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Cringe My wife is getting more and more frigid as we get older and I’m getting so resentful

theekad

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Apr 14, 2019
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This sounds fixable and doesn’t seem like she’s cheating (yet). But considering this is posted on GAF, I’m guessing OP won’t listen to any good advice and will continue doing what he’s been doing.
 
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Despera

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May 22, 2010
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Asexuals pretending to like sex until they sucker someone into establishing a family with them? Now that's nightmare fuel.

But then again if someone fails to notice the initial signs, or refuses to face the music early on... such a shitty situation is in part their fault.
 

Mohonky

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Jan 19, 2007
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When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it.
I mean.....that can be pretty normal, particularly when one party has a sex drive but the others has died off.

We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss.
That's an issue.

Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.

Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
Wanting to look outside of a current relationship for something you're after but isn't available is a normal feeling to have, acting on it is totally different though.

.......you're saying you're thinking of leaving but don't have other prospects is also an issue. If you could have walked out of the relationship with the expectation you could start another, would you have done so?

If you would respond with a yes then you need to have a hard look at yourself and the relationship.

It sounds like you two need to see a therapist more than anything else. I read earlier in the thread you try talking about it makes her angry, but this relationship won't last like this. You need to get to the bottom of why things are as they are; it could be hormonal, it could be she herself isn't happy in the relationship etc.
 

sahlberg

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Oct 27, 2017
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Sorry but she resents you and has no respect for you.
Counseling can and will not fix this.

Just accept you grew apart and move one. Find someone else.
If you stay both you and your wife will remain miserable living with someone they resent.
For no purpose, for no reason.

Break it off and move on with your life. This is the best outcome for both of you.
 
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Vicetrailia

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Mar 12, 2019
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As funny as Chris Rock is, he hits on a good point here. Women and men approach positions of authority differently. Girls are socialized to be mothers, and boys are socialized to be fathers. And we approach authority throughout our lives that way. So when a woman wears the pants so to speak in a relationship, they treat their man like a child and become their mother. But her child will always come before her "adoptive" child.

So, look at how your wife's mother treats her Husband, and at how she treated your wife. If your mother in law is an emotionally manipulative bitch and her father is broken husk of a man, well, you know how your wife treats motherhood.

Women need to be led by a man(or dominant personality) in a relationship. Not all women, but a good majority of them. They need that bit of fear that if they get out of line, they will be put in their place. Not that a man should beat his wife, but that he will have the balls to tell her she is wrong.
I think this goes for any relationship. I don't want a woman who will let me walk all over her, I like someone who can hold it down when I'm around or not. It's about respect, not being a bitch, compromising, and handling shit. Of course I'm the lead and I'll put you in your place, but I'm not perfect.

OP you can't be afraid to shake things up. Sometimes it takes dramatic action to get the results you want, like threatening to leave if you don't get what you want.
 
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sahlberg

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Oct 27, 2017
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Don't diss the LGBT community.
Just become Pansexual and get a young horny partner on the side.
If your wife complains you can out her and shame her for being a bigot.

But really. DONT spend your life in misery since this is something that can never be resolved.
Take short term pain and just leave/divorce.

Gamble that maybe you will find someone else that respects you. 10 out of 10 it is better than living with someone that will despise you forever.
 
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hariseldon

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Aug 22, 2018
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This sounds fixable and doesn’t seem like she’s cheating (yet). But considering this is posted on GAF, I’m guessing OP won’t listen to any good advice and will continue doing what he’s been doing.
Not being keen on sex doesn’t necessarily mean cheating, but not wanting to kiss does.
 
