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My girlfriend wants to get plastic surgery and I'm not sure I'm ok with it

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AngryMoth

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May 16, 2011
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Looking to get some opinions from others on this since I think don't really have an especially well founded position, it's more of a gut feeling that I just don't like plastic surgery on principle. But I think it's possible that this is merely down to been from a western culture (she's chinese) where we seem to place a lot of emphasis on "natural" beauty, perhaps unnecessarily, and maybe I should be being more open minded about it.

It's a self esteem issue for her. I have to be a little careful with how I word this because she probably will read it but her mother is....well in my opinion she's an awful mum, partly because she has been telling my gf her whole life that she if not pretty enough to find a husband, talking shit about her dad for giving her bad genes, etc. Objectively speaking she may not have supermodel good looks but she's beautiful to me and I don't need her to change a thing about herself.

I wish she could feel good about the way she looks now, but I can totally understand why she is insecure because of her mum, and if it is gonna be a help to her then maybe I should just be supportive? Then again I have the worry I could be a slippery slope where once you change one thing there'll always be something else you don't like and wanna change. Plus there is the chance of it going bad, but I really have no idea how common an occurrence that is.
 
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I know your heart is in the right place but it's really her decision. I mean definitely talk to her and make sure she's going into this knowing everything and is sure but ultimately it's her body.
 

Biske

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Apr 5, 2016
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Doesn't matter if you are okay with it.

Its her body, her life. If she wants to do it, that's all that matters.


Obviously with these kind of things you want to be fully informed and do your research, get things done at a good place, etc, etc. But as long as all those things are taken care of, she does what she wants.


Now if someone is on their way to becoming a cat lady, thats a different story...
 

DrBo42

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I'd tell her the bit about you thinking she's beautiful as she is but other than that you support whatever decision she makes. Nothing else you can do other than bailing if it's a deal breaker.
 

AngryMoth

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May 16, 2011
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I know your heart is in the right place but it's really her decision. I mean definitely talk to her and make sure she's going into this knowing everything and is sure but ultimately it's her body.
I mean yeah, you are absolute right. We're talking about it together but ultimately it's her decision and I won't put my foot down about it. I'm more just trying to come to terms with accepting it I suppose.
What does she want to get done?
Double eyelids is what she's talking about, so nothing too major I don't think.
 

AlteredBeast

Fork 'em, Sparky!
May 30, 2005
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Obviously her choice, and if you don't like it or the results, you can always peace out...
 

Jonneh3003

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May 27, 2014
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It's fine for you to have concerns, I'm not sure how I would feel if my fiance told me she was having plastic surgery. You obviously can't stop her but maybe let her know how you feel. I would want to know how my partner felt if I was drastically changing myself.
 

kirblar

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Oct 9, 2010
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Double eyelids is what she's talking about, so nothing too major I don't think.
That's really common. Julie Chen (CBS Anchor) talked about doing it for career advancement reasons and her conflicting feelings on it a few years ago.
 

i-Lo

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Dec 23, 2008
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She's your girlfriend not your property.

What she chooses to do you should support her.

He is free to do what he feels is right after thinking things through without blindly supporting her.

It is more so in this case because the perception of self for the GF is poor due to her mother.

OP let her know how you feel about it without being insensitive because it can indeed be a slippery slope. She needs to be able to live with how she looks. Help her see that she is beautiful to you. However, if she is adamant that a plastic surgery would improve her life then you should follow your heart.
 

Ventara

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Mar 2, 2014
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Although I'm usually in the "it's her choice" camp, this seems like a decision made from lack of self-esteem caused by mental abuse, which plastic surgery can't fix. I'm not against plastic surgery, but she seems to be making it for the wrong reasons. Talk to her more without being pushy. In the end though, it really is her call.
 

tomwhite2004

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Jul 10, 2013
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I know a few women who had plastic surgery like nose, breasts or even non evasive stuff like botox and did so on the premise of low self esteem.

Now they are just woman with plastic surgery AND low self esteem!
 

SmackDaddy

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Aug 21, 2010
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She'll prly look even awesomer. Like people said, tell her why you think it's a bad decision, including your feelings about how her mom talks to her , and let it ride.
 

Xe4

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Aug 1, 2014
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You should definitely talk with her about your concerns and stuff. Ultimately it doesn't sound like anything too major, but if she wants to go through with it, let her. If for whatever reason you can't accept the results, you can always leave. I don't think anyone would think less of you.

Plastic surgery is a big deal, and I can see it causing a lot of problems in a relationship (though less with a small surgery like that). Certainly any surgery she gets won't fix her self esteem issues. Those sound like they have a deeper basis than just her eyelids. I f I had a girlfriend who got major plastic surgery (like a boobjob), I don't know if it'd make me leave her, but it certainly would complicate things.
 

Neverfade

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Nov 27, 2008
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Had to google what the fuck a double eyelid was.


All those pictures were surgery. Everywhere. I done fucked up.
 

otapnam

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Sep 15, 2010
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Op are you asian? Double eyelids is huge in Asian culture. It's not as bad as most other forms of plastic surgery imo.....

Edit. Re-read op. I'm guessing not asian? There's going to be alot to learn about asian culture. If you continue your relationship. Good luck
 

Octavia

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Oct 15, 2012
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I don't get the posts in this thread. It's not a crime to have opinions and concerns over a huge decision one of your closest friends is making, especially if it's one that involves risks and you personally think is a mistake.

