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LOL a friend of mine just told me something fucked up

Silent Death

lemme get one or two licks
Ok let me stress that this is actually about a friend, not me. Ok this is definitely not a story I’m trying to pass off on a friend but is really not about me. For the last time seriously not trying too be funny or cute but this story is really about this guy I know, not me.


Saturday night I had a couple friends over and we were watching movies and shooting the shit, when some how we got on the subject of the freakiest shit we had done sexually. I told my story, the next guy told his story then the next guy told his. Finally the final guys time came up and he was like, "I really don't want to tell ya'll this shit,” and we were like "Come on dude we all told our shit, now spill yours." This guy is new to the group. He's been hanging with us for about 3 months. He somehow joined us one day at the gym and has been hanging with us ever since. Literally none of us had known this cat before then and don't remember asking him to hang out with us, but he's been a cool guy so no one really said much.


OK so he starts out with, "Well it's kind of complicated but in college I had a room mate that used to hang out a lot and do everything together. One night I'm laying in bed and the guy asks me if I really liked him. When I answered yes he got all excited. Then suddenly jumped in bed and grabbed him and started rubbing all over him. I jumped up and was like WTF are you doing man. He answered back I thought you liked me, you said you liked me. I said yeah as a friend. He goes I meant as a lover. He started grabbing at my dick and saying let me suck it I'll show you how good I am. I was like hell no dude I don't roll that way. He goes I won't tell anyone, I promise. I said fuck that I'll tell. Suddenly he got quiet for a second and please don't tell anyone. I said hell no I’m telling everyone about this shit. He goes well if you tell then I'm going to say we had sex and you liked it. I got scared for a second and was like damn. Then I said Ok well just act like this didn't happen and no one will say anything. The other guy says no and says you have to sleep with me. I was like no man I'm not like that you get back in you bed and I'll leave and no one will know anything. The other guy goes no; I'm telling if you don't let me do it. I'm frantic scared out my ass, no pun intended. I can't think of anything to say. The other guy says just let me suck it let me get one or two licks and then I'll leave you alone. I was thinking no but I didn't want him leave and tell everyone we had slept together, so I said yeah. So the guy goes down and starts sucking and licking. Then he stops and says now your read I want you to stick it in me. I was like no man you said you wanted to lick it a few times. The guy goes I changed my mind. The guy gets up turns around pulls his underwear off, spits in his hand and wipes it on his butt. I was scared and didn't ant to do it but he was threatening me say he would tell the entire school, I didn't have a choice. If I did I would have done it but I had didn't have choice right, right?"

It was at this point that he paused, waiting for us to confirm his logic. Noticing the other 3 guys wasn't saying anything I muttered,"Uhhh...uhhh...yeah right." The guy immediately jumps in and goes see. He then continues with the story. "So I got behind him and stick my dick in his ass. We messed around for an hour because he wanted me to cum inside him but I couldn't be because I'm heterosexual and I couldn't cum inside a man, so he would have me stop and suck my dick when it went limp so I could continue to fuck him up the ass. Finally I guess he got tired and sucked me till I came and swallowed. He then got out of bed and climbed back into his and said. "I won't tell anyone about this." I crawled back under the sheets and went to sleep. The next day when he left for class I packed my shit up and went home, telling my parents I just didn't like the school."


As he was telling us this story I and the other guys had this frozen look on our faces. We were glancing at one another as if to say "WTF is this motherfucker telling us." So he finishes and the room is silent, then I break it with an "Awe man that's fucked up." The other guys chimed in "Yeah man I'd came back from home with a gun and shot that motherfucker” and other similarly aggressive statements. After all the macho posturing had been done the room fell silent once more. I and the other guys still had these plastic looking smile stretched over our faces.


