yourself
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It would be more accurately titled "There Literally Aren't Enough Men Out There (When You Disqualify Millions of Single Men for Socioeconomic Reasons)."
 
liliththepale said:
That's why I said "by those metrics". There are lots of things that college doesn't necessarily measure well like charity and hospitality.

But doesn't everyone want the best they can get? Most people aren't dating as a charity. If you can find yourself someone who's going to be financially secure and also has a heart of gold, win/win!
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I mean, there are plenty of highly paid industries that don't involve tertiary education, like mining and trades. A person doing that kind of work isn't any less of a person.

I think if I were still looking the only reason I'd prefer someone with tertiary education is because I'm quite academic and would want to date someone with similar interests. I wouldn't rule out someone without it though. I make more than my partner so money doesn't really bother me.

Cocaloch said:
I think there is probably a fairly decent correlation, not 1 to 1 of course, between education and intelligence.

Meanwhile the original idea behind a liberal arts education is that it will make you a better person, but the US university system has moved so far beyond what the academy was just 100 years ago that I don't think too many would still say it's actually a part of such an education.
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I'm pretty sure there's no correlation between education and being a person though.
 
Hard to really feel that sympathetic when you're having problems due to lofty standards. As we get older our pool of available people to date shrinks. Probably need to edit some of your requirements in a partner if you're having problems finding someone, unless you're fine being alone.
 
This is definitely a standards issue on both sides. A lot of men won't date women who have higher education than them, want to settlr or are older, and in relationships where the women does earn more she is usually still the one whose career suffers if they have kids. The dating game sucks the more educated you get if you're a woman.

It makes sense that people want to find a partner with similar life goals and outlook to them though.
 
Does the article examine the fact that people in general don't want to date anyone anymore?
They're talking about a mid 30's issue but just wait until someone examines the mid 20's people.
Absolutely NO interest in being with someone in a committed relationship.
 
Tik-Tok said:
Does the article examine the fact that people in general don't want to date anyone anymore?
They're talking about a mid 30's issue but just wait until someone examines the mid 20's people.
Absolutely NO interest in being with someone in a committed relationship.
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Maybe just personal experiences, but for me Im seeing alot of my friends and associates getting married in their late 20s, so Im not sure about your claims.
 
Well its becoming more of a buyer's market for men in that regard. As women become more educated and they keep the typical preference of wanting to date up, the pool will get shallow. As stated by the article, 4:3 ratio now with college grads of F:M and it will only worsen.

And I think the biggest thing is, men typically date younger. Generalizing a bit, but most women do not date someone younger. Similar to dating someone shorter in height. So why should a 33 year old guy go after the 28 year old woman, who wants kids, a family, be a power couple, etc. Basically come in with all these expectations compared to the 22 or 23 year old who just wants to have a good time? Unless his intent is to settle down too? I think that is really off putting.
 
Oxn said:
Maybe just personal experiences, but for me Im seeing alot of my friends and associates getting married in their late 20s, so Im not sure about your claims.
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I'm 34 about to be 35 and have always been in a committed relationship since I was 18 (not with the same women) bar a month or two here or there and one stint for a year where my current girlfriend and I seperated. I've been in two relationships that lasted about 7 years.
I have no interest in getting married.

I have a lot of friends who are younger than me, in their mid to late 20's. None of them even have boyfriends or girlfriends. The odd time that some of them do end up dating someone it never lasts longer than a month.
I suspect for them it's just not worth it when you can go on Tinder and find a new hookup and go back to doing whatever you want without any obligation to anyone else.
I suspect theres also a lot of casual sex happening amongst my group of friends but it's a don't ask don't tell type situation, likely because people wouldn't want to change that dynamic.

Edit: I'll add I think that the whole partnering up thing is something that women are more inclined to than men in general so that may contribute to the type of thing that this article is discussing. In no way am I saying men are not interested in it at all. Just that in general men seem less interested in it than women.
 
And where is this magical wonderland with millions of single girls?

Where I live, even the extremely average ones are already in a relationship by the early 20s.
 
Seriously, guys, stop trying to blame women for your problems. If the woman are giving you problems, then they're not worth dating to begin with. Cause we can play the blame game all day long.
 
shanshan310 said:
This is definitely a standards issue on both sides. A lot of men won't date women who have higher education than them, want to settlr or are older, and in relationships where the women does earn more she is usually still the one whose career suffers if they have kids. The dating game sucks the more educated you get if you're a woman.

