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My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can't cope

Vtecomega

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Apr 15, 2018
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Hi everyone. I am not sure why I am posting this here. I just don't have many people to talk to. I feel so utterly broken.

Cut the long story short. My mother went to do the doctors for an x-ray due to a small car accident she had. She had some minor whiplash.

The x-ray results showed small lytic lesion in her rib and 24mm growth in her breast. She was diagnosed with cancer by the doctor.

My mother is absolutely everything to me. She is my life and my best friend. The thought of losing her would bring me to suicide as the pain would be too overwhelming for me. Even thinking about losing her now I'm breaking down in hard tears.

Do you think there's a chance my mother can beat this cancer? Or there's no hope?

She feels absolutely zero symptoms. No pain, no fever. Nothing.

We have to do a full bone scan on Monday, with a mamagran.

I really don't know how to cope with this. I love her more than anything.

Any support or advice would be much appreciated. I feel alone.
 

haxan7

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Hopefully it was caught early (sounds like it was, if it was found by chance on an X-ray, and no one even felt a lump). The doctors will let you know. With that said, even a very treatable cancer isn’t an easy path to go down with chemo and radiation, so the best thing you can do is just be there to the extent you can and help her get through all the treatments.

A tip I would give is to try to charm your way with the technicians doing the actual treatments so they do the best job they can. Radiation is a serious thing to get done and can cause damage that creates more problems down the line.
 

Ionian

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Apr 25, 2013
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OP, I wish you and your Mother the best of luck. Hopefully it's benign or treatable. Crossing my fingers for you my dude.
 
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GeekyDad

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...Do you think there's a chance my mother can beat this cancer? Or there's no hope?

She feels absolutely zero symptoms. No pain, no fever. Nothing. ...
Sure sounds like she could get through this.

I think the word cancer still scares people terribly. But I would wait and see what test results reveal as far as what she's actually dealing with.

In the meantime, if I were the recipient of your care, I would appreciate someone who wasn't breaking down, wasn't overbearing, but helpful and hopeful. Be realistic, be yourself. Of course, I don't know you or your mother, but I wish you both prayers. She will be okay. :messenger_heart:
 

EviLore

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The last thing your mom wants is for you to harm yourself if things don't turn out well for her. Stay strong, for her sake and your own. Positive vibes and personal steadiness will help her. Best wishes to her for a full recovery.
 

Lone Wolf

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Jan 8, 2014
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The last thing your mom wants is for you to harm yourself if things don't turn out well for her. Stay strong, for her sake and your own. Positive vibes and personal steadiness will help her. Best wishes to her for a full recovery.
This right here OP. Time to cowboy up. Mom needs you and no matter what, you have to find reasons to go on, with or without her. Hope for the best and help her fight like hell to beat this.
 

ymoc

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Feb 27, 2012
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My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago.
It turned out she had known something was up for a long time before she went to get checked. You can imagine our shock when she told us that. By the time they diagnosed it it has already gained quite a size.
She had surgery to remove her breast in a couple of months after that.
Surgery was successful and it turned out the cancer hasn't spread to any lymph nodes either.
She went through full chemo treatment which was pretty horrible to be honest. But after a few months that was behind her too.
Now she's taking some hormone treatment and will keep taking it for a few years.

What I'm saying is, this cancer is treatable, even if discovered late.
There is 0 reason for you to think otherwise right now and should be as supportive as you can be.

I wish her and you all the best.
 

DeepBreath87

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Jun 15, 2019
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It’s hard to say until they do further scans and testing. But her prognosis is better because they caught it now instead of whenever she started showing symptoms. Keep your head up. You mom is going to need you. But treatments have come a million miles in the past 25 years. She should have a good chance.

While your feelings are not irrelevant, they also should not be the most important thing. One way to get past them is to be there for your mother now. Don’t dwell on how you are feeling day to day. When you find yourself spiraling into negativity, ask yourself how you can be helpful to your mom. That’s the best advice I can give you.
 
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jdforge

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Jul 20, 2004
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The most important thing is to NOT panic.

It’s your job now to give 100% positive support and encouragement to your Mum. Keeping a positive outlook at all times. Once you get over the shock of the diagnosis it’s important to remember your role now is only to support your Mum and your feelings, wants/needs are absolutely secondary to hers.



There are various protocols and nutrition regimes that can help your Mum through her treatment. It’s important not to be militant about this, but use nutrition as a form of care and positive support. Try and remove as much sugar from her diet as possible.

Helping out with the day to day chores of life will allow your Mum more time to rest and energy for her body to fight this.

