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Shaving your ass is not really a good idea

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G

greepoman

Member
Majine said:
Asscrack-hair is not a substitute for toiletpaper!
Click to expand...

This man gets it. I started shaving mine just for this reason, shit getting stuck in that hair ...that is the worst. All these problems people list (sweating, loud farts, friction, etc) I've never had a problem with. I'm not over weight and my butt is pretty small though so maybe that helps though.
 
J

jaxword

Member
jaxword said:
Ass hair has various evolutionary purposes for when you're running around in the jungle naked.

1. Protecting the soft anus for when you may sit on rocks and logs.
2. Traps particles of feces and sweat to increase your scent.

As a manly man who lives in the jungle completely naked and never bathes, I would NEVER do something as girly as shaving my ass, pft.
Click to expand...


cheststrongwell said:
Any dude that shaves their ass is a pussy. Be proud of your manly hair.
Click to expand...

I'm with you, man. I never shave anything, I just let my beard grow like a bush and let my hair grow like a mane down my back. Manly men are proud to be hairy like animals.
 
V

Vic

Please help me with my bad english
Slayer-33 said:
Long story short, was doing some prep work to be tidy for a colonoscopy..


Farts are MUCH louder, silent ones are completely audible and even explosive in tone sometimes..

Your cheeks are like two hands clapping together man.

Don't shave your ass and let one rip when trying to be discrete, you'll be discovered on the spot.
Click to expand...
hahahaha
 
G

glaurung

Member
*wipes a tear of laughter

Oh god, I just laughed myself through the entire three pages. But this is not the first time someone has raised this issue on the interwebs. I am not a hundred percent certain the first time was on GAF - it might have been at that now-dead Digg site. Back then the dude expressed horrible regret, saying he could no longer walk in the summer, his hairless ass cheeks rubbing against one another and getting all bruised.

Edit: read the next post, shagg references the story.
 
S

Shao Kahn Brewing a Stew

Banned
Should've researched first:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
Click to expand...
 
K

Koopakiller

Banned
Ass hair is gross! Same with any hair between the legs!
And I'm not sure what the OP is talking about. Feels fucking good/sexy to be smooth down there. And don't fart in public, discreet or not, it's fucking nasty - suck that shit in or go to the restroom/outside if you really can't help it

MrHicks said:
HOW exactly do you shave your ass?

with a gillette razor?
Gillette-Fusion-Manual-Pkg__46782_zoom.jpg


an electric one?
Braun-Electric-Shaver-for-Both-Sexes-1812.jpg


are do there actually exist specific "ass shaving devices"?
Click to expand...

can't imagine taking that giant electric shaver to my ass...
Try a Philips Body Groom
 
S

Sqorgar

Banned
Slayer-33 said:
Long story short, was doing some prep work to be tidy for a colonoscopy..
Click to expand...
Was this something they recommended, or did you simply take it upon yourself to present yourself with your best face forward? Because you don't have to shave your ass for a colonoscopy. In fact, the last thing you are going to want to have is razor burn when they shove the tube in.
 
E

ektoll

Member
Onion_Relish said:
Actually, I'd say the gerbil farts are the worst... Feels so unnatural.
Click to expand...

What's unnatural is the dance you start to do to give freedom to this death-scented bubble.



Don't shave, if you're annoyed because your ass hairs are too long, you can simply braid them. This way, every time you fart, it'll be like R.Kelly taking a puff.
 
M

Mammoth Jones

Member
I don't fart discreetly. Ever. I'm either home or in my car or walking where I will push as hard as I can to get the loudest fart possible or I'll just hold it till I'm not in range of anyone.

This shit has only twice, so I'm good.
 
A

Az987

all good things
Yeah, not shaving my ass. I trim my pubes when I gotta show a doctor something but I'm not even going to attempt to shave my ass when I gotta show a doctor my ass.

Plus I'll look awesome with a completely hairless crotch and dark haired legs.
 
