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Quickest you've gone from starting a new job to quitting/getting fired

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First job I got was working at an auto body shop my friends dad ran. Unfortunately the old gentleman that owned the establishment didn't think they needed anyone to do what they hired me for as he could easily do it himself. So after a week they let me go. The old man of course did none of the things they hired me for (which included moving cars around the lot, washing and detailing finished cars, taking cars to and from the local brake place, cleaning up around the shot and taking out the garbage etc etc).
 
One shift. I worked at a local fruit and veg shop for a few hours when I was on my very first job hunt.

My jobs included vacuuming out an old van that looked as if it'd been abandoned years prior, tipping massive buckets of putrefied organic matter into other buckets and climbing into a skip bin to stomp down the contents.

It wasn't for me.
 
Two weeks. I started working donkin donuts while working walmart and had to quit. I didn't have a problem with the job, it was just that I physically couldn't take being on my feet for 16 hours a day since they're flat. I tried everything, and if my feet weren't in serious pain, my hips were, because of leaning or switching feet.
 
I think one week due to an unexpected cross country move.

Edit: It was as a cashier at a grocery store. I was actually pretty excited about it.
 
after 1 day at a local icecream shop, 20 years ago. they made me practice scooping for 4 hours straight. i had nightmares about it that night, and never went back.
 
My friend got a job as a delivery guy for Dominos. He sat through the 45 minute training videos, they gave him his first task of delivering two pizzas, he got in the car, smelled the pies, thought that smells delicious as fuck, drove home and ate them both and never went back.
 
Worked for a moving company for 1 day. I was so damn sore that I quit the next day. Funny enough, they paid me for the 2nd day. They thought I went with a big group to move a school. Also worked at an oil change place for 2 days before quitting. I don't know what I was thinking. I have no interest in cars and was scare of burning myself on oil or radiator fluid.
 
Like six hours.

When I was 20, I had to move back in with my mother and live on her couch, and desperate for work, I ended up at a telemarketing company, having just left another call center when I'd lived in Tallahassee. After trying to sell a magazine subscription to a guy in his eighties who'd just lost his wife (I was trying to reach her initially, ugh...), I just couldn't do it anymore. The combined depression of doing telemarketing and having to move back home was too much. So I made up an excuse to leave, and I never went back.

To make matters worse, when I went home, I saw that I'd been rejected for the internship I'd been pining after for the previous three months. It was a low time, no doubt.

I'm doing way, way better now. :)
 
I got fired/told to quit after two weeks at one of those stores that buys and sells movies, video games and other shit like that.
The guy told me that, "this is a fun environment and you don't look like you're having any fun."

That job really sucked. Fuck retail.
 
2 weeks.

I was offered a management job at this small rehab place. Woman before me had been there 30+ years or something like that. Apparently never followed any guidelines for food safety, had no guidelines up and had a guy making food without gloves on or knowing when it was appropriate to wash his hands. The dishroom was covered with what we assumed was black mold, and they said they had no way of stopping it due to how the room was setup. Spent a day with 2 other guys to get it all off the wall. Had to reorganize and make sure everything was being stocked properly. Within the 2 weeks I was there, they never once told me a budget for food and my immediate boss kept saying "Oh we'll talk later." Was left nothing to use for menus because they never made any, it was all in this woman's head and just what she felt like doing- which was not even properly stocking the week she left for a menu or anything. There was a dietician I was supposed to work with, but it was obvious they were getting paid to not properly do their job because I never saw her.

The old company offered me another job while all of this was going on, and I accepted and quit via letter/email on a Sunday.
 
Started training as a waiter at some bar. Realized the place was a piece of shit run by piece of shit people and left in the middle of my training shift that very same first day after I got attitude from the hostess as well as the douche bartender. I couldn't have been there longer than three or four hours. Told them, "Peace," and walked out. Three weeks later the place closed down due to all sorts of health violations and shit.
 
