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Drama Community Event PSA: Don't drink alcohol too much. Liver transplant experience. NeoGAF special edition.

M1chl

Gold Member
Dec 25, 2019
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Prequel:
So.... I've been planning to write this in here for some time, but let's say it's not that easy to talk about that. I've been preparing this in my head, how to write something for this wonderfull community, which imrpoved my mental state a lot.

I was abstinent, till my 22 years old. I lost friends which I had high school/University, because I did not want to go to the pubs and stuff. I hate driunk people how they behave and shit. Well, so it's pretty big irony where I ended up.

In 2011 on some LAN party I was drinking (by that time) popular Radler, basically very light beer with some juice into it. 2% alcohol. Since I did not drive car that often, I drink it as some people drink soda. Not a big deal and it does not really do anything for me. I could drank 10 0.5l cans per day and nothing. Or so I thought. This happened like for a year.

After some time my mental state got way worse and I met my biggest enemy - Anxiety. More precisely GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), which come with Agoraphobia, which basically does not even allow me to go outside. I was scared and sometimes even scream in terror, which I experienced. I contemplated suicide, since basically....why live if you cannot do anything and suffer like hell.

So I went to doctor, psychiatrist. I got prescribed Xanax and I went to pharmacy, took one. And my life changed, forever. That fucking substance is so fucking powerful that withing 5 minutes, all of my issue were gone. Well, since tolerance for this substance rises, you need more and more and more. Well doctor obviously did not want to prescibe me more, so basically I was on my own and experienced something which I would not wish to my worst enemy. Benzo withdrawal. I cannot even express with words, how much hell it was. There is a one substance, which can alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal. And that it's Alcohol, but basically 2mg of Xanax for gaba receptors, is about 1l of 40% alcohol. At least, that's how it worked on me. I remember drinking like 5L of alcohol and basically was not drunk and somewhat was barely able to do study, job, etc. I felt almost normal.

Well than I went to doktoronline.cz where I found people selling Benzos and all kinds of stuff which I needed. Lyrica was my first illegal purchase, which helped a lot I did not need to drink and felt that nice buzz, when I take more pills at once. Which lasted whole day, seemed like a good redeeming drug. Well until my source dries. That was caused thanks to idiots, which targeted Pfizer, that they did not include information that it's not only a drug againts pain, but also to cure all kinds of mental problems. Psychiatrist prescribe this medicine off-label for GAD and other anxiety-related problems. This class-action lawsuit cost Pfizer 2.3billion dollars. Which subsequently lead to restriction who can prescribe it and for what reason. At that time, Pfizer still have rights to be exlusive manufactuer of Pregabalin, so there was not any generics.

So what did I do. Went back to Xanax, then my sources dries, because my country decide to drop a hammer on those illegal sellers. I was even photoed with one of the people who went to jail, delivering me medicine outside some restaurant in Prague. So after that I went back to cycle of w/d and heavy drinking. After some time I decided that since Alcohol is legal, is everywhere in here and price is not that high, well why not keep drinking right?

I can fucking on it just fine, I never had and hangover, so over 4 years, I have been drinking cca 1.5L of 40% alcohol. I pour it to different bottle, so I can drink everywhere and everything was fine. It was for me like a holy water.

Well.
Actual story:
On the 5th of April 2019 I was at the party, where I drink heavily...like always. Went home, felt kind of shitty, like never before and decided that I am going to stop drinking for a while. On the next day I was terribly tired, so I slept 2 days. My eyes turned yellow. Jaundice. My mind was really slow, I cannot eat anything and basically was at that point dead man walking. Next day I was completely yellow, which is a sign of liver failure. So I went to hospital, they told me, that with this damage I am not going to make it if I did not get a liver transplant, that my liver is completely fucked, like they never seen before. So they sent me to IKEM, Prague, which is pretty well-know facility for transplantation, which even foreigners uses, but it's pretty fucking expensive, if you are foreigner.

So I went there and basically first interaction with doctor, who was like a my age told me, that they will take care of me, but I should not have expect miracles. Luckily besides my drinking problem, I also have papers with all of the shit I was dealing with, like Psoriasis (which can also lead to cirrhosis), my mind problems. Etc. I've been put on dialysis and I improved a lot. And doctors and nurses (All of them was really hot, since IKEM is the place where you go first, because average paynment for nurse is 40 000CZK and for doctor 80 000CZK, average payment in Czech Republic is 25 000CZK per month, which is like 1000 USD. So yeah, they choose. I am sure that appearance is factor also, especially with nurses). So we kept talking and basically something changed, they told me that I don't seems to be regular drunk looser. Maybe because I have a GF, house, job and shitton of records that something is wrong with me, that I have legitimate issues and if I promise that stop drinking they give me a chance in form of Liver transplant. On the 3rd day in here, they decided that they bump me to the first place with Level 3 type transplant, which means I get the best matching organ, so I can live normally and I am not going to require re-transplation in few years.

It was only a week till, out of nowhere they told me. You are going to the room where you undergo a surgery. GF was there for a visit and I remember to fill out some papers, about legal stuff and last field was "How many times, if needed, you want to be resuscitated, before we give up". My GF give me dring from a bottle with bendable straw, which had shape as "7", so I wrote 7 times. This saved my life, because surgery was super hard and they have to resuscitate me 5 times. If I wrote basic 3 and enough, I would be gone.

Surgery took 18 hours and they I have 3 revision due to heavy bleeding, so basically 31 hours on the table. Normally it takes 4 hours without any sort of revisions.

I was in artificial sleep and I was scheduled to be woken up on 22th of April...and well nothing I was unresponsive. I don't want this to sounds like a cheap romantic shit, but on next day GF was allowed to visit me, she took my hand and said....this is going to be cliché and cheesy, but maybe I live because of it. She said "I love you"....for surprise to everyone I pressed her hand so hard she could not took her hand out of my grip. And I opened my eyes and saw here. But I was so weka, that I opened them just a little bit. It was weird I was on Fentanyl and basically I saw her and everything else was just totally different. Like I am not even in hospital, but somewhere in big church and shit. Weird ass stuff. But since I was so weak, that I cannot move, why that grip. Nobody ever answer me, how it was possible, because thanks to missing functional liver, my body consumed a lot of my muscles and I basically cannot even move. I was learning again how to walk, how to move.

I was one months in hospital and body learning how to live with foreign object which keeping me alive was 4 months of hell. But after that, I lost every single one of the mental problems, feeling better than ever before and well living. Thanks to covid, it's more limited, but still I am happy.

From now on my birthday is 23th of April, not 9th of March. I am not 31 years old, but 1 year old. Obviously inside my head, because it changes completely me as a person and I don't feel any connection to my past self. I also lost shitton of weight and now I am 82Kg and was 136kgs while being 191cm tall, so you can get the picture.


Conclusion:
Fuck the alcohol, it's horrible drug, because it's the solution and source of every problem you might have. In my opinion lot of different drugs should be legal, but alcohol should be very strictly limited. Because it's everywhere, it's effective and it can ruin live very easily.

Stay save my bros and sis!


Lot of tears were involved writing this as much as I don't want to admit

Some minor proof from hospital:



It's cheapp to tag people, but hey it's not like I care now:
I want to thank EviLore EviLore to keep the site running after that exodus of lot of retards. Obviously a lot of other people who make this new NeoGAF.
I want to thank Mista Mista MiyazakiHatesKojima MiyazakiHatesKojima GHG GHG Spukc Spukc Lawrence ‘Chunk’ Cohen Lawrence ‘Chunk’ Cohen Elektro Demon Elektro Demon brap brap -Arcadia- -Arcadia- Cunth Cunth Tesseract Tesseract and many others who kept me company, reacted and quoted my dumb posts and make me feel like I belong somewhere. Even though I have GF, I always struggled to belong somewhere, as much as I have been here for just a few months, it feels like internet home for me.

I hate that I went here late, because on REEE as much as they try to pretend to care about everyone, almost no one cared, when I needed the most.

Thank you alds and gals. And please, don't do what I did. Life is worth living.
 
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x1
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Benzos are only a part of your story but it hits home for me hard because I’ve been on a Benzo daily for over a year, approximately 14 months.

it’s a low dose, I cut a 0.5 mg tablet of Klonopin in half and take one half at noon and one half before bed.

