The elusive perfect poop

DoctorEkkoUK

Member
Dec 14, 2014
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You know when you do one of those dumps, the ones that come out as a perfectly formed solid log that makes that satisfying "ker-dunk" sound is it plunges into the water? the ones where you can tell the entire log has dropped out with no need for straining or pinching. Then you go to wipe and there is barely any need to. You wipe out of politeness more than necessity.

For me those kind of dumps are a rarity but make me feel joy. My question is do any of you enjoy these types of movements on a regular/constant basis? If so can you share your secrets? please don't just say fibre because I eat tonnes of fibre and we all know there must be way more to it than just that. Is it even possible? Am I chasing an unobtainable dream? ...maybe but don't they say shoot for the moon and you might reach the stars .
 

Musky_Cheese

Community Liaison
Oct 23, 2016
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It’s not a rarity for me. But I can’t tell you how to replicate it either.

It just happens. And when it does, appreciate it. But never take it for granted.
 
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womfalcs3

Member
May 11, 2007
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I have those every couple of days. They tend to make me hungry afterwards too, since they're making room for my stomach.
 
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Eraroten

Gold Member
Mar 20, 2017
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I have experienced these type of dumps and yes it's always an enlightened feeling.
 
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synchronicity

Member
Dec 16, 2011
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I almost never have to wipe, but I eat an incredibly clean, high-fiber, natural, mostly vegetarian diet.

I know it's my diet because if I ever slip for a bit on vacation or whatever, it's always time to wipe again, lol.

Nothing is worse than the magic marker poop. :p

 
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womfalcs3

Member
May 11, 2007
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Worst are those peanut butter like shits. Spend 20 minutes wiping but all you are doing is smearing shit over your cheeks
Why not wash the affected area first, and then wipe it afterward? It takes less effort, and you feel clean.
 

DoctorEkkoUK

Member
Dec 14, 2014
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I can't remember who but I heard one comedian describe the worst shits as like the mud that soldiers died in in world war 1. That description always made me chuckle
 

Super Mario

Member
Nov 12, 2016
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You know when you do one of those dumps, the ones that come out as a perfectly formed solid log that makes that satisfying "ker-dunk" sound is it plunges into the water? the ones where you can tell the entire log has dropped out with no need for straining or pinching. Then you go to wipe and there is barely any need to. You wipe out of politeness more than necessity.

For me those kind of dumps are a rarity but make me feel joy. My question is do any of you enjoy these types of movements on a regular/constant basis? If so can you share your secrets? please don't just say fibre because I eat tonnes of fibre and we all know there must be way more to it than just that. Is it even possible? Am I chasing an unobtainable dream? ...maybe but don't they say shoot for the moon and you might reach the stars .
This is 100% scientifically wrong. The perfect poop makes no "ker-dunk" sound. The science behind the perfect poop has it connecting and submerging in the water while still simultaneously connected to you. Once snipped, the connection to the water minimizes the splash, and therefore, the ker-dunk.
 
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Uhtred

Member
May 24, 2017
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The ones where you shed a tear, and feel reborn upon exit really lets you know you are alive, and is one of the best feelings known to man or woman.
 
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Oct 26, 2018
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You know when you do one of those dumps, the ones that come out as a perfectly formed solid log that makes that satisfying "ker-dunk" sound is it plunges into the water? the ones where you can tell the entire log has dropped out with no need for straining or pinching. Then you go to wipe and there is barely any need to. You wipe out of politeness more than necessity.

For me those kind of dumps are a rarity but make me feel joy. My question is do any of you enjoy these types of movements on a regular/constant basis? If so can you share your secrets? please don't just say fibre because I eat tonnes of fibre and we all know there must be way more to it than just that. Is it even possible? Am I chasing an unobtainable dream? ...maybe but don't they say shoot for the moon and you might reach the stars .
The Holy Grail of Shits.

Maybe 1 out of every 100 is like this.
 

llien

Gold Member
Feb 1, 2017
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Can we have "Faeces Analysis Community" subforum please?
It seems to be a very hot topic on GAF.
 
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HoodWinked

Member
Jun 30, 2010
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Earth
You could save $20 and use a crate.
if you're ever in an ikea you can pick this up for $5

 

Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
33,114
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pretty much all my poops be ghostly, usually wipe once and there's nothing there

stay shredded and yolked out there, homeys
 
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cryptoadam

... and he cannot lie
Feb 21, 2018
5,183
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What about the worst poops?

Those ones that just won't come out, and then all of a sudden you start thinking oh man I am going to have to go down there and grab that bad boy and pull it aren't I?

Lucky enough you push it through but it feels like you just shit out a football.

Or when the poop is just mushy and soupy. No one wants a soft soupy stool.
 
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