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This is the greatest videogame patent I've ever read


holy shit it just goes on like this

It degenerates into a bizarre hundred page ramble about violent games and fiat currency, like some bizarre lovechild of Ayn Rand and Jack Thompson. :lol

if i talk to the hooker and understand her feelings i'll get a magical gold 45 revolver that shoots lightning and unlimited bullets


Corporate Apologist
Hey, wait a second, they are trying to patent branching story paths based on dialog choices D:


Makes world leading predictions like "The sun will rise tomorrow"
Do a Google search on Dr. Elliot McGucken, the dude who filed for the patent.

It will blow your mind.


EmCeeGramr said:

Was this written by Denis Dyack's cousin or something?
Frighteningly enough, I think you're proving his point :lol


Unconfirmed Member
Another patent by the same guy.

[0004] This invention is dedicated to Fifty Cent, Eminem, Harlan Elison, Kid Rock, George Lucas, Puff Daddy, Lars Ulrich, Aimee Mann, Kristin Hersh, Scott Weiland, Kristen Hersh, Chris Robinson, toby Keith, Lou Reed, Victoria Shaw, Art Alexakis, the Beatles and Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, DMX, and every other artist who started off as an indie artist, and all the indie artists to come. The present invention salutes Abraham Lincoln's eloquence, the spirit and words of the United States Constitution and The Declaration of Independence, Johnny Cash, and the Creator they all served. For it is creator's Natural Right to protect and profit from their creations.

[0007] The present invention will provide tools of vast use to artists, creators, and entrepreneurs on their Hero's Journeys, where they answer the call to adventure to build a renaissance. Luke Skywalker had his light saber, Neo had his martial arts, The Man With no Name had his 45 Revolver, and so too will tomorrow's creators have their 45 Revolver.

Stumpokapow said:

McGucken received a B.A. in physics from Princeton and a Ph.D. in physics from UNC Chapel Hill where his dissertation on an artificial retina chip[2][3][4][5][6][7] for the blind received a Merrill Lynch Innovations Award[8][9]. The dissertation was titled "Multiple unit artificial retina chipset to aid the visually impaired and enhanced holed-emitter CMOS phototransistors,"[10][11] and the appendix contained an early treatment of McGucken's Moving Dimensions Theory. McGucken received several "Fight for Sight" grants for his retina-chip research, and it appeared in publications including Sensors Magazine, Popular Science[12], Business Week[13], and the National Science Foundation's Frontiers [14] [15].

Oh shit guys. We better buy his game, or he's gonna go Galt and take his retina chips and go home!


He's never going to use this anyway. Just to sit back and troll to find someone to sue.
Zzoram said:
So does he do these patents to show how much of a joke the patent system is?
Hmm why is that sir?
Here's his idea for a vampire/zombie game: KILL THE COMMUNIST MEDIA BANKERS

Murdering psychiatrists and people who don't accept the gold standard? Finally, a game both Tom Cruise and JayDubya can enjoy.

This sounds like a pretty rad game, bro!

So for my game idea, we kill all the atheist doctors because the women won't stay in the kitchen:

Killing prostitutes is the idiot feminazi fiatocracy, killing hipsters for cursing is the Classical Ideal of The Founding Fathers:

For some reason I'm going to include a c/p of a conversation I had on the BioWare forums, is that okay? That's part of a patent, right???

Reminder, this is a patent about video games.


Unconfirmed Member
Zzoram said:
So does he do these patents to show how much of a joke the patent system is?

That is the impression I get. One of his patents includes a made up interview with 50 cent in it's description, I doubt he is being serious.
Is this a patent or the insane ratings of mad man?

It is funny how it mocks its detractors and suggests that people 'Get over it' . . . it is as if he knew in advance that it would become the object of ridicule . . . which it is right now. :lol
Saiyar said:
I don't know what is funnier. The patents or the fact that they seem to be getting granted :lol.
No, they are just published . . . that doesn't confer any rights.

The patent office has to accept anything that people submit & pay the fees for.

That said, he may be able to get some claims allowed . . . but they'll cover something no one would even want to infringe upon.


And then the LORD David Bowie saith to his Son, Jonny Depp: 'Go, and spread my image amongst the cosmos. For every living thing is in anguish and only the LIGHT shall give them reprieve.'
do you guys read video game patents?

is that like something that people do now?
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