So.. just got kicked off the suicide hotline because there is a half hour limit..

[0coolclimate0]

It's terrible when you feel like death and you have to turn to neogaf. Not that I don't love you guys and love this forum.. but these.people are supposed to help! I don't feel any fucking better, I'm not cool at all. I feel worse than before, even suicide specialist or whatever don't wanna speak to me. I constantly spend everyday listening to other people's issues and dealing with everyone else. I run an adult group at a temple, I'm chairman of Hanukkah committee, I'm involved and martial arts I do amateur fighting. I'm always dealing with other people's problems and I don't know who to turn to for my own. I can't talk to anyone of my family because I can't be that person who has issues I have to be able to be there for them. Who the fuck am I supposed to talk to? The last time I met with the therapist I ended up having a nice 72-hour visit to a hospital that was not of my choice. Who can I call? What can I do? If I'm not allowed to show weakness because other people will suffer for it who was supposed to turn to? And that suicide because "no one will miss me" is nonsense that's totally not how I feel. I'm sure people will miss me, I'm just at a point where I don't care. I just don't fucking care.

 

[ronaldthump]

Don't hurt yourself. It'll get better.

A friend of mine hung herself and it hurt everyone. It'll get better.

 

[ronaldthump]

it will get better. I understand that depression is a funny thing but if you do it - You'll never experience life when it turns around and you'll be happy.

take care of yourself.

 

[0coolclimate0]

I ran to my grandmother's tonight because she's in Australia and I knew no one was here. I have to hide someone else's fucking house just to be able to get away from people who want you constantly ask me for advice or want my opinion and I know that sounds egotistical but it's totally true in my situation people are always asking me. And the truth is I don't even have the answers I think I just say shit that sounds really good and people think it's true. I do my best but it's not perfect.

 

[jacob armitage]

Try another hotline! I'm fairly sure there are multiple, or just chat with us for awhile - we can at least keep you company.

I truly know how hard it can be.

 

[Schwarzbier]

Yeah, so, if it's GAF that can help, let GAF help.

Don't do it, please! Just talk to us if need be. I don't know what this half an hour bull shit is about but please don't do anything.

I've felt similar to you, I came out of it, I finally got happy.

Anybody can do this, so can you.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Think of any immeasurable ways you could improve your life. Travel. New career. New hobby. Write. They're hard, sure... but all those things are particularly harder to achieve without a pulse.

Stay strong and realise that people would miss you, we'd miss you, the world gains nothing by you being gone. From what you've told us it sounds like you make big contributions to your community, even if the people with problems don't make it seem like they do, you would leave a hole in their lives.

 

[lvl99 Pixel]

I found talking to someone who actually knows you and cares more helpful than those
These days I dont really have anyone like that so next time im probably just gone

 

[jacob armitage]

If you have a mental health facility in your town they may even have a local one, i know my city here in Canada does.

 

[super-heated plasma]

I ran to my grandmother's tonight because she's in Australia and I knew no one was here. I have to hide someone else's fucking house just to be able to get away from people who want you constantly ask me for advice or want my opinion and I know that sounds egotistical but it's totally true in my situation people are always asking me. And the truth is I don't even have the answers I think I just say shit that sounds really good and people think it's true. I do my best but it's not perfect.

You seriously need to take time for yourself. Take a vacation. Something. I can't stress how important that is. Please don't give up.

 

[0coolclimate0]

Can I was a crazy night. I got left and a parking garage by a friend that I've had for 3 almost 4 years. She got drunk and decided to leave me because I didn't want to sit there and watch her get wasted and talk to people. So I told her to take me home which was 10 minutes away from the bar by the way. She left me in this fucking parking garage. And I'm not the kind of person who's willing to argue or get physical in any way shape or form with female. It's just not who I am. And so I had to call a friend that I train with comma he here 40 minutes to get me just to drive me 10 minutes home. The problem is now who respects me and I respect those that I got left out of fucking bar and I'm concerned it's going to spread and I'm going to be that fucking guy. I used to live in Riverside County and that was a constant thing I was known as that person that had issues and I don't want to bring that with me. But I didn't want to walk home either.

