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I've become completely alone

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F

Fudgepuppy

Banned
I've always been a very social guy, always had a lot of people I call my friends. In hindsight though, the friendships have never been fully mutual. It's always been me calling them, I've always been the one left behind. Even those friendships I've had that I'd call great, have their stories of me being completely forgotten and neglected.

So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten. This evening, I found out through the only good friend I have left, that they are all having a board-game night, and that I haven't been invited.

For a while, my attitude has been 'fuck those guys if they can't respect me'. I've instead focused on the people that do appreciate me, and focusing on the things that do make me happy.

I started a community for Smash-bros players which has been going decently, I've become active in a creative-workshop a new friend is hosting, I might even get a job there because of how I've handled local-gaming nights. Even today, I started a podcast project about movies.

And yet, after all of this, that knowledge of knowing that I've been pushed aside, just saddens me. I want to be able to host parties, but this fear of conflict, has led me to become reclusive in many aspects. I'm scared while I'm trying to push through this.

I recently also became unemployed after working for six months at a place where no one cared about me, despite me trying to reach out and make friendships.

I'm really trying to be strong, just looking at it from a practical standpoint, that I would rather be alone than have bad friends. But deep down, the sadness sticks with you.

Almost every day, I find myself, subconsciously mumbling, "I wonder who would come to my funeral". That is what scares me the most.

Sorry for blog-post, just wanted to get this off my chest.
 
A

Any Questions

Member
Things get better with time. Sounds like your a decent bloke and would say your outlook seems the right one.

Hope you feel better soon and good luck with finding a new job. Am sure this will make a difference
 
B

BocoDragon

or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
In every great movie the hero is alone in the desert for awhile.
 
N

Nos_G

Member
I used to be in the same boat op, but you don't need others to validate your existence.

Just do what you love and genuine people will befriend you.

Keep making connections and being social, that is all there is to it.
 
Z

Zombine

Banned
I recently also became unemployed after working for six months at a place where no one cared about me, despite me trying to reach out and make friendships.
Click to expand...

This is the only one that confuses me. While social interactions with co-workers is nice, the ultimate goal at work is to do your job, get paid, and network a bit so you can move onto your next job. When I find a job I'm not thinking "I hope I meet some lifelong friends!" But instead I think "hopefully these people aren't lazy douchebags. I hope I am joining a productive team." Sounds like your work priorities are a tiny bit backwards.

Other than that, I'm sorry you feel that way dude. Sounds like you do have some stuff to be thankful for like the smash night, you just need to put more effort into seeing what you do have versus what you don't.
 
D

DeathyBoy

Banned
I've always been a very social guy, always had a lot of people I call my friends. In hindsight though, the friendships have never been fully mutual. It's always been me calling them, I've always been the one left behind. Even those friendships I've had that I'd call great, have their stories of me being completely forgotten and neglected.
Click to expand...

Maybe the friendships weren't legit, but dude... I've been down this road, and it's almost always fueled by paranoia and anxiety and ends badly. You think people don't like so you become distant and thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy,

Here's my best advice - if you must overthink, and I still do, realise that people have a choice. People aren't your friend for the sake of it, that's not how friendship works. So maybe it's worth asking what they're up to sporadically. I know from university I wouldn't see friends for a while sometimes, and then turn up at their place and end up going out for an all-nighter with them.

Friendships are weird, but they're not rooted in logic or behavioural patterns so much as illogical magic.
 
R

Reule

Member
I have felt that way. I've probably lost about two groups of good friends to both time and possibly similar incidents you may have gone through with this girl and her boyfriend. Up until about four or five months ago, I'd see see old friends talking about how they're getting together to do this and that but I'm never invited. Judged for whatever reason or maybe they didn't consider I'd want to do x or y activity.

Things ended up changing and I made friends with a couple of people. Ended up getting introduced to their friends and now I have a good amount of people I can ring up to have some fun. I'm not sure if I'm at that level where I'd say most of them are true and honest friends but it's enough.

Only advice is to persevere through the loneliness and not expect much of anyone. The latter I really stress because it's honestly very hard to expect someone to return the same feelings and or put forward the same effort you hope for in any kind of relationship. Keep it casual and just keep trying. Maybe you get something more, maybe you don't. Even if you do, just enjoy your time with said people because things can always change. There are plenty of people in the world to meet and share experiences with.
 
