Phil Collar (Polygon) accused of "taking advantage of a fan"

#1
It is a long chain of comments, please check yourself.
My summary is (to be taken with grain of salt as I'm perhaps not that sensitive):

They flirted.
He invited her to a hotel room.
She refused.
https://twitter.com/sdirtythugnasty/status/929774265125175297

PS
I found this comment from... some place ironic:

I do understand that a lot of people seem to think the "lets go to the hotel drunk together and ... huh... play... Mario Kart!" is innocent.
 
#2
Unless I'm missing something, she's making something out of a lot of nothing. If people are terrible for flirting with women and asking them to come back to their place, then I guess I'm a bad bad man.
 

wondermega

Junior Member
#3
Yeah I'm not sure what constitutes "taking advantage." They had mutual flirting, and then she decides after some time that she doesn't like that that happened for whatever reasons. Which is fine. But now does this mean that some degree of flirting, mutual or otherwise, falls under this new forever damning "sexual misconduct" umbrella?

If you are a guy pushing 30 and a girl who is about 10 years your junior starts being flirty and friendly with you, yes you can be considered kind of creepy for even engaging in that. But inconsiderate of the current climate, I don't think most people would think it was absolutely crossing some kind of line, even with the power dynamic in question. If there was more meat to this story (woman actually goes to the hotel room, or man keeps imploring her to do so) then that's a different story. Given the limited facts right now, it sounds difficult to jump to conclusions.

Hopefully in the current form of neogaf we can have this kind of a discussion in a civil manner, without getting immediately judgemental one way or another, in what has been typical knee jerk behavior around here.
 
#8
I don't see what the guy did wrong, yeah he's probably a bit bad with flirting but that's about as bad as this story gets. The girl souring his name on social media is pretty low though.
 
#10
She was 20, flirting with him and said she was 'hypersexual' due to her diagnosis; sooo......his fault?

At this point in time I'm under the impression that unless you're telepathic and able to read someone's mind you won't be rejected, it's sexual misconduct. You're gonna need a lawyer to approach someone soon just to ask someone out on a date.

https://vimeo.com/28614921

Worth watching the 3 videos.
 
#16
I think the fact he's married is the issue here, for me at least.
So married people flirting with someone who isn’t their partner is now considered sexual harassment/assault? Well, damn, I’m fucked. Joking aside, this isn’t harassment or assault. It’s wrong of him to be going after someone ten years younger than him - marriage is irrelevant - but she’s wrong for souring his name for a mistake she made on her part. Those tweets are all the evidence we need that both are guilty of flirting.
 
#17
I think the fact he's married is the issue here, for me at least.
It is indeed which makes her "outing" even more egregious...She is actively trying to destroy his family when (1) he never forced her to do anything and (2) NOTHING HAPPENED and (3) he didn't degrade or demean her when she refused.

...and just to keep things in perspective...My marriage ended when I found out my wife was cheating on me. I've been alone and miserable since and frankly, I would have preferred to remain in the dark. This girl suffers from a lack of perspective..."I was young and impressionable!"...ugh.
 
#19
So married people flirting with someone who isn’t their partner is now considered sexual harassment/assault? Well, damn, I’m fucked. Joking aside, this isn’t harassment or assault. It’s wrong of him to be going after someone ten years younger than him - marriage is irrelevant - but she’s wrong for souring his name for a mistake she made on her part. Those tweets are all the evidence we need that both are guilty of flirting.
Whaaaaaat?


How is that wrong? They are both consenting adults.
 
#22
This is getting fucking pathetic. If flirting is now considered taking advantage of we might as well stop procreating altogether. These attention seeking idiots are getting annoying now and do a disservice to real victims.
 
#23
We're going to have a couple of generations of very lonely girls, if this continues.

Okay, not wrong. That was bad wording. It's still kinda creepy though. She was 18/19, he was nearly 30. It's legal, but not something that is considered socially acceptable/normal.
Thank goodness we have you, the authority on what is socially acceptable and what isn't, to speak for everyone.
 
#24
Okay, not wrong. That was bad wording. It’s still kinda creepy though. She was 18/19, he was nearly 30. It’s legal, but not something that is considered socially acceptable/normal.
"Creepy" really just means you're not personally comfortable with it. Doesn't mean everyone else feels that way. You might argue they may not have much in common because of the age differences but it doesn't really matter since it seems like a quick hookup situation anyway. We have to treat people like adults and let them make their own choices.
 
#25
Okay, not wrong. That was bad wording. It's still kinda creepy though. She was 18/19, he was nearly 30. It's legal, but not something that is considered socially acceptable/normal.

Oh no, a 10 year age difference. I guess I should go inform my aunt that her husband is a creep.
 
