Should you let your kids win/beat you at games once in awhile??

[aronnov reborn]

My 14 year old step son and I have been playing tennis for the last year and we've gotten pretty good. However he always loses and never really has a shot to win. and this is with at tops 50% intensity on my part.

Last night i was up 3 games to love and he said he wanted to go home and started whining etc. so i just layed down and he won the next 6 games...

I didn't think I'd feel bad but for some reason it's bothering me. Not only laying down for him but the fact that he thinks he truly won.. in his mind he actually beat me. On the other side i don't want him to get discouraged to the point of getting too down. losing is one thing but losing for a year?

 

[blame space]

should you let your girlfriend win at Words with Friends every few games? you know, throw her a bone.

 

[teruterubozu]

Find him proper competition within the same skill level.

 

[crazy monkey]

I do it all the time but I give kids i play with a good fight. you win some you loose some thing. No easy win though unless like I am playing with kids under 3 haha

 

[Skellig Gra]

14 years old? No way. 4 years old, sure.

 

[andycapps]

Someone post the Les Miles gif.

 

[aronnov reborn]

should you let your girlfriend win at Words with Friends every few games? you know, throw her a bone.

ok now this is scary. do we know each other?

 

[Like the hat?]

let them win once in a while, but also show them that it's not a big deal if they lose. If you let them win, don't make a big deal out of it. If you win, don't make a big deal out of it.

 

[RubxQub]

Well what do you want to teach him at the end of the day? If he loves tennis and is getting discouraged by you clobbering him all the time, is there a way to pit him against other kids his age?

You could take on the "teacher" role where it's expected that you beat him all the time, but you've got things to show him to help him improve. He'd get his "wins" off people that are more at his ability and it would be a true achievement at that point. One day if he really beats you when you're trying than it would be an even greater accomplishment.

Does he really like tennis, or is he doing it because you do and doesn't have a real passion for it?

 

[Brofist]

Well wouldn't the point of letting him win be letting him actually believe it. I mean I'm assuming you are doing it for self-esteem reasons, so if he knows you rolled over it wouldn't be much use would it?

Plus you don't have to let him win every time, just make him feel he is competing at least.

 

[Ourobolus]

should you let your girlfriend win at Words with Friends every few games? you know, throw her a bone.

You are reading my mind. God my wife gets pissed when I beat her 30 times in a row.

 

[Dali]

Of course not! I'd crush them mercilessly and gloat over their inability to offer a challenge while mocking their feeble understanding of strategy.

 

[Souldriver]

14 years old? No way. 4 years old, sure.

14 year old against someone who is probably at least 10 years older.


I'd say if it's just you and him, always, yes: let him win once in a while, or at least make the game fun or challenging for him. Otherwise he'll just burn out on tennis.

Better solution though: get him a player who is on the same level as him. Then it's fun for both.

 

[SmokyDave]

I think you should. If you ever need to crush their spirit later on you can admit you threw the games because they were shit.

should you let your girlfriend win at Words with Friends every few games? you know, throw her a bone.

This is not something I need to worry about, my partner is a linguist / languages teacher. She often doubles my score

 

[ReBurn]

Let them win? They already beat me at them. Except for Soul Calibur.

 

[CrazyDude]

I do a lot of times, but then the kid become cocky and then I have to crush them.

 

[bbagwell]

You should be doing this to exercise and have fun with your kid. If you are into this for the win, then you suck. Try playing someone your own age.

 

[electroshockwave]

My 14 year old step son and I have been playing tennis for the last year and we've gotten pretty good. However he always loses and never really has a shot to win. and this is with at tops 50% intensity on my part.

Last night i was up 3 games to love and he said he wanted to go home and started whining etc. so i just layed down and he won the next 6 games...

I didn't think I'd feel bad but for some reason it's bothering me. Not only laying down for him but the fact that he thinks he truly won.. in his mind he actually beat me. On the other side i don't want him to get discouraged to the point of getting too down. losing is one thing but losing for a year?

14 is way too old to still be letting him win. Find him an opponent of equal skill level or maybe find another pair and you could play doubles with him.

 

[SorchaR]

let them win once in a while, but also show them that it's not a big deal if they lose. If you let them win, don't make a big deal out of it. If you win, don't make a big deal out of it.

This. And try and teach him how to improve his game. When you win, explain what you did, and show him how to do it for himself. Praise when he uses a new technique or shows improvement, even if he ends up losing the match. Play for fun at times, without keeping score.
You know; be the adult, the teacher, the good example.

 

[Drkirby]

With my siblings (Who the oldest is 12 years younger then me), I never let them win. If they beat me, they beat me fair and square, and boy were they ecstatic when they do.

It really is no fun to be playing someone you have no chance of beating though, or even the allusion of it though. Most of the times I just play luck based games that look sort of like games of skills with my little brother and sister, so they have a pretty good shot of winning.