 

[ronaldthump]

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

1300 22 4636

Lifeline

13 11 14.

If you're in australia.

 

[TheGreatDirector]

If you have a mental health facility in your town they may even have a local one, i know my city here in Canada does.

This. See if you can check yourself in for some time.

 

[Schwarzbier]

the world gains nothing by you being gone.

Absolutely this.

You shared your feelings, you sparked a response, you matter.

Keep mattering.

 

[0coolclimate0]

And I can't even spell right because I'm fucking vibrating with anger and sadness. I don't even know what emotions I'm feeling but they're not fucking understandable at least for myself. This is not just die because of tonight thing either, for the last few days I've been driving around just thinking about where I could crash my car and make it look like an accident so no one judged me for dying.

 

[jacob armitage]

I ran to my grandmother's tonight because she's in Australia and I knew no one was here. I have to hide someone else's fucking house just to be able to get away from people who want you constantly ask me for advice or want my opinion and I know that sounds egotistical but it's totally true in my situation people are always asking me. And the truth is I don't even have the answers I think I just say shit that sounds really good and people think it's true. I do my best but it's not perfect.

I know its really hard to take advice when you're in a bad head space. The only thing i can say is that in the future you will look back and be so glad you didn't do anything too drastic. I can promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that you'll be glad to still be here.

If you're comfortable telling us the city you're in we can help you look up resources.

And I can't even spell right because I'm fucking vibrating with anger and sadness. I don't even know what emotions I'm feeling but they're not fucking understandable at least for myself. This is not just die because of tonight thing either, for the last few days I've been driving around just thinking about where I could crash my car and make it look like an accident so no one judged me for dying.

Don't worry about your spelling, i'm the typo master. I edit 90% of my posts after making silly typos, you'd think i'd learn to proof read better! I promise it'll pass, we truly know how hard it can be and can relate. Have you looked into counselling or therapy where you are? I know it does me wonders, just to have someone to get everything out to and just talk without judgement.

 

[Korey]

It's terrible when you feel like death and you have to turn to neogaf. Not that I don't love you guys and love this forum.. but these.people are supposed to help! I don't feel any fucking better, I'm not cool at all. I feel worse than before, even suicide specialist or whatever don't wanna speak to me. I constantly spend everyday listening to other people's issues and dealing with everyone else. I run an adult group at a temple, I'm chairman of Hanukkah committee, I'm involved and martial arts I do amateur fighting. I'm always dealing with other people's problems and I don't know who to turn to for my own. I can't talk to anyone of my family because I can't be that person who has issues I have to be able to be there for them. Who the fuck am I supposed to talk to? The last time I met with the therapist I ended up having a nice 72-hour visit to a hospital that was not of my choice. Who can I call? What can I do? If I'm not allowed to show weakness because other people will suffer for it who was supposed to turn to? And that suicide because "no one will miss me" is nonsense that's totally not how I feel. I'm sure people will miss me, I'm just at a point where I don't care. I just don't fucking care.

Listen to me.

Start a new life. Changing your life is better than ending it.

Quit your job. Cut off all ties with the people in your life. Family and friends. Move to a different city.

You'll feel refreshed and you'll lose the baggage you currently have in your life.

You always have options. It's not difficult to get a new start; simply move to a different city and start a new life.

When you're ready, you can reach out to your old family and friends. But not until you're in a great place. Take care of YOURSELF first.

 

[0coolclimate0]

I know its really hard to take advice when you're in a bad head space. The only thing i can say is that in the future you will look back and be so glad you didn't do anything too drastic. I can promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that you'll be glad to still be here.

If you're comfortable telling us the city you're in we can help you look up resources.

I've already done some shit that's going to be physically noticeable. Now I have to worry about making sure it's covered up. Just another thing to add to the list of concerns. I just don't know who I'm supposed to turn to. I can't talk to the therapist because they want to throw me in a fucking Hospital. I don't want to go to hospital I just want to talk about shit. Just for once I want my feelings and my problems can matter and I want someone else to have it an answer even if it's not perfect, but something that sounds good or makes me feel better just fucking once.