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Ar¢tos

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Oct 24, 2017
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OP, this is the reason why I'm scared of marriage. I wouldn't know how to handle the situation if I was in the same position you're in right now.
I don't do relationships anymore, too much fuss, too much bending over to please someone else.
Sex is very easy to find and my 2 cats give me all the love and companionship I need, Netflix/gaming/books fill the rest of the gap.
 

theekad

Neo Member
Apr 14, 2019
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Not being keen on sex doesn’t necessarily mean cheating, but not wanting to kiss does.
My thinking is more that she is put off by how unattracted she is to him now, rather than that her needs are being fulfilled elsewhere. Obviously the former will eventually lead to the latter at some point.
 

Thaedolus

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OP talks about leaving, and doesn't even mention the kids. Only that he couldn't get someone better.
Honestly though, if your relationship has turned to shit, you’re not doing the kids any favors by staying miserable. There are plenty of mixed homes/families that are better for it than the original parents staying in miserable marriages and having the kids suffer through that.
 

nush

Gold Member
Oct 16, 2017
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Honestly though, if your relationship has turned to shit, you’re not doing the kids any favors by staying miserable. There are plenty of mixed homes/families that are better for it than the original parents staying in miserable marriages and having the kids suffer through that.
Kids can pick up on more things than adults think, they also set an unintentional bad example of how relationships are.
 
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ClanOfNone

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Nov 24, 2018
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I don't do relationships anymore, too much fuss, too much bending over to please someone else.
Sex is very easy to find and my 2 cats give me all the love and companionship I need, Netflix/gaming/books fill the rest of the gap.

lmao, this is basically me, but I've got two daughters in there as well. Single life is best life. No worries, no drama, no bullshit.
Getting laid is easy enough, as someone already mentioned the dating apps are a sea of lonely older gals that just want to bang.
I feel like I'd settle down if I found "the right one" but I'm perfectly content with the way things are right now.
 

Stiflers Mom

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Apr 27, 2012
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lmao, this is basically me, but I've got two daughters in there as well. Single life is best life. No worries, no drama, no bullshit.
Getting laid is easy enough, as someone already mentioned the dating apps are a sea of lonely older gals that just want to bang.
I feel like I'd settle down if I found "the right one" but I'm perfectly content with the way things are right now.
That's also basically me, or what I feel right now..
I just feel it's not worth the hassle anymore.

Being single and being able to do whatever I want is just the greatest thing.
After all that shit I went through with women, I just don't feel it's worth it anymore..
 

llien

Gold Member
Feb 1, 2017
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Have you tried asking her why her sex drive is down?
Remember, guys, Viagra pills just increase blood flow in the genitalia and adjacent area, it doesn't make one want sex.

It works on men, but not on women, because there is a major libido gap.
 

gela94

Member
Aug 24, 2018
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So you think his wife is not destroying his family treating him like a dog?
Not even kissing him?

Dude, go back to era, they love your type there.
So you think his wife is not destroying his family treating him like a dog?
Not even kissing him?

Dude, go back to era, they love your type there.
Well he didn't give much information about his wife, so yes I personally think it's shitty of the wife to not even kiss him but like I said no much to go on with what op gave us.
And why does Era always have to come into everything, it gets pretty annoying.
 

gela94

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Aug 24, 2018
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Yes, he did. Also, flip the genders and consider the situation again. Let's say we're talking about a girlfriend of yours. This woman feels older and unattractive. Husband never wants to have sex with her anymore. Lately he doesn't even want her kissing him. She comes to you crushed by the weight of being in a seemingly loveless marriage, and says it's to the point where she'd have an affair if she had the chance. Does she still sound like a piece of shit?

That all having been said, this is still only one side of the story, and I'm not about to make any sweeping judgments of the OP or his wife. I'd still suggest counseling, though. Really, everything depends on how strong the rest of the relationship is, though. Not wanting sex is one thing, but not even enjoying each other's company would be something else.
Well I answered to the original OT and why should I flip genders if OP were a woman then my answer would still be the same. And I stand by my point that cheating is disgusting and for cowards no matter the gender!
 

Stiflers Mom

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Apr 27, 2012
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And I stand by my point that cheating is disgusting and for cowards no matter the gender!
Have you ever been in a long term relationship?
Living together, raising kids, having mortgages, etc?

