Papa
Banned
Allow me to clarify: it matters if you hold different presidents to different standards based on your own personal biases. Go right ahead and do that if you please, but don't expect me to take your opinion seriously.
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So.. I go on a dating site
- Thread starter pramod
- Start date
Allow me to clarify: it matters if you hold different presidents to different standards based on your own personal biases. Go right ahead and do that if you please, but don't expect me to take your opinion seriously.
Tesseract
Banned
fair enough, but let's not pretend like we're readily identifying our biases either
as for taking opinions seriously, couldn't give a shit either way, probably should hold different personalities to different standards
we're not all equal, i place myself in the shit tier by the way
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ROMhack
Member
Could be because dating sites are totally normalised and normal people are, and largely always have been, boring as fuck. Quite honestly if anybody is putting their political views at the centre of their personality then I'm inclined to think they're a very dull person. Probably somebody who spends all their time browsing social media, where politics is rife.
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Bigarmsbigguns
Banned
I got divorced at 34, no kids myself.
Went on Tinder.
Browsed for about 30 minutes.
Uninstalled.
I'm not raising your little oopsie. Yikes.
Also, that wall, it's real, I thought it was a meme...
F
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Wings 嫩翼翻せ
so it's not nice
What a great thread for an account suicide.
Bigarmsbigguns
Banned
Wings 嫩翼翻せ
so it's not nice
Yeeauhp. Short but sweet, on the last page.
RokkanStoned
Member
Well, for some I assume they have preferences in terms of political ideology when it comes to the person they date. The first one ("I'm a progressive") might outside of being some weird virtue signaling, be a way of making that clear for whoever is going to want to date you or it's a passive way of saying "no conservatives". The "Don't msg me if you're a Trump supporter" is more direct and just says they have preference in terms of political support (though if you tell her you're not a Trump supporter, but a conservative or libertarian, I would imagine that would also turn into a "no", so might be virtue signaling as well). No different than having a religious preference, as it might entail different lifestyles and other differences that might stress the relationship.
The "Racists stay away" is just showing he/she is either mentally deficient in a non-clinical way or just using the platform for virtual signaling. It's not like racists would go "oh! sorry, my bad, gonna go over to this chick without the disclaimer."
Personally, unless you're an extremist, politics don't matter that much to me. My wife is definitely left-wing, though I'd say center-left as she has the most in common with our agrarian party, while I'm center-right. I love discussion, so having someone of different political leaning than me is a plus to me. I also think it's healthy to have a spouse who has a different political leaning than you, it exposes you and your future possible children for different ideas and helps milden extremist tendencies that can happen when an echo chamber is formed.
Wings 嫩翼翻せ
so it's not nice
Sure looks like one after the last week of what this site went through, lol.
Wings 嫩翼翻せ
so it's not nice
Now I get you.
Not to derail... but there was this big RE thread this week that had a bunch of them. The above post read just like some of them.
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hariseldon
Unconfirmed Member
Oh I saw bits of that, too much to wade through. It's still there as far as I know, though I'd describe that as something REE went through, rather than something this site went through, but then maybe I missed something among the enormous thread that I really don't have the time or energy to read in full!
Back to dating for a moment, to re-rail the thread after I de-railed it (sorry).
I have some concerns about the appification of dating, and this thread highlights some part of it. You think we have an echo chamber now but consider a world in which couples select in this overt way, such that children will be born into households consisting of parents who are very much on one side of the fence. I can see that having some profoundly unfortunate social implications.
Second. In a world of #metoo and HR departments, flirting at work isn't really on anymore, and I don't think clubs are quite what they were for meeting people (though I'm getting old so I may have missed that) - all of which has pushed dating to the world of apps and away from the former traditional meatspace ways of getting laid. That may sound great, especially for the socially awkward, but what are the consequences of removing serendipity and replacing it with algorithms? What consequences do we face in letting a corporation decide who we'll date (and considering the subtle and not-so-subtle manipulations the likes of Facebook engage in, it's no stretch to imagine the same happening on Tinder et al)? In taking away a slice of our freedom in what is perhaps the most important part of our lives do we lose some of our humanity or is it merely going to something akin to the arranged marriages found in less developed parts of the world?
iconmaster
Banned
Are premarital nibbles ok though?
Nibbles, yes; but no noms.