Some helpful tips when the treatment starts:

Keep a log/diary of all visits to the hospital and what was said and agreed.

Accompany your Mum to the hospital on every occasion.

Buy a quality stainless steel water bottle and make sure your Mum is drinking as much water as possible. Better of the water is filtered and not from a plastic bottle This helps to flush out any toxins from her body during treatment.

New bedding or decorate her bedroom can lift her spirits. Anything you can do to make her feel extra comfortable and loved even buying a nice new pillow or dressing gown to rest in.

Plan nice days out and try to get into nature as much as possible. Into clean air environments such as forests and coastal areas. Take some time to just be in these places away from the town and city.

If you go down the route of any alternative therapies or protocols make sure your oncologist is informed. Don’t confuse your Mum or make her think the hospital treatment isn’t working or suitable for her. It’s important she believes in the road to recovery.

Pray. Don’t be afraid to ask people for help when you need it.

You got this.
 

Pakoe

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Dec 2, 2013
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My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago.
It turned out she had known something was up for a long time before she went to get checked. You can imagine our shock when she told us that. By the time they diagnosed it it has already gained quite a size.
She had surgery to remove her breast in a couple of months after that.
Surgery was successful and it turned out the cancer hasn't spread to any lymph nodes either.
She went through full chemo treatment which was pretty horrible to be honest. But after a few months that was behind her too.
Now she's taking some hormone treatment and will keep taking it for a few years.

What I'm saying is, this cancer is treatable, even if discovered late.
There is 0 reason for you to think otherwise right now and should be as supportive as you can be.

I wish her and you all the best.
This. OP I wish yall the best, stay strong. You will both make it.
 

Dr.Morris79

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Nov 19, 2018
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Hang in there mate, there is a very good chance of her having a full recovery!

Be strong for her but make sure to look after yourself too!

I think i've said on here before that I lost my father last month and like you he meant the world to me, he was my best friend too. It was unexpected and avoidable how he passed and I never got to see him for four months due to this Covid bollocks. There was so many things left unsaid or done, i'm currently sitting in his old house looking after mum as shes ill too and trying to sort out the estate but to be honest it's hard even getting up in the morning. I'm married with a kid but i've had to move out into here, not going to lie, it's hard going.

I wont sugar coat it, life is shit. Make sure you do what needs to be done.

I've known people who have been in your mums situation though and made a full recovery so just hang in there.

If you ever feel too low though or just need someone to chat with then sling us a message, I know you dont know me but sometimes it's good to just have a talk with someone ;)
 
Jan 14, 2018
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Hi everyone. I am not sure why I am posting this here. I just don't have many people to talk to. I feel so utterly broken.

Cut the long story short. My mother went to do the doctors for an x-ray due to a small car accident she had. She had some minor whiplash.

The x-ray results showed small lytic lesion in her rib and 24mm growth in her breast. She was diagnosed with cancer by the doctor.

My mother is absolutely everything to me. She is my life and my best friend. The thought of losing her would bring me to suicide as the pain would be too overwhelming for me. Even thinking about losing her now I'm breaking down in hard tears.

Do you think there's a chance my mother can beat this cancer? Or there's no hope?

She feels absolutely zero symptoms. No pain, no fever. Nothing.

We have to do a full bone scan on Monday, with a mamagran.

I really don't know how to cope with this. I love her more than anything.

Any support or advice would be much appreciated. I feel alone.
what is their Birads Score ?
 
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CrankyJay™

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I’m not a doctor, but they declared it cancer just off of an X-ray? I would get a second opinion by a cancer specialist before deciding on a course of action.
 
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GeorgPrime

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Jan 9, 2020
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Hi everyone. I am not sure why I am posting this here. I just don't have many people to talk to. I feel so utterly broken.

Cut the long story short. My mother went to do the doctors for an x-ray due to a small car accident she had. She had some minor whiplash.

The x-ray results showed small lytic lesion in her rib and 24mm growth in her breast. She was diagnosed with cancer by the doctor.

My mother is absolutely everything to me. She is my life and my best friend. The thought of losing her would bring me to suicide as the pain would be too overwhelming for me. Even thinking about losing her now I'm breaking down in hard tears.

Do you think there's a chance my mother can beat this cancer? Or there's no hope?

She feels absolutely zero symptoms. No pain, no fever. Nothing.

We have to do a full bone scan on Monday, with a mamagran.

I really don't know how to cope with this. I love her more than anything.

Any support or advice would be much appreciated. I feel alone.

Does she have the option to remove the breast and getting an artifical rebuild for it?
 