T

Terra

Member
Fudgepuppy said:
I started a community for Smash-bros players which has been going decently, I've become active in a creative-workshop a new friend is hosting, I might even get a job there because of how I've handled local-gaming nights. Even today, I started a podcast project about movies.
Click to expand...


The quoted sounds like good stuff for you. I wish you the best in the job-hunt!
My advice would be not to think too much about it. Just be yourself and look for other opportunities to join in.

Your story resembles mine at the time. As time goes by (turning 32 now) I have noticed that I am not in the centre of the social circle as much as before. I used to be the very much social out-going guy.
But times change, and yeah...so does people.

I know that my company is appreciated in certain circles. Yours seem to be too.
That's the circles and company you should take part and engage in.
 
F

FluxWaveZ

Member
You don't sound completely alone at all. Try to appreciate the social life you have now instead of just focusing on that which you don't.
 
F

Fudgepuppy

Banned
FluxWaveZ said:
You don't sound completely alone at all. Try to appreciate the social life you have now instead of just focusing on that which you don't.
Click to expand...

Of course, it's just catching up to me that all the friends I had a year ago, now ignore me and don't want to invest anything into me.
 
V

Verelios

Member
Let me just say OP that I went through a similar phase. Eventually you realize thst life is too short to care, you're going to be dead so you won't even be able to say Fuck You guys from beyond the grave...there's no benefit to worrying about it. Do you.

Friends come and go, let you down and raise you up, but you're always going to have to live with yourself. So if you let yourself down or raise yourself up, that's on you, not anyone else. Have some confidence and self-respect;friends aren't obligated to be kind to you and if they aren't, fuck them. People who want to be with you will. But you have to be comfortable with yourself.
 
G

Gridman

Neo Member
I understand your feeling. I've had many groups of friends over the years and rarely would I get invited. People in those groups would come over to someone I was talking to and make it a point to specifically invite that person while not acknowledging me. It bothered me for a long time until I've come to expect nothing from anyone. I have one close friend that invites me to do stuff and I would rather have that one friend that cares than a group that really doesn't. It's all a matter of perspective. I'm happy this way. I'm just not a very likeable person and I've accepted that.

Long story short, this is your life. Live it how you want and if others want to come along for the ride then great. If not, fuck em.(not literally. It's a figure of speech.)
 
K

Keysersoze

Banned
Fudgepuppy said:
I've always been a very social guy, always had a lot of people I call my friends. In hindsight though, the friendships have never been fully mutual. It's always been me calling them, I've always been the one left behind. Even those friendships I've had that I'd call great, have their stories of me being completely forgotten and neglected.

So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten. This evening, I found out through the only good friend I have left, that they are all having a board-game night, and that I haven't been invited.

For a while, my attitude has been 'fuck those guys if they can't respect me'. I've instead focused on the people that do appreciate me, and focusing on the things that do make me happy.

I started a community for Smash-bros players which has been going decently, I've become active in a creative-workshop a new friend is hosting, I might even get a job there because of how I've handled local-gaming nights. Even today, I started a podcast project about movies.

And yet, after all of this, that knowledge of knowing that I've been pushed aside, just saddens me. I want to be able to host parties, but this fear of conflict, has led me to become reclusive in many aspects. I'm scared while I'm trying to push through this.

I recently also became unemployed after working for six months at a place where no one cared about me, despite me trying to reach out and make friendships.

I'm really trying to be strong, just looking at it from a practical standpoint, that I would rather be alone than have bad friends. But deep down, the sadness sticks with you.

Almost every day, I find myself, subconsciously mumbling, "I wonder who would come to my funeral". That is what scares me the most.

Sorry for blog-post, just wanted to get this off my chest.
Click to expand...

No chance of a elaboration on this? it sounds like they want to distance from you for this. It must of been pretty bad.
 
F

freenudemacusers

Member
So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten.

yikes
 
D

Dabanton

Member
People can smell try hards.

You sound like you're already doing social things. Acquaintances and then maybe friends will come.

Do you use social media? I know a lot of people on Gaf hate Facebook and Instagram but for knowing what's going on and even just getting to know people you meet a bit better,before you see them face to face again, it's a good tool.

