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Off-Topic Personality Mental Health |AT| GAF

Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
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Exercise and nutrition > weed (gives me anxiety also)

There isnt some miracle cure for depression. You're like a car that got into a fender bender and just gotta kinda learn to deal with it. What you can do is little by little start making progress towards your goals until everything upsetting you is no longer bothering you any longer. Baby steps, but you're battling demons and you need to be willing to fight. CBD Oil and video games arent going to fix your life. You're strong enough to do it, and you know it. Don't listen to that demon telling you otherwise. Recognize that the depression is clouding your judgeent
I mean yeah none of it helps even the Mirtazapine.

I try but just things get worse. I was looking for the shittiest jobs after I lost work and then I had to stop looking to tend to other serious family matters. And everything especially since late September has been worse and worse no matter how much I try.

I fucking hate I broke my own rule of no longer whining here and I really shouldn't. I took breaks from here and quit social media.
 

TeezzyD

Fantastik Tuna
Mar 18, 2020
8,651
22,182
935
I mean yeah none of it helps even the Mirtazapine.

I try but just things get worse. I was looking for the shittiest jobs after I lost work and then I had to stop looking to tend to other serious family matters. And everything especially since late September has been worse and worse no matter how much I try.

I fucking hate I broke my own rule of no longer whining here and I really shouldn't. I took breaks from here and quit social media.

You're fine brother.

We wouldn't be offering advice if we didn't care. Nothing wrong with venting when times are tough - that's what communication is for.

I've been down and out. Jobless and not knowing where my next meal was going to come from. This year I nursed my schizophrenic mom while her kidneys were failing her from March to November when she passed. Life is rough.

You can do it though man. You know you can too, deep down. Just hang in there. Be there for your loved ones, and be there for yourself - most of all.

Focus all the energy on yourself. None if its gonna get easier, and when these problems are over there will be new problems as well. They will be accompanied by good times too. Just hang in there and push.
 
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chimpsteaks

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Aug 19, 2019
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I'm new to this thread. I've had mental health issues my entire life, but it fluctuates and has sometimes has not been so bad but other times can be excruciating. Right now it's really fucking bad. I used to take medication a few years back but eventually got taken off them because they worked well and I made good progress. But to cut to the chase it's been a long time since then, I've regressed and I know I need them again now. But I'm in between jobs and don't start my new one for 3-4 more weeks, and therefore don't have health insurance until then and can't get meds until then.

I wrote a lot then deleted it because I didn't want to overshare, but I'm in an extreme depressive episode right now. I will start therapy and medication in a few weeks as soon as I start my new job. Does anyone have any advice for what I can do in the meantime? Like simple shit that I can do at home
 

edbrat

Member
Mar 2, 2006
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I'm new to this thread. I've had mental health issues my entire life, but it fluctuates and has sometimes has not been so bad but other times can be excruciating. Right now it's really fucking bad. I used to take medication a few years back but eventually got taken off them because they worked well and I made good progress. But to cut to the chase it's been a long time since then, I've regressed and I know I need them again now. But I'm in between jobs and don't start my new one for 3-4 more weeks, and therefore don't have health insurance until then and can't get meds until then.

I wrote a lot then deleted it because I didn't want to overshare, but I'm in an extreme depressive episode right now. I will start therapy and medication in a few weeks as soon as I start my new job. Does anyone have any advice for what I can do in the meantime? Like simple shit that I can do at home

alright Chimpsteaks, I'm really sorry you are going through this it sounds like you're in an intense place right now and need to find a bridge to when you're getting therapy and meds. I wish I could give you definite remedies and advice which would help but I don't know you or your situation and I have no expertise in dealing with depression and mental health issues outside my personal experience, so I can share what's helped me and hope that there might be something there which helps you.

- break down time and problems into smaller more manageable sized things, if you're going through hell and you can't see an end to it focus on making it to the end of the day (or the end of the hour if necessary). If problems seem like huge unmoveable monoliths, break them down into smaller problems if possible Ie, I haven't got any money - what are the second order effects - I can't eat or buy this thing I need - look for short term solutions to the smaller problems ie, can I hit anyone up for dinner, can I borrow that thing I need? Sometimes the basic exercise of writing down the big thing and breaking it into smaller things can help.

- try and put together some kind of plan for the next few hours or days so you're not rolling out of bed and wondering what's going to happen today. You have agency and you can shape your existence, one thing which works for me is listing everything I've been putting off doing for ages and I get stuck into that.