 

[the_batman]

i don't want to be responsible for you feeling even worse, but forget about trying to be a perfect person and be yourself. talk to your family, talk to gaf, etc.

people who judge others negatively for having emotions and feelings are not people you want to impress anyway.

 

[0coolclimate0]

I know its really hard to take advice when you're in a bad head space. The only thing i can say is that in the future you will look back and be so glad you didn't do anything too drastic. I can promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that you'll be glad to still be here.

If you're comfortable telling us the city you're in we can help you look up resources.



Don't worry about your spelling, i'm the typo master. I edit 90% of my posts after making silly typos, you'd think i'd learn to proof read better! I promise it'll pass, we truly know how hard it can be and can relate. Have you looked into counselling or therapy where you are? I know it does me wonders, just to have someone to get everything out to and just talk without judgement.

I don't want to say what city I'm in. I turned off all my location and stuff when I called the suicide online. I do not want to go back to hospital I don't want to lose my position I don't want to have to explain myself. I work so fucking hard to get where I'm at. If I lose all that I literally will have a nothing.

 

[jacob armitage]

I've already done some shit that's going to be physically noticeable. Now I have to worry about making sure it's covered up. Just another thing to add to the list of concerns. I just don't know who I'm supposed to turn to. I can't talk to the therapist because they want to throw me in a fucking Hospital. I don't want to go to hospital I just want to talk about shit. Just for once I want my feelings and my problems can matter and I want someone else to have it an answer even if it's not perfect, but something that sounds good or makes me feel better just fucking once.

Thats OK, if you've hurt yourself it can be considered a form of harm reduction to keep you from doing anything too drastic, think of it as a positive. You're alive, you feel! Even if its a bit crappy right now.

You can always talk to us, even if you're not in crisis. Come join the mental health thread or just strike up a conversation!

I don't want to say what city I'm in. I turned off all my location and stuff when I called the suicide online. I do not want to go back to hospital I don't want to lose my position I don't want to have to explain myself. I work so fucking hard to get where I'm at. If I lose all that I literally will have a nothing.

There may be a counsellor you're able to speak with, just to have someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn't be tied to a hospital, or anything like that. Maybe ever do some mental health exercises or groups, it may sound daft but i still take them pretty regularly and i'm very appreciate of it.

 

[thespot84]

Is the rabbi an option?

 

[0coolclimate0]

Thats OK, if you've hurt yourself it can be considered a form of harm reduction to keep you from doing anything too drastic, think of it as a positive. You're alive, you feel! if its a crappy right now.

You can always talk to us, even if you're not in crisis. Come join the mental health thread or just strike up a conversation!

What's the link to the mental health thread how do I get there?
Is crazy that GAF has been able to give me better advice then a suicide hotline. I don't know what kind of training those people get. And the lady definitely listen to me, but she wasn't able to say anything back.

 

[Professor Beef]

Sounds to me like you need a vacation. I'm not saying that in a "here's the solution, duh" tone, but from everything you've said, it just sounds like you're overworked. I get being the one everyone goes to for a solution (I'm that guy with my friends and family too), but sometimes you just need some me time. Try to plan out a long weekend for yourself, maybe even an entire week, and just do what YOU want. Contemplate cutting communication during that time too. It's just an idea.

I get that helping others is important, but man you gotta look out for the MVP: yourself.

 

[TheGreatDirector]

What's the link to the mental health thread how do I get there?
Is crazy that GAF has been able to give me better advice then a suicide hotline. I don't know what kind of training those people get. And the lady definitely listen to me, but she wasn't able to say anything back.

Here's the link:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1257426&page=47

 

[jacob armitage]

What's the link to the mental health thread how do I get there?
Is crazy that GAF has been able to give me better advice then a suicide hotline. I don't know what kind of training those people get. And the lady definitely listen to me, but she wasn't able to say anything back.

Light in the darkness my friend.

 

[jeemer]

I run an adult group at a temple, I'm chairman of Hanukkah committee, I'm involved and martial arts I do amateur fighting. I'm always dealing with other people's problems and I don't know who to turn to for my own.

would it be possible for you to withdraw from some of your commitments for personal reasons, at least on a temporary basis? if these things are weighing on your mind they are adding to your pressures, maybe a break would help.