I have read about Benzo withdrawal and it sounds horrible. It’s something I worry about in the long run.

I started exercising every day about a month ago and during that time I haven’t had a full blown anxiety attack or panic attack, before that there would be at least once a week attacks that I had to double up my daily Klonopin dosage (for that day) to get in control.

I have an Internet appointment with my doctor next week. I am going to mention the exercise and ask if perhaps I should start seeing if I can ween myself off of Benzos but stick with the low dose mirtazapine I’m on.

As for your surgery, I can’t imagine. I have no idea what it is like to go through that. Thank goodness you are still with us

Thank you for sharing your story
 
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-Arcadia-

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Aug 20, 2019
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(Hug)

This is going to sound like shitty virtue signaling, but I was almost in tears reading that.

I’m still absorbing everything, but I’m so glad you got a second chance. Sometimes life can be wonderful like that.

You are a great poster, and I, and pretty sure we, am so happy to have you with us.
 
x1

M1chl

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Dec 25, 2019
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(Hug)

This is going to sound like shitty virtue signaling, but I was almost in tears reading that.

I’m still absorbing everything, but I’m so glad you got a second chance. Sometimes life can be wonderful like that.

You are a great poster, and I, and pretty sure we, am so happy to have you with us.
Trust me I actually cried writing this, it's not easy to open up as a male.

I just hope people going to see this, because it's not a joke.
 

Bigrx1

Banned
Dec 24, 2015
1,088
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Sorry to hear about your situation - I have some liver issues myself that are fairly small currently but have been told they could get serious if I don't make some lifestyle changes. This post helps motivate me to do that thank you.
 

M1chl

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Sorry to hear about your situation - I have some liver issues myself that are fairly small currently but have been told they could get serious if I don't make some lifestyle changes. This post helps motivate me to do that thank you.
On REEE, I got like 50 DM's from different users, because they were/are closet alcoholics.
 

-Arcadia-

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I wish this would be brap and elektro demon welcome back party, if I can cheat death, they should get a second chance. Pls mods and EviLore EviLore
pls don't ban. I just need to know they read it. I care.
I want that more than anything, but just in case, I’ll let Brap know. : ) I have him on Discord.

Elektro has an active YouTube channel by the exact same name, if you want to swing by and talk to him.
 

M1chl

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By the way this whole ordeal COST ME NOTHING.

I am for medicare for all, I pay like 80 dollars per month and I got this for no additional cost. I am from post-communist country and I believe the ideology is evil, but some things are worth being socialized.

I just would not be here, without it. I might be welathy, but I've heard thatthis is million dollar operation in states, which would ruined everything I've ever achieved. That's unfair, with how much I paid in Ethanol tax.
 

triplestation

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Dec 23, 2008
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there's a stylishness about keeping a collection of different spirits at a minibar at home, that kind of thing can encourage regular consumption

ain't nothing to me essay

i drinks rarely
 
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jts

...hate me...
Apr 29, 2007
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That is an amazing and gripping story, thanks for sharing.

I could relate for a very little bit as an also relatively late bloomer regarding alcohol who very fast became a drunken idiot who did a lot of bad shit while drunk and relied on it for normal function. Thankfully I pulled myself out of it, and nowadays I have no alcoholic impulse and I have the occasional beer, no problem. I don’t even like hard liquor anymore.

I hope that you stay on the right path and keep enjoying your new life. Fuck this virus though.
 
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ClanOfNone

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I've been sober since Aug 20th 2012. Congrats man, stay sober and your life will continue to improve.
Alcohol is a helluva drug, and benzos target the exact same areas in your brain. I begged my doctor for benzos in early sobriety, the anxiety/panic attacks were crippling. He said stay sober for six months and then we'll talk about benzos, he was adamantly against them. Since I didn't want to trade a bottle of booze for a bottle of pills, I listened to him, and I was glad I did.
I still have panic and anxiety issues, but I have learned to cope with them without booze/pills, and I live a fairly normal life.
Keep up the good work!
 
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M1chl

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I've been sober since Aug 20th 2012. Congrats man, stay sober and your life will continue to improve.
Alcohol is a helluva drug, and benzos target the exact same areas in your brain. I begged my doctor for benzos in early sobriety, the anxiety/panic attacks were crippling. He said stay sober for six months and then we'll talk about benzos, he was adamantly against them. Since I didn't want to trade a bottle of booze for a bottle of pills, I listened to him, and I was glad I did.
I still have panic and anxiety issues, but I have learned to cope with them without booze/pills, and I live a fairly normal life.
Keep up the good work!
I think that my liver was always broken tho, because after this ordeal, I have none of it and as much as I don't want to admit, I got drunk....and I did not like it.
 

Tesseract

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Dec 7, 2008
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i lost a high school friend to alcohol, drank too much in college and took a buncha tylenol for a hangover

last hangover she ever had
 
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-Arcadia-

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I think that my liver was always broken tho, because after this ordeal, I have none of it and as much as I don't want to admit, I got drunk....and I did not like it.
I apologize for overstepping, but I would really recommend you join some kind of sobriety group, just to be on the safe side.

At worst, it can’t hurt anything. At best, sharing your story with others that have been through alcohol-related problems can be a release from all the things you’ve had to go through, and keep any temptation away.
 
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M1chl

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I apologize for overstepping, but I would really recommend you join some kind of sobriety group, just to be on the safe side.

At worst, it can’t hurt anything. At best, sharing your story with others that have been through alcohol-related problems can be a release from all the things you’ve had to go through, and keep any temptation away.
Don't worry, it was like half a year ago. I seriously did not like it and I vomited violently and basically no alcohol in my life no more. My body remebers even if my mind does not. It was terrible experience. No more.
 

Moogle11

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Best of luck with your ongoing recovery and sobriety!

I had a bit of minor worry a while back as I had some right abdominal discomforted after drinking more than usual (though still not a crazy amount) for a few months. Tests were fine and ended up just being some intestinal gastritis that cleared up after not drinking and avoiding spicy food for a month or so (and taking an acid blocker).

My wife and I definitely have times we drink too much (or more too often), but we stick to beer and wine and have 3-6 drinks and rarely more. The first month or so of the shut down we drank nearly every day which was ridiculous in cost and calories, so we've cut back to only drinking on the weekends. Alcoholism is a hell of a thing, have had a few friends and family members really struggle with it and I'm thankful that we've manged to avoid really getting physically hooked and can moderate pretty easily as long as we're mindful about it given how much we love beer and wine.
 
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ClanOfNone

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I watched a guy in AA slowly die from liver failure, it was not a pleasant thing to see. He had been busted down the doner list numerous times for testing positive for alcohol. He was skinny as a rail, but had an enormous distended midsection and had to use a walker to get around.
There was another guy that was sober for 26 years and decided that it would be safe for him to drink again. I think he lasted about 4 months before they found his body in a local hotel, surrounded by dozens of empty bottles.
Staying sober doesn't mean that you are cured, the addiction is just waiting for you to pick it up again.
 

Spukc

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Well done dude. Great to hear you changed your life around. It's never to late to get your shit together!
Surround yourself with friends IRL and enjoy your life 👍
If shit ever seems to go bad don't be afraid to talk to people. Or tag em :goog_wink:

Oh and def fuck alcohol.
 
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M1chl

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I watched a guy in AA slowly die from liver failure, it was not a pleasant thing to see. He had been busted down the doner list numerous times for testing positive for alcohol. He was skinny as a rail, but had an enormous distended midsection and had to use a walker to get around.
There was another guy that was sober for 26 years and decided that it would be safe for him to drink again. I think he lasted about 4 months before they found his body in a local hotel, surrounded by dozens of empty bottles.
Staying sober doesn't mean that you are cured, the addiction is just waiting for you to pick it up again.
Don't worry, as much as it's pretty hard to swallow for others, dying from liver failure is fine, your brain just makes you feel really comfortable and you just....pass away you know. Peacefully.
 
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TTOOLL

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Wow!! Congrats on the new life, brother! Enjoy it as much as you can and fuck alcohol indeed! Destroyer of lives.
 