Also it's good to see what mutual friends you have in common. That can lead to a lot of invites.


freenudemacusers said:
So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten.

yikes
Click to expand...

Yeah I wished he expanded on that. If it was something creepy maybe word got around...
 
T

typist

Member
Focus on feeling grateful for what you do have and, in contrast, what you don't have won't seem so important. Isolation can be incredibly useful, or not, depending what you make of it. You'll have more free time in any case. Try to better yourself and the world, or just indulge in fun or something
 
E

Eye for an Eye

Member
My bf and I also host a game night, and every couple of weeks we go to a game night centered around fighting games. But the way they're hosted make for completely different nights.

Our game nights
I cook food for everyone.
During dinner, we watch comedy (food and controllers don't mix).
Games revolve around multi player games and taking random turns with fighting games.
Jokes and conversation are always going on.
Every one who attends is considered a friend, and goes beyond our weekly gathering.

The Fighting game night
No food, no drinks - its all bring your own. It's later at night so most people don't.
It's focused on fighting games and people bring additional consoles, monitors, and fight pads.
Every one rotates around to play different games and different people.
Occasionally, they'll do a tournament style rounds on the big screen.
It's focused on bringing the fighting game community together in the area to practice.
Yes there's chatter and fun times, but its not about friendships. Everyone comes and then goes their separate ways.

If you want your game nights to be about friends, make the focus about friends and not just playing smash bros. Play different stuff, have conversations and jokes, make it a social event and not so much game focused. We always let friends bring in new people. And just make it a place to unwind once a week.

And work is not a social gathering. Yes, you can have friendly chatter around the water coller, but it doesn't go beyond that. There's very few companies out there that you'll have a close tight knit family of co-workers that socialize beyond working hours. Work stays at work, home stays at home. Don't mix the two (especially in the first year of working).
 
D

Darkman M

Member
You don't need friends bro do you, focus on the people who really care for you, focus on getting a career, and focus on your mind and body.
 
F

Fudgepuppy

Banned
Keysersoze said:
No chance of a elaboration on this? it sounds like they want to distance from you for this. It must of been pretty bad.
Click to expand...

Almost everyone I've talked to about what I did, say that it wasn't so bad, but because of how this girl is, and the circumstances of her life, it was much harder for her than it would've been to anyone else.

I have apologized profusely, she has said that she forgives me and still wants me as a friend, but I think that has changed over time. I've talked about this with several people, and everyone thinks I shouldn't beat myself up because what I did wasn't so horrible and because I have really made amends for her.

Don't want to go into specifics, but the situation involves her getting really drunk and lying in a bathtub with the water running. I opened the door and turned off the water to make sure she didn't hurt herself. I didn't touch her, I didn't see her as I pulled the curtains, but it feels weird to her, which I completely understand.
 
F

Fudgepuppy

Banned
Terra said:
Yeah. I just noticed this part too.

What did you do OP?
Click to expand...

freenudemacusers said:
So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten.

yikes
Click to expand...

Dabanton said:
People can smell try hards.

You sound like you're already doing social things. Acquaintances and then maybe friends will come.

Do you use social media? I know a lot of people on Gaf hate Facebook and Instagram but for knowing what's going on and even just getting to know people you meet a bit better,before you see them face to face again, it's a good tool.

Also it's good to see what mutual friends you have in common. That can lead to a lot of invites.




Yeah I wished he expanded on that. If it was something creepy maybe word got around...
Click to expand...

:

Fudgepuppy said:
Almost everyone I've talked to about what I did, say that it wasn't so bad, but because of how this girl is, and the circumstances of her life, it was much harder for her than it would've been to anyone else.

I have apologized profusely, she has said that she forgives me and still wants me as a friend, but I think that has changed over time. I've talked about this with several people, and everyone thinks I shouldn't beat myself up because what I did wasn't so horrible and because I have really made amends for her.

Don't want to go into specifics, but the situation involves her getting really drunk and lying in a bathtub with the water running. I opened the door and turned off the water to make sure she didn't hurt herself. I didn't touch her, I didn't see her as I pulled the curtains, but it feels weird to her, which I completely understand.
Click to expand...

So yeah, I invaded her privacy when she wanted to be alone, because I was worried about her. I'm not proud of it in hindsight, but I didn't do anything to her. Worst part to her is probably that I didn't say I was sorry for months because I was so stupid and thought "well we were both pretty drunk".
 