 

[daffy]

sup op? i love breath of fire can't believe what capcon has done with the franchise lately

 

[BarringGaffner]

It's not that they don't want to speak with you- There is a time limit because other people need help too, and we unfortunately don't live in a world where there are more resources for that. Don't take it personally.

 

[GrizzNKev]

Hey man.

There was a time where I also had these thoughts and feelings. I try really hard to help a lot of people and it's exhausting sometimes, and I feel like I have nowhere to turn with my own problems. So I get you. It might last a day. A week. A little longer. But you get through it, and when you do, things get a lot better. It took me a while and I had lots of doubts and low points along the way, but if you're anything like me, you'll find people who understand you and will be there for you. Don't give up.

 

[0coolclimate0]

Yeah I don't know, I'll figure something out. I figure... If Ican just promise myself not to do anything tonight then it gives me a full day to reconfigure my brain or whatever the hell it's called and gather my thoughts.

 

[Easy_D]

I don't want to say what city I'm in. I turned off all my location and stuff when I called the suicide online. I do not want to go back to hospital I don't want to lose my position I don't want to have to explain myself. I work so fucking hard to get where I'm at. If I lose all that I literally will have a nothing.

For starters, you're reaching out and that's a really good thing.
The bolded sounds like a pretty dang good reason to go on living too, OP . If you worked hard you're gonna have to keep working hard to stay where you are, that's life. I'm not gonna say I understand your particular situation, but yeah, it seems to me you have a will to go on with your life.

 

[0coolclimate0]

So I will report back in tomorrow. I appreciate everyone being there for me. I know it's just an interner forum and I know no one knows me.. but it doesn't really matter and it's good to see that even posting on the internet people care enough to respond.

 

[jacob armitage]

Yeah I don't know, I'll figure something out. I figure... If Ican just promise myself not to do anything tonight then it gives me a full day to reconfigure my brain or whatever the hell it's called and gather my thoughts.

Absolutely. When you're feeling better i'd be happy to help you find some resources local to you, maybe try setting up a counsellor session or something akin so you don't have to carry all that weight yourself.

Maybe lighten your burden a little too with so many commitments, we're humans, we do tend to burn out here and there. I know the people in your life will understand, your health comes first. If you're having a tough day, or just want to chat, come post in the mental health thread.

So I will report back in tomorrow. I appreciate everyone being there for me. I know it's just an interner forum and I know no one knows me.. but it doesn't really matter and it's good to see that even posting on the internet people care enough to respond.

Hey, we'll be for you when you need us. You ain't heavy man, your our brother.

 

[wrestleman]

If anonymity and a community of like-minded or similarly interested individuals is what helps you, there is no problem with utilizing it. Get yourself into the MH thread, and just talk. I've gone in there just to write out what I felt and never went back in. Sometimes it helps to just spew out what is on your mind and know that somebody read it and absorbed it even if you personally never want to see what you wrote again.

I agree with what was said above. If where you are in life isn't to your liking, then even the smallest change to switch things up can be an enlightening difference maker even if you're not capable of a whole 'new life' right this second.

 

[jacob armitage]

Get yourself into the MH thread, and just talk. I've gone in there just to write out what I felt and never went back in. Sometimes it helps to just spew out what is on your mind and know that somebody read it and absorbed it even if you personally never want to see what you wrote again. .

I write posts in there but don't actually submit them, i just use it as a journaling device.

 

[Muppet of a Man]

It's terrible when you feel like death and you have to turn to neogaf. Not that I don't love you guys and love this forum.. but these.people are supposed to help! I don't feel any fucking better, I'm not cool at all. I feel worse than before, even suicide specialist or whatever don't wanna speak to me. I constantly spend everyday listening to other people's issues and dealing with everyone else. I run an adult group at a temple, I'm chairman of Hanukkah committee, I'm involved and martial arts I do amateur fighting. I'm always dealing with other people's problems and I don't know who to turn to for my own. I can't talk to anyone of my family because I can't be that person who has issues I have to be able to be there for them. Who the fuck am I supposed to talk to? The last time I met with the therapist I ended up having a nice 72-hour visit to a hospital that was not of my choice. Who can I call? What can I do? If I'm not allowed to show weakness because other people will suffer for it who was supposed to turn to? And that suicide because "no one will miss me" is nonsense that's totally not how I feel. I'm sure people will miss me, I'm just at a point where I don't care. I just don't fucking care.

