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Cringe My wife is getting more and more frigid as we get older and I’m getting so resentful

Vicetrailia

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Mar 12, 2019
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It's clear she's only with you because she needs you. You need to stop letting her dominate your life.

At the end of the day the problem is you, you let yourself go too much.
 
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Stiflers Mom

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Well, Okay, where to start..

When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.
So it started out wrong already..

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks.
That's normal.
You don't marry and get kids to have a freaky cool sex life.
That's what they might tell you, but the truth is that marriage like starting a small company, where you are partners and the children are your product.

If you thought you would get a steady source of hot steamy sex because you married here you were exactly doing the wrong thing.

I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it.
And that's why she rejects your advances.
Something that you can readily have all the time is not desirable for most people.
If something is shoved down your throat (literally :D ), it's even becoming reviled for someone.
Your wife is not any different here..

We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss.
Dude, that's a major alarm sign.

Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects.
Yeah, but what are your "prospects" here?
I mean, if you are happy with her otherwise, and she is a good mom to your children, you can decide to keep the marriage afloat.
Just don't think you will ever get her to be the wild sex beast you'd like her to be.
That won't happen.
I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions.
It sounds a bit like she is the man in your relationship. You probably got betaized a big lot, and now you are wondering what happened.

The same thing happened to me as well around 8 years aho, and that was with a woman that was crazily jumping at me trying to hump me whenever we were one minute alone.
After having a kid and moving in together, and sharing a bank account, she suddenly "didn't feel like it" anymore. I was in the same situaion like you and wondered what happened, since I thought I did everything right..

The truth is, sex is not negotiable. She won't be hot for you just because you were "a good boy". It's actually the opposite. and that's really difficult to maintain in a marriage.

If I were you, I'd stay married for the kids, but search for other prospects actively.

If you want to read a bit up on this gender dynamics stuff, search for "the rational male" by Rollo Tomassi or, more specific for your situation, "the married man sex primer" by Athol Kays.

Also, get shredded.
 
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nush

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The same thing happened to me as well around 8 years aho, and that was with a woman that was crazily jumping at me trying to hump me whenever we were one minute alone.
After having a kid and moving in together, and sharing a bank account, she suddenly "didn't feel like it" anymore. I was in the same situation like you and wondered what happened, since I thought I did everything right..
AKA, "I got everything I want now I don't have to do that anymore".


 

Hissing Sid

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Feb 19, 2015
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Imagine what life was like for married men before internet porn. Much imagination. Many well thumbed magazine.

I caught that you have kids op but didn't catch their ages and tbh it's the kids I feel sorry for. If they are older and have left home perhaps it's time for you both to move on. If they are young then perhaps talk things over and try to do what's best by them. In the meantime there's the aforementioned internet and you could always take up the guitar or crochet.

In either case it'd probably be wise to start saving some spondoolies. As a guy who worked for many years with shiftmen, I know from experience that a well concealed RAF (Run Away Fund), comes in damn handy sometimes.
 
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GymWolf

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To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
And why exactly the op sound like a piece of shit??

Full of supposedly alpha males in this topic ready to judge, lol...
 

Hissing Sid

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Not the internet, but Smartphones and WIFI. Lots of quiet, sad, imagination only wanks in the bathroom. A virgin living alone with a PC had a better "Sex life".
I can honestly, hand on heart say that I've never once used my phone for that shit, or resorted to tossing off in a bathroom. I like to be nice and comfortable when self stroking.

Anyhow like I said, in situations like this it's always the kids who are the real victims. I know LOTS of married couples who go through the same shit but most of them are adult enough to accept their marital evolution for what it is.

I mean, if sex is your number one priority going into a marriage then I have bad news for you, especially after a brace of kids are in tow. Does anyone really think that after a day of getting the kids up, breakfasted and into school, going to work, picking the kids up, getting home, probably ( but not always ) cooking the evening meal that she's then gonna feel like assuming the arched-back doggy position with arse in the air for your testosterone fuelled hornyness?

Tbh as stated in a few of the previous posts it's the non kissing and not the lack of sex I'd be worried about here.
 

TheContact

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the best advice you can get here is to go to couples' counseling and work out your issues there. see if she's receptive to that.
trying to get relationship advice on a gaming forum especially is like going to web md to self diagnose--you're going to get extremely hyperbolic results and just plain wrong information
 
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King of Foxes

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at least you're not this guy

I mean, there is no nice way to say this but she wouldnt try that shit here in Eastern Europe or Russia because domestic violence isnt something that gets you in jail so easy here.

I hear many such stories of girls from here absolutely eating their American or UK boyfriends and husbands alive with such behavior
 

ROMhack

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Hmm haven't noticed Brap in this thread. Not saying it's related but...

P.s. I'd hit the gym and see if it makes a difference. Moreover, seek to include more romantic gestures in your lives because this sounds like a consequence of stagnation. I've been in the same position myself as a guy and realise now that it was absolute domestic boredom that affected my sex drive. Don't forget, you're the man dawg.
 