It makes sense that people want to find a partner with similar life goals and outlook to them though.
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Well, imho. If someone is very career driven and want to have children, they might want to consider as a partner someone willing to step a little from their own career to foster them.
 
Lonely1 said:
Well, imho. If someone is very career driven and want to have children, they might want to consider as a partner someone willing to step a little from their own career to foster them.
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You realise that is a really, really tiny pool of men right? In Australia, only 3% of fathers in partnerships are stayhome parents. Like, all of the other replies are telling women to be less picky. I agree in an ideal world that'd be great. It very rarely works out that way though.
 
This thread: "Where are the woman? Gimme the women!?".

Seriously though it's confirmed that the earth have much more women than men (China is an exception). Most of the people I know that are single just because of high standards.
 
Mr.Galahad said:
This thread: "Where are the woman? Gimme the women!?".

Seriously though it's confirmed that the earth have much more women than men (China is an exception). Most of the people I know that are single just because of high standards.
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Technically, worldwide there are more men than women (by about 60 million), largely due to China and India's selective infanticide of girls.

Edit: Beaten.
 
If you're single chances are you have (1) high standards, (2) shy or socially awkward and aren't willing to put in the effort, or (3) (this one's quite rare or doesn't exist) you are actually disgusting to every person who would find you attractive. If you blame others because you're single then chances are you will be single for a while.
 
Subpar Spatula said:
If you're single chances are you have (1) high standards, (2) shy or socially awkward and aren't willing to put in the effort, or (3) (this one's quite rare or doesn't exist) you are actually disgusting to every person who would find you attractive. If you blame others because you're single then chances are you will be single for a while.
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What if the person you love doesn't love you in return so you are currently single? Not necessarily a high standard since peolpe can fall for someone who doesn't meet their high standards (which i think is common).
 
Asbel said:
What if the person you love doesn't love you in return so you are currently single? Not necessarily a high standard since peolpe can fall for someone who doesn't meet their high standards (which i think is common).
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You mean unrequited love?

Run away from those situations. They shouldn't happen if you're up front about your intentions.
 
Subpar Spatula said:
If you're single chances are you have (1) high standards, (2) shy or socially awkward and aren't willing to put in the effort, or (3) (this one's quite rare or doesn't exist) you are actually disgusting to every person who would find you attractive. If you blame others because you're single then chances are you will be single for a while.
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Or, conversely, you're eligible and reasonably attractive but are not very social and very particular. I'm in that group.
 
Woffls said:
Odds in my favour and still a failure. Cool.
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Kind of my thought as well, but the odds tilt stronger in your favor if you're employed and a 30-something looking for other 30 somethings.

20-something dating market is a wasteland outside of hookups, i've observed.
 
Ogodei said:
Kind of my thought as well, but the odds tilt stronger in your favor if you're employed and a 30-something looking for other 30 somethings.

20-something dating market is a wasteland outside of hookups, i've observed.
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30+ is marred by single moms - so many poor life decisions, so it's not like it gets way better.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
Yeah, but the point of the article is that 30+ men can (apparently) readily date girls in their mid-20s. It's been true for me, at least.
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I agree, but that's purely dating/fucking. I don't enter into that shit thinking it's going to be a real relationship (and I'm up front about that shit).
 
Subpar Spatula said:
If you're single chances are you have (1) high standards, (2) shy or socially awkward and aren't willing to put in the effort, or (3) (this one's quite rare or doesn't exist) you are actually disgusting to every person who would find you attractive. If you blame others because you're single then chances are you will be single for a while.
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As long as we're sharing anecdotes, I've been single for over six months after a year and a half in a relationship. Over the past months I've gone on probably 15-20 first dates, 1 second date and zero third dates, and not because I wasn't interested.

Now I'm not claiming for a minute to be some kind of God's gift to women, I'm far from perfect and honest about it. But a majority of those first dates were mutually enjoyable according to the women, yet not enough to warrant further inspection. I may just be an extremely rare case, or maybe there's some huge deal breaker about myself that I'm oblivious to, but sometimes I wonder if there isn't more to it than that.
 
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