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Need to vent

Can't decide

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Sep 11, 2018
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Hey GAF, hope you are all doing well. I just need to vent a little as stress and depression is getting a little out of hand at the moment. Strap yourselves in, it could be a long read. Firstly, I know a videogame forum full of strangers isn't the best place for this, but the sad situation is I have nobody else to talk to other than work colleagues.

My current situation is shit, I have £1.94 left to my name currently and have been rationing the cheapest food I can find (economy sausages and baked beans, pasta and frozen veg) for about 2 weeks now, leaving my body feeling absolute awful and now, I have dropped below 9st in weight. I feel as utterly pathetic as I sound and look, I used to be fit and healthy. How did I get here? Life never used to be like this for me, beforehand when I was single I had no money worries, travelled the world twice for months out of my own money and had no issue treating myself (I blew £7500 cash on a sound system, for example).

I'll quickly skip through the abusive relationship I was in prior to my last one as that was years ago, but it did leave me with NO friends or family as my incredibly dumb, simp ass back then refused to get rid of her despite all the damage she was doing to both me and them, as well as her abuse increasing ten fold if I tried to communicate with anyone. She had a few problems to say the least and was a fucking nutcase, but God damn her body and the sex were amazing. I've learnt my lesson but I've never made a full recovery. The saying "Don't dip your dick in crazy" is there for a reason. I was diagnosed with depression after this happened but I've always been a stubborn little shit who refuses medication for most things. I've never taken anything to help it as I'd rather try and fight my own battles.

Fast forward to this year - a couple of months ago. I split up with my long term partner because she too began dragging me down psychologically and financially to the point of complete ruin. I met her back in 2012 and things were good for a few years. Around 2017 is when everything started to turn to shit, after we moved to a newer, bigger, more expensive place. Almost immediately after we moved, I lost six, yes SIX jobs in a row because every single one of them suffered the same fate shortly after I started each and every one of them - business closures. These varied from running a pub and two nightclubs for Landlords who insisted on making terrible decisions and wouldn't listen to advice (I was never paid my last 3 months wages from one of these), a private broadband sales company where the tax dodging owner suddenly upped and left for Poland with all of the staff's wages, a laptop and computer repair workshop that moved to another city and finally a retail outlet (I was accepting jobs anywhere out of desperation by this point) that had enough of rampant theft and extortionate rent.

During all of this time, my partner was generally too lazy and unmotivated to hold down a job of her own for more than a month or two at a time before quitting and then spending 6+months solid sitting on her arse watching TV for 12+ hours a day. During this time I have been paying for basically everything, despite having a shitty income myself due to the above problems and the low income job I am currently in. What didn't help is that we were a couple of stoners, so that was a big money drain as well. To increase to the stress, she never learnt to cook in her life, ever, and wouldn't do any housework either other than the occasional bit of dish washing, which was so poorly done that I had to re-do it all myself along with the housework and cooking after getting home from my 10 hour shifts. Meanwhile, she continued to binge watch TV.

I had previously kicked my partner out in 2018 for similar reasons to the above but we kept on good terms and remained friends. She got her own place to rent and finally kept a job for more than a few months. In March 2019, she came crying to me about her housemates and how she couldn't cope living with them anymore due to various issues, so I thought maybe, since she kept a job and started to improve herself, things wouldn't be so bad. I let her move back in under the premise that she must contribute towards the rent and bills this time and continue to get her life in order. What a silly mistake that was.! It was 2 or 3 months later that the old cycle began again - she quit her job and did fuck all at home. I wasn't so easy on her this time and kept telling her that if she didn't get a job and stopped relying on me to do everything, I'd kick her back out again because I was fed up of looking after and paying for a 27 year old child. Amazingly after these arguments, she would get hired within days, funny that. What wasn't funny is when she would quit said job after a month or so, there was always and excuse. In the space of 2.5 years, so went through 10 or 11 jobs which amounted to about 7-8 months work in total.

We've also had issues with the house during this time which cost a lot of money too - a costly water leak which caused damage and a huge bill - and of course who has had to pay for this? Me, she hasn't contributed a penny.

