I lost my dad to Covid a week ago. He was literally like my best friend and now I feel like I have nothing. I've already been off work for a week and I thought I could go back next week but that isn't going to happen. I have no interest in work or the problems that it throws my way. I no longer care about anything to be honest, least of all work crap via email from faceless cretins. 2020 has beat the shit out of me before this. I lost my mother in 2017 to cancer and I just admit defeat. Anyone been through this or got any advice?
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Returning to work after bereavement - advice
- Thread starter Cattlyst
- Start date
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I was working at GameStop when my step father called the main line asking for me. I still remember exactly what he said, “I’m at your dad’s house, your dad is dead”. That’s stuck with me for over a decade now. It’s terrible and I’m sorry you had to experience that. It takes one day at a time.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
Thanks. He was 59 years old with an irregular shaped heart. He had diabetes caused by medication and he took anywhere from 15-20 pills a day. My father never got to see me get married or see my children. I’m glad I knew who he was. I have some home videos from when I graduated kindergarten and my dad is giving me advice on how to stand. Some days I can hear his voice in my head. It’s hard, but time has helped me recover. Being a father has also helped me in many ways. I realize that one day I won’t be there. The most I can do is make sure I give them the tools they’ll need when I am gone.
lifa-cobex
Member
Working in the funeral business, we see this a great deal.
First off, it's entirely normal. Their is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling right now and their is a wide range of different emotions that people go through.
I would recommend that you contact your work and ask them for a longer time off work if you can. Try to explain everything you are going through a very difficult process right now and you need more time to grieve and process your emotions.
Try not to quit your job outright. I know it's difficult right now to care about such things but it's better to tackle something later down the line when you are stronger.
Spend more time with friends and family that knew your father. I'm sure they are hurting too and you shouldn't be alone. Talk about your father with them and share memory's and story's about him. Don't be afraid to open up
about things you haven't expressed before. Other people might be waiting to do the same and just need someone to give them a push.
Don't be afraid for counselling. Again it's completely normal. If nothing else, it gives you an unbiased shoulder to cry on if you're afraid about expressing yourself around those close to you.
Many funeral services are very good at helping you getting on your first steps through the grieving process. Give them a ring. They see it everyday and are usually more than happy to help.
You're not alone buddy. It's fucking shit and no magic words are going to get you back on your feet and ready for work again. Especially after a single week.
It's a process that takes time and can be helped with friends and family.
Stay strong bud.
First off, it's entirely normal. Their is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling right now and their is a wide range of different emotions that people go through.
I would recommend that you contact your work and ask them for a longer time off work if you can. Try to explain everything you are going through a very difficult process right now and you need more time to grieve and process your emotions.
Try not to quit your job outright. I know it's difficult right now to care about such things but it's better to tackle something later down the line when you are stronger.
Spend more time with friends and family that knew your father. I'm sure they are hurting too and you shouldn't be alone. Talk about your father with them and share memory's and story's about him. Don't be afraid to open up
about things you haven't expressed before. Other people might be waiting to do the same and just need someone to give them a push.
Don't be afraid for counselling. Again it's completely normal. If nothing else, it gives you an unbiased shoulder to cry on if you're afraid about expressing yourself around those close to you.
Many funeral services are very good at helping you getting on your first steps through the grieving process. Give them a ring. They see it everyday and are usually more than happy to help.
You're not alone buddy. It's fucking shit and no magic words are going to get you back on your feet and ready for work again. Especially after a single week.
It's a process that takes time and can be helped with friends and family.
Stay strong bud.
GeorgPrime
Banned
I lost several family members now and nothing hit me hard. I dont see "Death" as a bad thing, Iam not even sad at a funeral because of the dead person. When iam sad its more because of the people around me, that are crying and stuff.
Dont know how i react when my father dies, i have to see it.
But in your case... you just have to take some time off, go on a holiday trip to see something else if possible and the only thing you can do is "Just go on". Iam sure your father would want you to move on with your life.
Maybe buy a dog or a cat that keeps you company
Dont know how i react when my father dies, i have to see it.
But in your case... you just have to take some time off, go on a holiday trip to see something else if possible and the only thing you can do is "Just go on". Iam sure your father would want you to move on with your life.