It's okay to take a break from the things that are burdening you, to remove that weight from your shoulders. You sound like a really good person. You deserve to take a break and unburden yourself of this weight you are carrying. We all need to from time to time.

We put these expectations on ourselves to be the keystone which holds everything together. If you do this for too many other people and stretch yourself too thin, you wind up avoiding taking care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, you ultimately can't care for others in any sort of sustainable fashion.

Remember, the first step to loving others is to love yourself, flaws, perceived shortcomings, and everything else. And from the sound of it, you are a good person and you deserve your own respect. Please take time off and unburden yourself from your day-to-day responsibilities. Go hang out with friends for your own benefit, not theirs. Be selfish for just a minute. Again, we all need to be that kid that plays hooky from school for a long overdue mental vacation that we deserve.

 

[timetokill]

So I will report back in tomorrow. I appreciate everyone being there for me. I know it's just an interner forum and I know no one knows me.. but it doesn't really matter and it's good to see that even posting on the internet people care enough to respond.

Good idea, dude. And good on you for reaching out. I have these kinds of thoughts on occasion and the only thing that helps is talking to somebody, even if it's only online.

Get some sleep, it'll help.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

I know how you feel OP. Well, no. I don't. I'm not you and I don't have your problems. But I've been in that "why the hell should I even care when it hurts so bad just to live" state before. So I can relate to that at least.

Here's my honest advice on what I think will help:

A) Find a person or place to vent to. NeoGAF might seem like a "silly" or ineffectual place to do so but it's way, way better than nothing. If the suicide hotline is cutting you off then they're not doing their job. There's a mental health thread, there's now this thread, nobody here is going to disagree that you don't deserve to blow off steam and we're all here to help you, relative strangers that we may be.

B) It will get better. I'm not going to be that guy who says your life is guaranteed to improve. Maybe it won't. But there are things you can do even if your life stays the same. Find new people to talk to, do something creative, focus on your martial arts, find a way to lose yourself in something. Hell, start a blog or a podcast on something you care about. Your state of mind can change even if your situation doesn't. You can find pockets of life worth living for amidst the pockets of life that make you want to kill yourself.

I know this sounds relatively harsh, but I'm trying to look at things realistically from someone who's been in suicidal slumps for years at a time when things didn't get better, but actually got worse. When things got to a certain point I realized I had to stop whining about life (even if it was justified) and find a new attitude to take/things to invest myself in. Also accept that you will have high days and low days. But really, the high days and moments are what life is really about. You called the hotline, you made this thread, you know you don't really want to die because you've experienced moments of life like this. So hold onto that concept.

There's always the possibility that your situation will actually get better, too. Hope that it will is a powerful motivational tool in itself.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong. Hope your situation does genuinely improve. It's ok to break down every once in a while. Much love from a fellow gaffer. Sorry if this wasn't much help.

 

[jdstorm]

OP. Ive been where you are. Sometimes when things get a bit crazy you just have to ride it out. You will be able to process these emotions better tomorrow if you can just make it there. Things will get better.

The best thing you can do right now is put as many obstacles between yourself and things that can do you harm. Find a safe place, with no access to things you can harm yourself with and let it whatever you are feeling pass.

 

[gotoadgo]

Listen to me.

Start a new life. Changing your life is better than ending it.

Quit your job. Cut off all ties with the people in your life. Family and friends. Move to a different city.

You'll feel refreshed and you'll lose the baggage you currently have in your life.

You always have options. It's not difficult to get a new start; simply move to a different city and start a new life.

When you're ready, you can reach out to your old family and friends. But not until you're in a great place. Take care of YOURSELF first.