 

[TheLastCandle]

You absolutely want to throw people who don't have the same skill level as you a bone once and a while. Especially if it's friends or family.

My little brother in law (12) loves playing Marvel vs Capcom 3, and has a blast with it. When he asks me to play with him for a few games it probably wouldn't help his interest if I throttled him in 15 seconds and perfected him every game. Surpressing your power level is almost a game in itself.

I do a lot of times, but then the kid become cocky and then I have to crush them.

I must admit, this has happened once or twice to me, though. :/ Take advantage of my good will gesture, and you get the horns. Or something.

 

[richiek]

I do a lot of times, but then the kid become cocky and then I have to crush them.

Same thing happens when I play with my nephew. However, he gets pouty whenever he loses.

 

[planar1280]

you are doing it wrong. letting them win doesnt mean you let them win 6 straight games. let them even out with you. the closer the score the more it looks like to him/her that the effort is on their part rather than the complacency is on your part

 

[lethial]

Hell no. It's called tough love and this will remind them that there will always be someone better then them.

 

[heyf00L]

No way, he's got to earn it. As he grows and you age, he'll eventually beat you. And when he does it'll feel good man.

 

[Typographenia]

This is not something I need to worry about, my partner is a linguist / languages teacher. She often doubles my score

Maybe she's the one throwing you a bone?



I'm fine with letting other people win, sometimes. Everyone needs a victory now and again.

 

[noah111]

No, beat him, both in-game and irl, then tell him if he beats you once you will show him the secret of how to win every single time at any game.

If he's dedicated and really wins after that, then tell him he found out the secret already: never give up.

Then he will hate you forever, but you will have ingrained an important aspect of personality into him.

 

[backflip10019]

Temper his expectations in life. Squash him like a bug.

 

[CrazyDogg77]

Of course not! I'd crush them mercilessly and gloat over their inability to offer a challenge while mocking their feeble understanding of strategy.

That's how my dad use to do me when we played basketball. But now I beat him and I return the favor.

 

[bill gonorrhea]

Yes

 

[heyf00L]

No, beat him, both in-game and irl, then tell him if he beats you once you will show him the secret of how to win every single time at any game.

If he's dedicated and really wins after that, then tell him he found out the secret already: never give up.

Then he will hate you forever, but you will have ingrained an important aspect of personality into him.

Also teach him to always leave a note.

 

[Magni]

should you let your girlfriend win at Words with Friends every few games? you know, throw her a bone.

My girlfriend won't play against me anymore So I play against her mom.

 

[HammerOfThor]

should you let your girlfriend win at Words with Friends every few games? you know, throw her a bone.

I wish my girlfriend would throw me a damn bone

 

[Megadragon15]

No mercy should ever be given.

 

[DominoKid]

Man my dad never let me win shit growing up and my mom used to complain about it. His logic was the the world won't have mercy on you and as a father it was his job to get me ready for that.
He'd have me running out of the room crying sometimes when we'd play Madden cause he was just so goddamn good. That was his way of mindfucking me into learning about strategy. Although I still can't beat him regularly.

In basketball he would just goon the fuck out of me. That helped a lot though because I learned to finish and play through contact.

It used to annoy me a little but his attitude made me a fierce competitor though. I remember when I "got" what he was about. We were playing pickup football with some of his friends from work when I was 13 or 14. I went across the middle in the endzone and my QB sort of hung me out to dry. Dad played MLB in high school so when I stretched out for the pass he absolutely lit me up. I laid on the ground for a few seconds while I did a quick self-check to see if I was still in one piece. He came over to help me up and pne of his coworkers was like "damn how can you lay your son out like that?" And he just shrugged it off like "It's nothing personal, he would've done the same to me if the situation was reversed." I thought about it and I realized that I definitely would've. I gooned him on a fade route the next play for the TD.

So I say never let your kids win. I won't let mine.

As far as letting friends win, it depends on the game. In NBA 2K12, I can hold myself back and at least make it look respectable. Lately I've been smashing the fuck out of people because they talk too much shit when I let them stay within striking distance.
In FIFA, I couldn't not beat the fuck out of people. Even when I would fuck around and just go for slalom run goals I'd still win by 4 or 5. I'd even apologize to people because I felt bad for them at a certain point.

 

[UpperCaseN]

In this situation, I like the idea of instead of playing to win or as efficiently as possible, play to try different strategies or work on specifics you need practice with.

Let's say for tennis you really need to work on your backhand or something. In game, try doing that even if you regularly wouldn't, so not only are you practicing it, but you won't play as well just because you're working on your shot.

I don't play tennis, but for a board or video game if I were to consistently win and I know it, I'll try to go for strategies I normally wouldn't. Suck at sniping? Go for all head shots this match. It gives me a chance to better myself and it helps scale me down if I'm always the winner.