Slings and Arrows
Banned
Plus, if you aren't photogenic, don't take good photos, have nobody to take photos of you or don't believe in fucking with filters, your chances of getting laid are zero.
At least IRL ugly dudes could play their A game with hotties. Watching the players use their material was a great source of material on how to attract better bitches.
Joe T.
Member
The "no Trump supporters" thing is even worse/funnier to me when it happens outside the US. I occasionally see it in Canada and being fairly open-minded it just makes me shake my head because I'm as likely to support a conservative as I am a progressive. You can support someone like Trump for any number of reasons, some of which a liberal or progressive might agree with, so to automatically toss people aside based on that alone doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Talk it through via text or on the first date to be sure, but if you aren't willing to talk then chances are that relationship's doomed no matter what.
ROMhack
Member
This is my biggest issue. Nobody takes pictures of me and selfies just don't cut it unless you're a male model. I got smiled at IRL earlier but hot damn I can't work out dating apps.
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I think the chances of any relationship surviving 10+ years that start with a post saying "no opposing political views", are about 1 in 1000.
Slings and Arrows
Banned
I'm in the same boat.
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Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
I’m still surprised that this so off putting to many. The ”opposites attract “ thing has always been mostly bunk when it comes to longterm relationships.
If you dig around into studies (and no I’m not going to provide them, everyone can google or search scholarly libraries), they find that people that stay together tend to be pretty similar in major world/political view issues, income levels (if both are working), education levels, attractiveness ratings and so on. It doesn’t have to be a 100% match, but there are more matches than mismatches and the mismatches tend to be the more minor things.
There are exceptions, and people generally don’t want to be with someone that’s a perfect clone of them of course. But few people can be happy with their polar opposite on things they feel strongly about. Especially with how heated and divisive things are currently. The differences people tend to want are in hobbies and interests, being with someone more extroverted if you’re introverted to force you out of your comfort zone and so on. Not major worldview things as people often lack respect for people on the extreme opposite side of contentious issues.
Seems like a lot of anti-SJW/feminist people are upset that women with those views won’t date them. Which makes no sense as I’m pretty sure those dudes have zero interest in dating SJWs or feminists given how much time they spend complaining about and making fun of those types.
So I see zero problems here. It’s just people being clear about what they want so they don’t waste their or others time in dates that aren’t going to lead anywhere. It’s no different than any other deal breakers or strong preferences being listed.
When I was dating as a very liberal atheist with a PhD and income around $100k who never wanted kids I was pretty much only looking for the same. Being in the south I didn’t want to waste time on conservative, church going, less $educated women who almost uniformly want kids. I don’t thumb my nose as such people or anything, I just have no interest in having relationships or friendships with them as we have pretty much nothing in common beyond perhaps trivial stuff like hobbies. And other than forums I don’t care to talk hobbies with people.
I do get that some are just taking exception to "no Trump supporters" as not everyone that votes for someone shares all their views. But I don't have much issue with that when the candidate in question is far right/far left. People that vote for them may not share all their views, but they share enough to still vote for them are at least willing to overlook the stuff they may find appalling and still vote for them. That's not something I respect as I'd never do that. I'll vote third party or right someone in if the left candidate is too far left for me and supports things that bother me.
If you dig around into studies (and no I’m not going to provide them, everyone can google or search scholarly libraries), they find that people that stay together tend to be pretty similar in major world/political view issues, income levels (if both are working), education levels, attractiveness ratings and so on. It doesn’t have to be a 100% match, but there are more matches than mismatches and the mismatches tend to be the more minor things.
There are exceptions, and people generally don’t want to be with someone that’s a perfect clone of them of course. But few people can be happy with their polar opposite on things they feel strongly about. Especially with how heated and divisive things are currently. The differences people tend to want are in hobbies and interests, being with someone more extroverted if you’re introverted to force you out of your comfort zone and so on. Not major worldview things as people often lack respect for people on the extreme opposite side of contentious issues.
Seems like a lot of anti-SJW/feminist people are upset that women with those views won’t date them. Which makes no sense as I’m pretty sure those dudes have zero interest in dating SJWs or feminists given how much time they spend complaining about and making fun of those types.
So I see zero problems here. It’s just people being clear about what they want so they don’t waste their or others time in dates that aren’t going to lead anywhere. It’s no different than any other deal breakers or strong preferences being listed.