I've kept tabs on the few payments she did make last year and the ones she hasn't for this entire year. I kicked her out when she quit her last job in July after just 5 weeks of work which is when she also reached £3000 in owed payments towards the house and bills alone, NOT including her travel costs to see her family and friends, her phone bills, her weed and paying off the loan sharks she so stupidly went to behind my back. What did she buy with that loan shark money? Fucking wedding clothes for us when I had no intention of marrying her, alarm bells started ringing immediately. Obviously my love for weed had to come to an end too as I was beginning to run out of money - I know I should have quit this earlier but it was the only thing that could de-stress me. My stress levels had become so high that huge chunks of my hair have fallen out, my chest feels tight and the feeling of popping candy going off all across the front and inside of my skull.

It's been 2 months with narey a word from her on the money that she owes me, she has me blocked everywhere with the last message I received being her family threatening my with violence if I ever speak to her again, because apparently I was supposed to put up with this shit, even though her mother kicked her out for the very same reasons years ago. Her stuff is still here clogging up my house for crying out loud. I haven't yet thrown it away or sold anything, not that she had anything valuable anyway, just in case it is something she could use against me later.

Luckily for me though, I have text messages of hers where she apologetically admits that everything has been her fault and that she will "pay back" everything that she owes me (including the specified amount owed), but like I said, this was over 2 months ago now with no communication and no payments on her part (despite knowing she received over £1000 for her job in July, while she is back at her mum's living rent free). Payday is on Tuesday for me so I'll be taking these down messages to the small claims court along with other evidence such as her late payment debt letters and bank statements with money transfered from my account to hers.

So yeah I think that's most of it, I have been too forgiving and easy on those that trampled all over me, taken advantage of my nature and helped to ruin my finances, my health and my well being. It will be a long and slow road to recovery as there's still debt on the house which needs to be cleared by years end, but I know I will get there, it's not the first time I've had to pick myself up from absolutely nothing. Take care GAF, don't let people shit on you and don't be irresponsible like I have, living like this is not fun.
 

mickaus

Gold Member
May 30, 2019
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That is a harsh life story OP. The sad thing is that your story sounds a lot like one of my cousins. He has schizophrenia though so that just makes him a bit more unstable. Hope you can improve your life soon.
One thing I always wonder is where do people find women like that? I have been mostly single in my adult life so I have no idea where such women come from. If you can avoid meeting the same kind of people, that will probably help with your recovery.
 
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Can't decide

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Honestly, you needed to ask for advice way way before you made this topic. No mans an island mate, ask for help/advice before you really need it.

I guess so. I've always known what I should do but I'm too soft on people and give them too many chances.

That is a harsh life story OP. The sad thing is that your story sounds a lot like one of my cousins. He has schizophrenia though so that just makes him a bit more unstable. Hope you can improve your life soon.
One thing I always wonder is where do people find women like that? I have been mostly single in my adult life so I have no idea where such women come from. If you can avoid meeting the same kind of people, that will probably help with your recovery.

They seem great to start with, that's how they hook you in. I was hesitant towards marriage in the first place but these have certainly put me off of it for life.
 
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kiunchbb

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It seems like you still have a job, so you will recover from this financial hardships. It just take time, which is something you still have luckily.

What happened in your relationship is horrible, but think of it as an expensive lesson on future relationship, there are good people out there, just keep trying after a break.

Remember that the best revenge is too live a good life, get yourself together, find a great mate, and post bunch of happy picture in social media for your ex to see. After all that happened I am sure you will handle yourself a lot better in future relationship.

I am not married, but what Jordan Peterson said about marriage really get to me, I suggest you search for his lecture on marriage. Marriage is a life long business partnership, find someone that will do their part of work and chore, have your back, and have similar value (finance, child raising, family, etc).


Edit: does you city have a food bank? Where you can go and pick up food with no question asked? If so don't be embarrassed to get helps.
 