A month, I quit. It was a summer job during college though so it wasn't that big of a deal. The shortest since I got out of college was like 10 months, company wasn't doing well and most of the staff was about to be laid off at the end of the month. A couple days after they told us I found a different job and started that a few days later.
 
Worked at AMC Theatres for four days. It was soul crushing. Scooping and handing out popcorn to waves of assholes for 7 hours. Micromanaging associate managers up my ass all day because I couldn't master the cash register system in two hours. Wasn't worth the free movies imo. I'd rather sell my ass on the street than do that bullshit again
 
daffy said:
Worked at AMC Theatres for four days. It was soul crushing. Scooping and handing out popcorn to waves of assholes for 7 hours. Micromanaging associate managers up my ass all day because I couldn't master the cash register system in two hours. Wasn't worth the free movies imo. I'd rather sell my ass on the street than do that bullshit again
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I did that for about the same amount of days. Worst was that they wanted me to always upsell the combos and I had to reach a certain quota. Fuck that.
 
I spent 3 hellish months mowing lawns for an old geezer... just him and I. He had a surprising amount of stamina for his age, but he made me do all the nasty work. We mowed lawns for businesses and huge private properties, nothing really small at all. It was terrible.
 
3 hours.

Bus boy at Old Country Buffet.

Some guy handed me a soup bowl his wife had barfed in. I calmly sat it down, walked to the back and hung up my apron and walked out the front door without saying a word to anyone.

I'm not cut out for anything involving other people's food or bodily fluids.
 
daffy said:
Worked at AMC Theatres for four days. It was soul crushing. Scooping and handing out popcorn to waves of assholes for 7 hours. Micromanaging associate managers up my ass all day because I couldn't master the cash register system in two hours. Wasn't worth the free movies imo. I'd rather sell my ass on the street than do that bullshit again
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This reminds me - I worked at AMC for one day. The old woman behind the concession counter with me kept screaming at me to wash my hands any time I touched my face.
 
2 Days

At this furniture warehouse. I knew it was going to be complete crap when i first stepped in.

I went in through the main entrance expecting someone to greet me or someone to retrieve me so I could get started. Instead the main entrance led to the HR office and I immediately was greeted with odd stares. I asked them that I was supposed to speak with some dude, they had no clue and just showed me the side entrance that was the actual entrance for anyone not wearing a suit. I walked in the side entrance and there was nobody around. I walked around asking everyone "Hello, do you know ______, im supposed to report to him". After 20 minutes of walking around and going back into the office only to be told that the person im looking for is out there. Finally I found the dude and the shift gathered and it was time for work.

HOLY CRAP.

This was degrading. It's easier if I just do a checklist.

1. Zero AC - On a summer day, in a warehouse? good lord I was drenched in sweat after a single hour.
2. The job consisted of pushing around 100lb boxes of furniture all day. These are legit full couches, table sets and other random heavy crap that was easily pushing 200 lbs at times. They gave us broken dollies that we were to use to move that stuff around. Loading and unloading until "Whenever the work was finished".
3. My first day lasted 13 1/2 hours and I immediately knew this was some bs. I should've known when the job description touted "You can make $1000 week!".
4. Jacked up my wrist attempting to load something onto my dolly. The job didn't offer Health insurance. I'm an average sized dude and I was accustomed to doing labor jobs but that type of stuff we were doing were unreal.
6.. After 2 shifts that lasted 25 hrs put together, my wrists were in pain, my knees felt like they could give out at any minute.
7. The job had no background checks or drug testing so that was the main reason most of the guys were pretty much stuck there.

Basically, all the pain. suffering, and detriments to my health were not worth the money at all. I've worked in warehouses before but this one was by far the one that just didn't give a crap about the workers.
 
1 Day.

Was hired at a "marketing company" that had a lot of "repeat business."

Long story short, it turned out that the "marketing" involved packing up a car full of...SHIT (crappy RC cars, random kids' books, flimsy desk fans that pushed no air, etc), and driving to various strip malls, to try to sell said shit to customers in the businesses within those strip malls. Example: One stop was in a hair salon. We (my "trainer," another new guy, and myself) went into a hair salon to try to sell this crap to people. Cash only business of course. The "repeat business" part was pretty much the fact that there are a finite amount of strip malls, so occasionally, you would have to go back to the same ones.

