• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
  • The Politics forum has been nuked. Please do not bring political discussion to the rest of the site, or you will be removed. Thanks.

This is why I don’t do relationships

Status
Not open for further replies.

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
2,511
4,306
695
Not Oxford
Before we go any further, I’ve had a fair few drunks do this might not make sense but I’ll try my best. Also I’m asexual so people might jump in with the whole not being in a relationship cos of my sexuality but fuck them.

Anyway been talking to this girl who I met through a dating app. Same age, same area, same interests. All good. We soon swapped numbers and grew close. Def a connection there. Constantly on WhatsApp and doing voice notes and calls.

Skip to today and this morning she has ‘her’ time with phone off and shit. Tonight I say I’m going to have me time and she flips. Who you with, what you doing, etc. Says it’s best we have some time spent not talking to each other. Leaves a voicemail saying she might still text me, but calling will be ‘unavailable’

Like, dafuq? That’s not just me overreacting? She be crazy.
 

nush

Gold Member
Oct 16, 2017
13,873
38,832
915
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
Before we go any further, I’ve had a fair few drunks do this might not make sense but I’ll try my best. Also I’m asexual so people might jump in with the whole not being in a relationship cos of my sexuality but fuck them.

Anyway been talking to this girl who I met through a dating app. Same age, same area, same interests. All good. We soon swapped numbers and grew close. Def a connection there. Constantly on WhatsApp and doing voice notes and calls.

Skip to today and this morning she has ‘her’ time with phone off and shit. Tonight I say I’m going to have me time and she flips. Who you with, what you doing, etc. Says it’s best we have some time spent not talking to each other. Leaves a voicemail saying she might still text me, but calling will be ‘unavailable’

Like, dafuq? That’s not just me overreacting? She be crazy.

All of the drama, none of the benefits.
 

nush

Gold Member
Oct 16, 2017
13,873
38,832
915
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
I’m asexual, not a cuckold.

In this case

 

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
2,511
4,306
695
Not Oxford
How the fuck would I know? She's not here hahaha
Good point.

if you don't wanna dick her down she's gotta get it somewhere bro
Also a good point.

All of the drama, none of the benefits.
Strike three, and I’m out.

Its like I was telling INC, people like me ain’t meant to be happy. Damaged goods. Signing up on that app was a bad idea because, let’s face it, people on there are looking for a shag, which they won’t get from me. Yet I’m too anxious to go meet people IRL. Lol, I’m fucked.
 

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
2,511
4,306
695
Not Oxford
She sent me a voicenote just now.

“Sigh. Why this keep happening? I’m gonna go for a few days. If you hear from me again, we’ll chat. If not, have a good life.”
 

B D Joe

Member
Nov 29, 2016
112
138
360
Cumbria
She sounds insecure, maybe she has been cheated on in previous relationships and this is why she is suspicious when you want 'me' time.
 
Last edited:

Punished Miku

Gold Member
Jan 13, 2018
11,104
23,847
1,050
She sent me a voicenote just now.

“Sigh. Why this keep happening? I’m gonna go for a few days. If you hear from me again, we’ll chat. If not, have a good life.”
She apparently still has the capacity to get jealous about you, so hit her with a body blow now about how you weren't interested in her because you met someone else. And that if she wants to chat she can mail you a letter since calling will be "permanently unavailable."
 

oagboghi2

Member
Apr 15, 2018
12,544
21,249
755
Does she know you are asexual?

you told her with your voice that you will never fuck her?
 

JumpMan1981

Member
Jul 14, 2021
202
347
265
Its like I was telling INC, people like me ain’t meant to be happy. Damaged goods. Signing up on that app was a bad idea because, let’s face it, people on there are looking for a shag, which they won’t get from me. Yet I’m too anxious to go meet people IRL. Lol, I’m fucked.
The truth is you are probably asking too much of other people.
People on dating apps might not just be looking for a shag but ultimately it's something that the vast majority of people will want.
If you aren't basically opening with "I just want to be friends, no sex" then it's a little dishonest.

You shouldn't really frame it like that, "damaged goods".
Try to focus on the positive and be the best you can.

Just maybe dating apps are not the best place to be looking for just friends.
 
Jan 10, 2021
1,126
1,997
560
This sounds like a nightmare. You aren’t even getting laid, the only positive when dealing with crazy broads.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: haxan7

lifa-cobex

Member
Oct 15, 2010
3,786
2,687
1,115
uk
I haven’t done the deed in a long, long time. I get your point.


One of the first questions asked, on a voice call, was what being asexual actually meant. She sounded fine with it.
Here is a peoce of advice given to me a long time ago....

Women tend to change their mind when it suits them.

So how come your asexual? Bad experiences or just not into it?
 

TheInfamousKira

Reseterror Resettler
Jul 13, 2020
2,040
4,820
630
Yeah, my initial question would be like "Why the fuck does she care who you're with if you're asexual?"

IS SOMEONE ELSE WATCHING NETFLIX WITH YOU?!

Like, obvs not asexual, so I can't speak on that, but with standard heterosexuals, 90% of jealousy comes from physical interaction or the threat of physical interaction. Just seems weird. There are plenty of people out there who are just fine having a primarily emotional relationship, just hold out for them. If the basis for my relationship was emotional compatibility, I definitely wouldn't choose a Tinder nutbag.
 

Punished Miku

Gold Member
Jan 13, 2018
11,104
23,847
1,050
Yeah, my initial question would be like "Why the fuck does she care who you're with if you're asexual?"

IS SOMEONE ELSE WATCHING NETFLIX WITH YOU?!