I

isny

napkin dispenser
Isn't the biggest problem when doing this that you won't know where to stop? Where does it start? Where does it stop? Your back? Your taint? It's a never ending forest down there for many a man!
 
K

Koopakiller

Banned
isny said:
Isn't the biggest problem when doing this that you won't know where to stop? Where does it start? Where does it stop? Your back? Your taint? It's a never ending forest down there for many a man!
Click to expand...

might as well get the back too
back, sack, and crack
 
SeriousApes

SeriousApes

Member
I don't shave my body. It's too dangerous. The areas between the legs are not a place I want to slip up. Plus, there's the problem of knowing when to stop as isny mentioned.
 
C

commedieu

Banned
BankaiZaraki said:
I shave my ass for reasons unknown. Only thing I don't like is the irritation like 2 days after...burns like a mother..anyone recommend anything for something like that?
Click to expand...

You have to clean the skin a lot more often as the hair grows back I've found. Like at least twice as normal? With a basic unscented soap. I think its because its just likely to get more irritated because its exposed to more.."elements." I used to have that issue. But now I have a clean ass, & wedding vegetables with no need for any other solutions. Might want to give cortisone a shot too... if its that bad, but I fear that would clog pours and cause irritation. Ever since I started a Nazi washing regimen, I don't get irritation/bumps or ingrown hairs. And it seems like the hair is lighter than it was before I started shaving. Like, thinner.

My crotch and ass is a wonderland.
 
W

Wuthering_Heights

Banned
Ugh.

I'm currently dealing with the horrible itching from my chest hair growing back in after being shaved. I don't even want to think having that same thing happen on my ass. :(
 
S

SystemShock2

Member
The trick to a silent fart is to anchor one butt cheek on the surface you're sitting on, and shift the other butt cheek apart so they can't clap together. It doesn't work if you're standing up, but that should solve the loud "silent" farts you're having for at least some of the time.

Shaving your butt actually sounds kinda nice because you have louder farts and no dingleberries.
 
7

7threst

Member
isny said:
Isn't the biggest problem when doing this that you won't know where to stop? Where does it start? Where does it stop? Your back? Your taint? It's a never ending forest down there for many a man!
Click to expand...

Just make a rule for yourself when to stop. I know I do. I stop shaving where the buttocks of my ass are fully exposed (no shadows) with me spreading them apart. I've become a pro shaving my ass over the years.
 
A

Az987

all good things
7threst said:
Just make a rule for yourself when to stop. I know I do. I stop shaving where the buttocks of my ass are fully exposed (no shadows) with me spreading them apart. I've become a pro shaving my ass over the years.
Click to expand...

Yup must not be real hairy else where than. If I shaved my ass I'd look like a bear wearing a pair of whitey tightes.

On account of my ass being so white and all.
 
7

7threst

Member
Az987 said:
Yup must not be real hairy else where than. If I shaved my ass I'd look like a bear wearing a pair of whitey tightes.

On account of my ass being so white and all.
Click to expand...

True, I'm not that hairy. But it's not that people constantly look at your as right? Except during sex if you are gay, which makes having your ass shaved often a plus even.
 
F

Foil

Member
Shaving your ass with a mirror can be tough, just use portals like I do. Makes it far easier to see what you're doing.

portal-shave.jpg
 
N

Nibel

Member
So: today I learned that my ass hair serves as some kind of silencer. If I grow more, does it mean that I can drop the heavy bombs with no risk of being heard?
 
Slayer-33

Slayer-33

Liverpool-2
Sqorgar said:
Was this something they recommended, or did you simply take it upon yourself to present yourself with your best face forward? Because you don't have to shave your ass for a colonoscopy. In fact, the last thing you are going to want to have is razor burn when they shove the tube in.
Click to expand...

I know I didn't need to.. Was just trying to be more "hygienic".

I had this done before but I didn't do anything last time.
 
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