- has anything helped you in the past make it through these types of situation? Make a list of what has, do them again.

- be activity and action-oriented if possible, try not to sit marinading in despair. I know this hard and I wish I had a magic solution which works for everyone, in my case if I feel hopelessness coming on and I can't think of anything to do I leave the house and start walking

- do you have people you can talk to? Well that's a yes because you have this thread. Additionally exploit support services like helplines if they're available to you, call on friends and family and ask for help if you can. Lean on other people in your hour of need, we all get there at some point and most people will want to help you (they might be shit at it but their heart is in the right place)

I hope there is something here which helps. Also know that you're not alone because I am rooting for you, you're in my thoughts and I hope you make it through this. Feel perfectly free to use your voice in this thread, that is what it is here for.
 
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-Minsc-

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Nov 14, 2009
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Hi C chimpsteaks ,

Simply making a post here was a great start. Not much I can say other than to fall back on the basic basics. I'll also make some comments on my own life.

- Do basic housekeeping if you are not doing so all ready. It's something to do. Make your bed when you get up. If you need to take a piss, do it first then and make your bed.

I'll be honest, I can be really bad at house keeping. In the past year I have make a good habit of making my bed in the morning. This past week I did fall out of it but started up again.

- Hygiene.

I can slack off in this area. Some nights I just don't feel like having a shower after milking the cows and fall back on a face and arm wash out of the sink. A shower every evening probably would help keep me feeling refreshed. There are those nights I sit down on the couch before cleaning up and just don't bother getting up until morning. In the back of my mind I'm thinking I should get up and have a shower.

- Pick out bits from your "vomit" post and gradually open up about the bits here or elsewhere. There's no rushing this stuff. Change is lifelong and one bit at a time.

- Seek out support groups that are designed to be a safe place to sort out your stuff. Not one of us can do this all alone.

I found one where I could meet people face to face. Right now we are Zoom only due to Covid. Been a great help having weekly and structured meetings to attend. I'll be holding a meeting on Discord tomorrow on Discord if you are interested. Right now it's just me.

- One day at a time, one moment at a time. The rest we'll deal with when it comes.
 
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S73v3

Banned
Dec 15, 2020
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I dunno if it's appropriate to share this but

Had dormant/internal syphilis for what looks like 13 years,

I Believe when I first got it, my groin area swelled and bleed for months at various intensity, too embarrassed, I just hid it and it went away forever after awhile, thought nothing of it,

about 3 years later my personality changed, very anxious all the time, not like myself, didn't feel like going out ect

Within another 2 I begane to hear voices, metal clanging, ect, had to leave my welding job, became housebound, and the years went by,

Medication didn't work, but radio and tv helped me cope with symptoms

I'd sometimes get a real stiff neck for a week once every 2ish years

Thought I was schizo, doctors did too but my new current doc noticed how many meds that I rejected, and ordered a blood test for varoius bacteria and virus when I told him all my medical history, even the gross bits

This was 2.5 years ago, and everything has changed

I'm vastly improving and back to welding, getting out, ect, I do wonder how many people who suffer mental illness have microbes swimming around in their brain.
 
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S73v3

Banned
Dec 15, 2020
170
224
200
S73v3 S73v3

Thanks for sharing. While I can not speak for others, I do believe it's appropriate.

Cool cool

During my most intense years(like 7 years) , I had to have radio on 24/7, even sleeping.

I'm actually still a radio head, but voluntary, streaming radio is ace.

My personality has changed, after being treated, I'm much more self centered, abrasive and coy, manic at times, but a vast improvement over the blob I was for years.

Some days I do decide to just sleep all day, Its a good reset, and it feels nostalgic.

Have to admit, I didn't read a single post in this thread before posting, I'll read some now.
 
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-Minsc-

Member
Nov 14, 2009
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Have to admit, I didn't read a single post in this thread before posting, I'll read some now.

The OP is probably the only one a person should read before posting.

For years I saw the mental health thread floating around and largely stayed away. It was a place for the crazy people. As the years have gone on I've concluded I have some crazy in me too.

What I'll admit is I believe I spend more time in here attempting to give out "support" than actually opening up about myself.
 
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-Minsc-

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Nov 14, 2009
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Preparing for a therapist.

In the past I've visited therapists but believe I did not have a good grasp on what I'm looking for in one and not find one who was a good fit. I'd like to visit one again. If I had a goal in mind it would be to find one is good at helping me figure out what I'm actually looking for. My head spins when I attempt to do that on my own.
 
