• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Things that would be true of fictional characters if they existed in the real world

BadBurger

Is 'That Pure Potato'
Within their respective fictional settings certain aspects of character's physiologies are ignored, leaving it up to the readers' / viewers' imaginations of what must go down behind the scenes. People in their lives conveniently overlook glaring circumstances of their habits and proclivities. For example, how does the waistline of Bruce Banner's pants expand instead of simply tearing as they would when he more than quadruples in size as the Hulk? Why do none of the physicians working for or alongside Dr. House, all of whom swore the Hippocratic Oath, not stage an intervention or even outright get the law involved when they know he swallows opioids like a kid downing candy on Halloween night?

I posit the following: both Captain America and The Flash take huge and/or frequent dumps.

VNvStO5.png



I have a hamburger recipe I call "The Two-Flusher" because it's a very large, cheesy, sloppy Tex-Mex sandwich that inevitably leads to a mid-dump flush following the opening salvo. I plan on making one tonight for dinner, so I was adding the ingredients to the shopping list I keep in Apple Notes when the thought struck me.

I'll explain - in the first Captain America movie Steve Rodgers mentions to Agent Carter that he cannot become intoxicated because of the effects of the super soldier serum. He has a metabolism that burns four times the rate of a regular human. Which means he must be constantly eating, even more than a sumo wrestler would. The Flash explains to Bruce Wayne in The Justice League that his metabolism burns so fiercely that he has to eat throughout the day - Barry, The Flash, refers to himself as a "snack hole".

So this being the case they must both take megaton bowel movements of enough mass to displace the water to near the brim of the commode. That, or they must be having to take six or seven D's throughout the day. That in mind, during those action scenes in which Cap is flipping about shielding off the bad guys or when Flash is awkwardly running about, they're likely clenching their cheeks tight half the time to stop from soiling themselves.
 
Last edited:
S

Shodan09

Unconfirmed Member
None of them would fuck anyone on this board.
 

Alright

Banned
Jessica Rabbit would be the most requested woman to do porn/only fans

Bob the builder would be a shite builder and would never be hired. He would be Bob the Doley.

Shakka Luther King would be happy with the modern world.
 
Last edited:

Mihos

Gold Member
Pepper Potts would never buy a vagina candle.... She might steam hers though
 
Last edited:
Top Bottom