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Kadayi

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On the food front. Stop buying crap. Albeit I wouldn't necessarily recommend it long term, if you're looking to save money then you should look at something like Huel as a meal replacement which you can supplement with some fresh fruit on the side (Bananas especially are good for combatting depression). Costs around £1.32 a meal and is nutritionally balanced. Also, ensure you get plenty of daylight to help also combat the depression.
 

Soodanim

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Feb 24, 2012
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Fuck me, you've had a touch of bad luck there.

Talking about it can help, even if you are just writing it on a random forum to a bunch of people you've never met. As you were writing it all out I imagine you reflected on it all.

Nothing teaches you a lesson like life does, so hopefully for your sake you don't have to learn it again. This is also one of those situations where it's easy to resort to clichés, but they make sense. The biggest one is to look after yourself because you're the only one that can truly do that. And you're doing that.

I like to break down situations to their most basic form and cut out all the nonsense. If there's a problem, find a solution. You're already doing that, so good on you mate.

Lastly, life is about what makes you happy. If you can keep that in mind next time you're in a situation anywhere close to this and you'll be fine.

Edit:
Kadayi Kadayi is right to touch on your health. It sounds like you know it already, but you need a balanced diet back. A big percentage of people are relying on food banks at the moment, don't feel ashamed. Again, problem/solution. You need a balanced diet to take care of your body, that's a solution. There's also loads of stuff about cheap healthy meals online.

He's also right about sunlight. I don't know where you live, but if you can get outside, preferably somewhere green (it makes a difference), it's one of those things that's under-appreciated. Get back to nature a bit. Your life has changed to be more about the basic, but that's to be embraced. Enjoy the little things.

Are there any bridges you can mend with family? Moreso to apologise for bad decisions, but if they offer help then you're in no position to turn it down. It will also say a lot about them if they're willing to help.
 
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Can't decide

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Remember that the best revenge is too live a good life, get yourself together, find a great mate, and post bunch of happy picture in social media for your ex to see....

Edit: does you city have a food bank? Where you can go and pick up food with no question asked? If so don't be embarrassed to get helps.

I stopped using all social media during that abusive relationship back in 2011/2012. As for the food bank, I'd go there if had literally no food at all, I'd rather those supplies went to someone who was homeless.

On the food front. Stop buying crap. Albeit I wouldn't necessarily recommend it long term, if you're looking to save money then you should look at something like Huel as a meal replacement which you can supplement with some fresh fruit on the side (Bananas especially are good for combatting depression). Costs around £1.32 a meal and is nutritionally balanced. Also, ensure you get plenty of daylight to help also combat the depression.

The bolded part is more money than I had available for the duration of time I had to make it last - I had £5 last week and £12 the week before. I'll be alright once payday comes in a couple of days.

My main gripe hasn't so much been about the lack of food and money for myself for a temporary period, but the fact that people who supposedly love you could be such cunts.
 
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Khalid M.

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Nov 8, 2018
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That’s good. Let it out homie, go and let it out. Vent.

...I feel bad for you man. But you can only go up from here.

That woman never loved you and you should have dumped here long ago, but now you learned the lesson. It makes no sense to take care of an adult like you would take care of a child. If she can neither get/keep a job nor do housework she is an overgrown brat. Don’t expect her to pay you back, just move on.

Never go back to drugs, it’s a money sink and will damage you permanently.

I suggest you read the book The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, it’ll open your eyes to male/female dynamics.
 
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Kadayi

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The bolded part is more money than I had available for the duration of time I had to make it last - I had £5 last week and £12 the week before. I'll be alright once payday comes in a couple of days.

No reason not to consider it as a cost-saving measure in the long term. A couple of months of saving on your food bills means you can start saving some cash up.

What's the logic behind this?

Something I was taught when I was being treated for Depression years ago. There is some science to it


It's not a direct thing, but in conjunction with a balanced diet (which is why I'm pointing OP at something like Huel as that's cheap but gives you all your RDAs) it will assist.
 

TeezzyD

Fantastik Tuna
Mar 18, 2020
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Aaaah the good ol' blood-brain barrier

I learned about this when i was looking into GABA supplements a couple years back for similar reasons. Ended up buying 'em and just ending up with a stomach ache. lol

Neat stuff though. I do eat a fair amount of bananas. Lots of B6

Thank you.
 