When I was dating as a very liberal atheist with a PhD and income around $100k who never wanted kids I was pretty much only looking for the same. Being in the south I didn’t want to waste time on conservative, church going, less $educated women who almost uniformly want kids. I don’t thumb my nose as such people or anything, I just have no interest in having relationships or friendships with them as we have pretty much nothing in common beyond perhaps trivial stuff like hobbies. And other than forums I don’t care to talk hobbies with people.
I do get that some are just taking exception to "no Trump supporters" as not everyone that votes for someone shares all their views. But I don't have much issue with that when the candidate in question is far right/far left. People that vote for them may not share all their views, but they share enough to still vote for them are at least willing to overlook the stuff they may find appalling and still vote for them. That's not something I respect as I'd never do that. I'll vote third party or right someone in if the left candidate is too far left for me and supports things that bother me.
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I wouldn’t want to date a trump supporter either, so what
Anything wrong with having preferences?
Unless it’s a hookup site, but for dating / relationships, compatibility is important
Sounds like your salty you can’t find anyone
I think its downright hysterical actually, because my life experiences tell me the women who trumpet their political views on a dating website (in this manner) will most likely be relegated to living with just their cats (or small dogs) by the age of 40.
D
Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
Anecdotes and all that. My wife and a lot of her and my female friends do/have done/would do that and all have multiple degrees and make six-figure salaries. It's a lot of self selection bias. I have that experience as we have PhDs, make that kind of money and really only hangout with people in the same boat. You probably run in very different social circles so your anecdotal evidence is what you say.
Again, people tend to want relationships and friendships with people mostly similar to themselves. We want to hang out with other smart, well-educated people who make enough money to do the things we like to do, so that leads to the social circle we have. Blue collar folks tend to hang out with people with similar views, education levels, incomes who do the things they like to do. Just the way socialization works and why anecdotes are so meaningless.
It doesn't have to mean looking down upon people different, it just tends to naturally work out that way as friendships form and fall off over the years. As another example, pretty much all of our friends are fellow DINKs. We didn't actively avoid or drop friends that had kids, they just fellow off over time as they were too busy and broke to accept many invites to things we do and we aren't getting or wanting invites to things like their kids sporting events or play dates with other parents.
Decent looking sociable people still can go out and get laid all the time, without dating apps
You should see it simply as more options, not less
Flirting at work being a no no is a good thing. Your there to work not get laid, plus unfortunately a lot of men have been shit to women and created this whole thing, it’s not women’s fault that sexual harassment became such an issue that metoo was born
Agreed on the anecdotes and all that, and your point is well taken. There is nothing wrong with saying I know what works for me and what does not. I can still have fun with it of course, but I am being somewhat serious in my generalization. In my life experience (even as someone with multiple degrees and a six figure salary) the short term happiness that comes from making politics a litmus test for relationships (of any sort) will typically result in long term loneliness or ending up settling when most of the fish have already been caught (followed by post-divorce loneliness). Regardless of which of my various social circles these types fall into, they can generally be counted on to post (on social media) endless streams of political thoughts, pics of their pets they treat as children, and sometimes invitations to the birthday parties they are throwing themselves (either literally or in the form of notice of which bar they will celebrate their birthday at).
I would also suggest the old adage comes into play here, which basically says husbands cannot understand why their wives changed so much, and wive's cannot understand why their husbands don't change. More to the point, putting up so many artificial barriers to a relationship in the younger years can be devastating for someone who suddenly wants children before its too late. For those who end up in that boat, these prior litmus tests will be regretted in many cases. All of a sudden, the guys willing to spend 40-60 hours working, and the rest of the week focused on their families, will not seem so bad just because they voted one way or the other.
D
Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
Fair enough. In my social circle none of us are that active in posting politics on social media and rarely talk about it when out. But that's more self selection as I'm not that engaged and don't like talking politics so I don't gravitate toward those types and the few acquaintances I have that do that get hidden from my Facebook feed etc.