Maybe buy a dog or a cat that keeps you company
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diffusionx
Gold Member
I had a significant... life event this year and I dunno I just kept going to work. It was helpful to keep that regular structure. I actually talked to someone who was going through something similar and they said they took some time off and talked to their boss. I guess I could have done the same, but stiff upper lip and all that.
So yea, I would talk to your boss about taking some extra time off.
So yea, I would talk to your boss about taking some extra time off.
Dr Bass
Member
My mom died from cancer a couple years ago. I was at work the next day. I had to put it out of my mind while I was doing my job.
It's not a fun thing, and I don't mean this in a harsh way, but your parents did not raise you so you could give up when they were gone. You either die young, or you live to see those you care about die before you, and everyone on this planet has to suffer one of those things.
There is a feeling when you are young that "your world" is just going to be there, and it's there to take care of you. When you lose those people and those surroundings, it can feel like a wake up call. "What is left for me now," you might think?
The point is soldier on, be the best person you can be, be giving to those who need it, forgive those who have wronged you. This is the best way to honor your parents and show the world that they did good in raising you. "Admitting defeat" is giving up on life and that's not why they had you.
When you're out next, look around at all the people around you and realize that almost everyone that is of a middle to older age has gone through what you have. And even some younger people. Some people never knew their parents, or had really really bad ones. Be happy you were great friends with yours. Realize you're not alone in this experience. Spend some time with friends or other family. Maybe try to develop a new friendship.
I don't think there is really much anyone can say to change how you feel right now. But I would encourage you to struggle through these feelings, as it will definitely get better.
It's not a fun thing, and I don't mean this in a harsh way, but your parents did not raise you so you could give up when they were gone. You either die young, or you live to see those you care about die before you, and everyone on this planet has to suffer one of those things.
There is a feeling when you are young that "your world" is just going to be there, and it's there to take care of you. When you lose those people and those surroundings, it can feel like a wake up call. "What is left for me now," you might think?
The point is soldier on, be the best person you can be, be giving to those who need it, forgive those who have wronged you. This is the best way to honor your parents and show the world that they did good in raising you. "Admitting defeat" is giving up on life and that's not why they had you.
When you're out next, look around at all the people around you and realize that almost everyone that is of a middle to older age has gone through what you have. And even some younger people. Some people never knew their parents, or had really really bad ones. Be happy you were great friends with yours. Realize you're not alone in this experience. Spend some time with friends or other family. Maybe try to develop a new friendship.
I don't think there is really much anyone can say to change how you feel right now. But I would encourage you to struggle through these feelings, as it will definitely get better.
DESTROYA
Member
I thought the same when I lost my older brother, we worked together and were very close and just the thought of going back to work would bring me to tears.
Take as much time off as you need but I found eventually going back to work made life easier to get on with, it just took my mind off all the stuff going on a little bit at a time. Yes it was extremely hard at first because everywhere I looked it reminded me of my brother but it slowly got better.
My condolences and wish you well going forward.
Take as much time off as you need but I found eventually going back to work made life easier to get on with, it just took my mind off all the stuff going on a little bit at a time. Yes it was extremely hard at first because everywhere I looked it reminded me of my brother but it slowly got better.
My condolences and wish you well going forward.
teezzy
Banned
I'm actually returning to work tomorrow after taking a week and an extra Friday off for bereavement after my mother's passing. I think I'll be okay ultimately. The work is a solid distraction
With that said, take all the time you need. This is about you, not them. They can sod off if they have issue with that.
You're not alone, boss
Much love
With that said, take all the time you need. This is about you, not them. They can sod off if they have issue with that.
You're not alone, boss
Much love
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Pallas
Gold Member
Sorry for your loss and you never really quite get over it. I lost my dad as well back in early 2018, from heart failure while he was battling small cell lung cancer that metastasized.
Iys difficult but you have your memories of him and it’ll get a little better as time moves on but you won’t get over it. Something like that stays with you and you have to carry on.
Iys difficult but you have your memories of him and it’ll get a little better as time moves on but you won’t get over it. Something like that stays with you and you have to carry on.
nyr88nyg
Banned
Sorry for your loss