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Soodanim

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You sound like a decent enough bloke OP, that counts for something in the long run.

Are you receiving income support? If you’re struggling, this is what it was made for - people going through a rough patch. Even if it’s only one or two months, it’s better to accept the help and eat right.
 
Apr 12, 2013
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Ouch. Keep these fucking mooches out of your life. You're not going to get a penny from that woman. Forget it and move on. Your best bet is to find someone who is also stable, otherwise remain single and get your own shit back together and don't worry about anyone else. They obviously weren't worried about you.
 
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Stiflers Mom

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My main gripe hasn't so much been about the lack of food and money for myself for a temporary period, but the fact that people who supposedly love you could be such cunts.
Live and learn, my friend, live and learn.

A former working colleague and friend of mine who I haven't seen for a few years visited me last week, and he told me that his wife split up with him.

She wanted to move away from here to the place where they originally came from. He did.
She wanted to marry. He did.
She wanted to have another child (already had one from a relationship prior to him that didnt work out). So he got her pregnant.
She wanted to buy a house, but didn't have much money. So he did it for them.
Then, she wanted a dog. He bought one.

Then she fucked a coworker of hers on the Christmas party of the company she is working at.
My friend even forgave her.

After that she left my friend, moved out, and he is now stuck with a house and a dog (he hates dogs) he really didn't want.

And if somebody tells me now "you need to find a good wife bla bla"... I have met her a few times, and she always seemed like a really nice and sane down to earth person.
 

Sybb

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To me this sounds like bad judgment and poor choices made in life. Just hope you've learned your lessons by now.
 

Soodanim

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Live and learn, my friend, live and learn.

A former working colleague and friend of mine who I haven't seen for a few years visited me last week, and he told me that his wife split up with him.

She wanted to move away from here to the place where they originally came from. He did.
She wanted to marry. He did.
She wanted to have another child (already had one from a relationship prior to him that didnt work out). So he got her pregnant.
She wanted to buy a house, but didn't have much money. So he did it for them.
Then, she wanted a dog. He bought one.

Then she fucked a coworker of hers on the Christmas party of the company she is working at.
My friend even forgave her.

After that she left my friend, moved out, and he is now stuck with a house and a dog (he hates dogs) he really didn't want.

And if somebody tells me now "you need to find a good wife bla bla"... I have met her a few times, and she always seemed like a really nice and sane down to earth person.
I know you only told a portion of that man’s story, but it sounds like he was giving and she was taking. That’s not a marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. But the psychology of a breakdown of marriage is impossible to accurately do on the internet, so I won’t continue.
 

Stiflers Mom

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I know you only told a portion of that man’s story, but it sounds like he was giving and she was taking. That’s not a marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. But the psychology of a breakdown of marriage is impossible to accurately do on the internet, so I won’t continue.
Like I said, I met her a few times and she seemed like a "good wife". Also she seemed like the more stable and down to earth part of them both to me.
 

Can't decide

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To me this sounds like bad judgment and poor choices made in life. Just hope you've learned your lessons by now.

With women? Certainly, no disagreement there. Also the same with my credit rating, I wrecked mine trying to repair hers.
Not so sure on the various job closures which were all out of my hands, I've never been fired.

He's also right about sunlight. I don't know where you live, but if you can get outside, preferably somewhere green (it makes a difference), it's one of those things that's under-appreciated. Get back to nature a bit. Your life has changed to be more about the basic, but that's to be embraced. Enjoy the little things.

Are there any bridges you can mend with family? Moreso to apologise for bad decisions, but if they offer help then you're in no position to turn it down. It will also say a lot about them if they're willing to help.

I'm in UK so I'm fucked :messenger_grinning_smiling:. Only kidding, I have a small field at the back of my house which I take a stroll around. As for family, I'll set up a new Facebook account and try and find them on there.

Are you receiving income support? If you’re struggling, this is what it was made for - people going through a rough patch. Even if it’s only one or two months, it’s better to accept the help and eat right.