OP never said he had any kind of ultimatum for her, or that it was his decision. He doesn't think it's "all about the looks."

I don't get these "Their body their rules" posts. This isn't a topic about abortion. It's about body image issues which seems to have some clearly powerful external factors influencing her (her family harping on her).

Plastic surgery is not a 1 button fix all. It's a serious decision and this doesn't sound like a genuine use, it sounds like something that should be talked about with a therapist first.

That's my opinion anyway.
 

Stopdoor

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Dec 19, 2012
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Objectively speaking she may not have supermodel good looks but she's beautiful to me and I don't need her to change a thing about herself.

This seems like the exact sort of thing that would set off an insecure girl, you have to be careful how you phrase this stuff, or just not phrase it at all. Sometimes being honest isn't a good thing, as I've found - they'll still take it for hidden meaning. It's that "do I look fat in this?" classic situation. I get you're not trying to be insulting in any way, but this stuff's complicated, and a middling statement like that could just backfire and push her toward it if she heard you phrase it like that.
 
Jul 3, 2008
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What are double eyelids?
It's literally the "fix" for "Asian eyes" or squinty-looking eyes. It's an extremely common plastic surgery for Asians, though it could also occur naturally.

EDIT: Here is a pic.



See how on the bottom, the eyelids fold into themselves and have a two-layered appearance? That's the "double" part.
 

Zefah

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Jan 7, 2007
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She's your girlfriend not your property.

What she chooses to do you should support her.

I think it's pretty obvious that the OP does not think that way.

At the same time, he does not have to be OK and supportive of all of her ideas. She has to make the decision for herself in the end, but if he is really uncomfortable with the idea, then he should let her know.
 

ZoltanXerxes

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Nov 23, 2014
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Sorry OP. It's her choice. Unfortunately, if she's made up her mind, there's not a whole lot that you can do. I realize a lot of people get plastic surgery to curb self esteem issues.

One book I recommend you (and your girlfriend) to read if you'd like is called Phycho Cybernetics. It is written by a plastic surgeon and goes into the details of self esteem and plastic surgery. I highly recommend this to anyone. It really changed my outlook on people in general and myself.
 

HariKari

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Jun 28, 2013
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Plastic surgery is not a 1 button fix all. It's a serious decision and this doesn't sound like a genuine use, it sounds like something that should be talked about with a therapist first.

That's my opinion anyway.

OP can encourage her to go that way first but at the end of the day she's an adult and it's her call. OP can go with it or bounce for his own reasons.
 

DrBo42

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Jul 31, 2007
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I don't get the posts in this thread. It's not a crime to have opinions and concerns over a huge decision one of your closest friends is making, especially if it's one that involves risks and you personally think is a mistake.

OP never said he had any kind of ultimatum for her, or that it was his decision. He doesn't think it's "all about the looks."

I don't get these "Their body their rules" posts. This isn't a topic about abortion. It's about body image issues which seems to have some clearly powerful external factors influencing her (her family harping on her).

Plastic surgery is not a 1 button fix all. It's a serious decision and this doesn't sound like a genuine use, it sounds like something that should be talked about with a therapist first.

That's my opinion anyway.

Agreed for the most part. Especially considering the relationship with the mother painted by the OP. But this is also a cultural beauty thing that has developed into a pretty common procedure and fad I guess. Not sure what the majority opinion is in the east on the subject.
 

HeySeuss

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Nov 3, 2009
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"You should support her decision".

What is she decided to be a flat earther? He doesn't have to support that which he doesn't agree with. What he can't do is stop her if decides that's really what she wants to do.
 

Zoggy

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Jun 7, 2013
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It's literally the "fix" for "Asian eyes" or squinty-looking eyes. It's an extremely common plastic surgery for Asians, though it could also occur naturally.

EDIT: Here is a pic.



See how on the bottom, the eyelids fold into themselves and have a two-layered appearance? That's the "double" part.
The fuck? That's dumb as shit.
 

hurricanes

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Jan 24, 2013
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It's literally the "fix" for "Asian eyes" or squinty-looking eyes. It's an extremely common plastic surgery for Asians, though it could also occur naturally.

EDIT: Here is a pic.



See how on the bottom, the eyelids fold into themselves and have a two-layered appearance? That's the "double" part.
This pic(not you) is misleading since double eyelid doesn't give you two layers of eyeliner, mascara and ("big eye") contacts.

To OP: it's just double eyelids, I would say let her do it if it makes her happy. It's a very minor thing and not as invasive other plastic work... that said, no amount of plastic surgery is going to fix her esteem if she can't work it out on her own.
 

Zefah

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Jan 7, 2007
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But, yeah... epicanthoplasty, which is the surgical removal or modification of epicanthic folds to give that double fold eyelid look, is really really common in Asia. The results can be quite nice, but obviously you might not agree if you like how she looks right now.
 

jabuseika

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Feb 18, 2011
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She's insecure because her mon tells her she can't get a guy, but she has you?

Are you sure it's her mom pressuring her, or is this solely her decision to improve her self esteem, those are two different things and two entirely different reasons for getting surgery.
 

GSG Flash

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Jul 7, 2004
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It's her choice but being with her is your choice and vice versa. If plastic surgery is a deal breaker for you then you should break up with her.
 
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