I seriously would have left immediately after I realized what we were doing, but we had driven in other dude's car, and we were about 30 miles away from the home office at that point.

At the end of the day, they drove back to the office, I got in my car, left, and never looked back.
 
A year. The company I was hired by had a merger with a company in another state a few days after I started work. The company we merged with began cannibalising the company that hired me. Taking all of the contracts and leaving very little work for us to actually do. I got out while the getting was good.
I felt bad for one of the developers. He was hoping to wait out another 2 years before quitting so he could cash in his long service leave. But I don't believe the place lasted that long after I left.
 
0 days, hated the woman who was interviewing me so much I knew there was no way Id work with her as a manager. They called me back, I assume for a job offer a couple of times and I didnt pick up.
 
Had interview at restaurant, later that day I got the call that I was hired, went to said restaurant to celebrate and have dinner. Ended up having too much to drink, sports game exited and the away fans came to said restaurant, drunk and belligerent me started talking shit, manager who hired me saw, called me the next day and said they were no longer hiring.

Was a whirlwind.
 
Went for a job in a theme park when I was 16. Turned up first day with lots of other people hoping for an easy kids ride.

They put me on these very small go karts. When they broke down in the middle of the track I had dodge cars to get to the car. Squeeze into the car when I'm 6'4 then put my hand into this dodgy looking engine with visible moving parts to press something to get the kart home. It was dodgy as hell, would never be allowed now. Also I was asked to pay £60 for uniforms on a £2ish an hour job.

So at my lunch 2 hours after I started I went for a black pudding supper then walked home and never went back.
 
Risible said:
My friend got a job as a delivery guy for Dominos. He sat through the 45 minute training videos, they gave him his first task of delivering two pizzas, he got in the car, smelled the pies, thought that smells delicious as fuck, drove home and ate them both and never went back.
Click to expand...

This is amazing, what a legend.
 
About three weeks at a "telemarketing" firm, which ended up being nothing more than an attic in some other company's office building with 6 desks and mega-old computers hooked up and all I was supposed to do was call companies and try to get them in the yellow pages. THE YELLOW PAGES, for fuck's sake.

The job was a joke and I felt so bad for every sale I made I borderline sabotaged sales pitches.

This was like 5 years ago, and not something from 1995.
 
I was fired in 4 months because the one day I asked for off and told I was going to get from my Manager was my birthday. Then the week before it I find out they were going back on that because someone that had been there longer decided to ask for that day off. I didn't care enough about the job so I said screw it and didn't go in. Found out the next day I was fired...

... 5 days later they called asking me to come back because without me they were sweating.
 
Graveyard shift doing housekeeping at this mall for like 2 months last year. I hated it. I went in there dreading every day. It really made me think about my life choices. After a another night cleaning with no air conditioning, I had enough and just left. Had a good sleep and went back to looking for jobs in the morning.
 
In college I worked at the ticket booth of a parking garage for exactly one shift lol. I had applied at a bunch of places, they offered + I accepted, then I got another offer from a slightly better job on my first day and quit
 
4 months I think. I got fired for being gone for two weeks with bronchitis. I worked with raw meat.
 
Been at my current job for 14 years, I honestly can't remember most before this one. They were all part time or office-type typing jobs, that last 1-2 years or so.
 
My first job when I finished school was so bad I went in on the second day to quit. Ended working there for another 18 years.
 
Cosmo Clock 21 said:
One of my friends left Meijer after an hour of job training cause they tried to get him to join the union

He still got a check in the mail two weeks later for the hour on the clock lol
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Man my worst experience was 2 weeks partly because of the opposite.

Worked for Walmart for a tiny bit of time after graduating while looking for work in my actual field and the break room/training area is completely filled with anti-union propoganda you'd expect from the most nutzo Republican website.