UK government reckons £1400 per month from a shitty retail job is plenty for a house that costs +£1200 to maintain with the current debts, so gave me the middle finger when I tried to apply. I'll think about swimming to France and getting a Dinghy back, then I'll be sorted.

First I just want to try and get back on my feet before looking for a better job during this Covid crap.

Like I said, I met her a few times and she seemed like a "good wife". Also she seemed like the more stable and down to earth part of them both to me.

This is the trap I fall for, these ladies seem lovely to begin with. It's not until things settle down until their true nature comes out.
 
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Nehezir

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I think the best thing in life is emotional independence. Do what you want, live how you want, don't rely on anyone for validation, but also keep a sense of outreach to the people who meet your specific bar for giving a shit about
 
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Sybb

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I think the best thing in life is emotional independence. Do what you want, live how you want, don't rely on anyone for validation, but also keep a sense of outreach to the people who meet your specific bar for giving a shit about
Aren't you the gay who should live on a solitary island? I have to admit I agree exactly with what you say here.
 

Nehezir

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Aren't you the gay who should live on a solitary island? I have to admit I agree exactly with what you say here.
:messenger_dizzy: from earlier, yeah. Tho I'm bi with a heavy lean and sick of most women's games.
 

Soodanim

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With women? Certainly, no disagreement there. Also the same with my credit rating, I wrecked mine trying to repair hers.
Not so sure on the various job closures which were all out of my hands, I've never been fired.

I'm in UK so I'm fucked :messenger_grinning_smiling:. Only kidding, I have a small field at the back of my house which I take a stroll around. As for family, I'll set up a new Facebook account and try and find them on there.

UK government reckons £1400 per month from a shitty retail job is plenty for a house that costs +£1200 to maintain with the current debts, so gave me the middle finger when I tried to apply. I'll think about swimming to France and getting a Dinghy back, then I'll be sorted.

First I just want to try and get back on my feet before looking for a better job during this Covid crap.

This is the trap I fall for, these ladies seem lovely to begin with. It's not until things settle down until their true nature comes out.
UK too, and it’s getting cold down south lately so good luck if you’re up north or coastal. There’s still something to be said for removing yourself from everything to relax with some fresh air, I like doing it when I can.

You’re in a house by yourself on retail money? You poor sod. Never going back. You have my sympathy. If only that was worth something.

Regarding the Stiflers Mom Stiflers Mom story, I can’t help but feel there’s an element that’s being missed if a stable, self-sufficient adult does a 180 when it gets long term. Cheating is a shit thing to do, but his mate’s situation must had more to it. Either something was wrong in her head or their relationship. If she just didn’t value the marriage at all, then that should have been spotted long before they got married. Him forgiving her for cheating after doing the rest of it means she was happy to do whatever she could get away with and he was so scared to lose her he gave her whatever she wanted and probably didn’t respect him. She’s a shit person, but he didn’t have self respect. What happens at home isn’t necessarily reflected in what you see when they’re in public.

This thread is starting to fill up with some jaded attitudes, which means people have been burned. That’s a shame. A few bad experiences can shape someone’s whole outlook on a whole gender.
 
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Stiflers Mom

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Regarding the Stiflers Mom Stiflers Mom story, I can’t help but feel there’s an element that’s being missed if a stable, self-sufficient adult does a 180 when it gets long term. Cheating is a shit thing to do, but his mate’s situation must had more to it. Either something was wrong in her head or their relationship. If she just didn’t value the marriage at all, then that should have been spotted long before they got married.
Easier said than being done.
Like I said, he felt everything is right, and that their relationship which went for over seven years was stable.

Him forgiving her for cheating after doing the rest of it means she was happy to do whatever she could get away with and he was so scared to lose her he gave her whatever she wanted and probably didn’t respect him. She’s a shit person, but he didn’t have self respect. What happens at home isn’t necessarily reflected in what you see when they’re in public.
Yep, told him the same thing. And he is probably driving her away even more now with all of his attempts to get her back by "talking".

