People who don't act themselves around their SO

[GrizzNKev]

So tonight my family is doing their christmas dinner and presents thingy early. Generally one of my family's few enjoyable events up until recent years when my brother got into a relationship with a girl I find to be entirely insufferable.

I don't see them often since we go to different schools but in the few times I do, like tonight, I can tell that he acts completely different around her than he does with me. He uses a different voice with a slight lisp which he doesn't have, he feigns extreme kindness, and all this other weird stuff that just isn't him.

Perhaps he's trying to appeal to her because she has a rather deep voice but often makes an effort to be ultra squeaky and cute when they're together and I find it so annoying. Ugh.

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

I know a TON of people that act different around certain people than they do with others. Something about acceptance or fitting in or whatever.

 

[Escape Goat]

Everyone alters their behavior based on who is watching. You probably dont talk with your mom how you do with your friends.

 

[Joates]

I know a TON of people that act different around certain people than they do with others. Something about acceptance or fitting in or whatever.

Pretty much, doesn't have to be an SO, but it's usually worse with one, trying to impress out whatever, but if they are happy...

 

[DJ_Lae]

One of my friends used to tease me in university because she was over a few times studying when this girl I was into called - apparently the entire tone of my voice changed when I talked to her, then switched back after I hung up.

No doubt my penis was trying to trick me into making my voice sexier.

 

[GK86]

I act different around you guys all the time.

 

[Devolution]

Demeanor changes depending on your situation and the people around you. Maybe he feels more comfortable being a certain way with her that he doesn't with you. Go figure.

 

[GrizzNKev]

But I feel like hiding your usual personality when your romantic partner is around to be rather misleading. She has no idea that he's playing call of duty shouting at the tv with extreme vulgarity and being a general dickhead when she's not around because he's so "yes please, thank you kindly, blah blah" with her.

 

[Persona7]

Everyone alters their behavior based on who is watching. You probably dont talk with your mom how you do with your friends.

I don't.

 

[Seguin]

But I feel like hiding your usual personality when your romantic partner is around to be rather misleading. She has no idea that he's playing call of duty shouting at the tv with extreme vulgarity and being a general dickhead when she's not around because he's so "yes please, thank you kindly, blah blah" with her.

maybe he's hiding his real personality from you because you're a dick, so he acts like an ass around you. And he finally feels comfortable with a girl so he's letting his real self shine.

 

[Devolution]

But I feel like hiding your usual personality when your romantic partner is around to be rather misleading. She has no idea that he's playing call of duty shouting at the tv with extreme vulgarity and being a general dickhead when she's not around because he's so "yes please, thank you kindly, blah blah" with her.

How do you know she doesn't? You only have your insight into the situation. He's more gentlemanly around and with her? This isn't surprising and not necessarily manipulative.

 

[Vermillion]

I change around pretty much everyone. For adults (usually professors), I have a very quiet, higher pitched (somewhat effeminate voice), around different friends I talk about different things, and change words and phrases I use, etc.

 

[Escape Goat]

But I feel like hiding your usual personality when your romantic partner is around to be rather misleading. She has no idea that he's playing call of duty shouting at the tv with extreme vulgarity and being a general dickhead when she's not around because he's so "yes please, thank you kindly, blah blah" with her.

You dont think she changes her behavior when hes not around?

 

[entremet]

Yeah. Same here. I act differently around coworkers, family, etc.

It's one of the reason I avoid mixing social groups, because I have an identify that I'm comfortable with each.

 

[Sailor]

But I feel like hiding your usual personality when your romantic partner is around to be rather misleading. She has no idea that he's playing call of duty shouting at the tv with extreme vulgarity and being a general dickhead when she's not around because he's so "yes please, thank you kindly, blah blah" with her.

But how do you know that shouting at the TV and being vulgar is his usual personality? It's only the side that you've seen of him, and the girlfriend can argue the same thing based off of the kindness that she has experienced. Demeanor is not static but rather dynamic based on various situations.

 

[zoku88]

I don't.

I really hope this isn't true.

I really hope that when you're at work, you're different from how you are with your family/friends, especially if you're also dealing with employees of different companies.

You should really act dependent on the circumstances.

It's natural to have different faces for different situations. It's not unhealthy or anything. It's just showing adaptability.

 

[NervousXtian]

I don't.

You sure about that?

We all alter our behavior for certain situations.

 

[entremet]

I really hope this isn't true.

I really hope that when you're at work, you're different from how you are with your family/friends, especially if you're also dealing with employees of different companies.

You should really act dependent on the circumstances.

Thank God annoying, raucous sports fans don't act the way they do at work or home. At least I hope.

 

[GrizzNKev]

You dont think she changes her behavior when hes not around?

I do think she does.

I dunno, it seems weird to me. I'm used to limiting my language around people in a professional environment or with people who may be more sensitive but I'm the same with my girlfriend as I am with the rest of my friends.