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Stiflers Mom

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All those guys in this thread who adviced the op to go to marriage counseling:
What do you expect to be the outcome of this?
Will that counsellor dude make his wife horny for him again or cut his balls off so he won't feel the pain anymore?

I mean seriously, how do you people think this will be of any help?
 

voidenberg

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Jan 15, 2018
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I found that thread, wife ended up dying from early dementia so she was literally not right in the head.
But still what happened to that couple is very common.

Hell, my own relationship isn't very different from OP's.
 
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gela94

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Aug 24, 2018
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To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
And why exactly the op sound like a piece of shit??

Full of supposedly alpha males in this topic ready to judge, lol...
Well he is willing to cheat on his wife and maybe destroy the family. I'm no alpha male, I'm not even male.
 
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gela94

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Dude sounds sexually frustrated. Don't think that makes him a piece of shit, unlike you....

Feel like I'm in a kind of similar situation OP. I feel you. Not easy and it's depressing as fuck.

Just don't cheat dude. If your thinking those lines id be looking at divorce before trying to plan some sneaky way to bang a hooker. You'll more than likely regret it and feel worse after.

Have an honest, calm conversation with your wife about your sex life and see how it goes. Don't attack. Just lay out how you feel. You might find some things out about your wife that you haven't considered. Don't expect anything to change right away either.
I didn't say that he is a piece of shit, I said he sounds like one from the infos he gave us, but ok.
 

Virex

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Jan 26, 2018
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To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
To be honest you sound like a cunt.
 
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gela94

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How does he sound like a piece of shit? Because he wants to fuck his wife? He shouldn’t beg but god damn he shouldn’t be forced to just whittle away and die miserably either.

Fuck that OP. Get out there and get your dick wet dude. Life’s too god damn short to spend it with some shitty partner who treats you like garbage.
Because he thinks about cheating and he never mentioned anything about having conversations about the problem with his wife.
 

Cybrwzrd

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I remember having a similar discussion on old gaf and getting dogpiled by trolls and eventually got like a 3 or 6 month ban.

I'll just say this. If she isn't having sex with you, and you aren't happy, well- you aren't getting any younger. Don't spend your life miserable. Sex should come naturally in any relationship, and it shouldn't be a chore. The game she is playing with sex is unacceptable, and it breaks your marriage vows. Denying your partner sex is no different than cheating, and arguably worse, as it is abusive behavior.
 

Nester99

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I didn't say that he is a piece of shit, I said he sounds like one from the infos he gave us, but ok.
you “sound like” a cunt. I am not saying you are one just that the posts you made in this thread sounds like something a cunt would say. He clearly said talking to her about it pisses her off.

here is a dude, spilling the pain in his heart to strangers and is clearly struggling with a huge life issue, and you waltz in here and step on his balls.
 

Can't decide

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By how things have been described, it sounds like it's all going to come crashing down in divorce sooner or later. It sounds like you are insecure with yourself which is always a turn off for other people, so like many others have mentioned already, get yourself looking as good as possible.
It's not just about working out either; groom yourself daily if you don't, smell nice, wear or buy clothes that are a bit smarter than the occasion calls for, try to maintain your face and body language like someone dropped $500 through your letterbox that morning, keep to a healthier diet. If you look the part, you're smiling and carrying energy in every step, people and your wife will gravitate towards you because of the positive vibes you give off and how much better you look.

You need to take your own financials back into your own hands because you are completely open to being fucked over. Regardless of the fuss she kicks up, don't let her play any games with you, it is your money not hers, so it will remain under your sole control. Open up a new account in your name only and start filtering some money into immediately.

It doesn't matter whether you want to continue with trying to fix things with your wife or to go exploring elsewhere, make sure to surround yourself with more attractive, younger women in general. You don't have to chat them up, just by being around them while you are looking and feeling your best will spark something off in someone, whether it be your wife, someone else you know or a stranger. Perhaps this is terrible advice for someone else but it's worked for me when someone has "lost" their libido or interest in you - your partner or person of interest soon comes along reminding everyone how your are HER man and she suddenly displays a massive sex drive for you again.

For the love of God though, don't pester her for sex again, don't ever ask for it.
 

nush

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I remember having a similar discussion on old gaf and getting dogpiled by trolls and eventually got like a 3 or 6 month ban.

I'll just say this. If she isn't having sex with you, and you aren't happy, well- you aren't getting any younger. Don't spend your life miserable. Sex should come naturally in any relationship, and it shouldn't be a chore. The game she is playing with sex is unacceptable, and it breaks your marriage vows. Denying your partner sex is no different than cheating, and arguably worse, as it is abusive behavior.
Affection and intimacy are important in a relationship and one party is withholding it.
 
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nush

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All those guys in this thread who adviced the op to go to marriage counseling:
What do you expect to be the outcome of this?
Will that counsellor dude make his wife horny for him again or cut his balls off so he won't feel the pain anymore?