This thread is starting to fill up with some jaded attitudes, which means people have been burned. That’s a shame. A few bad experiences can shape someone’s whole outlook on a whole gender.
I don't want to promote some "women are bad" thing here, which I don't think is the case.

It's more like "people are people". And women have simply a different plan and idea about falling in love, marrying, getting kids, etc than a lot of men have. At least that's my impression after 6 long term relationships over 26 years resulting in two kids.

I simply don't believe in that "happily ever after" bullshit or that "she is the special one" fairy tale so many people want to believe in.
 

Scotty W

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People don’t just accidentally ‘attract’ one abusive partner after another. You have have got a type.

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.


Feel better, friend.
 

John2290

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This might sound clique but when you're at the bottom of a deep hole there is only one way but up. Get climbing and have fun doing so.
 
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eot

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Him forgiving her for cheating after doing the rest of it means she was happy to do whatever she could get away with and he was so scared to lose her he gave her whatever she wanted and probably didn’t respect him. She’s a shit person, but he didn’t have self respect.
That was my first thought as well
 
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Slings and Arrows

and Ceramide R
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Away with the fairies
Look at it this way OP,

Don't look at the 'cost' to your finances and health as a 'cost' that got you nothing. Instead look at it as the 'price' for experience. Because everyday, from here on out, you are now wiser to the tune of £X, X been the debt/'cost'.

Now, for the rest of your life, you will have this experience to help you choose a better direction, and who knows? Maybe 'the next one' would have cost 10 times as much, but now you know you won't fall for the same schtick.
 

Can't decide

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Food $200
Data $150
Rent $800
Sound System $7,500
Utility $150
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

You think I should sell something I worked incredibly hard for, over 10 years ago, because of very temporary hardship? Wouldn't that mean that I lose and they won?

Edit: Let me add to this. The sound this thing produces mentally transports me to another world and for a little while you forget this world and it's problems exist, you'd have to hear it to understand. It has been incredible for my mental health over the years.
 
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Slings and Arrows

and Ceramide R
Apr 19, 2019
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Away with the fairies
You think I should sell something I worked incredibly hard for, over 10 years ago, because of very temporary hardship? Wouldn't that mean that I lose and they won?

Edit: Let me add to this. The sound this thing produces mentally transports me to another world and for a little while you forget this world and it's problems exist, you'd have to hear it to understand. It has been incredible for my mental health over the years.

No one ever wins
No one finally loses
except the dead...
Under the sun they rot together
with absolute biological equality
 
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notseqi

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Tough deal, OP. Try to be a little bit more stingy with your money when it doesn't concern family, find out if the people you would support are otherwise self-sustaining.

Keep the sound system, for fucks sake.

What's the logic behind this?
They are yellow and when you turn them horizontal it looks like a smile.
 

Maiden Voyage

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Thanks for your replies everyone.



I posted it in your Audiophile thread last year.

If it helps, I used to be dirt poor so I know the pains of not having enough cash to buy food. I got super into personal finance and pulled myself out of poverty & the poor mindset. I def recommend the PF subreddit & looking into an envelope budgeting system (Buckets or YNAB) to help you get back on track. If you've got debt, it makes the strategy different, but I am assuming you don't, as you didn't mention it in the OP. They were game changers for me.

Feel free to hit me up via PM if you ever want. Finance shit can be tough to make sense of at first. I'm American, so my advice will be geared toward our market, but the fundamentals should be relevant for you.
 
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Can't decide

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So I had a nice little surprise this morning. As well as being paid for 205 hours last month (overtime is put into a "time bank" and released at later dates at my company), I also received a message from the Government telling me to go and check my details on their account. Confused and curious, I log in to find that they've screwed up my ex partner's benefit claim, they still had her registered to my address, therefore all of her payment went into my bank account and not hers.

:messenger_grinning_smiling:
 

DunDunDunpachi

Patient MembeR
Apr 18, 2018
29,304
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dunpachi.com
So I had a nice little surprise this morning. As well as being paid for 205 hours last month (overtime is put into a "time bank" and released at later dates at my company), I also received a message from the Government telling me to go and check my details on their account. Confused and curious, I log in to find that they've screwed up my ex partner's benefit claim, they still had her registered to my address, therefore all of her payment went into my bank account and not hers.