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NeoIkaruGAF

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Dec 8, 2019
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I’m not a doctor, but they declared it cancer just off of an X-ray? I would get a second opinion by a cancer specialist before deciding on a course of action.
She’s undergoing further examination, clearly. But a breast lump that size in a middle-aged woman is cancer until you prove it’s not. Also, there’s specific X-ray signs that can make the diagnosis extremely likely from a single XR exam.

OP, first thing you‘ll have to do is understand that a) there’s nothing you can do to physically fight your mother’s tumor, of course, and b) her disease is not your fault. This is extremely important for you to have a clear mind in this situation. What you can do is support your mother through everything that’ll happen in the next months. You are devastated and that’s perfectly understandable, but you must focus on making your mother’s everyday life the best it can be, because the actual therapy is out of your hands. All too often people with a sick relative (especially if it’s a parent) want to do the impossible without having a clue what to do, and end up losing sight of what it’s in their power to do. So, focus on what you can do and let the doctors do the rest.
 
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Jon Neu

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It's an horrible situation but as others have said, you need to be strong for her, she needs you more than ever.

Take this as an opportunity to tell her how much you appreciate her, how much you love her and how much she means to you, but don't do it from a place of desperation and fear, do it from a place of courage; show her how much you are willing to fight for her.

I wish you and your mom the best of lucks.
 
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Raven117

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Oct 5, 2015
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Bro,
A few things,
(1) you absolutely have to step up and be strong. None of this “I’m thinking of suicide.” (If this is real, then you go see someone and you do NOT tell your mother). Your mother loves you very much. The thought that she is causing you so much pain would make things way worse for her. She needs to focus on herself not you.

You need to be calm and supportive. I don’t know how old you are, but you don’t have the luxury of being a child, you need to be a man.

(2). This isn’t about you. It’s about her. And of course tell her you love her and appreciate her, but do not talk to her like she is dying.

(3). It’s way.... way too early to freak out. As you described it, it seems very early. But you will just have to wait it out here

(4) you need to do some things that make you feel normal. Pizza and beer with friends, whatever.

these are just off the top of my head. But 1 is the most important.

I’m coming from a lot of experience with this.
 
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Feb 11, 2015
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Too early for drama, breast cancer are not big deal as other cancers, and if is at early stage all gonna be ok.

my mother in law had breast cancer and my dad had colon cancer advanced. Everybody is healthy and jumping.

Only issue was $$$$
 

CrankyJay™

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Oct 25, 2017
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She’s undergoing further examination, clearly. But a breast lump that size in a middle-aged woman is cancer until you prove it’s not. Also, there’s specific X-ray signs that can make the diagnosis extremely likely from a single XR exam.

I understand, the main point is I personally wouldn't rush into treatment just because it's cancer. Example, if the doctor who found it doesn't specialize in cancer, I'd seek out a cancer specialist.

I'm lucky to live in a city where we have a renowned cancer institute like Roswell Park (Buffalo, NY), where they would have a team of oncologists that specialize directly in breast cancer, not just cancer in general.
 

CrankyJay™

Member
Oct 25, 2017
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Too early for drama, breast cancer are not big deal as other cancers, and if is at early stage all gonna be ok.

my mother in law had breast cancer and my dad had colon cancer advanced. Everybody is healthy and jumping.

Only issue was $$$$

Dude, it's still a plenty big deal, especially if metastasized.
 

DESTROYA

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I hope for the best OP but breast cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer so if caught early enough her chances are pretty high of making a recovery.
If anything be strong for your MOM and show her all the love and support you have for her.
 
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VysePSU

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I'm sorry to hear that, man. I will pray for her. As others have said, remember to stay strong for your mom and yourself. Don't ever think about suicide; it will only bring more sadness.
 
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Reality Czar

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Praying for the OP and their family. I have family members with various forms of cancer. It’s a hard thing to deal with. Luckily there have been enormous breakthroughs in treatment over the past few decades. Here is hoping for the best. Much love your way.
 
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Liljagare

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Can't but hope for the best for you OP! :( Parents getting old and ill is the worst, second after loosing kids, third after loosing pets.

Luckily things have progressed alot in recent years with cancer treatments!

I know the say, but you have to try to remain positive... :\ You deal with it as it happens, and remember, there are no wrong emotions to feel during times of personal crisis. All hospitals have staff that you can talk to as a relative, for support and offloading, try to look up the ones in your hospital, they can be a boon to talk to since they deal with this stuff everyday pretty much. :eek:




(Things like this is why I don't get we can't all be nicer to each other, everyone will go through this in their life, why not try to make things as nice as possible while we are here?)
 

MaestroMike

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Sep 25, 2011
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make sure she's eating the right foods too as she gets treated. good luck.