 

[serotonina]

Never. Crush them and drown them in defeat, so they will never want to feel that again.

 

[Zibrahim]

14 years old? No way. 4 years old, sure.

Exactly. I could never beat my dad at things, and I got buttmad about it. But that only fueled my desire to beat the old man.

If you let a 14 year old bitch slide like that he loses ambition and drive to beat you.

 

[Davedough]

I have two girls... I let them win every now and again because I know that being girls, they have a high percentage of not wanting to be gamers later in life. If I had 2 boys, I'd probably stomp them into the ground to teach them they have not yet mastered the console and have much to learn in their quest for greatness.

 

[JGS]

I lean towards no, but it depends on how low the esteem is for the kid. If losing to me inspires him to be competitive enough to win against his peers (Which is routinely the case at least while I was growing up), then lesson has been learned.

My kids always need humility lessons though so I routinely beat them unless it's to show them how to play the game. Also as I get older and they get bigger, they will beat me in everything anyway without mercy.

 

[scotcheggz]

Well, it's sort of tennis...

 

[Aizu_Itsuko]

Many many years ago I discovered that games were about socializing and just plain having fun with my friends, not winning.

I'm much happier now and so are those who play with me.

Spoiler

Then I go online and kill everything that moves... but not in an assholery way.

 

[dschalter]

my dad would cheat to win when i played board games against him.

really.

 

[FairyD]

I was able to beat my dad at most games by the age of 8.

 

[Empty]

my dad used to let me win a bit at table tennis when i was younger, we still play and now i let him win a bit.

i don't think doing so is wrong but i think it depends on the personality, some people get easily discouraged, others thrive on tough competition, you just have to measure each case and decide which is best for having fun.

 

[Harry Dresden]

I smash my opponents on SF4 regardless of gender, age, race, relationship or creed.

 

[Crystalkoen]

I smash my opponents on SF4 regardless of gender, age, race, relationship or creed.

The ONLY way to play. Don't let that kid think random Tatsus from full screen will EVER work. I STILL cringe when I think about my sister's ex-husband playing my 11-year-old nephew at the game, and how the ex-husband could do that and land the hits repeatedly.

On the topic, it is never a good idea to just let a youth win. They start to feel entitled to winning, or at least they feel they have a degree of skill well above what they actually have, and they stop trying to get better. Both of these outcomes are bad.

Case in point, the above-mentioned 11-year-old: He'll play a game, do "pretty well" by his own estimate, start talking shit about how good he is, then when I play 2-player against him he goes uber-sulk mode because he gets wrecked 100% of the time.
The first time he won a game of Magic: The Gathering against me (a mixture of bad luck on my part and smarter play on his, his 10th game or so), he was ecstatic.

Maybe I'm just jaded by my own youth, where I'd play Jeopardy! on the Commodore 64 against my mother. 12 years old, playing against a very intelligent 30-year-old. I assure you, I learned a LOT from those losses, and kept coming back for more... Still can't beat her at trivia, though.

 

[Shanadeus]

No, you shouldn't.
Beat them and point out how you won - so that they can learn from their loss and come back at you with a more refined strategy.

One night they'll kill you in your sleep.

 

[phisheep]

My 14 year old step son and I have been playing tennis for the last year and we've gotten pretty good. However he always loses and never really has a shot to win. and this is with at tops 50% intensity on my part.

Last night i was up 3 games to love and he said he wanted to go home and started whining etc. so i just layed down and he won the next 6 games...

I didn't think I'd feel bad but for some reason it's bothering me. Not only laying down for him but the fact that he thinks he truly won.. in his mind he actually beat me. On the other side i don't want him to get discouraged to the point of getting too down. losing is one thing but losing for a year?

Of course you should. Why do you think you are playing tennis with him? You're not - I hope - doing so you can score yourself cheap victories against a 14-year old. You're doing it for fun. And like everything else that's fun, it is more fun all round if all of you have fun. So if he's whining about it and not having fun you are doing something wrong.

Oh, and has it occurred to you that maybe it is him letting you win because you take it so seriously?

Either play full out and see what he is made of, or let him win some. Winning everything at 50% effort is just taking the piss, and I bet he knows it.

 

[Dr.Acula]

Depends. Is tennis a major sport for him? Because if so, when he hits his growth spurt, he'll probably start cleaning your clock. I say enjoy whooping him now, because by the time he's 16 you're dead, old man. Don't forget, tennis is a sport that skews young. If you were playing golf or something, sure ease up, but on the courts he'll catch up soon.

Then again, if this isn't a sport for him and he doesn't practice, why should he expect to best you?

Maybe you can add some games, like always serve and volley, or always run to your forehand, or never let the ball touch the ground. So instead of it always being about winning, you can incorporate some movement training under the guise of silly rules. Play Calvin ball style where every time someone wins a game, they make up a new rule.