:messenger_grinning_smiling:
 

betrayal

Member
Feb 2, 2018
1,442
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From your story, it sounds like you're a pretty big idiot in the sense that you're being treated like a beta male, which you certainly are when it comes to women in a relationship.

This may sound a bit strange, but without knowing you I would say that your family was not exactly what you would call a healthy family constellation. Which part of the family was mostly missing? As a young child and teenager, did you already have responsibilities that adolescents should not have? You could read 50 books or do 20 psychotherapies now, but first I would take care not to choose women as partners, to whom you are happy to give your money and help all the time.

I think it's either that or you're just stupid and without any balls left.
 
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Breakage

Member
Mar 3, 2014
7,745
5,214
670
Sounds as if you have got to stop making bad lifestyle choices, especially when it comes to women. I think too many people these days form relationships that are based on little more than the superficiality of sexual attraction. Other aspects such as family background, mental stability, ability to manage money well, ability to deal with adversity, etc. also need to be considered, but increasingly this doesn't happen.
People just tend to overlook these things until it's too late.
In my view, it's always better to be on your own than to commit to a romantic relationship with a bad person – even if that person is physically attractive.
 

poppabk

Member
Jan 21, 2008
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The best advice I can give is to focus on the present. Learn from your mistakes, but don't dwell on them. Accept the reality of your current position (ie don't think about where you should be, or what your life would be like without the shit you dealt with) and then plan on how to make it better starting from today.
 

OneBigPuss

Member
Aug 15, 2020
247
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Live and learn, my friend, live and learn.

A former working colleague and friend of mine who I haven't seen for a few years visited me last week, and he told me that his wife split up with him.

She wanted to move away from here to the place where they originally came from. He did.
She wanted to marry. He did.
She wanted to have another child (already had one from a relationship prior to him that didnt work out). So he got her pregnant.
She wanted to buy a house, but didn't have much money. So he did it for them.
Then, she wanted a dog. He bought one.

Then she fucked a coworker of hers on the Christmas party of the company she is working at.
My friend even forgave her.

After that she left my friend, moved out, and he is now stuck with a house and a dog (he hates dogs) he really didn't want.

And if somebody tells me now "you need to find a good wife bla bla"... I have met her a few times, and she always seemed like a really nice and sane down to earth person.
Bro...my cousin has a girlfriend now soon to be wife.I don't know her good enough because they live in another country and i met her maybe 3-4 times now but everytime im getting all the red flags around her.She has a child from other relationship and now she is pregnant with his child,they build a house (mostly his and his parents money),now they bought a new car because she wanted one because this one will be too small when the second child comes (thats some bullshit right here cmon) even tho they are short on cash.I hope everything will be ok in the long run but she just doesn't sit right with me and not only me (my sister has some gripes with her too).Its not my life so i cant really say anything and its too late anyway but my cousin changed a lot.He went really soft.To the OP.You seem like a nice guy that have too much on its shoulder at the moment.Hope you will pull through.
 
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Maiden Voyage

Gold™ Member
Sep 5, 2014
7,210
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1,125
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From your story, it sounds like you're a pretty big idiot in the sense that you're being treated like a beta male, which you certainly are when it comes to women in a relationship.

This may sound a bit strange, but without knowing you I would say that your family was not exactly what you would call a healthy family constellation. Which part of the family was mostly missing? As a young child and teenager, did you already have responsibilities that adolescents should not have? You could read 50 books or do 20 psychotherapies now, but first I would take care not to choose women as partners, to whom you are happy to give your money and help all the time.

I think it's either that or you're just stupid and without any balls left.

What an apt username.
 
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TheMan

Member
Jul 31, 2006
8,422
1,037
1,555
Venting is good but a plan of action is better. That money your last GF admits she owes you? It's been 2 months, fuck her, consider it gone.

Are you applying for jobs? Go for anything but don't go with some shitty no name upstart. Hell go wait tables at a known chain or do retail at Target. Anything for a steady income and food in your pantry. Then go from there