What? Cutting out family and friends is an absolutely horrible idea. You should be encouraging him to use his support network, not abandon it...

OP, I think you need to learn to use your family and friends for support. You can't always be the rock, sometimes someone else needs to be that rock for you instead. A good network of family and friends, which you seem to have, is invaluable when feeling like this.

 

[StalkerUKCG]

OP where are you located if you don't mind me asking?

 

[lvl99 Pixel]

What? Cutting out family and friends is an absolutely horrible idea. You should be encouraging him to use his support network, not abandon it...

OP, I think you need to learn to use your family and friends for support. You can't always be the rock, sometimes someone else needs to be that rock for you instead. A good network of family and friends, which you seem to have, is invaluable when feeling like this.

what if your family is horrible and you haven't got friends? sometimes government funded help lines are all we have, and sometimes the people working at them don't give a shit.
Theres a fucking time limit on this guys hotline where people deciding the finality of their lives and half an hour is absolutely not enough time.

 

[finley83]

Sorry to hear that, it sounds like that must have been very distressing. If you have access to VOIP then you could try the Samaritans in UK - UK number 116 123. They are a confidential service that are open 24/7 and will listen to you, whatever you're going through, and won't hang up on you. If that number doesn't work then try one of the local branch numbers e.g 01422 349349.

Their website is here www.samaritans.org if you want more info. Best of luck - hope you get through this.

 

[Korey]

What? Cutting out family and friends is an absolutely horrible idea. You should be encouraging him to use his support network, not abandon it...

OP, I think you need to learn to use your family and friends for support. You can't always be the rock, sometimes someone else needs to be that rock for you instead. A good network of family and friends, which you seem to have, is invaluable when feeling like this.

It sounds like his family and friends are the source of his problems. Or at the very least, they're not helping. Did you read the OP?

In any case, my point was that you can start a new life with no strings attached. Which is better than killing yourself over the issues in your current life.

 

[TheSecondSpitter]

Go talk to a Rabbi.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

1300 22 4636

Lifeline

13 11 14.

If you're in australia.

Gee, you could have bothered to read his post and profile.

 

[gotoadgo]

what if your family is horrible and you haven't got friends? sometimes government funded help lines are all we have, and sometimes the people working at them don't give a shit.
Theres a fucking time limit on this guys hotline where people deciding the finality of their lives and half an hour is absolutely not enough time.

He doesn't mention that they're horrible, only that he feels he has to be the strong one for them. I think he needs to change that mindset, as they can be there for him as much as he is for them.

It sounds like his family and friends are the source of his problems. Or at the very least, they're not helping. Did you read the OP?

In any case, my point was that you can start a new life with no strings attached. Which is better than killing yourself over the issues in your current life.

Of course I read it. It sounds like he has a large circle of people who would probably be more than willing to listen to him, he's just hesitant to lay that on them. I think cutting them off and moving to a completely new place with no support network is a terrible idea. Why would you recommend something so extreme so quickly anyway?

Without more information, I think he just needs to see that the people around him can help him more than he thinks.

 

[lvl99 Pixel]

He doesn't mention that they're horrible, only that he feels he has to be the strong one for them. I think he needs to change that mindset, as they can be there for him as much as he is for them.

was talking about my own situation, but I guess that was worded poorly. Thought I could at least leave the world helping other people not end up like me.

 

[Baron Doggystyle von Woof]

i'm sorry you feel this way OP.

I can only say these things:

- Stop listening to other people's problems if it's becoming too much.
- It's oke to show your weakness to other people.
- You are not your thoughts. This is an important one which helps me a lot.
- Take some time for yourself. By that I mean away from people you know and away from work.

You are loved.

 

[TheContact]

I know you said your part of a Hanukkah committee. I'm Jewish too and I've always been able to confide in my Rabbi when I couldn't go to my parents. Have you tried that? I'm not religious and if you aren't maybe you could start? It's helpful in these kinds of situations. I wish you the best of luck OP and think of all the good things to look forward to in life like Space X and new video games. Maybe go out with friends more often (good friends, not that girl who ditched you) and maybe you'll actually meet someone you care for who can help you through this. Are you on any medication for anti depressants?