• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Obama chuckled, "You mean the Chaos Emeralds?" - best no-context line ever?

Status
Not open for further replies.
I've said this line to several people that have little to no knowledge of Sonic and it's always met with laughter.

Is there a better no-context quote like this?
 
VtNYB4B.png
 

terrisus

Member
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
 

SolVanderlyn

Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Oh shit, thank you!

I actually found the original

Immortality Protocol by Cy Fox

Prologue

United Nations Security Council Chambers
Wednesday March 31, 2010

An emergency session was announced earlier in the day. By good fortune, most of the Security Council was still lingering in the U.S after deciding on Resolution 1917, which happened nine days ago. Holding the attention of the floor was a thin and balding African-American, who was wearing a light blue turtleneck and khaki chinos. He was Dr. Nathan Morgan, a member of the European Center for Nuclear Research (CERN) and also a well respected physics researcher from Berkeley. He stood at a lectern that was set up in the center of the chambers, at the head of a table that was occupied by several key Security Council officials.

There was of course the Secretary-General, Ban Ki-moon. Sitting at his right was Susan Rice, the American ambassador to the United Nations. At his left was Sir Mark Lycall Grant, Rice's equivalent from the UK. At Grant's left, as a standard gesture to the Anglo-Franco relationship was Gerard Araud. Vitaly Churkin of Russia and Wang Min of China were at Rice's right. Behind them, sitting at unoccupied seats in the first arch table were other representatives from UNSC member nations and also American president Barack Obama, UK prime minister David Cameron, German chancellor Angela Merkel, French president Nicholas Sarkozy and Russian president Dmitry Mevedev.

Looking at each familiar face made Morgan more nervous than when he had initially come in. Feeling everyone's gaze on him, he took a sip of water from a glass on his lectern, scratched at his head and began to speak.

“Yesterday as you all know, the Large Hadron Collider began its beam collisions at 1:06 PM, Central European Summer Time. In the public eye, it was an event of little consequence. However, it had all of us at CERN and the scientific community at large apprehensive but also excited.” He took a moment to scan the chambers before continuing.

“The media likes to make people think that we're going to cause the world to disappear into a black hole. For the most part, that theory is largely bunk. However,” Morgan wiped his forehead with a sleeve. “An unexpected event did happen during the first collision.”

“What kind of event, Dr. Morgan?” Rice interjected.

“The collider had opened up a fissure in the ground within the ring. It was completely hollowed out. But what we saw within it was even more incredible than the presence of the fissure itself!”

“What was within this fissure, Dr. Morgan?” Rice asked.

“Space, Ambassador Rice.”

“Space,” Rice maintained perfect control of her tone, while the rest of the Security Council seemed to deflate like a bicycle tire in surprise. “Intriguing.”

“Understatement of the century, Susan.” Obama leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, linking his fingers together. “Was it populated space, Nathan?”

“From a visual inspection, we could see at least one planet which appears to be Earth-like in its composition. You must understand sir, that we could only see with our naked eyes. We didn't dare to leave the ring for safety reasons. We didn't know how this fissure operates. It could have simply been a window that couldn't be breached. Worst case scenario was that it really was a breach.”

Obama seemed to take the news as if it were just another day in the office. “What's the current status of this anomaly?”

“Gone. The collider has been completely shut down under the guise of maintenance, sir. We all agreed that it wasn't a good idea to leave such an anomaly in place without knowing how exactly it was created, or if it could even be controlled.”

“Do you have any theories at least?”

“There is one, but it's very thin.”

“Try me,” Obama thinly smiled. Morgan had the feeling that the president's eyes were boring through his skull. He had the complete attention of one of the most powerful people on the planet now, and it made Nathan's hands sweat.

“We were testing several artifacts that were seconded to us by the U.S. Air Force. We were told that their presence at CERN was to be considered classified, along with their origin.”

Obama chuckled. “You mean the Chaos Emeralds?”

“May I assume that the subject is now no longer classified, sir?”

“In the interest of science and my own curiosity, you certainly may.” Obama looked over at the Secretary General. “Mr. Secretary, I have a very interesting story to share with you all, if I may address the Council. I'm sure a lot of you've wanted to hear it.”

The elderly South Korean nodded. President Obama stood up in his seat and crossed around the table to stand beside Morgan. “My little story begins at Roswell in 1947.”

“Amusing,” Medvedev murmured. Obama fixed his gaze on the Russian president briefly.

“The official story has been that we recovered debris from an experimental aircraft. That kicked off the UFO craze and people have been trying to find out the truth about what we found ever since. The truth is, we didn't find the remains of a UFO. But the objects in question were extraterrestrial. Seven perfectly cut diamonds of various colors.” He made a fist and held it in the air. “About this size. We call them Chaos Emeralds because ever since we found them, there were UFO sightings all over, sightings that had no basis.”

“Your military however said that these UFOs did not exist,” David Cameron interjected. “Yet now you've sprung upon us the fact that you've found space diamonds. I'd say that they have a lot of basis now.”

Obama chuckled again. “I'm speaking the plain and honest truth, David. We found nothing physical in the air, but there was something. The Air Force figured that they were optical illusions being created by these gems. They were originally called emeralds by the way, because they were green when they were found.”

“And the military was picking at them ever since,” Morgan cocked his head. “They exhausted their capabilities for research, didn't they?”

“And their budget. I'm sorry to say that my predecessor's squandering of Mr. Clinton's surplus in the Middle East was the main cause of that.” Obama replied coolly.

Morgan swore lightly under his breath, shaking his head. “The man was scouring for oil while he had the key to infinite power locked away in Nevada.”

Obama patted Morgan's shoulder. “I'm glad I made the right decision to send them to CERN. This has to be the most monumental scientific discovery since the bomb.” Morgan could see that Obama was getting visibly excited, with his smile widening. He made a fist and smacked into the open palm of his other hand. “Do you understand what this means? This is a major opportunity for multi-discipline investment. It could trigger a global economic stimulus.”

The Russian ambassador harshly laughed. “And where would we get the capital in order to make these investments? In fact, how do you plan to fit this into the budget? Your Republican opposition says your administration is overspending as it is.”

“I intend to meet with several reputable investors in order to provoke interest in investment. In fact,” Obama looked over at one of the interns that accompanied him. “Blaine, please see to it that the following people are brought to the White House by the time that I get back to Washington.”

The intern pulled out his Blackberry smartphone and brought up a note application. “I'm ready when you are, sir.”

“Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, John Carmack, Larry Ellison, Mark Zuckerberg, Eric Schmidt and of course, Mr. Buffett.” Obama flashed the intern his news conference smile. “But let's phase this in slowly. We'll start declassifying the military's records and research, make it accessible to the public.” Obama looked over at Morgan. “As for you, I'm going to put you in charge of a special advisory council.” He lowered his voice. “If I can secure the funding, we'll see about reproducing this anomaly in a safe zone.”

“With all due respect, sir.” Morgan leaned in close to the president's ear. “The only safe place would most likely be in space.”

Obama shrugged. “Let it be space, Nate.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom