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PSA: Don't drink alcohol too much. Liver transplant experience. NeoGAF special edition.

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Damn homey. šŸ™ Sincerely hope you are able to make the most of this second chance. I was fortunate to learn fairly early in my drinking life that I had the gene. I could drink more, and drink longer than everyone else. Weed is so much more positive, less destructive for me. Good luck op ā˜
Weed is terrible thing when you have anxiety, it does not help it boost it.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
It actually works exceptionally well for some people, particularly cbd. But not for everyone.
Well for me, it worked exceptionally un-well the biggest panix attack I have ever have and that was with benzos on the hands reach.
 

highrider

Banned
Well for me, it worked exceptionally un-well the biggest panix attack I have ever have and that was with benzos on the hands reach.

Some people have stronger mental defenses against the intoxicating aspects of cannabis and they usually experience something like panic attacks. It knocks down a lot of mental walls that arenā€™t comfortable to lose control of, thatā€™s why people have panic attacks and experience paranoia, you have a greater resistance than average, probably from your other drug use.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Some people have stronger mental defenses against the intoxicating aspects of cannabis and they usually experience something like panic attacks. It knocks down a lot of mental walls that arenā€™t comfortable to lose control of, thatā€™s why people have panic attacks and experience paranoia, you have a greater resistance than average, probably from your other drug use.
Ohh yes, I tried joint. Two of my weed smoking friends was fucked up while smoking one joint together. I subsequently smoked 3 of those. And nothing....well nothing after half an hour after, when the hell broke loose.
 

highrider

Banned
I donā€™t mean to make light, but Iā€™m always reminded of the old Onion column..


 
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What a journey (and ordeal). I'm happy you feel a disconnect from your past self since that seems to have been so difficult. Change (death) is very good if we can let go.

And yeah, Benzos (and alcohol) are killers. Stay far away. There are far better mechanisms and substances for coping out there.

I hope your rebirth is like the Phoenix and you soar higher and to more beautiful vistas than you've ever known in your new life.
 

Polygonal_Sprite

Gold Member
Iā€™m glad you got through that and are on the mend mate. You are already well aware but youā€™ve been so very lucky with the transplant as a lot of countries have a rule that if you do it to yourself youā€™re not eligible for a new organ or are at the bottom of the list behind people who need one due to medical conditions outside of their control. Make that new organ count. You sound like youā€™re on the correct path so keep going!

I was on benzos (diazepam) for a decade and yeah they seem like a miracle at first but then you build tolerance and you need more. My doctor had me on 40mg a day at one point... Slowly came down 2mg per day every couple of months over a couple of years and the worst part was the last 2mg as your body is crying out for it for the last couple of weeks. It really was hell.

I stopped drinking regularly about ten years ago too. Thankfully I got terrible hangovers so that sort of made the decision for me. I didnā€™t drink more than once a week but I always worried ā€˜what if I didnā€™t have hangoversā€™ as I feel I would have drank everyday.

My issue was anxiety and Iā€™m 100% nowadays too. My advice for anyone suffering from it is try a change of diet, regular exercise and giving up things that might make it worse like caffeine, nicotine or alcohol before you go down the prescription medication route. It really isnā€™t worth it and you only end up in a deeper hole by the end of it.

All the best!
 

Super Mario

Banned
First time in a while that I read a big wall of text on here. It was an incredible story. I am glad to hear you are doing better. As someone who suffered anxiety and depression for years, I know it's not fun. I also know that you can make a difference. You don't have to be a victim to it. Hopefully your story helps at least one person make different life choices. You have a long life ahead of you. At 23, I hadn't even scraped the surface.

Here comes the (usual) insensitive part of me. You have mental illness, drugs, and alcohol, and the moral of the story is the alcohol is bad? Sure it should be enjoyed in moderation, but it isn't a death sentence or instant addiction. Honestly, I roll my eyes when I hear "alcohol bad, I won't have a drink!" It's the mental state that needs to be worked on at that point.
 

mekes

Member
M1chl M1chl

The details around your liver transplant sound insane. That must have been so tough in the past to fall into self medicating through black market meds and then alcohol.. But Iā€™m so happy for you now man, your turnaround is really something! Absolutely good for you!
 

Dark Rider

Member
A touching story and thankfully a happy ending.

Having the mental fortitude to go through it all is commendable but being able to correct your self after it all and stay strong deserves even more praise. Crying is never a weakness when the situation warrant it, if this is not a warranted case then I don't know what is. Having emotions about the whole situation will help you stay strong imho, those who feel nothing about events tend to learn less from them.

Stay strong and stay around :messenger_smiling_with_eyes:
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Iā€™m glad you got through that and are on the mend mate. You are already well aware but youā€™ve been so very lucky with the transplant as a lot of countries have a rule that if you do it to yourself youā€™re not eligible for a new organ or are at the bottom of the list behind people who need one due to medical conditions outside of their control. Make that new organ count. You sound like youā€™re on the correct path so keep going!
This is same here obviously, still some people are going to meet and decide if I am going to receive something or not. As I said, I was being told that they care of me, but I should not expect miracles aka "You most likely die".

I was on benzos (diazepam) for a decade and yeah they seem like a miracle at first but then you build tolerance and you need more. My doctor had me on 40mg a day at one point... Slowly came down 2mg per day every couple of months over a couple of years and the worst part was the last 2mg as your body is crying out for it for the last couple of weeks. It really was hell.

I stopped drinking regularly about ten years ago too. Thankfully I got terrible hangovers so that sort of made the decision for me. I didnā€™t drink more than once a week but I always worried ā€˜what if I didnā€™t have hangoversā€™ as I feel I would have drank everyday.

My issue was anxiety and Iā€™m 100% nowadays too. My advice for anyone suffering from it is try a change of diet, regular exercise and giving up things that might make it worse like caffeine, nicotine or alcohol before you go down the prescription medication route. It really isnā€™t worth it and you only end up in a deeper hole by the end of it.

All the best!
40mg of Diazepam per day...that's like a whole pack, at least I know that in here we have 20tablets per 2mg. That's crazy. Hangover are great, sadly I did not have them.

You know, that lifestyle choices is good and all, but you still have to be able to do that. I don't want to make excuses, but if I cannot leave the house, so what I should do about it? Sure I handle it poorly, but there is Anxiety and ANXIETY.

First time in a while that I read a big wall of text on here. It was an incredible story. I am glad to hear you are doing better. As someone who suffered anxiety and depression for years, I know it's not fun. I also know that you can make a difference. You don't have to be a victim to it. Hopefully your story helps at least one person make different life choices. You have a long life ahead of you. At 23, I hadn't even scraped the surface.

Here comes the (usual) insensitive part of me. You have mental illness, drugs, and alcohol, and the moral of the story is the alcohol is bad? Sure it should be enjoyed in moderation, but it isn't a death sentence or instant addiction. Honestly, I roll my eyes when I hear "alcohol bad, I won't have a drink!" It's the mental state that needs to be worked on at that point.
Moral of this story is at the end, don't be like me.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Thank god i don't like alcohol.

Stay safe and sober my dude.
Be wary, that "I don't like alcohol" is not really something which prevents you from happening. Taste is shit, which I can agree on, but the peace on the mind which it can bring, when life is hard, is what does it make dangerous. Like I said, I hate it before I started having mental and relatioship issues.

This goes probably to any drug, but since, at least in here there are more places where yuo can buy alcohol rather than normal stuff for eating (because gas pumps don't sell something you could buy and make yourself some meal, but they sell Alcohol...), etc....

It just simply too easy. I understand, that this is issue just in some parts of the world. But here for example beer in restaurants is sold for less than water.

Timestamped:


Basicall first video on google search.
 
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GymWolf

Member
Be wary, that "I don't like alcohol" is not really something which prevents you from happening. Taste is shit, which I can agree on, but the peace on the mind which it can bring, when life is hard, is what does it make dangerous. Like I said, I hate it before I started having mental and relatioship issues.

This goes probably to any drug, but since, at least in here there are more places where yuo can buy alcohol rather than normal stuff for eating (because gas pumps don't sell something you could buy and make yourself some meal, but they sell Alcohol...), etc....

It just simply too easy. I understand, that this is issue just in some parts of the world. But here for example beer in restaurants is sold for less than water.

Timestamped:


Basicall first video on google search.

I prefer the effect of weed to relax my mind, the only alcohol i assume is a very rare glass of red wine 1 times a month and an occasional light drink or 2 with my friends, also very rare.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
I prefer the effect of weed to relax my mind, the only alcohol i assume is a very rare glass of red wine 1 times a month and an occasional light drink or 2 with my friends, also very rare.
Well on my weed has opposite effect, it basically give me Anxiety, hard.
 

Tesseract

Banned
weed initially ramps anxiety, no doubt about that

few days and your mind should stabilize, then you are good for life
 
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M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
You probably smoked some sativa.

A strong indica can relax almost everyone.
No it was (at least I was told) normal ordinary weed, others well relaxed after that. I was not. But also it has zero effect on me, innitially. Like absolutely nothing.
 

GymWolf

Member
No it was (at least I was told) normal ordinary weed, others well relaxed after that. I was not. But also it has zero effect on me, innitially. Like absolutely nothing.
There is no ordinary weed.

Weed is indica or sativa or an hybrid, most people smoke without knowing shit about weed.

Come with me in amsterdam, i'm gonna knock your sober ass on the couch for 5 hours straight with half a joint of some heavy indica.
 
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M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
There is no ordinary weed.

Weed is indica or sativa or an hybrid, most people smoke without knowing shit about weed.

Come with me in amsterdam, i'm gonna knock your sober ass on the couch for 5 hours straight with half a joint of some heavy indica.
Yeah I rather not, I don't know what it was, but I was with my two buddies, who were very experienced weed smokers. I have no doubts in my mind that it would knock my ass into Anxiety. Because even before I tried it, when I smelled weed that it was smoked near me I started to feel uneasy, for some reason. Like after few minutes after exposure. One such incident was in Jaarbeurs, Utrecht where on A State of Trance, there was massive "weed cloud". Did not felt that good to be inhaling that stuff.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
well it's a state of mind enhancer, you will grow paranoid if you set down that path
I've been informed that it could make you paranoid, if you smoke it for long period of time. Which I don't know, I was not paranoid, it was very physical type of sensation. Spinning head, like my body being crushed, shakes and shit like that.
 

Tesseract

Banned
it comes outta your own mind

trust me i've been perpetually stoned for like 97 days now with various vapes, liquids, smokes, edibles

all robotech ninja shit, mind rending stuff
 
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M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
it comes outta your own mind

trust me i've been perpetually stoned for like 97 days now with various vapes, liquids, smokes, edibles

all robotech ninja shit, mind rending stuff
You seems to be doing just find, haven't read something weird from you.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
each their own, i don't take anything else

weed life is good, it's worth getting past the anxiety
If you have organism, who is compatible with that shit. Besides smoking physically hurts and I know you can use it differently, but most common usage is smoking.
 

GymWolf

Member
Like every type of drug, if you are not positive about it you are gonna have bad experiences.

My cousin was scared of trying weed and every experience he had was negative.
 

GymWolf

Member
If you have organism, who is compatible with that shit. Besides smoking physically hurts and I know you can use it differently, but most common usage is smoking.
The best way is with edibles and especially vaporizers.

Smoke is for people who believe vaporizers hits less hard when it's literally the opposite when you adjust your tolerance.

I literally destroyed experienced smokers with vaporizers.
 
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M1chl M1chl : I really like reading your posts here, mate..
Glad you survived that shit. Alcohol is one hell of a drug, and most people underestimate how much it fucks you up in the long run. I know what I talk about, it killed my father (though giving him diabetes which killed him since he couldnt stop drinking).
 

H4ze

Member
So fucking cool that you made it. And i totaly agree, Alcohol is one hell of a drug.
I am 28 now, not that far from your age and I try to drink less, only once, maybe twice a month a bit with friends.

Thank you for sharing, got tears in my eyes bro.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Like every type of drug, if you are not positive about it you are gonna have bad experiences.

My cousin was scared of trying weed and every experience he had was negative.
I was not scared, like at all. I did not know that it even can caused something as horrible as I felt. I thought that smell of Marihuana and my uneasiness, was just something coincidental. And something like alcohol just simply works...I don't think people can panic on it, since it dampers the responce on GABA receptors.

M1chl M1chl : I really like reading your posts here, mate..
Glad you survived that shit. Alcohol is one hell of a drug, and most people underestimate how much it fucks you up in the long run. I know what I talk about, it killed my father (though giving him diabetes which killed him since he couldnt stop drinking).
That's most likely related to Pancreatitis. I dodged the bullet, since basically most Liver transplants have big chance of developing Diabetes. And sorry to hear that, my luck is...weirdly...that I speedrun it. It has almost zero effect on my cognitive abilities and I am perfectly healthy. If this does not happened, I would be on some slow path to being idiot and developing something, which would be far harder than this. Besides, I felt zero pain in this whole ordeal, which is huge plus.

So fucking cool that you made it. And i totaly agree, Alcohol is one hell of a drug.
I am 28 now, not that far from your age and I try to drink less, only once, maybe twice a month a bit with friends.

Thank you for sharing, got tears in my eyes bro.
It's better that way, trust me before you know it, you are Alcohol's bitch.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Benzos are only a part of your story but it hits home for me hard because Iā€™ve been on a Benzo daily for over a year, approximately 14 months.

itā€™s a low dose, I cut a 0.5 mg tablet of Klonopin in half and take one half at noon and one half before bed.

I have read about Benzo withdrawal and it sounds horrible. Itā€™s something I worry about in the long run.

I started exercising every day about a month ago and during that time I havenā€™t had a full blown anxiety attack or panic attack, before that there would be at least once a week attacks that I had to double up my daily Klonopin dosage (for that day) to get in control.

I have an Internet appointment with my doctor next week. I am going to mention the exercise and ask if perhaps I should start seeing if I can ween myself off of Benzos but stick with the low dose mirtazapine Iā€™m on.

As for your surgery, I canā€™t imagine. I have no idea what it is like to go through that. Thank goodness you are still with us

Thank you for sharing your story
Well, I totally did not catch this. Clonazepam is pretty dangerous Benzo, because it stays in the system for far too long, like especially if you are dosing yourself 2 times per day, maybe you should reconsider to lower your dose.

Clonazepam is also dangerous, because it gives you this slight "don't care" euphoric feeling and this makes you later crave more from that. It definitely feels different from Xanax, which just give you calm.

I could recommend Lyrica, for long time use. I was on it, after transplant and it cured me (or just helped me). I have nothing now. But I took it as presribed, not took 500mg at once, don't eat anything and just waited 3 hours for 24 hours buzz...

So please be fucking careful.
 

Mista

Banned
This broke me man. You know how much I like you and really consider you a brother. I am so glad that you're recovering and becoming better

I don't want to be a cunt but I really hope you learned from this one mate. EVERYTHING can be replaced brother but when it comes to health? Its tough

Please never hesitate to contact me whenever you want. I'll always be here for you 24/7 I promise
You know, I just probably suck as person, but somehow I want people to read this, so I am talking to myself to stay on first page. It took some motherfucking courage to write this, when I am totally out of this whole shit. But somewhat I feel guilty how I managed my life and how terribly fragile I am with my feelings, I hope people just listen to those two tracks linked higher, because they say more than I could write now. It's terrible feeling, this whole self reflection and I hope that Mista Mista is going to read it, because he was the one of the first person in here to interact with me.

I hope you all don't mind me doing this.
Don't thank me brother. That's the least I can do and as I said above, I'll always be here for you whenever you need me.
 

godhandiscen

There are millions of whiny 5-year olds on Earth, and I AM THEIR KING.
Amazing testimony on the effects of alcohol. Thank you for sharing.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Amazing testimony on the effects of alcohol. Thank you for sharing.
Well, you are welcome.

This broke me man. You know how much I like you and really consider you a brother. I am so glad that you're recovering and becoming better

I don't want to be a cunt but I really hope you learned from this one mate. EVERYTHING can be replaced brother but when it comes to health? Its tough

Please never hesitate to contact me whenever you want. I'll always be here for you 24/7 I promise

Don't thank me brother. That's the least I can do and as I said above, I'll always be here for you whenever you need me.
I've learned my lesson, hard way. But honestly...dealing with Anxiety in this form. As much as I don't want to make excuse, what I experienced even before, led to it. Not my vice, I hate alcohol before. I did not expect....shit, I more and more ashamed to read that post. You know, I sounds like complete human garbage and if I take these things out, I think I otherwise done pretty good in life, but this still is going to be probably one thing I am going to be forever judged on. But, hiding it would be hypocritical and all I seek, is to show in raw form, what it can do, so if anyone find themselves in any part of the story. There is still chance to change things, reading through this would likely impact hardly my decision, because my luck to "speedrun" it this way, keep my brain still at the same level, even maybe better than before. Since I've learne or re-learn English after 6 months. And I know, there are typos, bad times used in the text. But let's just say, I have not proof readed at all to give authenticity, which it deserves. Maybe it sounds pretentious, but that's how I felt, I edited only more text, not words.

And thank you, it means a lot.
 

Mista

Banned
I've learned my lesson, hard way. But honestly...dealing with Anxiety in this form. As much as I don't want to make excuse, what I experienced even before, led to it. Not my vice, I hate alcohol before. I did not expect....shit, I more and more ashamed to read that post. You know, I sounds like complete human garbage and if I take these things out, I think I otherwise done pretty good in life, but this still is going to be probably one thing I am going to be forever judged on. But, hiding it would be hypocritical and all I seek, is to show in raw form, what it can do, so if anyone find themselves in any part of the story. There is still chance to change things, reading through this would likely impact hardly my decision, because my luck to "speedrun" it this way, keep my brain still at the same level, even maybe better than before. Since I've learne or re-learn English after 6 months. And I know, there are typos, bad times used in the text. But let's just say, I have not proof readed at all to give authenticity, which it deserves. Maybe it sounds pretentious, but that's how I felt, I edited only more text, not words.

And thank you, it means a lot.
You aren't a human garbage, you're a normal human. We all do mistakes because that's how we learn

I went through a lot in 2018 same time as now. 4 major surgeries in 1 and a half months and now I am dealing with my Crohn's very well

Don't mention it man, you take care and never hesitate to contact me whenever you want.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
This thread inspired me to go a few days without alcohol..
Like already or it's the good 'ol "from tomorrow"?

You aren't a human garbage, you're a normal human. We all do mistakes because that's how we learn

I went through a lot in 2018 same time as now. 4 major surgeries in 1 and a half months and now I am dealing with my Crohn's very well

Don't mention it man, you take care and never hesitate to contact me whenever you want.
Hey, get well soon, I've heard Crohn is pretty shitty thing. I have never been to surgery, aside from this one. Not even like dentist, since I have no issues with that. So it was pretty shocking, but let's say I dodged shitton of bullets in form of Pancreatitis, Diabetes, Cancer....
 
Like already or it's the good 'ol "from tomorrow"?
Since monday, when I first read this thread..
Since this corona shit started, I have been drinking too much every day.

I like drinking a beer when cooking for myself in the evening. Which I think is okay and in between boundaries.
But lately it was getting more and more, since everybody was doing that in a way.
Need to change that again.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Since monday, when I first read this thread..
Since this corona shit started, I have been drinking too much every day.

I like drinking a beer when cooking for myself in the evening. Which I think is okay and in between boundaries.
But lately it was getting more and more, since everybody was doing that in a way.
Need to change that again.
Good for you, I hope you don't feel like shit, due to crawings etc. But if it's a beer, I think it's just fine : ) Well "fine", 0.5L beer is a lot of calories.
 
Good for you, I hope you don't feel like shit, due to cravings etc.
Not really. I guess it's more kind of a problem of getting used to drink over time.
I am never piss drunk anyway, cause I hate that state.

But if it's a beer, I think it's just fine : )
I think one beer a day is okay.
Really gives me a good time and mood while cooking and eating.
Well "fine", 0.5L beer is a lot of calories.
I am doing a bit of workout, so those calories don't really affect me that much.. ;)
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Not really. I guess it's more kind of a problem of getting used to drink over time.
I am never piss drunk anyway, cause I hate that state.


I think one beer a day is okay.
Really gives me a good time and mood while cooking and eating.

I am doing a bit of workout, so those calories don't really affect me that much.. ;)
To me beer never do anything, like getting drunk from beer does not exists on me, so yeah I think you would be fine. I am not sure, if even cutting that one beer while cooking is necessary. Look at France, Spain, Italy, where they drinking light wine with every food and they are doing just fine.

And obviously, I am just saying that you need to work out more and that for the "experience" is pretty hefty cost in calories. That's all, most people don't know how much is in that shit.

Well, good for you, keep going with this : )
 
and obviously, I am just saying that you need to work out more and that for the "experience" is pretty hefty cost in calories. That's all, most people don't know how much is in that shit.
I know pretty much about calories, and I eat one bun with something (ham, salami etc) on it in the morning, one around lunch time, and I cook something decent sized (not huge) in the evening for myself. Some small sweets after that.
And that beer. Other than that usually water or coke zero.

Keeps me slim for some years now.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
I know pretty much about calories, and I eat one bun with something (ham, salami etc) on it in the morning, one around lunch time, and I cook something decent sized (not huge) in the evening for myself. Some small sweets after that.
And that beer. Other than that usually water or coke zero.

Keeps me slim for some years now.
Good for you, now I am slim, but before it was not that easy...
 

Dai Kaiju

Member
I drank myself into the hospital too. My pancreas was bleeding and it had necrosis on it. 6 years sober now. I thankfully didn't need any sort of transplant. Glad to hear you're doing better. God bless.
 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
I drank myself into the hospital too. My pancreas was bleeding and it had necrosis on it. 6 years sober now. I thankfully didn't need any sort of transplant. Glad to hear you're doing better. God bless.
Well at some point, it's better to have transplant, than have some issues later on, which cound not be cured by surgery. They way I looked it, that surgery simply saved me. In way more way, than just Liver. So yeah.
 
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Well, I totally did not catch this. Clonazepam is pretty dangerous Benzo, because it stays in the system for far too long, like especially if you are dosing yourself 2 times per day, maybe you should reconsider to lower your dose.

Clonazepam is also dangerous, because it gives you this slight "don't care" euphoric feeling and this makes you later crave more from that. It definitely feels different from Xanax, which just give you calm.

I could recommend Lyrica, for long time use. I was on it, after transplant and it cured me (or just helped me). I have nothing now. But I took it as presribed, not took 500mg at once, don't eat anything and just waited 3 hours for 24 hours buzz...

So please be fucking careful.

I had some intense anxiety several years ago when I was going through some health problems and probably a pretty intense mid-life crisis on top of that. I saw someone about it and they prescribed Klonopin.

I'm the type that is *very* reluctant to take any type of medication (or even listen to any mainstream healthcare practitioner), and I always do my homework thoroughly before putting any substance into my body - food or otherwise. But I was struggling so much at the time, and I took a dose, despite my better judgment.

It only took one (small) dose for me to discard the medication and never return. I felt what I could only describe as my mind being shredded, torn apart. It is one of the worst sensations I've ever had in life, and I later laughed with the prescribing doctor about how some take this substance in high doses, long-term. Granted, my constitution is very sensitive to any type of foreign chemical, but I don't know how (or why - knowing what we know about the the drug) people do it. In my evaluation, both in practice and in research, it's just pure poison.

Edit: I don't remember if it has been discussed yet in the thread, but meditation can do wonders for the anxious mind. Just sitting and being without trying to influence or accomplish, just letting go, breathing and observing without any "goal" can be so therapeutic. And the more regularly you do it, the greater the effects. You turn off (or at least soften) the reactive mind and find a calm that is familiar, despite having been lost.
 
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