Jan 11, 2019
13,633
49,529
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Tokyo, Japan
Preparing for a therapist.

In the past I've visited therapists but believe I did not have a good grasp on what I'm looking for in one and not find one who was a good fit. I'd like to visit one again. If I had a goal in mind it would be to find one is good at helping me figure out what I'm actually looking for. My head spins when I attempt to do that on my own.
Damn, the mushi really got you this time, huh? 😢
 
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RoyalLaFlame

Member
Oct 22, 2013
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Been feeling super stressed and down lately. Been working for two months without any breaks (no weekends at all) and that shit hit me really hard: I've been smoking like crazy to try to calm down my stress and my happiness quickly went away. Yesterday this crunch is finally over and I feel relieved and I decided to buy a vape machine, with lower doses of nicotine (0.3 mg compared to 1) and after one day I don't feel a strong urge to grab a cigarette anymore. I think it's already helping.


But I still don't feel very well, I basically feel nothing. I'm slowly feeling the same I did before I took the biggest change of my life (moving to China, for which I was super happy and excited)- makes me feel that happiness is a moment before you need more of it. Maybe I'm just being negative but that's what if feels like to me.
 

-Minsc-

Member
Nov 14, 2009
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Been feeling super stressed and down lately. Been working for two months without any breaks (no weekends at all) and that shit hit me really hard: I've been smoking like crazy to try to calm down my stress and my happiness quickly went away. Yesterday this crunch is finally over and I feel relieved and I decided to buy a vape machine, with lower doses of nicotine (0.3 mg compared to 1) and after one day I don't feel a strong urge to grab a cigarette anymore. I think it's already helping.


But I still don't feel very well, I basically feel nothing. I'm slowly feeling the same I did before I took the biggest change of my life (moving to China, for which I was super happy and excited)- makes me feel that happiness is a moment before you need more of it. Maybe I'm just being negative but that's what if feels like to me.
The best we can do is focus on one day at a time.

Damn, the mushi really got you this time, huh? 😢
Every one has things to sort out.

Mental health outreach came out today and took my brother in to see the psychiatrist this morning. Over this past year he has lost a lot of weight and was talking about having a hard time remembering things. Outreach got out of him last week that he wasn't taking all his medication and was fasting. It's sounding like they are going to admit him to the hospital and he's not happy with them in there.. At least there they can get him on a structure.
 

DonJorginho

Member
Jan 22, 2020
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Kanye's Kitchen
Almost ended my streak of being self harm free last night, things have just snowballed for me recently and the stress is catching up with me, I can feel it take it's toll on me more and more daily and it's affecting how I'm with people on here and irl, I have been doing better overall this year but recent events and emotions I'm experiencing have kinda moved me back a bit along my journey. I'm proud of myself that something in me stopped myself from taking my inner pain out on my own body, I've been self harm free for so long and that small lapse of my mental state could've made it all for nothing. If anyone needs someone to talk to for support or simple company during these times I'm free all day most days, being off work till January 4th leaves me with free time that I wanna kill. Hoping you're all doing well 💙
 

Ailynn

Faith - Hope - Love
Jan 1, 2017
1,891
10,127
985
Tennessee, USA
I've written yet discarded many posts for this thread over the past few months, as letting out some of what's been within me again recently just brings about its own drain on my emotional well-being.

All I can manage to get out is that I love you all, and I'm sending hugs out to everyone. I pray you are all well, and if not...then that 2021 will bring about much healing in your lives. 💙
 

Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
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This post here isn't about me. I've bitch and moaned about myself enough.

But man, some of my old friends are having it bad.

One friend I haven't heard from in awhile. I found out through another old friend that both her husband and son died about a year ago.

Another friend I have been recently talking to a lot, due to how lonely I've been. Mainly we just talk about cyberpunk stuff (he's a big fan of William Gibson) and video games in general.

Anyways I knew he had a girlfriend for a long time but I just found out they broke up about a couple years ago. I know he has severe sight limitations. He's not fully blind but can barely see. He can close up decent enough.

I'm pretty sure he's on disability and/or his brother lives with and supports because where he lives there's no way he can afford that on his own.

I feel bad for him. I wanted to send him a Christmas gift, specifically Metro Redux (he's big into Russian stuff) for XB1 or the Mass Effect Trilogy (which I think is backwards compatible with XB1) but I'm nearly completely broke after paying my phone bill for this month.