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M1chl

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Also there are some people who helped me a lot and they are not here. And those are:
Roxanne Emery
Ben Gold
Gareth Emery
Christina Novelli.

Since we had (obviously) big problems after this who ordeal with my GF, I went to live my "old life", just without alcohol and I am co-produced this song:

Roxanne Emery helped me with lyrics, since I just don't have the brain for it and since I created the lead in main part of the track, I just...am still not good on my own to produce music, so Ben Gold helped me to shape it, to sounds professional.

Besides, this is my story, which is something about my GF. Yes maybe even she have a lot of influence to destroying me and then helped me to stay alive:

This happend in 2010 she did not talked to me for 2 years. So hardly like...people saying just "fuck her" get another one, but sometimes it just did not work.
And as another minor proof, I am part of the Holy Waters:



One banned user, who probably experince some difficulties alread know this. Stay strong MiyazakiHatesKojima MiyazakiHatesKojima
 

BigBooper

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I don't know about the alcohol, but I've had a Benzo one time and it messed me up for a week with suicidal thoughts and extreme anxiety. Never again. Good fortune on your sobriety journey. That was an intense read. Thanks for sharing it.
 
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p_xavier

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Just fucking, pull through... It's worth it.
I was lucky to get a liver scan because of alcoholic gastritis and my Dr. said you have major liver scarring. Like the OP I have major anxiety disorders. I have tried many medications and the only relief I had was alcohol + benzos. Alcohol for going asleep and benzos to live through the day. I even spent $5200 in a month on those.

The withrawal is just horrible. I started Friday and kept a bottle in case I go in convulsions.
 
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M1chl

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I was lucky to get a liver scan because of alcoholic gastritis and my Dr. said you have major liver scarring. Like the OP I have major anxiety disorders. I have tried many medications and the only relief I had was alcohol + benzos. Alcohol for going asleep and benzos to live through the day. I even spent $5200 in a month on those.

The withrawal is just horrible. I started Friday and kept a bottle in case I go in convulsions.
5200USD per month? What have you been buying? Alcohol costed me, at best 500USD per month and pack of 2mg Xanax 50 bars costed me illegaly 20 bucks....
 

GHG

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M1chl M1chl thanks for sharing your story and for the mention buddy, glad everyone has been able to help you through this.

It's rare that I read posts as long as that but I read all of it and I have to say some of it is scary stuff. I'm a similar age to you and binge drink from time to time (all of us who like to party tend to) but I'd be lying if I didn't think about it from time to time because these hangovers... Man they keep getting worse.

I think after Covid I'll try and reduce it to once every other weekend rather than every weekend :messenger_grinning_sweat:
 
x1

M1chl

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M1chl M1chl thanks for sharing your story and for the mention buddy, glad everyone has been able to help you through this.

It's rare that I read posts as long as that but I read all of it and I have to say some of it is scary stuff. I'm a similar age to you and binge drink from time to time (all of us who like to party tend to) but I'd be lying if I didn't think about it from time to time because these hangovers... Man they keep getting worse.

I think after Covid I'll try and reduce it to once every other weekend rather than every weekend :messenger_grinning_sweat:
Hangovers are great, if you don't have them, you will ended up like myself. Keep that intake low.
 

Moogle11

Banned
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Hangovers are great, if you don't have them, you will ended up like myself. Keep that intake low.
Yeah, honestly that's probably a big part of why my wife and I are able to moderate and stay away from liquor. We get killer hangovers if we over do it. I can have 6 or so beers in an evening (a bit more if day drinking and into the evening) and be fine, but try to keep it more often to 3-4 drinks. Any more than that and I'll at least have a minor headache and fatigue the next day if I had like 8 or so, any time I've had 10+ drinks (aside from some spread out day into night drinking) I've usually ended up puking and dry heaving the next day. Especially back when I did drink some liquor. It's definitely a good deterrent to not really overdoing it for sure.
 
x1

M1chl

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As much as I have all the wokeness shit, polical correct shit and all of that shit, I am deeply emotional person and I hope that people won't judge me for it. I have not been posting up lately, that much, because quarantine or lack there off, because despite my GF does not need to work at all, because we are financially secured for life basically, she went to some psychical state, becuase of working pretty hard and I have had a tough time, today things imrpoved and I felt that this is right time to wrote this. Seriously I am so grateful to being here, it's hard to express with words.
 