Posters, notices... hell the on-boarding process had a tutorial video on how to report any suspicious signs of organization to a superior. You'd probably be fired faster for trying to organize your coworkers at Walmart than coming in with drugs, pajamas and a loaded firearm.

Pride got the better of me there in not wanting to be a Walmart fuckboy while going about my engineering job search.
 
One day. I worked management at a Hot Topic for a few years, and I took a second job at a Chinese furniture/decor store in the same mall. When the owner hired me, I made it clear that I could only work when I wasn't scheduled at my store.

My first day, she gives me a schedule that completely overlaps the schedule I gave her, asked me to work at another location across town (I used public transit at the time and we already discussed that I could only work at this location), and switched her staff to commission. I worked 8 hours by myself with no breaks and a total of two customers (on a Saturday!) before she came in at closing time to watch the security footage and make sure I hadn't stolen anything.

She gave me lip over the scheduling conflicts and I walked out. Unsurprisingly, all of her stores have closed. I didn't bother picking up my $2.
 
literally one day. It was a summer hire type ordeal where they pay like $5 an hour (this was in 2008 by the way) and after one day I was like "fuck this" and told them the next morning that I quit, I can do much better.
 
I got a job at Target back in college. I wanted to be in the electronics section. Did training and they said I would be working clothing. I quit at the end of training.
 
I got fired from a pool cleaning/repair company about a month in because I spit in a pool and the owner saw me. This was 14 years ago so I'm not sure why I did that. Might have been trying to launch a loogie across the pool I dunno.
 
Got hired at a Dollar General one summer with the intention of working and going to college. Boss assured me they would work around my class schedule. College getting ready to resume in a few weeks. Give boss my class schedule and days I can work (I stacked classes just so I'd have days off for working). Boss says can't work around class schedule. Walk out on that piece of shit and left them high and dry.
 
Hmm, I think I lasted 2-3 weeks working Best Buy during December when I was younger. I wanted to be in the PC section and they put me at the wireless booth then moved me to the video game section.

Nope'd the fuck out of there real quick. It was pretty much a holiday temp job anyway but they told me I could be hired full time if they liked me. I don't know how RetailGAF does it. You guys are true heroes.
 
My first full time job out of college was for a local radio station that I interned at my senior year. I started in July as a promotions director/assistant sports director and my hours were 7:30am - 4:30pm. All my benefits would kick in at the three month mark. In October, the news director had to quit due to health reasons. I was then emailed about the opportunity for me to take over those duties along with maintaining all of my current responsibilities. I wasn't offered a raise and it would make my schedule two hours earlier to 5:30am - 2:30pm. I emailed back politely declining and even offering to recommend someone I knew that would be good for the job. The next day I was called into the bosses office and I was fired. I wasn't told the job offer was an ultimatum. If I had known that I probably would have accepted.
 
Didn't even work for a minute before getting fired because the entire department I was going to work for got cut as soon as I walked into the building to start my first day.
 
When I was in school I took a job during the holidays, worked there like 3 weeks and went abroad for a week, got a friend to replace me, and when I came back they fired me and kept the friend lol
 
About 10 days working as a busboy, my dad and sister were already working at the place so the manager hired me without checking everything carefully.
Turns out he fucked up my age by two years and they had a minimum age policy, but he didn't fire me when he figured it out because I was the most competent busser they had. I actually got fired when the regional manager showed up and store manager got called out on it.


My dad quit couple of months later by cussing out the manager when he talked shit and said I had lied about my age, my sister had already left for college and wouldn't be back for the year so no backlash on her, and my dad was friends with two of the other servers who left soon afterwards.


Afterwards the regional manager got deported because he got caught fuckin' a waitress in the back during business hours.
 
Amazon Fulfillment Center

Unachievable numbers they wanted you to get every hour, and horrifically poor management made me leave after a month and a half. I was tired of getting rung out for not hitting my numbers when I was actually exceeding everyone else (they had no shame showing you the entire report with everyones numbers on them). They pay wasn't good enough for five 11 hour shifts a week, either. I just bounced.
 
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