After a short pause the guy stood up and said, "Hey fellas I got to go. I'll check you guys later. We all speak at the same time, "Yeah man see you later, sorry you have to go, take care." He opens and closes the door and almost immediately we the remainder of us look at each other and start busting out laughing. So this past week we have yet to run into the guy at the gym. We assume he realized telling us his secret wasn't the best thing to do and high tailed it to another gym.
 
story.ewing.jpg
 

ChrisReid

Member
What idiotic logic. I don't believe anyone ever actually had sex because someone would tell everyone they did if they didn't.
 

Mupepe

Banned
:lol :lol :lol :lol ................ That's really fucking disturbing, are you sure that wasn't you? :lol
 

Pochacco

asking dangerous questions
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

By Bruce Heffernan

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything--I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too--big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife--even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures--like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct that that.
.
 

Leon

Junior Member
Once, a roommate threatened to tell the police I possessed and dealt cocaine when drugs never even came close to my life, let alone our room. Absolutely nothing could ever be found. But I got soooooo scared that I immediately bought a stash and hid it under my pillow.
 

aoi tsuki

Member
This guy is new to the group. He's been hanging with us for about 3 months. He somehow joined us one day at the gym and has been hanging with us ever since. Literally none of us had known this cat before then and don't remember asking him to hang out with us, but he's been a cool guy so no one really said much.
Where do you live? i'm really cool too, and all my weird sex stories involve women.
 

Mupepe

Banned
Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

:lol :lol :lol :lol All of that is gold.
 

Do The Mario

Unconfirmed Member
I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

:lol
 
Hahaha... that's a fucked up story. Reminds me of something one of my friends said.

We were all sitting around just drinking a couple beers, and this guy always has to have the last word; like he has to be the guy that always out does everyone else just by a little bit. You say you like the Beatles, he's all "I love the Beatles. I have every single one of their albums plus the unknown stuff." That kinda guy.

Anyways, we were sitting around talking and the subject of homosexuality came up. So we all just say that we're okay with it; if anyone's gay it's not really a problem, and this guy goes 'yeah guys I'm really cool with it.' We all go 'yeah dude, so are we.' He goes 'no guys, I'm like... TOTALLY okay with it.' We go 'um.... yeah us too.' Then he goes 'No, no guys... I'm like so okay with it, that I wouldn't care if some guy were sucking on my dick right now.'

We just kinda look at him, just trying to register this, looking around at each other just going "did he really say that?" Then we just all burst out laughing. The dude tried to play it off like he was just joking, but he was fucking dead serious.

We still give him shit about it to this day.
 

pollo

Banned
i dont wanna say it, because if i say it it will ruin this threads potential but this thread is definately that material that i dont want to say.

...
..... :lol :lol :lol :lol

oh man.. :lol :lol
 

AlphaSnake

...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack
Ahahahahaha. The guy was an idiot. I can't believe he got taken advantage of like that. I would've just beat the piss out of the guy if he didn't get out of my face, let alone my bed. Jesus...that story literally made my jaw drop.
 

AlphaSnake

...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack
But seriously...I really do think I'd resort to violence if it had to come down to it.
 

GaimeGuy

Volunteer Deputy Campaign Director, Obama for America '16
Silent Death said:
Ok let me stress that this is actually about a friend, not me. Ok this is definitely not a story I’m trying to pass off on a friend but is really about me. For the last time seriously not trying too be funny or cute but this story is really about this guy I know, not me.

It was you, wasn't it? :lol
 
Alpha:

Now the real question is if your idea of violence is actually violent enough to classify as violence and not some limp wristed attempt at a shove.
 

Particle Physicist

between a quark and a baryon
IAmtheFMan said:
Hahaha... that's a fucked up story. Reminds me of something one of my friends said.

We were all sitting around just drinking a couple beers, and this guy always has to have the last word; like he has to be the guy that always out does everyone else just by a little bit. You say you like the Beatles, he's all "I love the Beatles. I have every single one of their albums plus the unknown stuff." That kinda guy.

