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Cringe My wife is getting more and more frigid as we get older and I’m getting so resentful

Ar¢tos

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As a straight guy I don’t now if I should be appalled or stand up and give you a standing ovation.
Personally I can never see myself go down that path but it’s really weird to hear a gay dude say this .
Why? Just because I'm gay that doesn't mean I'm gonna defend every gay out there and lie saying they are all morally correct.
There are tons of sluts out there that will suck any guy and be fucked by any guy in any way.
 

DESTROYA

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Why? Just because I'm gay that doesn't mean I'm gonna defend every gay out there and lie saying they are all morally correct.
There are tons of sluts out there that will suck any guy and be fucked by any guy in any way.
Don’t mean any disrespect and don’t take this personal but you made it sound like if you whip it out in front of any gay guy......
I love and respect everyone equally.
 

Ar¢tos

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Don’t mean any disrespect and don’t take this personal but you made it sound like if you whip it out in front of any gay guy......
I love and respect everyone equally.
If you whip it out in front of any gay guy you will most likely hear opinions about it.
In front of certain gay guys, you might get a (seemingly joking) proposition...
 
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Khalid M.

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Nov 8, 2018
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Hit the gym is good advice but for the wrong reason: don’t do it to get sex from the wife. Do it for you and your health and overall confidence. Women have lower sex drives especially as they age, so you getting in shape isn’t gonna get her wet and fix the underlying problem. But you should still hit the gym for, like I said, you first.

I’m surprised no one mentioned a major red flag: your wife manages all the finances? Dude she has no respect left for you. You should be the one in charge, at least of your own money and resources. She doesn’t feel attracted to you because you are not in a position of power and are not someone she looks up to. Sorry to be harsh but that’s how it looks to me. You know what would make her sex drive go up? Her knowing you can walk away tomorrow and replace her with a smoking hot younger woman. Of course that ain’t gonna happen any time soon. The idea is you have to become a man of value that other men respect and women desire. You’ve got to work on yourself so that she feels lucky to be your wife. Though I’m not sure if the relationship can be fixed. If she fucks somebody else it’s already doomed.
 
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gela94

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Aug 24, 2018
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When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it. We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss. Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.

Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
 
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Nester99

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It’s a terrible crime to tell a man they can only have sex with one person for the rest of their life, make them vow this in front of friends and family, then have that same person choose to not have sex with them.

it is cruel tourture and shows she has no respect you or the commitment you made

in my mind she has voided your marriage contract by not living up to her part.


Have an honest conversation with her tell her how you feel and what I said. Then be ready to pack your bags and move on if she no longer wants to play the wife role.
 

O-N-E

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If gentle communication is not an option, then divorce. It's over. Maybe you can find out if she's been cheating behind your back for use during the divorce case.

Alternatively....

Next time you have sex with her, don't cum.
 

Frito_Pendejo

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Sep 17, 2019
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To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
How does he sound like a piece of shit? Because he wants to fuck his wife? He shouldn’t beg but god damn he shouldn’t be forced to just whittle away and die miserably either.

Fuck that OP. Get out there and get your dick wet dude. Life’s too god damn short to spend it with some shitty partner who treats you like garbage.
 

Soltype

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Have you confronted her about it?This sounds like something you should talk about with her, maybe she doesn't enjoy sex anymore.It might be something bigger going on.
 

MastAndo

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If she's rejecting 99% of your advances, nothing anyone suggests will suddenly have your wife do a 180 and enjoy having your penis inside her (again). Her entire view of you is in the shitter, and I doubt it's because you gained a few pounds or anything superficial like that. Having a conversation with her about your needs and her obligations as a wife will go absolutely nowhere and add to her disdain for you. She's not into you anymore, so yeah, I would prepare for the worst if I were you.

Then again, I know plenty of couples that stick through things like this for the kids, and everyone tries their best to put on a happy face while they wallow in misery, but you seem to not be in a position mentally to withstand this much longer (and I don't blame you). I wish you luck but as I inferred, don't be completely shocked if she's the one to pull the plug before you have a chance to gather yourself, or if you find that perhaps there's even another man in the picture.
 
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G-Bus

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To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
Dude sounds sexually frustrated. Don't think that makes him a piece of shit, unlike you....