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DESTROYA

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Congrats on your new start to life but your major problem seemed like it was anxiety and your way to deal with it to self medicate .
Sure too much of anything can be bad for you, for example too much salt can give you high blood pressure, too much sugar diabetes and get you fat and out of shape that can lead to other physical problems, hell drinking too much water can kill you making your brain swell.
Bottom line is too much of anything can be bad, couple of drinks here and there is OK for most people.
Glad to see you doing better and you have another chance in life but you have to fix that anxiety issue too.
 

M1chl

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My fathers alcoholism is what drove me away from drinking actively. Alcohol ruins so many lives yet it is perfectly legal compared to alternatives. Thank you for sharing and i hope one day you can be free from this life threatening drug.
Don't worry, I am free from it. It has been hell of a learning experience, but I am glad I "speedrun it", because otherwise at later age they would let me die and my cognitive abilities would be ruined.

Bars and clubs mostly.
It's still shitload of money.
 

p_xavier

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Don't worry, I am free from it. It has been hell of a learning experience, but I am glad I "speedrun it", because otherwise at later age they would let me die and my cognitive abilities would be ruined.


It's still shitload of money.
Yup, but in your 20s you think you're invincible. All of my friends are still heavy drinkers and the peer pressure is tough to handle.
 
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EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
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Thanks for sharing your story, M1chl. Glad you made it through all that. The part with the shape of the straw and the number of times you wrote down to be resuscitated, phew, that's something special.

The cross-tolerance between benzos and alcohol has ruined many lives, including people in my life, and I don't think benzos should be prescribed as widely as they are.
 

Rock And Roll

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Glad you are still with us M1chl M1chl I wish you the best with your recovery and sobriety. It isn't easy to stay away from that stuff but sometimes it takes a shitty situation to get off that stuff.

I agree with you on the lack of hangovers being a curse. I always told people I'd stop drinking so much when I started getting hangovers and they just never came around. If you don't feel it the morning after there's no real reason for you to stop.
 

M1chl

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Yup, but in your 20s you think you're invincible.
EXACTLY

Thanks for sharing your story, M1chl. Glad you made it through all that. The part with the shape of the straw and the number of times you wrote down to be resuscitated, phew, that's something special.

The cross-tolerance between benzos and alcohol has ruined many lives, including people in my life, and I don't think benzos should be prescribed as widely as they are.
Yeah well, that "straw story" is probably most impactful on me honestly.
 

M1chl

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You know, I just probably suck as person, but somehow I want people to read this, so I am talking to myself to stay on first page. It took some motherfucking courage to write this, when I am totally out of this whole shit. But somewhat I feel guilty how I managed my life and how terribly fragile I am with my feelings, I hope people just listen to those two tracks linked higher, because they say more than I could write now. It's terrible feeling, this whole self reflection and I hope that Mista Mista is going to read it, because he was the one of the first person in here to interact with me.

I hope you all don't mind me doing this.
 

-Arcadia-

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You know, I just probably suck as person, but somehow I want people to read this, so I am talking to myself to stay on first page. It took some motherfucking courage to write this, when I am totally out of this whole shit. But somewhat I feel guilty how I managed my life and how terribly fragile I am with my feelings, I hope people just listen to those two tracks linked higher, because they say more than I could write now. It's terrible feeling, this whole self reflection and I hope that Mista Mista is going to read it, because he was the one of the first person in here to interact with me.

I hope you all don't mind me doing this.
Vent away. We are a family here, and everyone is relieved, supportive, and happy to hear about your second chance at life.
 

M1chl

Gold Member
Dec 25, 2019
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Vent away. We are a family here, and everyone is relieved, supportive, and happy to hear about your second chance at life.
I know, that's why I wrote it here.

Any by the way to react to your first post in here, my lack of tears and feeling just some dull *nothing* lead to all of this, testosterone is sometimes hell of a drug. Since you know, it actually most of the time prevent you from tears and shit like that. And society...but I guess I am not ready to publicly bitch about that, since I already show a lot of weakness. Maybe...next time...