Anyways, we were sitting around talking and the subject of homosexuality came up. So we all just say that we're okay with it; if anyone's gay it's not really a problem, and this guy goes 'yeah guys I'm really cool with it.' We all go 'yeah dude, so are we.' He goes 'no guys, I'm like... TOTALLY okay with it.' We go 'um.... yeah us too.' Then he goes 'No, no guys... I'm like so okay with it, that I wouldn't care if some guy were sucking on my dick right now.'

We just kinda look at him, just trying to register this, looking around at each other just going "did he really say that?" Then we just all burst out laughing. The dude tried to play it off like he was just joking, but he was fucking dead serious.

We still give him shit about it to this day.


um. maybe he was trying to come out to you guys.
 

Socreges

Banned
To the original story, WOW

First off, you have to be terribly, terribly stupid to do so much with another guy just because he threatens to tell everyone...... or pretty gay. I think every heterosexual bone in my body would involuntarily pull me out of that room immediately. Or beat the shit out of him. I mean, he's gay. Even AlphaSnake could take him.

Secondly, why tell your new friends? Guys that, however understanding they may seem, are probably not going to react positively. Maybe he was under the impression that topping them with craziness would someone be admirable, and not terrifying.
 

Waychel

Banned
That was really disturbing and I am dissapointed that he did not tell his parents and report the roommate. I agree that the story sounds as if he was sexually assaulted and I do not believe any of it to actually have been consentual, but coerced. I feel really sorry for him and hope that he gets help one day... sounds like he has never told ANYONE about this before and that it really weighs heavily on him. Damn...
 

kablooey

Member
:lol...:lol :lol :lol

That reminds me of something a guy I knew in high school said once in the middle of class. He was a bit of a dork, and got picked on quite a bit, so one day in response, he blurted out to his attackers, "If you guys don't shut up I'm gonna stick my dick up your ass!!" Everyone in the room sort of stared at each other in a "Did he just say that?" kind of way, and then burst out laughing. :lol
 
Since I don't really understand the gay culture, I'm willing to take the story at face value, but there are a few things about the original story that don't sit right with me.

First, he was INTIMIDATED into gay sex? I'd have beaten his face to a pulp Sin City style before I'd let that happen.

Second, he was intimidated into playing the butch, as opposed to the bitch? I don't get it...
 
ScientificNinja said:
Since I don't really understand the gay culture, I'm willing to take the story at face value, but there are a few things about the original story that don't sit right with me.

First, he was INTIMIDATED into gay sex? I'd have beaten his face to a pulp Sin City style before I'd let that happen.

Second, he was intimidated into playing the butch, as opposed to the bitch? I don't get it...

Fishing for a bitch from the group maybe?
 

DCharlie

And even i am moderately surprised
"Once, a roommate threatened to tell the police I possessed and dealt cocaine when drugs never even came close to my life, let alone our room. Absolutely nothing could ever be found. But I got soooooo scared that I immediately bought a stash and hid it under my pillow."

:lol
best post of thread got over looked.
 

bud

Member
Silent Death said:
We messed around for an hour because he wanted me to cum inside him but I couldn't be because I'm heterosexual and I couldn't cum inside a man, so he would have me stop and suck mydick when it went limp so I could continue to fuck him up the ass.

Explanation...PLEASE!
 

Ruzbeh

Banned
Silent Death said:
Ok let me stress that this is actually about a friend, not me. Ok this is definitely not a story I’m trying to pass off on a friend but is really not about me. For the last time seriously not trying too be funny or cute but this story is really about this guy I know, not me.


Saturday night I had a couple friends over and we were watching movies and shooting the shit, when some how we got on the subject of the freakiest shit we had done sexually. I told my story, the next guy told his story then the next guy told his. Finally the final guys time came up and he was like, "I really don't want to tell ya'll this shit,” and we were like "Come on dude we all told our shit, now spill yours." This guy is new to the group. He's been hanging with us for about 3 months. He somehow joined us one day at the gym and has been hanging with us ever since. Literally none of us had known this cat before then and don't remember asking him to hang out with us, but he's been a cool guy so no one really said much.