Feel like I'm in a kind of similar situation OP. I feel you. Not easy and it's depressing as fuck.

Just don't cheat dude. If your thinking those lines id be looking at divorce before trying to plan some sneaky way to bang a hooker. You'll more than likely regret it and feel worse after.

Have an honest, calm conversation with your wife about your sex life and see how it goes. Don't attack. Just lay out how you feel. You might find some things out about your wife that you haven't considered. Don't expect anything to change right away either.
 
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haxan7

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Dude sounds sexually frustrated. Don't think that makes him a piece of shit, unlike you....

Feel like I'm in a kind of similar situation OP. I feel you. Not easy and it's depressing as fuck.

Just don't cheat dude. If your thinking those lines id be looking at divorce before trying to plan some sneaky way to bang a hooker. You'll more than likely regret it and feel worse after.

Have an honest, calm conversation with your wife about your sex life and see how it goes. Don't attack. Just lay out how you feel. You might find some things out about your wife that you haven't considered. Don't expect anything to change right away either.
Yep, he shouldn’t cheat. That just gives her more ammo against him when/if it comes to divorce. Men get fucked over in the courts all the time. They will give her the kids, his money, and huge child support payments.

Best to play it sneaky and try to get evidence of her being unfaithful.
 
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Rolling_Start

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When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it. We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss. Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.

Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
If this is a legit post and not a troll - like the stuff I get drawn into in gaming - then there is no doubt.


It's over. It's already over.

You don't need to hate, or wish ill. But you need to separate.

A lack of fundamental emotional concern or passion cannot be fixed. It's over.

And you know it. That's why you're here, posting this.
 

jadedm17

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Dude you need make her feel wanted. She's only doing it that 1% of the time to shut you up. Do some romantic gestures and and try rekindle what made you guys attracted to one another before sex was involved. Communicate with her on her needs and go from there man.
Its a two way street so romantically she should be doing her part.... But as you said with kids I'm sure she's doing her part and exhausted too.

So yea, my personal approach would be communication and romantic gestures, maybe without sex on the mind. Maybe a dinner out of the house without the kids where you talk. Do the laundry or clean the bathroom. What gestures are you doing to show you care? Showing you value her time without an end-goal of sex may help. See if you do a few days or a week of changing your perspective and mindset and maybe she'll do the same?

The starting place is usually just communication and showing why you feel hurt and wronged then trying to understand why they probably have similar sentiments about other things you didn't think were so important.
 
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bitbydeath

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To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
How old are you? Legit question.
 

rykomatsu

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If you are capable of relwtively objective introspection, and your wife doesn't isn't interested, therapy isn't worth the time or effort.

That said, be prepared for the worst, but there's a lot of good actionable advice in this thread.

  • Start working out consistently - most people will respect others that try to take care of themselves.
  • Start working out a career advancement, whether that be a new job or a discussion with your manager about how to move up - career success is another element that can earn you respect
  • Get your own shit in order first before criticizing / complaining - even a simple seemingly neutral critique will piss people off if you don't have your shit together
  • Find a good barber, not like a super cuts or anything like that, but an actual honest to god career barber - a good one will do an awesome cut for you (based on face shape, look you want to go for) and give you advice on how to maintain it
  • Get some confidence, even if you have to fake it for a bit. Be confident in being shrugged off for sex, be confident even if she puts you down or critiques you - own it, be comfortable with it without becoming a douchebag. If you do the 4 things above, it should come naturally anyways.
  • Worst case, things go bad, but you already started making positive changes in your life - there are a lot of other fish in the ocean
And for chrissake, go clean your room.
 

Cimarron

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Nighmare fuel. I had a ltr once that was like that. Never again! This is one of the things that scare me the most about marriage.
 

nush

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I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions.
Control the money, control the man.

Rookie mistake as you rightly point out is to explain a missing lump sum. You've got to save up for that, supermarket and gas station cashback with purchases. 10 here, 20 there and take your time. Don't keep that cash in the house, keep it in your drawer or locker at work so it would be found otherwise you'd be back to square one trying to explain where it came from.
 

nush

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Yeah, in my personal experience this isn’t fixable.
I've been there twice, all this talking, being attentive and therapy don't work if the other person isn't also making an effort or want to change. You feel even worse then.
 