P

| Praxis |

Banned
You can't expect to work somewhere and have people actually care for you. You should try factory work and see how far that goes. In a lot of jobs people just want to do their time and get the fuck out. Try not to take it personally. Hope things work out.
 
J

jb1234

Member
Fudgepuppy said:
Of course, it's just catching up to me that all the friends I had a year ago, now ignore me and don't want to invest anything into me.
Click to expand...

Friend groups tend to be pretty flexible, especially early in life. I can tell you that I don't have the same friends I did ten years ago or even five.

If they aren't willing to put in the work to be your friend, they're not worth your time.
 
K

Keysersoze

Banned
Fudgepuppy said:
Almost everyone I've talked to about what I did, say that it wasn't so bad, but because of how this girl is, and the circumstances of her life, it was much harder for her than it would've been to anyone else.

I have apologized profusely, she has said that she forgives me and still wants me as a friend, but I think that has changed over time. I've talked about this with several people, and everyone thinks I shouldn't beat myself up because what I did wasn't so horrible and because I have really made amends for her.

Don't want to go into specifics, but the situation involves her getting really drunk and lying in a bathtub with the water running. I opened the door and turned off the water to make sure she didn't hurt herself. I didn't touch her, I didn't see her as I pulled the curtains, but it feels weird to her, which I completely understand.
Click to expand...

I don't get it. she was taking a bath or what? you walked in on her naked?
 
F

Fudgepuppy

Banned
Keysersoze said:
I don't get it. she was taking a bath or what? you walked in on her naked?
Click to expand...

She was drunk out of her mind, went to the bathroom, undressed and lied in the tub with the water running, face down. People started getting worried, I went in there, saw her naked, quickly pulled the curtains, reached in, turned off the water and dropped a towel over her.
 
P

| Praxis |

Banned
Fudgepuppy said:
She was drunk out of her mind, went to the bathroom, undressed and lied in the tub with the water running, face down. People started getting worried, I went in there, saw her naked, quickly pulled the curtains, reached in, turned off the water and dropped a towel over her.
Click to expand...

There wasn't a female that could have done that?
 
Seraph_Nicholas

Seraph_Nicholas

Member
I'm in a similar situation. Was musing to myself a few weeks ago that this entire year has been a bonfire of bridges.

Just means the place I'm in is tapped out. Time to move to Tacoma, or Seattle, or maybe the lady and I will actually try for that year in New York we discussed.

Friendships are like any relationship. You (should) give the best you can, and hope to receive the same. If it doesn't work out, then sometimes you need to shoot the whole mess in the head and leave it.
 
K

Kasei

Member
Fudgepuppy said:
She was drunk out of her mind, went to the bathroom, undressed and lied in the tub with the water running, face down. People started getting worried, I went in there, saw her naked, quickly pulled the curtains, reached in, turned off the water and dropped a towel over her.
Click to expand...

This doesn't sound mortifying when considering how others would perceive you for this. It's natural she'd be embarrassed. It's also difficult to make any meaningful judgement on the situation without knowing further context (which no-one should expect you to provide).

Getting it out there is a fine thing to do; it sounds like it's been rough recently but that by no means has to be the long-term trend. All the best with your job hunt!
 
P

| Praxis |

Banned
You had the best intentions, but at the same time I can see how somebody would find that awkward when there were other options. It was a mistake, if she can't get over it forget about them. I'm sure a friend worth keeping would understand your point of view.
 
J

John Kowalski

Banned
echoshifting said:
Exactly. How could you know? Nobody else was doing anything. I don't think you should beat yourself up about this so much.
Click to expand...

Because it obviously made his friend uncomfortable and he wishes he hadn't made her uncomfortable? I mean i'm no rocket scientist but OP seems like that kind of dude.

It gets easier OP, don't worry. Come join us as parody gaf and you'll see how much better it is to have absolutely no friends at all.
 
G

Griss

Member
Yeah, it sucks. Similar thing happened to me. I'm a fairly level-headed guy so I just assumed I'd bounce back socially and didn't let it freak me out, but it's coming up on 9 years now with no friends and no social life, so I guess in hindsight it was a big deal.

Try and avoid that, which means putting some effort in to make new friends. I hope you have more luck than me.
 
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