#26
She was what? Flirting with him and hypersexual? And nothing actually happened? I mean... what? No lines were actually crossed or were anywhere near it. And she's clearly doing this only because he wants to start streaming.

Yeah I call bullshit on this. It's going to backfire on her spectacularly.

Edit: Also apparently both were in a polyamorous relationship at the time too. lol. what.
 

hipbabboom

Huh? What did I say? Did I screw up again? :(
#28
Oh no, a 10 year age difference. I guess I should go inform my aunt that her husband is a creep.
Well you have to do light algebra first to conclude a person is a creep now. If age difference is more than 33% of the younger age between the two parties then the older aged person is a creeper. This only applies in cases where younger and older parties are both classified in the same developmental categories otherwise the older person always resolves to a creeper. In the case where older interested person decides to wait for younger person to mature into his or her developmental category then older person is a half-creeper. If said older person meets younger person while they are both in the same developmental group and expresses fondness of the younger person when looking at past pictures of the younger person when they were in a different developmental group then they're retroactively creeping and previous equation will have to be multiplied by imaginary number i.

source: Oxfart Dictionary
 
#31
A lot of these cases are sounding more and more like " I did something I regret, let's see if I can blame someone else and get some social network sympathy to feel better about it".
 
#35
So let me get this straight and please correct me if I'm mistaken
She look up to him for advice.
He gave her his number so they can chat.
They end up light flirting
He invite her to the hotel she said no and felt creep out. He even show the messages to his wife.
Could it be possible she took it the wrong way?

I mean. He didn't force her or anything. Its seem to be a bit of miscommunication going on both ends.
 
#36
She was 20, flirting with him and said she was 'hypersexual' due to her diagnosis; sooo......his fault?

At this point in time I'm under the impression that unless you're telepathic and able to read someone's mind you won't be rejected, it's sexual misconduct. You're gonna need a lawyer to approach someone soon just to ask someone out on a date.
You also have to be a clairvoyant and see many years into future to see whether the other person suddenly doesn't like what she/he liked years ago.
 
#37
Unless I'm missing something, she's making something out of a lot of nothing. If people are terrible for flirting with women and asking them to come back to their place, then I guess I'm a bad bad man.

This story is some tumblr shit. If it was up to some of the corners of the internet, the human race would never propagate and people would live sad, lonely lives....much like the denizens of tumblr.
 
#39
Seems like she is jumping onto the #metoo bandwagon with a story that is grossly exaggerated and damaging to a person's career. She basically came off as a "groupie" which you can interpret as creepy, but he didn't push beyond her boundaries and stopped when she changed her mind about the whole situation.
 
#41
So let me get this straight and please correct me if I'm mistaken
She look up to him for advice.
He gave her his number so they can chat.
They end up light flirting
He invite her to the hotel she said no and felt creep out. He even show the messages to his wife.
Could it be possible she took it the wrong way?

I mean. He didn't force her or anything. Its seem to be a bit of miscommunication going on both ends.
She posted earlier outing his marriage as polyamorous before seemingly deleting it. He probably did intend to invite her back for sex or fooling around.
 
#42
Okay, not wrong. That was bad wording. It’s still kinda creepy though. She was 18/19, he was nearly 30. It’s legal, but not something that is considered socially acceptable/normal.
I don't know about that. A 16 year old with a 25 year old would be sketchy for sure, but when you're an adult nearing 20 and out of school, the line is blurred. The guy himself hadn't even hit 30 when they were flirting and I wouldn't consider someone in his 20's "too old" to be hitting on the equivalent of a college sophomore / junior.

Like, at which age can you stop claiming that you were "too young and naive" for this
 
#48
As a heterosexual, male, (classified as) non-visible (in the US but more accurately classified as a VISIBLE in Canada) minority:

Times like this I wish I got married years ago and wasn't still single, (God knows I had my chances and options.)

I feel like I have to get up everyday and scream an apology to the world, from the top of my lungs, on top of a mountain. For being born a none-visible (visible in Canada) minority, "white" male.
 
#49
I'm still baffled people take this to social media. You can't file a police report? You can't talk to family/friends? And the kicker is "so if you're going to me in my mentions telling me it didn't happen, you can go ahead and not do that thanks." I can muster no sympathy for this woman.

Choice quote:

but, i was super young and also dealing w a then-recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder! i didn't know what i was doing, and i was incredibly hypersexual at the time.
 
#50
The worst part in this is that stupid shit like this really undermines real sexual assault and misconduct. It’s commendable that he still tried to apologize to her, but he really owed her no apology. Probably because he knew that if he didn’t, people would’ve been ready to pick up the pitchforks.

Having said that I am glad not a lot of people seem to be buying her crap.



For the record I’ve no idea who this dude is, and I’ve no love for Polygon. But no one, man or woman, should be falsely accused of anything.