On the loneliness stuff, I think you're over reading things there a bit. DINKs tend to just be different. We're mostly not the most extroverted types, aren't nurturing types (hence not wanting/disliking kids) so we're not going to be the most empathetic friends in terms of throwing parties for others etc. It's still not loneliness when someone or their partner sends out Facebook invites to celebrate a birthday party at a bar and 20-30 people show up. It's just a different lifestyle/mindset than say the family types that have smaller an closer knit friend/family groups. Not everyone needs/wants that. I'm not a people person and don't like get togethers more than a couple times a month and otherwise just due stuff with my wife and some double dates with other couples. We're all more focused on our careers and hobbies than family and friendships, and we're all very happy. None of us need that type of traditional partner as we all make enough to support our lives on our own incomes, aren't having kids thus aren't needing someone to share parenting duties and so on. Relationships are a lot simpler when you just need someone who's your best friend and good in the sack and don't have financial and child rearing stress weighting things down.
I don't think I am overthinking. I think its perfectly logical to assume someone is lonely when they are over 30, without a significant other, treating pets like children, etc. , etc. Perhaps if I lived in DC my anecdotal life experiences would be the direct opposite, but in my world the people who had political litmus tests (and sometimes other types of litmus tests I found crazy) for relationship a decade back seem as miserable today as back then, just with more cats to care for. You would be an exception to the general rule because you actually found someone with the same views who has not changed in ways that make you incompatible. But that's like hitting the relationship lottery in my humble opinion.
D
Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
Fair enough. I missed the point about them being single. Few in our social circle are (we mostly do stuff with other couples) and the couple of guys/gals who are single go on a ton of dates and are out and about with groups of friends all the time. Some also post a lot of pet pics and what not, but not because they're lonely losers or anything. There aren't any crazy cat/dog guys/gals in our group or Facebook feeds who are single and homebodies. We're a bunch of out on the town yuppies who aren't tied down by kids/families and are living it up as DINKs.
But yeah, I was in DC for seven years and now Atlanta which are cities full of liberal, politically passionate/active young professionals. Its the conservatives who are outcasts here and why there are few of them living ITP (inside the perimeter interstate that surrounds the city--same idea as the Beltway in DC) as you find few sympathetic ears for that stuff in the 20-40 crowd who live in the city, especially in the trendy neighborhoods. Similarly, I'd be miserable as an outcast if I lived very far OTP--as I know from growing up in WV which, outside of say Mississippi, it's about as bad a place for a highly educated and liberal person to fit in and find good matches as there is in the country.
Anyway, my point being I think--mental illness etc. aside--loneliness is more of an issue if you're an outcast somewhere. If you're a very liberal person in a city full of liberals, or a very conservative person in a suburb or small town or rural area full of very conservative people it's pretty easy to find a ton of like-minded people to date and befriend. If you're an outcast, it's very hard to fit in. Obviously super extremists on either side will more or less be outcasts anywhere and that's where you get your crazy cat ladies/dudes in the city or lonely crazy, racist uncle in the trailer park. Though I think my mental illness stipulation covers most of those types.
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hariseldon
Unconfirmed Member
So many couples have met at work, and you want to deny that for a few extremists? Very few men have misbehaved, the response is disproportionate.
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Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
I'd agree the response is disproportionate. That said, I've always thought dating at work is a bad idea. Especially if you're talking a career rather than an easy to leave job. Just the basic "don't shit where you eat" idea. It generally sucks being around someone you broke up with/got dumped by and it sucks extra if you/they have to leave a good job to get away from that person. Especially for someone like me who works in academia where changing jobs is hard. There's only so many good departments in my field (and no others in my state, much less city), competition for jobs is fierce and even if I could find another job the cycle is such that you're interviewing for jobs in Sept-Nov that won't start until the following August. Thus I never had any interest in dating in the work place. Far different if it's some shit retail job or dime a dozen corporate lackey job that you can easily go somewhere else without moving cities.
Bandit Messiah
Member
Is it really a surprise that people want to date others that are at least slightly close to them on their political views? I've gone down that road of being with someone on the opposite of the political spectrum, it's not fun and in the end it isn't worth it.
Although the strangest thing I ever see on dating sites is girls that say they don't want a man that drinks to much, but a ton of their photos are of them at the bar partying it up. Like, wtf?
Although the strangest thing I ever see on dating sites is girls that say they don't want a man that drinks to much, but a ton of their photos are of them at the bar partying it up. Like, wtf?