SpartanN92

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OP how old are you?
My wife and I are in a similar slump but in her defense we just had our first baby 11 weeks ago and she had a lot of internal vaginal tearing. She should be healed up by now but she isn’t interested in being sexual still. I’m sure it’s a combo of low self esteem (she still isn’t back to pre baby weight yet), fear of pain down there, and exhaustion from dealing with a newborn.
I work 10 hours a day and she deals with the baby all day while I’m gone. When I get home I’m horny af and she’s exhausted.
It’s not really a comparable situation to yours I suppose. I’m sure that once she is ready then things will be back to normal.

I hope things get better for you man.
 
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highrider

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Jesus some of the answers here are deplorable.
It isn’t pleasant, to tell someone shit is fucked. But you could certainly go the brave face/romance her/couples counseling route, but I would truly feel deplorable for bullshitting the op. I say not in spite of but because they have children. It’s not healthy to be children of marriages that are broken. This is something I experienced personally. His wife is being the realest version of herself, right now.
 
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highrider

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OP how old are you?
My wife and I are in a similar slump but in her defense we just had our first baby 11 weeks ago and she had a lot of internal vaginal tearing. She should be healed up by now but she isn’t interested in being sexual still. I’m sure it’s a combo of low self esteem (she still isn’t back to pre baby weight yet), fear of pain down there, and exhaustion from dealing with a newborn.
I work 10 hours a day and she deals with the baby all day while I’m gone. When I get home I’m horny af and she’s exhausted.
It’s not really a comparable situation to yours I suppose. I’m sure that once she is ready then things will be back to normal.

I hope things get better for you man.
Yeah, that’s kind of something completely different bro.
 
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SpartanN92

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Yeah, that’s kind of something completely different bro.
It feels similar but yes it is different. I’m saying I sympathize because I’m currently getting a very small taste of what he is currently going through though the causes are different.
 
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When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it. We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss. Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.

Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
Won't give advice then - will just say I can relate my last long term relationship I think we screwed around like twice total in the last year we were together and the year before that wasn't much better.
 
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Durask

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1. You're not alone.
2. Tell her how you're feeling. Air it out with her. Not with strangers on the internet.
3. If it's a viable option, seek marriage counseling. If she won't go, go see someone yourself. You may very well benefit from it.
4. If all else fails, consider separation or divorce. No one deserves to live miserably and unloved.
Pretty much this.
 

Durask

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It's funny. A few hours ago i read a post on r/MGTOW with a story very similar to yours.
Couple married for 19 years. After the third child, wife stopped having sex with the guy. He tried everything to fix their relationship. No dice.
Long story short.

Divorce rape
I found that thread, wife ended up dying from early dementia so she was literally not right in the head.
 

Macapala

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Jun 25, 2013
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When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it. We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss. Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.

Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
Just wait until she falls asleep. Problem solved.







I'm joking! Don't fucking do that!!



I hope I never end up in a sexless marriage. That would SUCK! Thank fuck Melbourne had legal brothels LOL. Always got to have a backup plan 😄
 
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Durask

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[B][USER=110977]SpartanN92[/USER][/B] said:
My wife and I are in a similar slump but in her defense we just had our first baby 11 weeks ago and she had a lot of internal vaginal tearing. She should be healed up by now but she isn’t interested in being sexual still. I’m sure it’s a combo of low self esteem (she still isn’t back to pre baby weight yet), fear of pain down there, and exhaustion from dealing with a newborn.
She is lactating and when that happens the hormonal cocktail makes most women not interested in sex.


low estrogen, high prolactin = no interest in sex.
 
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nush

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Worth a read, this is a super common situation that's not talked about enough.

 

haxan7

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Kreios

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If she isn’t even interested in kissing, things are pretty shot to hell as far as I’m concerned. Not sure what to give for advice since I’m not in your shoes, but good luck and prepare yourself in any case
 
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Ten_Fold

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Hire a thick ass escort for a couple hundred. Kidding anyways if she is working an taking care of the kids you are not gon a get anything unless y'all both off and kids are out of the house.