OK so he starts out with, "Well it's kind of complicated but in college I had a room mate that used to hang out a lot and do everything together. One night I'm laying in bed and the guy asks me if I really liked him. When I answered yes he got all excited. Then suddenly jumped in bed and grabbed him and started rubbing all over him. I jumped up and was like WTF are you doing man. He answered back I thought you liked me, you said you liked me. I said yeah as a friend. He goes I meant as a lover. He started grabbing at my dick and saying let me suck it I'll show you how good I am. I was like hell no dude I don't roll that way. He goes I won't tell anyone, I promise. I said fuck that I'll tell. Suddenly he got quiet for a second and please don't tell anyone. I said hell no I’m telling everyone about this shit. He goes well if you tell then I'm going to say we had sex and you liked it. I got scared for a second and was like damn. Then I said Ok well just act like this didn't happen and no one will say anything. The other guy says no and says you have to sleep with me. I was like no man I'm not like that you get back in you bed and I'll leave and no one will know anything. The other guy goes no; I'm telling if you don't let me do it. I'm frantic scared out my ass, no pun intended. I can't think of anything to say. The other guy says just let me suck it let me get one or two licks and then I'll leave you alone. I was thinking no but I didn't want him leave and tell everyone we had slept together, so I said yeah. So the guy goes down and starts sucking and licking. Then he stops and says now your read I want you to stick it in me. I was like no man you said you wanted to lick it a few times. The guy goes I changed my mind. The guy gets up turns around pulls his underwear off, spits in his hand and wipes it on his butt. I was scared and didn't ant to do it but he was threatening me say he would tell the entire school, I didn't have a choice. If I did I would have done it but I had didn't have choice right, right?"

It was at this point that he paused, waiting for us to confirm his logic. Noticing the other 3 guys wasn't saying anything I muttered,"Uhhh...uhhh...yeah right." The guy immediately jumps in and goes see. He then continues with the story. "So I got behind him and stick my dick in his ass. We messed around for an hour because he wanted me to cum inside him but I couldn't be because I'm heterosexual and I couldn't cum inside a man, so he would have me stop and suck my dick when it went limp so I could continue to fuck him up the ass. Finally I guess he got tired and sucked me till I came and swallowed. He then got out of bed and climbed back into his and said. "I won't tell anyone about this." I crawled back under the sheets and went to sleep. The next day when he left for class I packed my shit up and went home, telling my parents I just didn't like the school."


As he was telling us this story I and the other guys had this frozen look on our faces. We were glancing at one another as if to say "WTF is this motherfucker telling us." So he finishes and the room is silent, then I break it with an "Awe man that's fucked up." The other guys chimed in "Yeah man I'd came back from home with a gun and shot that motherfucker” and other similarly aggressive statements. After all the macho posturing had been done the room fell silent once more. I and the other guys still had these plastic looking smile stretched over our faces.


After a short pause the guy stood up and said, "Hey fellas I got to go. I'll check you guys later. We all speak at the same time, "Yeah man see you later, sorry you have to go, take care." He opens and closes the door and almost immediately we the remainder of us look at each other and start busting out laughing. So this past week we have yet to run into the guy at the gym. We assume he realized telling us his secret wasn't the best thing to do and high tailed it to another gym.
El%20profesor.jpg
 
Dude that's some funny shit that sounds like something for the pilot for some TV show on FX or HBO.

Dude, I don't know how you guys held it together so long.
 

sly

Banned
Silent Death said:
Ok let me stress that this is actually about a friend, not me. Ok this is definitely not a story I’m trying to pass off on a friend but is really not about me. For the last time seriously not trying too be funny or cute but this story is really about this guy I know, not me.

ZOMGWTFBBQSAUCE! iT wuZ j00!!! :lol


Silent Death said:
We messed around for an hour because he wanted me to cum inside him but I couldn't be because I'm heterosexual and I couldn't cum inside a man

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
 
I just read what Sly quoted. Holy shit that is funny. WTF man this thread is going to be the hottest text on the interweb in like 24 hours.
 
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