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hariseldon
Unconfirmed Member
While I understand all of that, the risk it entails, for most people their job is disposable, another one will be available out there somewhere, and more importantly shouldn't we allow them the freedom to make mistakes? Further, this position requires a very mechanistic view of love, that 'the one' might be working in your office but you must ignore her. I'm an old romantic at heart and that idea appalls me. So much that is wrong with the world today comes from shying away from the messiness of human relations, cc an almost autistic black and white view of human behaviour that shuts us away behind algorithms, or worse, human manipulation.
D
Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
To be fair, what you said isn't them saying they don't want a man who drinks too much, not that they want to date only non-drinkers. It's mostly a "no alcoholics" disclaimer. There's a difference between drinking (even heavily) socially here and there and getting plastered every night. And I say that as someone who definitely drinks far more than I should. It's not fun being with a raging alcoholic and dealing with their fuck ups and drama.
Fair enough. I'm not a romantic at all and more of a realist. I never bought into "the one" or any of that shit. There are tons of people out there I could be perfectly happy with. I love my wife, but if she got hit by a bus I'd grieve and have no doubts that I'd find someone who made me just as happy (or even happier) sooner or later.
But yes, I think people should have freedom to date in the workplace if they like. There's no restrictions against dating employees as my university. Hell, not even a full on restriction about dating students (terrible idea)--just that they can't be in your class or people you're mentoring in grad school and that you have to make your chair aware of it. There just need to be strong protections against harassment, stalking etc. as people should be comfortable in the work place. Flirt appropriately, stop if interest isn't returned and I see no problem. It's just not something I do as it's not worth it to me given my views on love and dating options and the difficulty of moving jobs.
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Bandit Messiah
Member
Oh, I get that. But what bothers me is when they imply that they don't want drinking to be a major part of their life, but then half or more of their photos are of them drinking it's sending one hell of a mixed message.
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Deleted member 752119
Unconfirmed Member
That's definitely a fair point. I think a lot of it is that you're encouraged to put up picks of you doing things with friends on dating profiles and so much of that is drinking with friends for a lot of people.
That said, they just need to be clearer in writing their profiles. It's not hard to say "I like to drink and party sometimes, but no alcoholics or drug addicts please" or something of that ilk. Tinder has worsened things as profiles are so much shorter on there than places like OK Cupid, Match.com etc.
DKehoe
Gold Member
Getting laid is easier than it's ever been. Apps like Tinder make it ridiculously simple. If you can't get laid in 2019 you probably need to start doing some serious introspection.
Slings and Arrows
Banned
It's only easier if you can take a picture from a good angle and run it through filters.
I prefer the game of chatting women up in bars but that scene is dying.
Even chatting women up at work is a no no nowadays. It's not worth your job.
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juliotendo
Member
Once a woman dominates a man, the relationship is over.
Women are biologically attracted to men they know they cannot and will never dominate.
Starfield
Member
Well hello, today I met a girl from okcupid and it was a really really nice date. I think it's a good sign that we both couldn't stop talking and we basically always had an interesting conversation and lots of things in common (she studies medicine and I am going to study Radiologytechnology, also im a medic).
I'm going away with a positive feeling from the date and we already said it would be great to meet again, but due to her having alot of exams right now she can't have time every day so now I gotta be patient.
How do my fellow gaffers know their date did went well?
I'm going away with a positive feeling from the date and we already said it would be great to meet again, but due to her having alot of exams right now she can't have time every day so now I gotta be patient.
How do my fellow gaffers know their date did went well?
goldenpp72
Member
I'd not want to breed with Trump fans so I get it.
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SLoWMoTIoN
Unconfirmed Member
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Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Yeah, because it's very likely they're too busy already being in a happy relationship/marriage.
TrainedRage
Banned
Went on two dates from "dating sites". They were both busts. I went to a show with one girl, TV on The Radio. She didn't like them so I was like seeya!
The other one was obsessed with Offspring and seemingly just wanted me to come over and fix her stereo system.
The other one was obsessed with Offspring and seemingly just wanted me to come over and fix her stereo system.
TrainedRage
Banned
Have him go to a "Latin Night" or something similar at a club. Those chicks WILL dance with you... they are crazy. In my experience. Have him put "willing to marry if you need citizenship" in his profile.
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hariseldon
Unconfirmed Member
I knew my OkCupid date went well when I married her.
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