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[Natetan]

Does anyone else have this logic in their life? Like you like someone and want to tell them you like them, but it's almost always a clear sign of unrequited love. or else you want to have a serious moment with a friend and say how much you value their friendship when at the point you say it it only makes things worse?

Is this just me? It seems the longer things reman tacit the better the actual personal relationship is with whatever friend/partner/coworker In your life.

It's a little bit of a there of George Constanza 'do the opposite of whatever you think you should do'

 

[$200]

I feel for you op.

 

[OldRoutes]

Is it logic or coincidence? I think you're trying to rationalize and create correlation on something you have no control over to justify the next time you won't act.

 

[Deleted member 22576]

I feel like the only situation this is really applicable is the unrequited romance one. Taking the time to tell a friend how you appreciate them is not a deathknell for the friendship. Talking about the nature of your experience with someone doesn't take away from whatever tacit understanding and benefits you get from each other. Its a wholly separate layer to the friendship, the more complex and deep relationships get the more massaging they can require to remain whole.

 

[Patryn]

Does anyone else have this logic in their life? Like you like someone and want to tell them you like them, but it's almost always a clear sign of unrequited love. or else you want to have a serious moment with a friend and say how much you value their friendship when at the point you say it it only makes things worse?

Is this just me? It seems the longer things reman tacit the better the actual personal relationship is with whatever friend/partner/coworker In your life.

It's a little bit of a there of George Constanza 'do the opposite of whatever you think you should do'

I dunno. This isn't exactly the same, but I was totally oblivious to the fact that my fiancee liked me until she flat out told me.

 

[Natetan]

Is it logic or coincidence? I think you're trying to rationalize and create correlation on something you have no control over to justify the next time you won't act.

maybe i just wait until after the window when saying those things would be beneficial.

but if its a coincidence, it certainly is a consistant coincidence in my life.

like i have something i want to tell someone right now, but i feel like it would be a mistake because every other time i do this it never meets with a positive result...

im 35 for petes sake! i should have figured this all out by now!

I dunno. This isn't exactly the same, but I was totally oblivious to the fact that my fiancee liked me until she flat out told me.

This is good to hear.

Still i sometimes feel like speaking and labeling whatever tacit experience you share with people somehow changes it for the worse.

or maybe im just insane in the membrane

 

[Mistel]

I'd rather be rebuffed than pine after someone unattainable myself.

 

[OldRoutes]

maybe i just wait until after the window when saying those things would be beneficial.

but if its a coincidence, it certainly is a consistant coincidence in my life.

like i have something i want to tell someone right now, but i feel like it would be a mistake because every other time i do this it never meets with a positive result...

im 35 for petes sake! i should have figured this all out by now!

Maybe agreeing that it's too late has an impact on how and when you choose to tell it?

Don't look too much into it. You're probably remembering the only times something bad came out of it.

 

[Natetan]

Maybe agreeing that it's too late has an impact on how and when you choose to tell it?

Don't look too much into it. You're probably remembering the only times something bad came out of it.

similarly though, it seems people only tell me these types of things when i dont feel the same way or dont care.

 

[OldRoutes]

similarly though, it seems people only tell me these types of things when i dont feel the same way or dont care.

The beautiful thing about human nature is that you only control what you do to yourself and others.

You're collecting two different states (["don't feel the same way", "I don't care"]) to justify an opposition of value from someone else.

The truth is, you can't predict whatever someone is about to tell you. You might call it "bad luck", or to some degree "logic" like you are right now, but in the end you'll be better off going along with stuff you have control over.

Loving someone over needing to be loved, respecting yourself and others over wanting to be respected, etc... (I'm assuming the current thread was created out of a "love" issue, but apologies if I'm wrong)

 

[Natetan]

The beautiful thing about human nature is that you only control what you do to yourself and others.

You're collecting two different states (["don't feel the same way", "I don't care"]) to justify an opposition of value from someone else.

The truth is, you can't predict whatever someone is about to tell you. You might call it "bad luck", or to some degree "logic" like you are right now, but in the end you'll be better off going along with stuff you have control over.

Loving someone over needing to be loved, respecting yourself and others over wanting to be respected, etc... (I'm assuming the current thread was created out of a "love" issue, but apologies if I'm wrong)

Yeah, i mean i probably dont value it until they dont value me. I think thats pretty common. But it seems sometimes that the only relationships friends lovers etc I can maintain are ones where I'm chosen by them and once I start to show some friendliness romantic interest what have you back in the other direction it all falls apart.

I am trying to focus more on what i can do, and im trying to not reach out and wait for people to come to me

 

[Zeyphersan]

I don't think it's as cut and dry as that, especially not to make it seem like every case is like that.

Sometimes yes. sometimes no. As I've gotten older, I've gotten more into the idea of being direct and straightforward, and not coyly beating around the bush. Instead of asking a girl to "hang out" like I would in my teens, I'll ask her on a real date.

So no, I don't think it's a sign that it's already too late, unless you're doing it as a last-ditch effort. Then probably.

 

[Brazil]

Feeling like saying how you feel isn't a sign it's over.

Saying how you feel makes things end.

Don't ever say how you feel unless you're already in a relationship. Just ask her on a date and be done with it. No need to express feelings.

 

[Malvolio]

I think the simple lesson is to try to always say what you feel.

 

[mocking]

Don't ever say how you feel unless you're already in a relationship. Just ask her on a date and be done with it. No need to express feelings.

This. This is like Dating 101, if you feel like you have to say how you feel to make something happen, it's already hopeless.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Eh, probably?

I don't see how trying to explain how you feel to someone will ever end well, if you haven't already gotten in a relationship where it is clear what your feelings actually are.

Be impulsive, don't wait, don't hesitate, and you won't regret as much in life.

 

[triplestation]

pls respond

 

[Natetan]

Eh, probably?

I don't see how trying to explain how you feel to someone will ever end well, if you haven't already gotten in a relationship where it is clear what your feelings actually are.

Be impulsive, don't wait, don't hesitate, and you won't regret as much in life.

Thing is, I am pretty impulsive. And what I hate is I always end up steering the ship and other people in my life just tag along without ever really reciprocating.

So I'm trying to hold back to let other people catch up and initiate things with me.

I've seen people transition in my life from 'I don't really care about you' to ' you're a great friend. And there is always a inversely correlative change in behavior from them , meaning I'm important to them but as I go from not valuing them at all to seeing them as an important person to me they similarly go in the other direction to not valuing me. I've had this happen to me several times whether it's just friends or lovers.

Might sound wierd but sometimes feels I'm never allowed to be around people I care about, and I just learn to be around people who like me. I have to make sure I don't care about them because once I start being proactive and initiating, things go wrong.