I have a somewhat strong sense of identity and people often tell me they envy my tendency to not hold back pointing out people's bullshit or not adjusting how I act to appeal to people I don't care much for.

Perhaps that's more unusual than I'm aware of.

 

[Valnen]

I really hope this isn't true.

I really hope that when you're at work, you're different from how you are with your family/friends, especially if you're also dealing with employees of different companies.

You should really act dependent on the circumstances.

It's natural to have different faces for different situations. It's not unhealthy or anything. It's just showing adaptability.

But then you're never really being yourself, are you?

 

[Quick]

Everyone alters their behavior based on who is watching. You probably dont talk with your mom how you do with your friends.

Pretty much.

Not that anyone's pointed it out to me, but I catch myself doing it.

 

[Vermillion]

I really hope this isn't true.

I really hope that when you're at work, you're different from how you are with your family/friends, especially if you're also dealing with employees of different companies.

You should really act dependent on the circumstances.

It's natural to have different faces for different situations. It's not unhealthy or anything. It's just showing adaptability.

Not necessarily. Certain traits usually shine through - for example, kindness, certain hangups, etc.

Personally, I may even switch (or downplay) those depending on who I'm with. Makes it difficult to form a personal identity.

 

[entremet]

But then you're never really being yourself, are you?

Do you think parents relate and act towards their children as they would coworkers, a spouse? Do act the same to person you're attracted to and one you're not?

 

[Makoto]

You sure about that?

We all alter our behavior for certain situations.

But the internet told me I'm not supposed to care what other people think about me!

 

[zoku88]

But then you're never really being yourself, are you?

Work you, family you, and friend you are all you. Just multiple faces for the same person.

Spoiler

I feel like I'm stealing this from P4, though. lol

 

[Trigger]

It's not too weird. I have moments where I act differently around my SO. Relationships have differing dynamics.

 

[Devolution]

I do think she does.

I dunno, it seems weird to me. I'm used to limiting my language around people in a professional environment or with people who may be more sensitive but I'm the same with my girlfriend as I am with the rest of my friends.

I'm quite different with the SO precisely because we're enamored with each other and I feel like I can do and say what I want without some unnecessary judgement. Honestly why would he, your brother, show you a more sensitive side?

But then you're never really being yourself, are you?

You can be yourself and limit your conversation topics and tone down your humor. It's just a calmer version of yourself.

 

[Vermillion]

I'm quite different with the SO precisely because we're enamored with each other and I feel like I can do and say what I want without some unnecessary judgement. Honestly why would he, your brother, show you a more sensitive side?

'Cause they're brothers? I've seen the sensitive side of all of my brothers. It comes from closeness. Arguably, you can be yourself the most around siblings/friends who are like siblings.

 

[Half and half]

The prospect of some booty makes some people act differently. Let him be yo.

 

[GrizzNKev]

I'm quite different with the SO precisely because we're enamored with each other and I feel like I can do and say what I want without some unnecessary judgement. Honestly why would he, your brother, show you a more sensitive side?




You can be yourself and limit your conversation topics and tone down your humor. It's just a calmer version of yourself.

Is it not strange that they've been together for years and he still tries to do his slow-talking cutesy voice for her all the time?

I've seen him sad, hurt, angry. I know his range of emotions. But the person he is with her is just not him at all.

 

[Escape Goat]

Is it not strange that they've been together for years and he still tries to do his slow-talking cutesy voice for her all the time?

They are in looooooooooooooooooooooove!

 

[Vermillion]

Is it not strange that they've been together for years and he still tries to do his slow-talking cutesy voice for her all the time?

I have friends like that. Voice gets really soft when talking to his gf.

 

[Valnen]

Everyone alters their behavior based on who is watching.

I'm admittedly guilty of it and it bugs the hell out of me. I feel like I'm being fake if I'm not how I am around my friends. I generally cut off contact with people I feel I can't be myself around.

 

[Ridli]

I don't.

C'mon. When a cop car follows you after a turn everybody acts different.

 

[Astral]

It's normal. When she's out with her friends or siblings she probably acts different too. He might act that way around you because he feels comfortable acting this way around you. I have some friends that I tease a lot and say pretty mean shit to because I know they can take it and won't get upset over it. Or maybe he doesn't like you.

 

[yn-neko hates a cat]

Many people (perhaps most) people believe that the "right" thing to do in society is to present yourself in a manner that pleases the person or people who favor you want with each given situation. Is it dishonest? Probably. Are people superficial enough to hold a person not being themselves around them against him? Definitely! Can others ruin your life? Most assuredly however most people who want to do such a thing have a reason which you can do little to change. At the end, respect others and be yourself and let the world play itself out.

People who actively where masks don't want to hear any of this noise. That's fine too because that's just how they've chosen to live there life. It's up to you to decide how much of that behavior you want in your life.

