Looks like The Onion is Taking a Crack at Game Reviews


Oct 5, 2015

They nail every buzzword and the tone is pitch perfect

One of many examples
Yet this commitment to an inclusive experience falls apart the second Kirby lands on screen, riding a star and waving his little marshmallow arms like he’s emerged directly from a bigoted 1930s cartoon. It’s not just insulting, it’s lazy. Including Kirby shows Nintendo simply isn’t interested in doing the work to bring real characters to their games.
If games are going to be taken seriously as an art form, they have to be held to the same standards as movies and television, where something like Kirby would have been dismissed as a laughably outdated stereotype decades ago. We can’t just focus on a game’s graphics or replay value while Kirby pile-drives turtles and inhales princesses like it’s the 19th century. We worked for years to move beyond Kirby. If we let publishers get away with these reprehensible images, then what were all the marches for? What did previous generations fight for if not to put an end to this? We as a gaming community need to speak out. We need to show Nintendo that we won’t stand for it and will not buy their games if they continue to include Kirby.
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Fingerlickin' Good!
May 22, 2018
lol so good. reads exactly like something you would see on kotaku or waypoint


Jun 12, 2018
You can tell it's not Kotaku or Waypoint as it's of a much higher quality and less biased.


Gold Member
Sep 25, 2012
Lampooning overzealous wokeness is always a good laugh. Reminds me of how waypoint bitched about the artwork of Cuphead being racist. The dumbest of shit.
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Jan 31, 2018
Most "professional" game reviewers are a joke already. They most of the time don't even finish the games given the deadline for publishing the review.


Neo Member
Dec 16, 2018
Most "professional" game reviewers are a joke already. They most of the time don't even finish the games given the deadline for publishing the review.
Yea, or they play few hours and give 'review, lol


Jul 26, 2018
Kirby is the purest representation of white supremacy, cultural cleansing and anti-feminism. Like the white people it was inspired from, Kirby sucks up other cultures and appropriates them to its own bidding. The implication is of course- Kirbys "pink privilege" is that it doesn't care about what culture, gender or theme it appropriates. For its default existence, every culture losses out.
What is more, the developers of Smash Bros, has created platforms for dangerous actors who fight in bad faith- Like Kirby, and who exploits these platforms to push of vulnerable stereotypes off the stage. Figuratively and literally. Even if Kirby isn't a Neo-Nazi, it is at the very least a literal Neo-Nazi enabler.

Sakurai and his team knew what they were doing, and yet they still decided to over-sexualize Kirby and its design to the point of complete ridicule. Kirbys pink private parts are proudly exposed for the player to view- making everyone, but its privileged Nazi fans, anxious, humiliated and terrified. I had a good life until I saw Kirby included in the lastest Smash Bros game for the Switch.
Not since Kojimas character design debacle of Quiet, has a character been so obscenely dressed. At least Quiet- As dehumanizing and Nazi-like as she was, was still somewhat dressed. Kirby is literally a Clitoris with cysts for arms. And for this nude vaginal fascist character so proudly, to just soak up the cultures and power of minority characters, is not just game breaking and unbalanced. It's literally a retelling of 1930s Germany. Adolf Hitlers favorite Smash character during the 1928 olympics was literally Hans Kirby Von Habbelslosen. Kirby might not wear the Iron Cross or Swastika, but make no mistake. Kirby is a skinhead breathing sponge of evil.

Kirby is a horrible, dangerous character who should be banned from all games and removed retroactively from the entire Nintendo catalog. Kirby is literal Nazi propaganda, literally white supremacy and literally literal literality. Kirby ruined my life and the lives of millions of others. How long are we going to let the likes of Kirby win the Rap Category for best rap artist of the year?

ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Smash Bros characters should appropriate other characters or have their moves list be based on powerful stereotypes. So many other characters have much better move sets, but are pushed aside for Kirbys ridiculous overpowered moves. This societal pink privilege gives Kirby and its fan, unfair advantage, system unbalanced equality and skews the playing field towards an embrace of Nazis. As long as Kirby remains in Smash. Other characters will be in the shadows, eating the leaftovers as Kirby wears its appropriated cultural items and symbols from other characters. As the great MLK said: "I must confess my disappointing in the moderately skilled Kirby player, who has no skill and merely copies the moveset of more unique characters. At least Kakashi had a few good fights even though time-skip Naruto was trash".

The Nazi supporters of Kirby will deny it being offensive. They will claim ignorance to the blatant hate speech, the disgusting sexualization that dehumanizes the vagina to its mere components, but the literal truth is literal. Kirby must be de-platformed. Its supporters will ignore the fact that Kirby follows Richard Spencer on Twitter. They will ignore Kirby endorsed Trump. If these literal literalities were not going to convince the privileged of Kirbys Nazi connections, then nothing will. Literal. Nazi.

For innocent gamers who lives in the shadows of kirby, there is no safe space. Kirby is too dominating a character, and his mere inclusion in online battles by proxy activates the doxxed PTSD that all who have been swallowed up by his overpowered moveset has witnessed time and time again.
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