Breast Cancer​

Diet​

  • Many plant foods have been found to contain cancer-fighting nutrients for prevention or part of a treatment regimen for breast cancer. Of the foods studied, the following has shown the most convincing evidence for protection.
    • Flax seeds—Flax seeds have been shown to lower the risk of breast cancer as well as help treat it,1 likely related to their high amount of lignans, a nutrient which has anti-estrogenic effects and is also found in other foods such as chia seeds.
    • Green vegetables, particularly cruciferous vegetables (such as broccoli, kale, cabbage, and collards)—Cruciferous vegetables contain high amounts of special sulphur-containing compounds that fight cancer, and have been shown to reduce the risk of breast cancer.2
    • Garlic and onions—Similar to cruciferous vegetables, garlic and onions have special sulfur-containing compounds that fight cancer.
    • Soybeans
      • Eating whole soybeans (edamame), tofu, and tempeh, has been shown to be protective against developing breast cancer, particularly when eaten as a child or adolescent.
      • Whole soy is also helpful for those already diagnosed with breast cancer.3
      • Avoid isolated soy protein.
    • Mushrooms—Mushrooms are particularly helpful at reducing breast cancer risk4 in part related to their estrogen-lowering effects.
    • Berries—Eating berries (strawberries, blackberries, cranberries, blueberries, etc.) have been shown to help fight cancer, including breast cancer.
    • Tip: Onion family and cruciferous family vegetables are best eaten raw and chewed well or at least chopped finely or blended prior to cooking in order to provide the strongest cancer protection.
    • A high-fiber diet (rich in vegetables and beans) provides additional protection by reducing circulating estrogen levels, as fiber binds up estrogen in the digestive tract, accelerating its removal from the body.5-7
    • Alcohol consumption also increases risk of breast cancer in a dose-dependent fashion.8
  • Reducing foods that are associated with higher risk, such as processed foods and animal products, is also an important strategy in reducing breast cancer risk.
  • Green tea consumption may be protective against breast cancer.9 Using green tea extracts (see Supplements below) allows for convenient dosing.
  • Meal plan: Anti-cancer/High micronutrient

Supplements​

  • Dr. Fuhrman’s general supplement protocol for adults (see Vitamin Advisorfor details) includes:
  • Additional supplements:
    • Green tea has anti-cancer effects in vitro, drinking green tea regularly is associated with a lower risk of cancer, and studies suggest that green tea supplements may help to reduce cancer-related biomarkers.10
    • Turmeric/curcumin: Curcuminoids, the widely studied bioactive components of turmeric, have anti-cancer effects in vitro, and human studies suggest beneficial antioxidant and anti-inflammatory effects.11,12
    • Grape seed extract has anti-cancer effect in vitro, such as inhibiting inflammation, proliferation, angiogenesis, and aromatase activity.13Clinical trials are being conducted to find out whether grape seed extract is helpful for people with cancer or at high risk of cancer.
    • Mushroom extracts: Studies suggest that concentrated mushroom extracts may be a useful addition to cancer treatment, to decrease the immunosuppressive effects of chemotherapy.14
    • Read more: Do you have a supplement formulated to enhance protection against cancer?

Exercise​

Regular physical activity is associated with lower risk of cancer. Moderate exercise is helpful, and vigorous exercise provides even more protection.15

Read​

Super Immunity

Other Considerations​

  • Weight loss: Obesity increases the risk for several cancers, including breast cancer. It is estimated that 17 percent of breast cancers are caused by obesity alone.16 If you are overweight or obese, a Nutritarian diet stylewill help you reach your ideal weight.
  • Screening with mammograms: Each individual’s case is different, but when investigators look at a very large group of women together, screening (with mammogram primarily) has recently been shown to not be able to reduce the overall risk of dying.17 Some individuals may still benefit from some form of screening, but, unfortunately, it is difficult to know who would or wouldn’t benefit from screening, how often, or when to start. Screening with mammogram can lead to higher exposures to harmful radiation, false-positive results which lead to unnecessary treatments/surgery/grief, and even false-negative results which can lead to false reassurance and less focus on prevention strategies such as dietary changes. Better screening tools will be available in the near future, but the most important real prevention is superior nutrition.

Find additional help at our Wellness Center​

The Dr. Fuhrman Wellness Center in New Jersey
We specialize in the reversal and prevention of disease using nutritional methods instead of medication. Lose weight, regain your health and overcome food addiction. LEARN MORE
 
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Insane Metal

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Mar 11, 2006
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Dear OP, calm down! That doesn't mean she's gonna die. There are many lines of treatment nowadays and the success rate is very high, specially if the cancer is discovered early on.