 

[Devolution]

'Cause they're brothers? I've seen the sensitive side of all of my brothers. It comes from closeness. Arguably, you can be yourself the most around siblings/friends who are like siblings.

Or he feels like he can't be a certain way around others? Some people don't feel like they can be their complete selves even around family if there are certain expectations. The thread is pretty much what it sounds like his brother doesn't want to deal with. A judgmental sibling.

Is it not strange that they've been together for years and he still tries to do his slow-talking cutesy voice for her all the time?

No? Do you really have a problem with how they interact?

 

[Vermillion]

I'm admittedly guilty of it and it bugs the hell out of me. I feel like I'm being fake if I'm not how I am around my friends. I generally cut off contact with people I feel I can't be myself around.

I agree with the bolded. Worse when you apply it to different friend groups and when you have to keep secrets that one is saying about the other and vice versa.

 

[UnblessedSoul]

Everyone acts different around with certain people, work/friends/family/girlfriend, not weird at all

 

[Spring-Loaded]

I generally hate talking with anyone except my girlfriend, so if I probably sound a lot more cheerful around her than around anyone else.

OP, your brother probably has despised you and your family his whole life and this is just his true self revealed

 

[GrizzNKev]

Or he feels like he can't be a certain way around others? Some people don't feel like they can be their complete selves even around family if there are certain expectations. The thread is pretty much what it sounds like his brother doesn't want to deal with. A judgmental sibling.




No? Do you really have a problem with how they interact?

It is a bit annoying, yes. It seems dishonest to me. I can sit with him and play the vidya, I can spend 5 hours in a car just talking to him about life, debating all the good stuff, talking about news. He seems entirely comfortable.

But when she walks in it's all oohs and ahhs and slow talking.

 

[Vermillion]

Or he feels like he can't be a certain way around others? Some people don't feel like they can be their complete selves even around family if there are certain expectations. The thread is pretty much what it sounds like his brother doesn't want to deal with. A judgmental sibling.

I mean, yeah, depending on the sibling, but arguably his brother has known him the longest. The sweetness is probably not him at all. I mean, unless he doesn't know what "him" is.

And from the OP, it seems that he's far more reserved around his SO, particularly considering the fact that I doubt anyone in his family desires him to curse at CoD.

 

[Chinner]

its pretty instinctive really. you will adapt your personality to fit in with your setting, whether the language you use or how you act. this doesnt mean you're a different person, it just means you're moderating yourself. you dont know your brother as well as you think you do, and chances are hes probably more natural around his gf than he is with you.

anyone who claims that they dont act differently is either socially inept or just trying to be 'right' on the internet.

 

[Devolution]

It is a bit annoying, yes. It seems dishonest to me. I can sit with him and play the vidya, I can spend 5 hours in a car just talking to him about life, debating all the good stuff, talking about news. He seems entirely comfortable.

It's not really dishonest. She gets to see a different side of him. That's pretty much how being an SO works. Do you share everything with your family that you do your girlfriend? If not then you're not really being honest with them are you?

 

[Vermillion]

its pretty instinctive really. you will adapt your personality to fit in with your setting, whether the language you use or how you act. this doesnt mean you're a different person, it just means you're moderating yourself. you dont know your brother as well as you think you do, and chances are hes probably more natural around his gf than he is with you.

anyone who claims that they dont act differently is either socially inept or just trying to be 'right' on the internet.

It's not really dishonest. She gets to see a different side of him. That's pretty much how being an SO works. Do you share everything with your family that you do your girlfriend? If not then you're not really being honest with them are you?

That has to do with sharing information. Faking kindness or lack thereof is an entirely different thing.

 

[GrizzNKev]

It's not really dishonest. She gets to see a different side of him. That's pretty much how being an SO works. Do you share everything with your family that you do your girlfriend? If not then you're not really being honest with them are you?

I limit my language but I don't wear a different personality.

 

[Quick]

You give people a different perspective on your personality with the way you interact with them, but it's still wholly you.

Unless you're actually trying to be someone else entirely.

 

[Escape Goat]

It is a bit annoying, yes. It seems dishonest to me. I can sit with him and play the vidya, I can spend 5 hours in a car just talking to him about life, debating all the good stuff, talking about news. He seems entirely comfortable.

Maybe he acts like that with her when they are alone. Put them both in a situation where his family is watching and hes going to act in a way that meets their expectations. He'll act in a way that he thinks paints him and his gf in a positive light.

 

[Devolution]

That has to do with sharing information. Faking kindness or lack thereof is an entirely different thing.

It has to do with how people conduct themselves which includes subjects and how they communicate.

I limit my language but I don't wear a different personality.

Oh really, so you don't act like a genuinely more happy person around her than with your family? Because some people sure do.

 

[JasonMCG]

I have this black friend who's dating a white girl and he acts so uppity/proper when he's around his girl, but when he's around his other friends in the African American community, dude totally changes into this hard gangster. It's fucking weird.