Like, obvs not asexual, so I can't speak on that, but with standard heterosexuals, 90% of jealousy comes from physical interaction or the threat of physical interaction. Just seems weird. There are plenty of people out there who are just fine having a primarily emotional relationship, just hold out for them. If the basis for my relationship was emotional compatibility, I definitely wouldn't choose a Tinder nutbag.
Exactly. Basically implies that she doesn't believe him, and that maybe she feels he's seeing someone else instead and making it up.
 
  • Like
Reactions: TheInfamousKira

Halo is Back

Member
May 20, 2018
8,545
15,683
820
Sorry to hear that but I don't think she is worth your time to act toxic like that towards you. I imagine that finding a relationship is very hard for you but it would probably be more worthwhile to find someone asexual as well or someone who is not looking for a sexual connection.
 

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
May 30, 2004
28,781
72,827
2,475
I’ve had sex in the past but didn’t really enjoy it, then an incident completely confirmed that I hate all manner of intimate or sexual contact.
Could just be a medical reason like low testosterone, which is fully treatable. Consider getting your levels checked or talking to a doctor about your situation in general.
 

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
2,511
4,306
695
Not Oxford
Could just be a medical reason like low testosterone, which is fully treatable. Consider getting your levels checked or talking to a doctor about your situation in general.
I used to think it was a medical thing, but my cholesterol is okay. I also had tests done for any prostate problems, and they came back clear. All this was before what happened. After the ordeal, I can confirm that I definitely do not enjoy it whatsoever.
 
  • Like
Reactions: EviLore

Mohonky

Member
Jan 19, 2007
12,102
2,060
1,735
I used to think it was a medical thing, but my cholesterol is okay. I also had tests done for any prostate problems, and they came back clear. All this was before what happened. After the ordeal, I can confirm that I definitely do not enjoy it whatsoever.
My first thought was it could be something clinical also as having very little to no sex drive usually has some underpinning issue; either physiologically, psychologically or induced by drugs and medications.

But if you aren't up for it no biggie (scuse puns).

What do you get from a relationship though if you don't mind me asking? I understand touch, having someone special etc but at the end of the day, short of finding someone who is also asexual or has a very low sex drive; it's going to be an issue at some point.

Also she sounds young or batshit crazy, or both.
 
May 8, 2019
1,438
2,194
495
If you never met this person.. in person, then nothing to flip out over. Find someone else that's more mentally stable.
 
  • Thoughtful
Reactions: nush

Northeastmonk

Gold Member
Mar 18, 2013
14,385
3,509
970
Omaha, NE - USA
I honestly wouldn’t take that type of treatment unless we both communicated in the bedroom. There isn’t any type of relief to make up for the constant guilt trips.
 
Last edited:

Soodanim

Member
Feb 24, 2012
8,369
4,166
1,130
United Kingdom
Also I’m asexual so people might jump in with the whole not being in a relationship cos of my sexuality but fuck them.
I think it’s clear that no one, including the people you’re trying to date and the forum you’re going to for advice, knows what you actually want mate.

To everyone here, it sounds like you just want a friend and dating apps are pointless.
If you don’t want a friend, you must want something more intimate.
But intimacy for everyone else involves sex, so we’re back to square one.
 

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
2,511
4,306
695
Not Oxford
After some counsel from others, I turned my phone off, stopped drinking and went to bed. Upon waking, there were five voicenotes, one saying sorry and the rest wishing she could take it back. I haven’t replied. Do I? I mean, she’s unstable as fuck.
 

FunkMiller

Member
Aug 14, 2014
9,267
28,466
990
After some counsel from others, I turned my phone off, stopped drinking and went to bed. Upon waking, there were five voicenotes, one saying sorry and the rest wishing she could take it back. I haven’t replied. Do I? I mean, she’s unstable as fuck.

Fuck me, she’s a loon, dude. Move on.

Unbelievably (and counter to what some people in this thread with obviously very little experience are claiming) women are all different. And plenty of them are perfectly sane individuals who don’t play these kinds of games.

Mind you, is it a woman you really want? From what you‘re saying about your lack of interest in sex, it might not be? And if that’s not what you’re into, you’ll have trouble with any woman, as a vast majority of them will want a sexual component to the relationship. Maybe get off dating apps, and move to ‘friendship’ apps?
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: lee50_10

plushyp

Member
Jul 21, 2016
2,520
6,233
790
Don't use these dating apps. Go and look for group meetups or hangouts. I think you're looking for company, not a relationship.
 

T8SC

Member
Jun 22, 2013
3,065
5,954
835
Reply to her, there's the chance of sex at the end of the crazy.

Choo choo, ride her right into loonyville.
 

strange headache

Fluctuat nec mergitur
Jan 14, 2018
3,038
12,803
945
After some counsel from others, I turned my phone off, stopped drinking and went to bed. Upon waking, there were five voicenotes, one saying sorry and the rest wishing she could take it back. I haven’t replied. Do I? I mean, she’s unstable as fuck.

Dude, you wasted yourself, threw a hissy fit, created this thread, screamed for attention, tumbled down the fatalistic rabbit-hole, gave up on relationships, had a manic depressive episode and shared this defeatist psycho message...

You know what I’ve been through. You know how bitter and twisted I’ve become. I would say try to avoid ending up like me but, honestly, you need to learn to put certain barriers up to stop yourself getting hurt. On the flip side, you need to learn to lower other barriers - in this case, morals. Fuck morals. They get us nowhere. We follow our moral compass and where’s it lead us? Heartache. So fuck life, fuck morals. When life gives you morals, go fuck shit up.

...all because your whatsapp acquaintance wanted you to text her during your "me time". Who is unstable as f*ck here? I say go for it.
 
Last edited:
  • Praise the Sun
  • Strength
Reactions: Enjay and nush
Status
Not open for further replies.