But man I feel sorry for these two but especially my friend Lydia who lost her family. I cried a bit hearing that the other night.

Want a sad and nightmarish year.
 

smorgasbird

Member
Aug 10, 2014
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Lately I can't stop sabotaging myself. Every time something goes well, I have an overwhelming urge to knock myself down a peg. I had a very significant win yesterday with something work related. I saved a huge project that had a seemingly unrecoverable disaster. Instead of feeling good about it, this morning I woke up in a bad mood. And I've been itching for something to go wrong and I even find myself trying to make that happen. And then it's like "why did I do that?" or "why did I say that?"

My view on work is like "stop patting yourself on the back and get back to what you're doing." This sounds reasonable but my subconscious has taken it too far and it's gotten to the point of punishing myself for doing well. Sometimes I even drag others into it. I behave in a way that signals "see? I suck." and try to get others to validate that. Of course I don't realize it when I'm doing it, but it's pretty clear to me in retrospect.

I think it's time I took some time off. I need an escape from my workaholism and the crazy circumstances this year don't exactly help, as I haven't been able to see any of my relatives.
 
Sep 14, 2014
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Lately I can't stop sabotaging myself. Every time something goes well, I have an overwhelming urge to knock myself down a peg. I had a very significant win yesterday with something work related. I saved a huge project that had a seemingly unrecoverable disaster. Instead of feeling good about it, this morning I woke up in a bad mood. And I've been itching for something to go wrong and I even find myself trying to make that happen. And then it's like "why did I do that?" or "why did I say that?"

My view on work is like "stop patting yourself on the back and get back to what you're doing." This sounds reasonable but my subconscious has taken it too far and it's gotten to the point of punishing myself for doing well. Sometimes I even drag others into it. I behave in a way that signals "see? I suck." and try to get others to validate that. Of course I don't realize it when I'm doing it, but it's pretty clear to me in retrospect.

I think it's time I took some time off. I need an escape from my workaholism and the crazy circumstances this year don't exactly help, as I haven't been able to see any of my relatives.
Imposter syndrome?
 
Sep 14, 2014
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I think so. Wasn't sure if it included the phase where I sabotage myself.
I would say it does for sure. Explaining away your achievements with explanations that change the success into simply luck or a happy accident is a big part. Also scrutinising the past for "errors" even where they are none is another part of it. From my experiences of it and reading simple summaries just to check, I would say it's capturing your problem succinctly.

I think it's always a co-morbid thing, because it's hard to imagine it existing by itself. You would expect one has to be anxious to experience imposter syndrome, and so where is the anxiety coming from?
 

smorgasbird

Member
Aug 10, 2014
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Random venting. No pressure on anyone to reply.

I am skeptical about the COVID-19 narrative, and it is undeniable that politicians would do anything to increase their control over things. But what I'm not certain of is the degree to which this is happening. I'm not really worried about my own health, but I can't rule out the possibility that this is real and dangerous for some people, and I'm mindful that people may have at-risk relatives and that you can be an asymptomatic carrier. Most people where I live feel the same way so they wouldn't want to meet up anyway.

Because of this, I've now gone 8 months without seeing anyone I know in person. I am a natural loner so it wasn't so bad for the first 7 months, but the stagnating social atmosphere has been kind of suffocating and some cracks in my psyche are starting to show. It's not something that I feel will escalate very much. I am not going to go mad. But I am starting to feel a bit unwell and I find myself clinging to distractions a bit too hard. In general I am a workaholic, and during the holiday season I got kind of addicted to being on the Internet. I am a little bit frazzled and I don't speak or write very well these days. I made a point of going outside every day for at least an hour, but the streets feel empty and lifeless. I need to find something more meaningful to do until this passes.
 
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Melon

Banned
Mar 21, 2018
1,202
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22
Dumb Bimbo Inc.
Is there a Mental Health GAF discord?


I hadn't actually thought of this before, I actually like the idea of this a lot. Would you guys be interested in a server specifically for this community? And if so, EviLore EviLore , would something like that be allowed?



And also with it being a new year I just thought I would say that I appreciate all of you very much (even if I don't say it often) and you're all hella strong for sticking it through such a shitty fucking year, and I sincerely hope 2021 is a better year for us all around. 2020 was brutal, especially in terms of the effects it had on people mentally. You guys fucking rock. 💪

EDIT: Also I am sorry for my lack of responses here, I hadn't been getting notifications for this thread anymore, so I just hadn't thought to check it. I feel like a neglectful mother. :lollipop_pensive:
 
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Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
61,367
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I hadn't actually thought of this before, I actually like the idea of this a lot. Would you guys be interested in a server specifically for this community? And if so, EviLore EviLore , would something like that be allowed?