I mean seriously, how do you people think this will be of any help?
It's what you are "supposed" to do advice from people that most likely have not been in OPs situation. That advice to put it in another setting would be, if you are getting bullied in school sit down with the bully and find out what the problem is to stop them bullying you. If that does not work go and talk with a teacher.
 
Affection and intimacy are important in a relationship and one party is withholding it.
I always hate these kinds of stories because we're only ever getting 1 side of it. It could be 100% on the level and exactly as described, but usually there are other factors not mentioned that could be key to all this.

I will echo the fact that you should work on bettering yourself first, and do things that would make her want to ask YOU for sex. If she still doesn't ever want you.. then maybe it's time to face hard facts.
 

Guynamedbilly

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Honestly would you want you? Why should anyone else want you if you don’t want yourself? Be better in mind, heart and soul, and people will gravitate to you.
But if he wants himself that would make him either gay or bisexual and she might not be into that.
 
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Cybrwzrd

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I always hate these kinds of stories because we're only ever getting 1 side of it. It could be 100% on the level and exactly as described, but usually there are other factors not mentioned that could be key to all this.
Ahh good ol' victim blaming. This reads to me like, "We don't know why he is beating her. Maybe she is just a bitch and deserves it".
 

LegendOfKage

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Because he thinks about cheating and he never mentioned anything about having conversations about the problem with his wife.
Have you tried asking her why her sex drive is down?
Maybe it’s her? Maybe you? Maybe hormones?
Easiest way to find out is ask but did you only marry her for the sex?
Talking about it just pisses her off more
Yes, he did. Also, flip the genders and consider the situation again. Let's say we're talking about a girlfriend of yours. This woman feels older and unattractive. Husband never wants to have sex with her anymore. Lately he doesn't even want her kissing him. She comes to you crushed by the weight of being in a seemingly loveless marriage, and says it's to the point where she'd have an affair if she had the chance. Does she still sound like a piece of shit?

That all having been said, this is still only one side of the story, and I'm not about to make any sweeping judgments of the OP or his wife. I'd still suggest counseling, though. Really, everything depends on how strong the rest of the relationship is, though. Not wanting sex is one thing, but not even enjoying each other's company would be something else.
 
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DunDunDunpachi

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You owe it to the kids to get your act together. If she doesn't want sex, fine. Work on yourself, find productive things to do with your time, and see if she'll go along for the ride. Women are fickle at every age, from childhood onward. You're doing her a favor by rising above her b.s. and chugging along with a smile on your face. Be encouraged and realize that you can fix your side of the marriage with or without her help.

I will repeat the most important part: women are fickle. The man's job is to lead the fickle woman out of her rut of emotions that even she doesn't always understand.

EDIT: oh, and if you're not laughing and joking and talking to one another on the daily, get to work on that. Bring conversation back into the mix. Try to make her laugh, or tease her about something. This is basic mating-dance sort of stuff. Watch a favorite show together or listen to a favorite album. Tell her something about your own day. invest that time and the payoff is inevitable.
 
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Cybrwzrd

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As funny as Chris Rock is, he hits on a good point here. Women and men approach positions of authority differently. Girls are socialized to be mothers, and boys are socialized to be fathers. And we approach authority throughout our lives that way. So when a woman wears the pants so to speak in a relationship, they treat their man like a child and become their mother. But her child will always come before her "adoptive" child.

So, look at how your wife's mother treats her Husband, and at how she treated your wife. If your mother in law is an emotionally manipulative bitch and her father is broken husk of a man, well, you know how your wife treats motherhood.

Women need to be led by a man(or dominant personality) in a relationship. Not all women, but a good majority of them. They need that bit of fear that if they get out of line, they will be put in their place. Not that a man should beat his wife, but that he will have the balls to tell her she is wrong.
 
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nush

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Yes, he did. Also, flip the genders and consider the situation again. Let's say we're talking about a girlfriend of yours. This woman feels older and unattractive. Husband never wants to have sex with her anymore. Lately he doesn't even want her kissing him. She comes to you crushed by the weight of being in a seemingly loveless marriage, and says it's to the point where she'd have an affair if she had the chance.
I used to think that the bored housewife starved of sex was an overplayed porn trope, but


These women don't want affairs or even to upset their current life. They are on the dating apps and I seemed to be a magnet for them. I'd say, not a fuckboi, not sending dick pics, not messaging all the time, not going to fall in love/get clingy but have my own place. Their stories were usually the same, husbands not touched them in years or he's cheating on them and avoids having sex with wife or the dudes got no game, sex is just roll on and roll off. These women have been perfectly upfront they are married, and they'll get the D off you or the next guy anyway if you dont want to go there. Being on the receiving end of a revenge fuck is pretty fun tho.
 

Cybrwzrd

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I can't help but be a bit surprised by the recommendation:
she does not want sex -> try tying her up :p
There is a reason that Fifty Shades of Grey was a massive best seller ;p

I mean you don’t need to go straight to spreader bars, sensory deprivation, orgasm denial, fisting or electro shock toys, but some handcuffs or a little rope may be the spice she needs
 
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