Or are you just giving advice out of an "how life should ideally be in my little pony world"-perspective?

Serious question..
 

Mohonky

Member
Jan 19, 2007
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Remember, guys, Viagra pills just increase blood flow in the genitalia and adjacent area, it doesn't make one want sex.

It works on men, but not on women, because there is a major libido gap.
Joke post?

It does increase libido in men AND women
 

LegendOfKage

Member
Mar 6, 2018
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Well I answered to the original OT and why should I flip genders if OP were a woman then my answer would still be the same. And I stand by my point that cheating is disgusting and for cowards no matter the gender!
Don't even get me started on how strongly I'm opposed to infidelity, but to me, this is far more an issue of someone stuck in what sounds like a failed and loveless marriage, and you judging them rather than offering support or concern.

I agree, though, you never cheat.
 
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NickFire

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Mar 12, 2014
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To be honest you sound like a piece of shit. But to be fair you didn't give much information but was there ever any conversation about this topic and how in form are you and your wife? There is nothing more unattractive than a man who begs and whines for sex. But seriously find a couple therapist or something.
P.S. If you find yourself ugly how do you think your wife perceives you?
Sorry, not sorry, but almost all the advice about talking this kind of issue out is pure, unadulterated, and complete nonsense designed to protect a narrative and never actually addressing both parties' needs for a healthy relationship. People who give this advice will typically offer other gems such as making sure to help around the house, with the kids, etc. (ie: try meeting her needs). They will also, quite frequently, make little demeaning jabs at the guy trying to stop a bad situation from leading to no situation at all (see above). But they rarely, if ever, say the woman should make her husband feel like she gives a shit about having sex with him. And they never explain what to do when the talk just leads to more cold shoulders.

If it's a two way street the talking advice is sound (will either resolve the issue or force it to a head). But unless its a two way street that goes both ways, all this advice does is make the situation worse. It puts the guy into a cycle of trying to make things better while only feeling worse about themselves when everything they do leads no-where. If you really want to help the situation, but cannot bring yourself to tell both sides how important it is to meet each other's needs, then the best advice is to end the situation before several more years of resentment add up, making co-parenting even more difficult.
 
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Cybrwzrd

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Sep 29, 2014
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Sorry, not sorry, but almost all the advice about talking this kind of issue out is pure, unadulterated, and complete nonsense designed to protect a narrative and never actually addressing both parties' needs for a healthy relationship. People who give this advice will typically offer other gems such as making sure to help around the house, with the kids, etc. (ie: try meeting her needs). They will also, quite frequently, make little demeaning jabs at the guy trying to stop a bad situation from leading to no situation at all (see above). But they rarely, if ever, say the woman should make her husband feel like she gives a shit about having sex with him. And they never explain what to do when the talk just leads to more cold shoulders.

If it's a two way street the talking advice is sound (will either resolve the issue or force it to a head). But unless its a two way street that goes both ways, all this advice does is make the situation worse. It puts the guy into a cycle of trying to make things better while only feeling worse about themselves when everything they do leads no-where. If you really want to help the situation, but cannot bring yourself to tell both sides how important it is to meet each other's needs, then the best advice is to end the situation before several more years of resentment add up, making co-parenting even more difficult.
In other words, don't put the pussy on a pedestal.
 

Durask

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Feb 6, 2012
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Sorry, not sorry, but almost all the advice about talking this kind of issue out is pure, unadulterated, and complete nonsense designed to protect a narrative and never actually addressing both parties' needs for a healthy relationship.
Depends on what you mean by talking it out.

I think having an honest conversation on where both parties actually stand is not automatically impossible. After that both can decide whether the relationship can be salvaged, or they may agree to stay together "for the kids" etc.
Of course it is very possible that one of the parties will always act in bad faith and some people are simply incapable of being honest, but not all.