And also with it being a new year I just thought I would say that I appreciate all of you very much (even if I don't say it often) and you're all hella strong for sticking it through such a shitty fucking year, and I sincerely hope 2021 is a better year for us all around. 2020 was brutal, especially in terms of the effects it had on people mentally. You guys fucking rock. 💪

EDIT: Also I am sorry for my lack of responses here, I hadn't been getting notifications for this thread anymore, so I just hadn't thought to check it. I feel like a neglectful mother. :lollipop_pensive:
no u
 
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Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
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I can't listen to news anymore.

They're talking politics on Coast to Coast AM again and I wish they wouldn't and just stick.to what made the show great - the paranormal, UFOs, cryptids and other assorted weirdness.

I can't deal with this news.

All my predictions and fears were justified and right.
 

-Minsc-

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Nov 14, 2009
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Darkmakaimura Darkmakaimura

I read into PoliGAF last night, despite having the forum on my ignore list. Got about four hours sleep due to that choice. Probably got some good things from reading the exchanges on the current event hot topic, it's just going to take time to process it. Definitely time for me to step back from it for my sanity. Taking all this stuff in small doses seems reasonable and know when to back out.
 
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-Minsc-

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Nov 14, 2009
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Anyone want to be my accountability partner for when I decide to participate in the politics forum? Going there in extreme moderation can be healthy. I can tell it's time to back away as it's eating into my time. Having someone to PM when I get the urge to check it will be a big help.

edit:

I hadn't actually thought of this before, I actually like the idea of this a lot. Would you guys be interested in a server specifically for this community?

Even if it's an unofficial server, I'm all for it.
 
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Phase

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Sep 25, 2019
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I deal with chronic pain and the last few days have been really bad. When it gets me down I use music as it helps bring my mind to another place. I just wanted to share a song I love that I play often when it's hard to cope. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too.

 

Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
61,367
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Having an anxiety / panic attack right now. Not REALLY bad as I wouldn't be typing if it were but not fun.

Edit: feeling better now since I typed this.


i like music, specifically ambient drone

 

Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
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My thoughts go out to Cornelius, a frequent caller from Coast to Coast AM.

Dude seems like a legit great guy who has had some curve balls in his life.
 
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-Minsc-

Member
Nov 14, 2009
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Good afternoon,

On my way home today I came upon a snowdrift on the road. There was a fellow attempting to push a persons car out of the drift. I decided to get out and give the guy a hand. Another fellow behind me did the same. When the car was out 20 seconds later the initial guy said "Thanks boys." I said, "No problem." With that, we all went on our way.
 
Jan 14, 2021
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Hey, I was here under The New Guy briefly in December. After my account deletion before and sorting some things out, I'm happy to report I'm in such a better place mentally. Been much more productive lately, happier and just generally in a much better mindset.

I'm sure I'll use this thread for the occasional vent. So happy to be back.

Happy Feeling Myself GIF by The Drew Barrymore Show
 

Xaero Gravity

Member
May 12, 2013
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Hey, I was here under The New Guy briefly in December. After my account deletion before and sorting some things out, I'm happy to report I'm in such a better place mentally. Been much more productive lately, happier and just generally in a much better mindset.

I'm sure I'll use this thread for the occasional vent. So happy to be back.

Happy Feeling Myself GIF by The Drew Barrymore Show
Hello Sidney
 
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Halo is Dead

Member
May 20, 2018
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Preparing for a therapist.

In the past I've visited therapists but believe I did not have a good grasp on what I'm looking for in one and not find one who was a good fit. I'd like to visit one again. If I had a goal in mind it would be to find one is good at helping me figure out what I'm actually looking for. My head spins when I attempt to do that on my own.
What do you mean by "what am I actually looking for"? Do you mean in a therapist or life in general? I just want to understand what is going on in your head so I can try to help you with a therapist.
 
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JetSetJustin

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Jan 14, 2021
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Back here after a few years, and this looks like the thread for me. Currently doing DBT twice a week with pretty good results. I find it much more effective than CBT.
Also, my friend Bill W. wants to know if anyone else here might be a friend of his.
 
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