Most probably she'll be fine in a few months. I'll be here sending good vibes. Stay calm and be supportive. :messenger_peace::messenger_smiling:
 

Vtecomega

Member
Apr 15, 2018
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Thank you so much everyone for the support. You have no idea how much it means to me ❤️

I just hope the cancer hasn't metastasized. That's what I'm mainly concerned about. It just she feels about fine. You would think if the cancer has spread to the bone she would feel some discomfort or pain? She woke up this morning feeling fantastic jumping up and down excited to watch UFC today.

I asked her if she feels any pain or weakness and she is absolutely fine. She still has appetite, still has energy. Hell she feels better than I do. Anyway tomorrow is the big day of numerous tests we have to do. Mammagran, bone tests and radiation dye which could make her sick. She is nervous but it needs to be done.

I will keep everyone posted. Again, thank you all for the support.
 

Go_Ly_Dow

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Nov 9, 2010
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You and your mother are in my thoughts, OP. Stay strong and stay positive.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in January this year, stage 2 follicular lymphoma, affecting two lymph nodes, but localized. She's currently on a watch and wait protocol where they monitor it frequently for progression and then treat it if/when the cancer starts to cause any symptoms. This is because the treatment can cause more discomfort then the cancer itself and its actually deemed better by many to treat when slightly further ahead. I was surprised to hear this but have done a lot of reading and all checks out.

In the meantime, whilst the news is still it's good to carry on life as normal, keep active, eat well, sleep well and stay positive. Get her to quit drinking or smoking if she does. Live in the present as much as possible - rather than worry about the future that hasn't happened.

I got some supplements for my mum that you might want to explore yourself. Curcumin, which is an extract of turmeric, mushroom extract, sulforaphane via brocolli sprout extract and finally a moderate strength vitamin d (4000iu). She takes one each daily and no issues so far. She eats 1-2 brazil nuts a day which are high in selenium and may help too.
 

Vtecomega

Member
Apr 15, 2018
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You and your mother are in my thoughts, OP. Stay strong and stay positive.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in January this year, stage 2 follicular lymphoma, affecting two lymph nodes, but localized. She's currently on a watch and wait protocol where they monitor it frequently for progression and then treat it if/when the cancer starts to cause any symptoms. This is because the treatment can cause more discomfort then the cancer itself and its actually deemed better by many to treat when slightly further ahead. I was surprised to hear this but have done a lot of reading and all checks out.

In the meantime, whilst the news is still it's good to carry on life as normal, keep active, eat well, sleep well and stay positive. Get her to quit drinking or smoking if she does. Live in the present as much as possible - rather than worry about the future that hasn't happened.

I got some supplements for my mum that you might want to explore yourself. Curcumin, which is an extract of turmeric, mushroom extract, sulforaphane via brocolli sprout extract and finally a moderate strength vitamin d (4000iu). She takes one each daily and no issues so far. She eats 1-2 brazil nuts a day which are high in selenium and may help too.

Thank you so much brother. I will pray for your mother to have a successful recovery and long healthy life ahead. ❤️
 

BigBooper

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Feb 28, 2018
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It takes time. I was diagnosed with a stage 4 cancer and it took at least a good month of severe depression for me to come out of that. Eventually you have to come to terms with reality and focus on doing what you can do, not crying about what you can't. Your mom will need your help and strength. Try to think about what she needs, and focus on that.

Also, take hope in the fact that cancer treatments have been continually improving and a cancer diagnosis is not a guaranteed death sentence. I would recommend going to one of the cancer focused hospitals if you are able. They have a lot more knowledge and a lot more access to clinical trials. Any of the ones in the link below are good, but there are others too.

Good luck man, it's a rough journey ahead, but you can do it.

Cancer Hospitals
 

AJUMP23

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Sep 29, 2020
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Breast cancer is beaten all the time so your mom can do it too. Just get a plan, and help her achieve it.
Also talk to your mom about your suicidal stuff get some friends to talk about that stuff with too. You need to be able to think through things and work out issues. When my mom finally dies of Alzheimer’s a couple years ago I went on a trip with my brother and my dad, that helped a lot. You will be able to handle loss when it happens, because when you are at your worst, things can only improve.
 
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Ash Sparrow

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I've very close to my mother too in that way.My mother is my greatest earthly friend as I believe in God and Jesus. Yes your mother can beat it. I know someone who was at stage four in cancer and that was yearS ago now. you will be in my prayers.
 
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NahaNago

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Sending her positive vibes as well. Do your best to stay strong for both you and your mother. Hope everything works out.
 
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